Tempering earth, p.16
Tempering Earth, page 16
“There’s not anything else? Just Clades equal evil?”
“Yeah, basically. Why? What’d you learn?”
“I guess I’m having some issues wrapping my head around an entire group of people being evil. Some of them are born as a Clade. How can little babies be evil? Don’t they have a choice as they grow up to be good or not?”
“Um, can’t they just leave the Clades if they aren’t evil?”
“And go where? The Elfennol turn people out for talking to a Clade, Cash. Even if that Clade is someone who was really close to you. Doesn’t that seem… I don’t know, prejudiced? Seriously, if we were both Elfennol, and you turned Clade, I don’t think I could turn my back on you for that. I know I’m new to this, but family is supposed to mean more, right?”
“Della, if I turned Clade, that would mean I would be trying to destroy the world. Serious bad-guy stuff. Someone goes that far to the dark side, there’s no turning back.”
“Vader did.”
“This isn’t Star Wars, Della. This is real life. Yeah, I guess it sucks that those little babies get turned into life-sucking scumbags, but that’s what they become. It might not be their fault, but it was how they were raised, and you can’t fight that.” He crossed his arms, satisfied with his argument.
“So what you’re saying is that you’re a product of your environment, and there’s no point striving for change or control over your own destiny because who we are is just determined by how we grew up.” My voice was raised because it was a point I refused to accept, even though my greatest fear was that it was true.
He mouth formed an o when he realized what he said and what it meant to me. “That’s not what I meant, Della. Obviously a person has control over their own destiny. You can choose who, and what, you are.”
“That’s the point, Cash. If a Clade isn’t bad, they still don’t get a choice. They have no other options.” He had no idea what it meant to have no control over your life, just like I had no idea how to have control over mine. Maybe that was part of my problem right now. Everything I’d done since coming to North Carolina was only a reaction to something. I hadn’t actually done anything. Not really. Go do this, Della. Get tested for this. Train here, and here, and oh yeah, here too. And I wasn’t sure if I could actually do anything about the Clade thing, which I was certain I didn’t have enough information on other than it screamed injustice to me. Even if Ezra was the only one that was good, and I knew with every fiber of my being that he was, it was still wrong to clump him as something dark and evil when he wasn’t.
“Anything else I say now is just going to piss you off more, isn’t it?”
“Probably.” Definitely.
“Want some pudding?” he asked after a moment of silence.
“Yes.” Except that, apparently.
“Okay.” Cash stood up and walked inside, coming back a minute later with a four-pack of chocolate pudding and two spoons, and we sat and ate it in relative silence, “mmm-ing” occasionally. I felt significantly better after our snacking, which I completely blame my ovaries for since chocolate always improves my mood.
“You came home right in time. Mom was worried you weren’t going to be back for Thanksgiving this Thursday.”
“Yeah, Derek was actually really cool to remember the holidays. Honestly, I had no clue how close they were. It was hard keeping track of time at first since all the days kinda ran together.” Later, I started marking the weeks by my Sundays with Ezra, but I had no reason to know the exact date and it had never ever come up.
“So, what was it like? I mean, what did you do all day?”
“Um. Lessons and sparring, mostly. I could probably take you in a fight now.”
“You wish. What type of lessons? For your abilities, like the ring thing?”
“Some. There was also a lot of history-type stuff, learning the culture and whatnot. Basically learning how to be Elfennol. It was all beginner stuff, I didn’t even get a chance to learn any more of the rune-stuff, though I’ve gotten pretty good at a lot of the Spirit energy stuff.”
“Like what?”
“Well, the ring for one. Also, I can Gather way faster then everyone there, so even when I was outmatched in a fight – which was always – I could outlast them if they didn’t knock me out of commission early on. That’s the only way I could really win one of the purely physical fights, but when we were able to use our abilities to do more than revitalize and heal, I was getting pretty good. Not winning every time, but getting there. Derek’s worried that I rely too much on my human abilities while fighting, but they are as much a part of me as my Elfennol abilities – or my limbs, even. If they weren’t able to heal themselves pretty quickly, I think you’d be able to take them, easy. I got the feeling that they really underestimate our family.”
“I’m glad you didn’t turn into one of them while you were there.”
“Honestly, I think I started to the first few weeks.”
“What stopped you?”
Ezra, but I couldn’t say that. “I started taking Sundays off. I told you how I went to Bermuda each week? Well, I made friends with this crazy old woman that lives there! She’s Vodun, and – listen to this – she said that our family was ‘high and mighty’. I couldn’t tell her exactly who I was, so she thought I was a Water user from California.”
“Hah! Man, dad is going to love that.”
“How many families are there like ours?” I’d been wondering since Penny’s mention of other Elementals.
“Zero. Well, there are other families that work with the Elements, but it’s different than us. They can only do one element per family. Honestly I don’t know too much else, like whether they even need to Gather energy beforehand. We don’t really pay too much attention to the families that aren’t already part of the Elfennol-Clade war. Granddad probably knows more. I think dad told me that more families used to be involved, but with the Clades going underground it hasn’t been necessary and we’ve lost touch.”
“Have you ever heard of elemental spirits? Like, a family that can ask the elements to do their bidding instead of what we do?”
“Spirits? Like elemental ghosts?” Well, that answered that question. At least I wasn’t the only one who thought of ghosts when the word spirit was brought up.
“I dunno, just something I heard somewhere.”
“Sounds made up to me. But ask mom. A lot of the European families have some really bizarre abilities. Dove’s family, for instance. They’re the only touch-healers in North America, but it’s the most common type of healing over there. Speaking of Dove, he said that you’re coming out with us tomorrow morning to try out that nifty new board!”
I perked up. “You’re coming too?” Thank goodness. I was already starting to regret my decision to go out. Cash being there would make things easier. Not that I didn’t want to spend any alone time with Dove, but I felt better knowing my cousin would be with us. Keep me from saying, or doing something I may regret. I refused to accept that Laurel was right.
“Yeah, it’ll be fun. Hey, wasn’t that green earlier?”
He pointed down to the ring on my thumb, which was still blue from before my nap. I’d probably drawn his attention to it since I was currently twisting it around my thumb without meaning to.
“Yeah,” I answered without embellishing at all. Cash knew when I was lying, thanks to my swirly fire, and his slight empathy, so I just left it at that. Let him think I changed it to match my shirt or something.
Chapter 19
Journal,
I’m not deserving of the life I live. Of the man that chooses to love me.
I told Toby everything, including my uncertainty on the paternity of my unborn baby. I watched as my words shattered him, and was unsurprised when he left the house shortly after. Hours passed, and I could do nothing but pace the floor, panicking at the thought of my life without him in it. When I heard the car pull up in the driveway, I ran out to meet him and beg his forgiveness.
Instead it was he that dropped to his knees, embracing me with one arm and with a small brown stuffed bunny in the other, holding it up to my stomach to tell our child that daddy isn’t going anywhere.
When he stood up, I was a mess of snot and tears, but he enfolded me in his arms and told me that the child was his, no matter what. It didn’t matter, because he knew that I was with him.
That I was finally his, as he had always been mine.
With my eyes still wet, we went back inside hand-in-hand and told our son that he was going to be a big brother.
I’m determined that Luke shall never know. Toby is right, the child is his. It will be loved by him, and raised by him, and that is what really matters in a father. Not so much who was there during conception, but who will be there afterwards, for the scraped knees and bedtime stories – and that will be Toby. It is my choice, and I choose him. From here on out, I will always choose him – and our family – before all others.
*****
Surfing turned out to be much more fun than I thought it would be. I don’t know what I was afraid of, other than looking silly and falling off or something. I was instructed not to use my abilities, at least at first, but I kept a pretty hardy Shield up in case I wiped out. The wet suit Dove and Cash insisted I wear wasn’t as uncomfortable as it looked, and Cash assured me that it would not only help keep me warmer, but also prevent board rash – as if I needed that in my life.
They each gave me a litany of instructions to follow, but I forgot all that once I caught the first wave, thankful that my time with the Elfennol had built my arm strength up since paddling to catch it had been a pain. I stood up too quickly, and fell head over board.
I did it the second time, too.
The third one I caught, and I fell in love.
It was how running felt for me, without all that physical exertion. Sure, it was a beast to get up, and I’m sure if I had been trying to do anything other than stand on the board, there’d be more to it, but once I was up and steady, it was bliss. I was able to enjoy a few seconds of just being. No thoughts permeated that moment, just a feeling of joy and accomplishment.
Dove and Cash had whooped and hollered at my good deed, the later giving me a high-five that made my palm sting, and the former offering a sweet kiss. I turned my face at the last minute though, and it landed on my cheek. Even in that moment, things were still off.
I’d changed, and because I had changed whatever had been growing between us was different too.
****
The next several days I used every excuse I could not to spend any alone time with Dove. There were plenty of things I needed to do, so I wasn’t exactly lying. I could only put him off for so long though, because he asked to meet me for a walk after Thanksgiving dinner that night.
“What are you doing to our kitchen?” I asked with an open mouth, watching Cash scurry around with a rubber spatula in one hand and an oven mitt in the other. I’d just gotten back from a swim, hoping to catch sight of Alexander around so I could finally talk with him, in vain. If I didn’t get a chance to talk to him soon, I was going to have to contact him via my armlets, but that would be admitting to myself how worried about it. Plus, contacting him with the armlets might also bring other Elfennol, and our conversation needed privacy. Part of me was a little afraid of the conversation with him. I trusted Alexander, but what would it mean if he were a traitor? If I could be wrong about him, then I could be wrong about Ezra too, and I didn’t want to entertain that thought for long.
“What does it look like I’m doing? We’re responsible for dessert, Della. That means pie. Possibly the most important part of Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Can’t we go buy a couple at–” I stopped talking when I saw the daggers Cash was glaring my way. “Um, I’ll take your word for it. Do you need any help?”
“We’re out of vanilla. Actually that’s not true since we’ve never had vanilla, but I need it if I want this hazelnut-bourbon pie to come out right. Can you run out and pick some up? I would, but I can’t let this pie crust dry out.” He looked so serious, and panicked, with the flour on his nose and his blonde hair sticking out at all sides that I couldn’t even make fun of him for knowing how to make pie crust… or pie.
“Sure. Um, is anything open today?”
“Uncle Luke’s place. He stays open for every holiday.” For the first time, Cash stopped running around the kitchen.
“Is he coming to dinner?”
“No. He and Granddad don’t really get along, so Uncle Luke never comes to Holiday meals.” Cash turned and started frantically hand mixing something in a metal bowl as if his life depended on it. “Can you see if he has a mixer-thing we can borrow, too?”
“Yeah, sure. Can I borrow your jeep? It’s a little too windy to bike over.” He reached a hand in his pocket and tossed his keys my way.
On the short drive over, I thought about what had driven the two brothers apart. A family secret that I knew, thanks to Anise’s journal. Actually, I’d been avoiding Luke too, since I’d read it. I felt badly, but I wasn’t sure how to act around him now that I knew… knew that he might actually be my grandfather. If Anise was pregnant with my mother in the most recent journal entries, that is. Besides, what he’d done was wrong. I fully believed that he loved Anise, I think he still did by the way his eyes always lingered on her portrait when he came over, but sleeping with your brother’s wife is wrong, under any circumstances. It was wrong of Anise, and wrong of Luke, and made me feel sympathy towards the one person in my family I was mostly determined to dislike – and it made me lose respect for the person who had helped me the most since moving here.
The door opened with a familiar jingle, and it seemed like years had passed since I’d been in. I was due to start work back up next week, but considering finding another job. Not only because of what I’d found out, but because it was the slow season this time of year, and I think Luke was keeping a position for me that wasn’t actually needed. It felt too much like charity.
“Well look who’s here! I was wondering when you’d make time to see me,” Luke called out when he saw that it was me.
“Hey Luke. Sorry I haven’t been by. Just readjusting to real life, you know?”
“Don’t you worry about it, girl.” He grinned down at me, happy to see me, and I was happy to see him too. It was stupid of me to stay away because of something that had happened before my mother was even born.
“So, what do you need?” he asked while coming from behind the counter.
“How do you know I didn’t just stop by to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving?”
“Because it’s Thanksgiving. So, flour? Butter?”
“Vanilla. For pie, apparently. Cash signed us up for the desserts tonight. Oh, he wanted to know if you had a mixer-thing – his words – that we could borrow.”
“A hand mixer? Well, I have one back at the house that you’re welcome to. You know where the vanilla is.”
My phone pinged with a text message. “Um, whipping cream too. And cloves. And cinnamon.”
“I’d go ahead and grab a bag of powdered sugar too, in case he’s planning to make some homemade whipped cream. And ginger, for the pumpkin pie he’s surely making as I doubt you have it already.” He tossed the things on the counter before walking back behind it and ringing me up.
“What do you have going on tonight?” I asked, worried that he would be alone, and maybe looking for an excuse to ditch the big family thing. It was going to be hosted at Toby’s, I knew how to act around him even less than I knew how to act around Luke and Dove.
“Oh, don’t you worry about me. I have an annual poker game tonight with some of the boys. We do it every year over our own Thanksgiving feast.”
“Okay. Um, Luke. One more thing.”
His grey eyes twinkled in humor. “What is it, darlin?”
“What do I do? I mean, tonight? I’ve never had –”
“You’ve never had family dinner before, have you?”
“No. I mean, there were Thanksgivings before, with food and stuff, but I was always ‘the foster kid’.”
“Well, it’s been a while since I was welcome at any of the family events, but you’ll be fine. You’ll sit down at the table, say grace, and eat some great food while listening to the older generation swap stories. Afterwards you’ll gorge yourself on the pie that Cash is making and probably watch a Christmas movie together, or at least that’s what we used to do. I haven’t done Thanksgiving with the family since before Connor was born, and then some.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“It’s the opposite of bad, Della. Family is precious. Don’t ever forget that.” He sounded wistful, and with everything I’d learned about him, I knew that he was speaking from experience. That maybe he regretted everything he’d done.
“You’re coming over for dinner next week, old man.” We could have our own family dinner.
“If you say so.”
“I do. I’ll call you later with the details. I’ve gotta get this stuff to Cash before he has an aneurysm.”
He laughed.
“You do that. And Della? Happy Thanksgiving. Try and have a good time, okay?”
I agreed and went back home, forgetting to stop by Luke’s house for the mixer, much to Cash’s annoyance when I got back. As punishment, he made me his kitchen wench, and I had to do all the mixing while he scampered to and fro. At one point I tried to ask if he weren’t going a little overboard with everything, but he was using a cookie-cutter to make intricate leaf designs in one of the pie tops, and I was afraid he’d smash it into my forehead. I had no idea my cousin was so crazy. Well, at least not about baking.
Chapter 20
Journal,
Renie and I have made up. I went over to her house yesterday, and told her everything that had happened. She apologized for not being a better friend and helping me through that, but I told her that her last words to me had helped more than she can know.
