Apparently, Jackie agreed with her because she stood up and mumbled, “Ima, Ima… Evie? Yes. I… I think I need to go to bed now.”

  I think she was trying to say she was a bit drunk, which was an understatement. Evie wandered off with her, one arm wrapped around her waist for support. They had only walked a few feet when Jackie ran crookedly over to the bushes and threw up. It was difficult not to laugh at her, but I didn’t. I’d had my moments, and she would probably be embarrassed in the morning.

  Jeff and Julie were sitting near each other talking quietly, and Jason was drinking and laughing with his friends. Nick was cleaning up the grill and washing our plates. Feeling somewhat disconnected again from the group, I grabbed a jacket and wandered off towards the beach.

  The sun had set, and the air had grown cold. There were about twenty boats moored in the bay, and their lights were twinkling off the water. Over the water, I could hear laughter and music coming from the boats.

  I sat on a piece of driftwood, took off my shoes, and buried my toes in the sand. The waves lapped at the shore about fifteen feet in front of me, and I enjoyed the ambient sounds of the night. I sat quietly, staring at my toes in the sand for a few minutes, and listening to the water and the laughter floating across it.

  Then I heard, “Can I join you?”

  I didn’t need to look up to know Nick was standing behind me. His voice was soft and tentative.

  I turned my head and said, “Of course.”

  He had also put on a fleece jacket and a beanie cap, and looked entirely too huggable. He was wearing khaki pants and Keen sandals. He sat down next to me, took his sandals off, and buried his toes in the sand next to mine.

  I put my hands on my knees and rested my chin on the backs of them. I looked at our feet and tilted my head a little so that I could see him. “It feels good doesn’t it? It’s so cold just a few inches down.”

  The night and stars surrounded us, and the moment felt intimate. It felt like it was just the two of us here together, and I was resentful that I would eventually have to go back to the camp.

  Reaching out, he put his right arm around me and pulled me to him. It felt strange to allow him to be so familiar, but it also felt right. I rested my cheek on his chest and closed my eyes. He felt so good and warm, and I wanted to stay there forever. It didn’t even occur to me that this was wrong.

  “Jason seems to be having a good time.” He spoke, completely ruining the mood.

  I sighed heavily and pulled out of his arms. I said, “Yeah, I guess so.” Our bubble had already deflated, so I continued, “Jackie does too.”

  He laughed, and said, “Yeah, no, not so much now. She is going to be hurting tomorrow.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out at the bay. Each of us in our own thoughts, but our bodies close enough to touch.

  “What’s your story, summer girl?” His voice was quiet, and the tone was lazy. It sounded to me like he would have leaned back, if he could have without falling off the log.

  “You do not get to call me that!” I responded a little too vehemently.

  He reached for me again and said, “Shhhh. Quiet.” Chuckling as if he already knew the answer and wanted to tease me anyway, he asked, “Why not?”

  “First of all, it’s not your name for me. And second, I don’t like it. It makes me sound…” I paused, searching for the right word, “…temporary.” I hadn’t really understood why I disliked the name until I said it out loud.

  “Temporary to the Island? Or temporary to Jason?” His perception helped me be a little more honest with myself about the situation.

  I untucked myself from his arm. “Both, I guess.”

  “Well, do you want to be permanent?” he asked me.

  “Permanent on the island? Or permanent to Jason?” I wasn’t sure what he was asking.

  “I would have to say that if you are going to be permanent to Jason, the island is a given.” He sounded sad, as if he didn’t want to hear my answer. He also knew his brother well, and knew Jason would probably never leave the island again.

  “I don’t know right now,” I admitted. “I need to think about finishing school. I had started the summer knowing I would go back in the fall, but I wasn’t expecting this.” He didn’t ask me what ‘this’ was. I don’t know if I expected him to ask me what I meant by my statement. If I thought he would give me clarity with an answer, I was wrong.

  “You might want to figure it out.” He looked out at the water and his tone was aloof. He took a drink from his beer. It angered me that he sounded so detached.

  “Are you the vetting crew deciding if I should be with Jason or not?” I didn’t do a good job of hiding my displeasure at his tone.

  “No, it’s just that you seem like the kind of girl that could break his heart. He’s an island boy, and needs an island girl.” He stated this so matter-of-factly I couldn’t tell if he even cared or not.

  Now I was pissed off. “I’m not asking for your opinion.”

  “And yet, here I am, giving it.”

  It was starting to feel like he was lashing out at me for not bending under his verbal assault.

  “Don’t be an ass, Nick. I was just starting to like you.” I felt tears pricking the back of my eyes, and it was all I could do to keep them from falling.

  Our feet were still buried in the sand, and his leg was pressed up against mine. He was looking at me, and my fleece was all of a sudden too hot.

  “I think, Shaye,” he leaned in, put his mouth to my ear and whispered, “that you started to like me a while ago.” He was so close I could feel his breath as he spoke. If I turned my head just a few inches, I could put my lips to his. I felt entranced and isolated in this intimate bubble we had created.

  “And that is the reason you need to tread lightly with his heart.” His words were like ice water, and I jerked back.

  I stood up and brushed the sand off my legs. Grabbing my shoes, I turned and said, “I’m heading back. You should see to your girlfriend.”

  When I arrived back at the campground, I saw that everyone had turned in, except Jason and his friends. They were laughing heartily, and the Jack Daniels was almost gone.

  “I’m turning in,” I said to him.

  He responded with slurred words, “Ok, ‘night beautiful.”

  Once I was in our tent, I undressed and put on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. A short while later, I heard Nick say good night, and he went to his tent.

  I put my fist to my chest and pulled my knees up. I was fairly certain nothing was going to happen tonight with Jason. I was also most definitely certain liking Nick was going to be detrimental to my heart.

  Chapter 5

  The month of July flowed by slowly and easily. Flocks of people came to the island and stayed for weeks or weekends. Nick was around, but working with his dad during the days, so I barely saw him. Not seeing him gave me some breathing room to get to know Jason better, to spend time with him. I also had time to put this relationship triangle in perspective. Maybe I had just imagined the feelings between me and Nick. Maybe they were only one-sided.

  Jason and I biked and kayaked, enjoying the beautiful island weather together, and I felt calm when it was just the two of us. He was funny, and not so gregarious when we were alone. I felt as if he felt safe with me, and didn’t need to try so hard to be engaging.

  One night near the end of the month, Jason and I had dinner together at the resort. It was a high tide, and the air was still warm. The sun was setting, and the breeze smelled like salt water, hyacinths, and the wild sweet peas that grew alongside the roads all across the island. I have always loved the look of them.

  We were sitting on the deck of the Islander staring out at the harbor and talking about the tourists. I had my feet in Jason’s lap, and he was doing his best imitations of Evie and Julie. Strings of fairy lights across the deck were creating a warm, inviting ambience.

  “Speaking of Evie.” I sipped my wine, enjoying the relaxing foot rub Jason was giving me.

  “Are we speaking of Evie?” Jason laughed at me and squeezed my foot.

  “I think she has a thing for Jeff.”

  “Can we not talk about that? I don’t want to think about my sister having a crush on anyone.” He smirked at me.

  “I think Evie has a crush on Jeff, but I saw Jeff and Julie talking one night, and they looked really close.”

  Jason looked thoughtful for a minute and then sighed. “Poor Evie. Julie does this all the time, goes after every new guy, regardless of who she crushes in her path. I know it’s not intentional, and Evie doesn’t see it because Julie is her best friend, but just once, I would like Julie to meet someone emotionally stronger, and intellectually smarter, than her. Someone that won’t put up with her shit.”

  I had nothing to say to that, since I wasn’t Julie’s biggest fan anyway. It was safer if I just kept my mouth shut.

  We sat silently for a while, listening to the night sounds and the chatter from inside the restaurant bar.

  Jason cleared his throat and said, “I’m thinking about maybe moving to Seattle in the fall and taking classes at a community college.”

  This was not the conversation I had been expecting, and I didn’t immediately respond. I waited to see if he would continue; I didn’t need to wait long.

  “It has been a fun summer, but I think it’s time I started thinking about what to do next. One of my Dad's clients owns an airplane charter company, and he mentioned he could get me on as a line guy while I get my business degree.”

  I didn’t know much about airplanes, but I knew that corporate charters were very expensive. Jason seemed a little unsure about the opportunity, though, and I wasn’t entirely convinced he really wanted to leave.

  “What is your hesitation?” I asked him.

  He responded quickly, “None. I think it’s a great idea.” Pausing, he then added. “Do you think we could keep seeing each other in Seattle?” He was so endearing and sweet. His tone was a long way from the cocky guy I’d kissed at the beginning of the summer.

  I pulled my feet off his lap and leaned over to whisper, “I would love that.”

  Part of me felt nervous about his declaration. I had not yet decided what I was doing in the fall, or even how I felt about him. I felt a bit like I was betraying him with my words.

  For the most part, I had enjoyed spending time with him, but he was still running hot and cold. We weren’t together every day, but people on the island knew we were dating.

  I had seen him unexpectedly at The Grind, a few days prior with Julie, and since he sometimes worked the bar late at night, I felt like there were things he was intentionally keeping from me. The fourth of July flashed through my mind, and I saw the moment when I couldn’t find Julie, and Jason wasn’t behind the bar.

  I wanted to see him in Seattle, but I didn’t want him to make decisions for himself based on us.

  We continued to talk while we finished our dinner, and then he drove me home. Walking me to the door of my house, he reached around me and put his hands on the back of my shorts. With his mouth in the crook of my neck, he said, “You should let me stay.”

  I still wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy with him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and said, “Soon.”

  He started kissing his way up my neck to my ear, down my cheek and jawline. His kisses were feather soft and warm. When he reached my lips, I sighed and relaxed into him. Pulling his hands up to my hips, he drew me gently to him. I tightened my hold on him, and then he slowly released me.

  “Okay, then. I think that about does it for tonight.” He laughed uncomfortably and ran his hand through his hair. Strands were sticking up, making it messier than it already was.

  I smiled coquettishly and said, “Okay, then.”

  He turned to leave, smiled back at me and said he would see me the following day.

  I woke the next day to pouring rain. It hit the steel roof like ping pong balls, and I didn’t think it would let up for most of the day. Since I was working the lunch shift again, I decided it would be best if I drove my car to work.

  The grey sky darkened the house, even at eight in the morning. Nestled in the trees, the house felt cocooned and sheltered from any light. Sometimes I liked days like this. I wished I could waste the day curled up with my coffee and a good book. But not today. Today I had to get to work.

  As I had predicted, the rain did not let up, and the restaurant was slow. I left work a little after four and stopped in at the bar to say hi to Jason. It seemed that everyone else had the same idea.

  Evie had closed the bakery early and was sitting with Jeff and Julie in a booth. Nick was there playing pool with a couple of local construction workers who were supposed to be laying concrete, but couldn’t because of the rain.

  I hadn’t seen Nick since the camping trip, and my chest constricted at the sight of him. He wore brown Sperry loafers, jeans, and a blue camp shirt. The shirt was untucked, and he had rolled up the sleeves. The top two buttons were undone, and I could see his collar bone. He leaned over the pool table to take a shot. I got a glimpse down his shirt and could see the hard cut of his chest.

  My mind went blank, and I found myself staring at him. I was so drawn to him, and it was confusing me. Dragging my eyes away, I knew I couldn’t stay long that afternoon, or I would say something stupid and make a fool of myself in front of everyone.

  He looked up and saw me, gave a jerk of his head in greeting, and raised his beer to his mouth. Staring at his mouth, my own started to water. I saw his eyes crinkle in understanding.

  “Hey, Summer Girl, did you bring the rain today?” Jason asked me light-heartedly. He startled me out of my lustful haze.

  I sat down on one of the bar stools and tried to act normal. “Right? I think I am going to head home shortly and make it an early night.”

  “Sure thing. Cape cod for you?” He was already mixing the drink for me.

  Evie walked over and hugged me from behind. She rested her cheek on my back and wrapped her arms around me. I reached up to hold her hands in front of my chest.

  “Where have you been? I’ve missed you.” She had obviously been drinking for a while because I’d just seen her a few days ago, but she made it sound like it had been forever. She released me and stepped to my side. “Jason, I need another Guinness.”

  “No, Evie, I don’t think you do.” He laughed and poured her another one anyway. “Last one Evie, and then Jeff is taking you home.”

  She slurred her words a bit, but for the most part was just having a good time. “You are the best brother ever!” She grabbed her beer and asked me to come join them.

  “Ok. But I can’t stay long. I’ve had a long few days, and I really just want to tuck in.” I didn’t feel bad about saying that. I knew I would be fast asleep in a few hours.

  I stayed for about forty-five minutes, talking to some of the locals at the bar, and then I said my goodbyes. Nick was at the other end of the bar. We hadn’t talked to each other at all. He caught my eye as I was standing to leave, and I saw a question in his eyes. I chose to ignore him and walked to my car.

  About ten minutes later, my car started slowly rolling to a stop. I panicked for a moment before realizing I’d forgotten to fill up my tank. The needle read E. I had run out of gas. I lowered my head to the steering wheel. “Crap, crap, crap!” I said in frustration.

  I had been riding my bike so often I had forgotten about filling up my gas tank. There were only two gas stations on the island: one at the south end, and one at the grocery store. I was right in between both of them. It was still raining, and the last thing I wanted to do was get out and walk in either direction for gas.

  I pulled my phone out of my bag and called Jason to see if Jeff had left yet with Evie. At least my phone still had a charge.

  “He left right after you, Shaye.” Jason said. I heard him yell down the bar, “Hey, Nick, Shaye rank out of gas on Hillcrest Road. Can you go get her?”

  “Jason, no, it’s fine. I can walk.” The questioning look Nick had given me earlier was too much for me to process, and I didn’t want to be near him right then.

  I heard Nick mumble something in the background, and then Jason was back on the line. “Nick will be there soon. He’s going to stop and get you some gas.”

  “Okay. I will be here. I’m right across from the old school house.” I knew Nick would see my car, but I felt like I needed to say something that didn’t give away my trepidation.

  “See you tomorrow,” Jason said, and hung up.

  Fifteen minutes later, Nick showed up with the gas can. He must have left right after I hung up. It had stopped raining enough that I could get out of the car to talk to him.

  “Thank you so much!”

  His eyes were smiling at me as he said, “You are welcome. But you should make sure you fill it up first thing tomorrow.”

  He unscrewed the gas cap and started pouring. He had put on a blue fleece pullover, and he looked so good in it I wanted to hug him.

  I was trying not to wring my hands. “I’ve been riding my bike most of the summer. It didn’t even occur to me the check the gas level.”

  “I see that.” He was patronizing in an endearing way, and he smiled at me.

  When the can was empty, he tapped the spout on the filler neck so that he wouldn’t spill on my car.

  “I will follow you home. Make sure you get there safely.” He wasn’t flirting or angry, just resolute.

  “Ok. Thank you.”

  He followed behind me to my house and pulled his car in behind mine.

  I stood on the cement slab of the lower deck, and watched while he stepped out of his car. I felt a tension between us, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

  “I was going to put some pasta on for dinner. Would you like to stay?”

  “That sounds good. Thank you.” He smiled, put his hands in his front pants pockets, and followed me in.

 

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