Carpe diem, p.1
Carpe Diem, page 1
Table of Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1 - The Sky is Falling
Chapter 2 - Being Strong
Chapter 3 - Messages
Chapter 4 - Anniversary
Chapter 5 - Relaxed
Chapter 6 - Dinner
Chapter 7 - The Gift
Chapter 8 - The Adventure Begins
Chapter 9 -The Sky is The Limit
Chapter 10 - Memories
Chapter 11 - Annie Oakley
Chapter 12 - Pay up
Chapter 13 - Everyone Loves Spam
Chapter 14 - Thanksgiving
Chapter 15 - Chicken, Beef, & Pudding
Chapter 16 - Cleaning Day
Chapter 17 - Christmas
Chapter 18 - Baby it’s Cold Outside
Chapter 19 - Hangovers & Heartache
Chapter 20 - PIZZA! PZZA! PZZA!
Chapter 21 - Valentine Schmalintine
Chapter 22 - Popcorn & Secrets
Chapter 23 - April Showers Brings May Flowers
Chapter 24 - The Last Word
Chapter 25 - Forgiveness
Chapter 26 - Full Circle
Chapter 27 - Not Again
Chapter 28 - Thankful
Chapter 29 - Carpe Diem
Chapter 30 - No Pain, No Gain
Epilogue
Bonus Chapter
Acknowledgments
About the Author
By Rae Matthews
Carpe Diem
Copyright © 2016 Rae Matthews
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at rae.matthews@aol.com.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
If you are reading this illegally, shame on you! Go sit in the corner and think about what you have done, you have taken an authors hard work and voided it. Would you like to go to work and not be paid for it? Think about that while you sit in shame, alone, without your books.
Edited by: Kerry Genova, Writersresourceinc.com
Cover Design: Rae Matthews
Formatting: Rae Matthews
Pipers Tattoo Designed by: Wendy Oleston
Author Photo by: BC Fotos, Minneapolis, MN
***
ISBN-13:
978-1523298600
ISBN-10:
152329860X
For all those who have forgotten there is more to life then working to pay the bills, doing the dishes, folding the laundry, or bitching out the asshole that stole your parking spot when they could clearly see you were waiting for it.
SEIZE THE DAY
Finding myself a widow at the age of thirty-eight was not something I ever thought could happen to me. Not that anyone ever thinks something like this will happen to them, but I was so naive about tragedy that you could have told me the sky was falling and I would have responded with, “Not over my house it isn’t.” It has been two years since I got the knock at the front door that burst my perfect little bubble. It all still feels like it was just yesterday.
I was finishing the morning dishes. Jack and I always had breakfast together each morning. I would get up, toss on my jeans and a tee shirt, and then head to the kitchen while Jack would get into the shower. We started this little tradition three years ago when our daughter Bryna went off to college in an effort to not fall into some kind of empty nesters funk. After the first year of bacon and eggs each morning, I decided it was time to come up with some new ideas to spice up the morning. Being that I was no culinary genius, I turned to the Internet for help. That particular morning we had orange chocolate chip waffles with orange caramel sauce and bananas with a side of bacon. It was my latest find on Pinterest. As I placed my latest creation on the table in from of us, we burst into laughter at its appearance and then stalled, waiting for the other to take the first bite. Realizing what we were doing, we decided to take the first bite together.
“One, two, three, go” I say, holding my overflowing fork.
Still sitting frozen in the same position, neither of us moved the fork closer to our open mouths and now we are attempting to hold back the laughter that is trying to break through our straight faces.
“You were supposed to go on three,” Jack blurts.
“So were you!” I say with my own laughter escaping, making it hard to speak.
After two more attempts at the countdown, we both at last cave in and take our first bite together. To our surprise, it was actually damn delicious and quickly decide it needs to go into the “must make again” pile. Conversation about our plans for the day fills the kitchen as we finish our breakfast. Jack was going to the office for the morning and then he had a few off-site meetings this afternoon. I planned to start a yoga class later this afternoon, we agree that tonight will be a fend for yourself style dinner since he did not know when he would be home and I may or may not injure myself attempting some yoga pose with a fancy name like the river runs clear.
After breakfast, Jack kisses me good-bye and heads off to work while I go for my morning run. Okay, maybe run is too strong a word. It was more like a fast walk slash jog, that is until I pass by my friend Abby Reed’s house. I love Abby to death, she is one of my best friends, but she is a marathon runner and gives me shit every time I walk past her house. So I learned that the best way to avoid that is to start running about two houses up from hers and stop about three houses after, silly I know, but it saves me from getting a giant dose of Abby style motivation via text messages for the next hour. Honestly, I have no idea how her husband Dave deals with it because he is most definitely not a man that cares about being in shape.
Once I determine that I have worked off enough calories for now, I make my way back home. I immediately jump in the shower and start making a mental list of all the things I had to do today. After getting out of the shower, getting dressed, and transferring my mental list into a real list, I start cleaning up my monster mess in the kitchen.
I have yet to master the art of the cleaning as you go cooking style. I was drying the last few dishes when I hear the soft, but firm knock at the door. I was not expecting anyone, and it was too early for the mail. I thought it could be my sister, Casey, who is three years younger than I am and would stop by occasionally if she had a showing in my neighborhood. Casey was one of the best real estate agents in the area, she even helped Jack and I find our house when she was just starting out, and she got us a damn good price considering the neighborhood. Unfortunately, that made her extremely busy, and between spending time with her husband Chuck and my awesome nephew Leo, it was hard for her to find time to hang out, so if she was in the area and had some time, she would swing by and say hello to her big sis.
I quickly finish drying Jack’s favorite red coffee cup and head to see who it is. When I pull open the front door, I am surprised to see two uniformed police officers and Jack’s friend Flynn Avery staring back at me. The officer standing closest to the door was shorter and from the amount of gray hair peeking out from under his hat, you could tell had been on the job for more years than not. The other officer standing a few steps behind him was a bit younger; he was tall and seemed to be in very good shape. He had a hint of gray mixed in with his dark brown hair that made him look very distinguished. Flynn, Jack’s business partner and best friend, was standing close behind them and was avoiding eye contact with me while both officers looked at me with such serious faces. I wanted to throw up my hands and scream, “I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it,” to lighten the mood a bit.
“Are you Mrs. Piper Reynolds?” the older officer asked.
“Yes I am, can I help you?” I ask in utter confusion, looking to Flynn for a hint as to what is going on.
“I’m Officer Johnson and this is Officer Daniels. May we come in for a moment?” he asks.
“Sure. Is there a problem?” I asked, moving aside to let them in.
“Do you mind if we take a seat in the living room?” Officer Johnson asks
“Of course, but I’m confused as to what is going on here.” I look to Flynn for answers, but he is still avoiding eye contact with me.
We take a seat on the couch in the living room. My heart is pounding, and my hands are starting to sweat. I have no clue what is going on. Why are they here? Why is Flynn here? Why is he avoiding my confused gaze?
“Ma’am, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your husband has been involved in an accident,” he says, leaning in close to me.
When he gets to the word accident, I realize that I have been holding my breath. I do not want to release it. As long as I am still holding my breath I can live in this one moment. The moment where I do not have to ask questions, the moment where I do not have to hear the answers they will give me. I can live in this one last moment of ignorance where he is working diligently at his desk, or taking a meeting, or sipping on his coffee as he counts the hours until he comes home to me unharmed.
“Ma’am, did you hear me?” the officer asks, his deep voice finall
“Can you tell me if he is okay?” I ask, trying to hold back all emotions.
I realize I asked the question for the sole purpose of letting my ears hear the words that deep in my heart I already know are coming. As the officer moves a little closer to me, my gut screams out to my mind, “You fool. They don’t send two uniformed officers to knock on a door if someone only has a concussion and a few bruises.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, he expired at the scene,” he tells me, reaching for my hand to comfort me.
“Are you positive?” I ask out of desperation.
“Yes, ma’am. I am very sorry for your loss.” Officer Johnson answers.
“I’m sorry, that is not possible. He is at work right now—” I demand, pulling my arm back from his grasp.
“Ma’am,” Officer Daniels tries to interrupt.
“Stop calling me ma’am. You have the wrong house, my husband is at work.” I continue loudly as if it will change anything. I continue to ramble uncontrollably as I leap up from the couch and start pacing along the length of the room. “This is not possible. He was just here, we had breakfast, and then he went to work. You have to have the wrong house, you have the wrong Jack. It wasn’t him, I’m telling you, you have the wrong person! You should be ashamed of yourselves for…”
“Piper, please, stop this.” The soft voice is filled with desperation stops my rant. The voice is familiar, but it is not Officer Johnson or Officer Daniels. I look up to see that it’s Flynn pleading for me to stop my uncontrollable rant. He had been so quiet, not saying a word until now and hiding in the background that I actually forgot he walked up with the police. I look deep into his eyes and I can see the tears that I have been fighting slowly forming in his eyes.
“Piper, I was with Jack when he died. I know it is hard to believe this is happening, but it was Jack, there is no mistake, it was him,” Flynn tells me as I watch the tears start to roll down his cheeks.
When Flynn says Jack’s name, I have no choice but to give in to the tears I have been trying so hard to fight, but with that one word, I can no longer hold them back. I start gasping for air to the point of hyperventilating and the flood of tears start falling down my face. Officer Daniels is by my side a moment later and is slowly guiding me back to the couch to take a seat.
I begin to follow his lead, but before he can sit me on the couch, another burst of emotion takes over. This time, I am overcome with anger. I scream that it is not true as my arms thrash hysterically. I begin punching the arm he had extended to me that was only a moment ago a comfort and a guide. He is a very sweet man and is doing his best to calm me, but my body has a mind of its own right now. My weak punches move from his arms to his chest as he slowly tries to wrap his arms around me. His touch is gentle, and the thought that he could at any time have me on the ground and in handcuffs before I could do anything about it calms me for a moment. He pulls me closer. My head falls to his shoulder and my river of tears take over once again. Officer Daniels lets me pour my grief out on him without saying a word, for that I am grateful. When I finally lift my head from his now soaked shoulder, I look into his eyes and see that he is in some way sharing in my pain. With that, I nod my head and I let him guide me back to the couch.
“Is there someone I can call for you?” Officer Johnson asks as he kneels down to me, taking my hand in an attempt to comfort me.
Somehow, I manage to stutter out my sister’s name and point to my cell phone resting on the dining room table. Officer Johnson squeezes my hand gently, then gives Officer Daniels a nod. A few moments later, Daniels returns to the living room and informs us that my sister is on her way.
I can imagine her running out of her office, climbing into her shiny blue BMW, and running every red light to get here. Casey and I have always been close and she loved Jack almost as much as I did. Not in a creepy way, in a “you are the best brother-in-law I could ever have asked for” kind of way.
Flynn walks over and takes Officer Johnson’s place at my side; my tears are as uncontrollable as his. He holds me tightly and rocks me gently as if that would somehow help. I know he is in shock too and is doing anything he can think of to help. Flynn has always been a good friend to Jack and to me.
“Piper, Jack’s last thoughts were of you and of Bryna,” Flynn whispers
“Oh my God, Bryna. How am I going to tell her that her father is gone?” I sob
“I can help you when you are ready, but you need to be strong for her so right now is your time, your time to let it all out, and your time to scream and yell. When you are ready, we will call her together,” Flynn tells me, wiping away some of the tears.
“She is going to be devastated,” I reply
“I know, and when you are both ready to hear it, Jack asked me to give you a message,” Flynn tells me
Flynn is doing his best to hold back his already flowing tears as he speaks and with that, I know the message will push me over the edge. I cannot hear it right now and he knows it.
“Piper!”
The sound startles me. Flynn and I turn to the front entryway and see Abby running toward me. The tears falling from her eyes are coming to join mine.
“My God, Piper, honey. What the hell happened?” Abby asks, taking the seat next to me that Flynn has given up for her.
“I don’t know, an accident of some kind, I only know he’s gone,” I tell her between my gasps for air.
With that, Abby turns to the officers and gives them their cue to proceed with the details. I want to stop her. The less I know, the less real it will be. I do not want it to be any more real than it is right now. There is still the one last glimmer of hope that this is all still a big mistake. I know that it is a fool’s hope, but it is all I have left. Once the details come out, that hope will be lost forever.
The quiet sounds of Casey and Abby in the kitchen talking on the phone while making dinner pulls me from my sleep. For a brief moment, I feel like the past four hours have been a nightmare that I am at last waking from. I open my eyes and see the business card of Officer Johnson sitting on the coffee table and I once again I have to fight back my tears.
Flynn agreed to go pick up Bryna. I could not bring myself to tell her over the phone. Flynn has been like a second father to her and will be able to console her much better than I can right now.
The details of the accident were enough to send me into what felt like a heart attack. My breath fell short, my heart pounded in my chest, and shooting pains would surge from my heart to my head. It was not a gruesome accident by the accounts of the officer, but to hear that your husband, the man you have loved and expected to grow old with is dead, because some woman was too preoccupied with putting her lipstick on to stop for a red light is enough to make a person go crazy.
He was only a half a block away from his office. If he had just been sixty seconds sooner, he might have made it through the intersection. The memories of that morning began to consume me. What if I had only taken that first bite on the first countdown, what if I had shut up about what I was going to do today, what if I had given him a longer kiss good-bye, what if I had not laid his keys and briefcase next to the door? Sixty seconds. Sixty seconds sooner or sixty seconds later would have saved his life.
“She’s awake,” I hear Abby say to Casey
As they both walk from the kitchen over to me, they remain silent. I cannot blame them. I mean what are you supposed to say to your friend only a few hours after she finds out her husband is dead. Casey hands me a glass filled with water. I slowly reach my arm out to take it from her but cannot seem to find the strength to lift the glass up to my mouth to drink it.
“How are you doing honey? Did you get any sleep?” Abby asks.
I am not sure how to respond. My mind tells me I should say something, but my mouth is dry and I cannot seem to find any words that could possibly fit right now. When I am finally able to take a sip of the water, it tastes good. It is as if I am drinking water for the first time. The glass empties as the cool liquid runs down my throat, and I feel as if new life is coursing through my body.
