Playing with forever, p.12
Playing With Forever, page 12
“No, Kane, I don’t,” I returned with an even, meaningful tone. “And I never will, you have my word on that.”
Lindy was still looking around the table for answers. When she found none, she unknowingly waded right in. “Who’s Sam?”
“A young man who used to attend the center. He passed away last Monday,” Josie told her.
“You mean he was—”
“Kane,” she warned, and he clamped his mouth shut. “Maybe we should discuss this later.”
“I looked into them. They’re a mess, Mother. Not to mention dangerous.”
“Are you in danger, Josie?” Lindy asked, wide-eyed.
Fuck.
Josie shot her son a scathing look, Kane had the good manners to at least look contrite, though I knew damn well he wasn’t, because I wouldn’t have been either.
“No, I’m not in danger.”
Lindy transferred her stare to me. I shook my head, and she relaxed.
“It’s my fault—”
I quickly interrupted her before she could take the blame. “Don’t apologize for bringing something important up at a family meal. The minute we start hiding conversations and brushing important shit under the rug, we’ve got problems. You want to go to this boy’s funeral. He means something to you, so he means something to all of us. Saying that, I’ve made my feelings crystal clear on this. I think Kane just made his clear. This is not anyone telling you where you can and can’t go. This is the people in your life who care about you, particularly the men who are both in law enforcement, explaining to you it is not safe for you to be around any of them.”
With her watering eyes on me, she nodded. But I knew I was fucked when she glanced at Lindy, then at Zane.
And there it was, the one thing I couldn’t fight—a mother’s love. A lioness protecting the cubs—even when the cubs weren’t hers.
“I was going to ask you if you’d take me, and we could just stand in the back and leave early.”
Yep, I was fucked.
“Josie, if I thought for one second I could sneak you in there and you’d stay in the corner with me, I would make that happen for you. But you forget I know you. You won’t be able to help yourself. And that’s one of the things I love about you—there is zero chance you see a grieving mother and don’t go to her to console her, especially a woman you know. Especially when you knew her child. So, please give me this. Let me keep you free and clear of the Havarths’ garbage, and don’t make me put you in danger by giving in to you.”
Her face fell, and her shoulders slumped forward in defeat.
“You’re right,” she whispered. “I’d beg you to let me go to her, and when you wouldn’t allow it, it would be torture.”
I leaned over and kissed her temple.
The scraping of wood legs on the floor made Josie jump.
Kane was out of his chair, his face ravaged and twisted in pain.
“Kane?” Josie’s wobbly voice called out to her son.
He held his hand up.
“That.” He jabbed an angry finger at me, and I stiffened. “That right there is what we always wanted for you. Welcome to the family, Evan.”
His welcome sounded more like he was condemning me to hell. But it was his feet pounding through the house as he made a hasty exit that had me coming out of my chair.
“I’ll go talk to him,” I told Josie, then looked at Lindy. “Be back.”
I was at the front door when I heard Josie say, “Kane’s not mad. At least he’s not mad at your dad, he’s mad at his.”
I had no idea what I’d be walking out to. But Kane, with his palms on the hood of his Ram, with his head bowed and his torso heaving, wasn’t it.
“We can talk, or I can give you a minute. Up to you, bud.”
With a mighty breath, Kane whirled on me.
Eyes wild, unmasked fury marking his face, agitated movements. None of those were good; all three together were seriously not good.
“You know,” he stated.
“If you’re asking if I know if your dad leans toward controlling, then yes, I know.”
“Leans toward controlling,” he huffed. “Is that what she called it? The man’s a prick.”
Perhaps Josie didn’t know how much animosity her son held for his father. Or maybe she did, and we just hadn’t gotten around to talking about it yet.
“Yeah?” I prompted.
“He didn’t lean toward anything. He’s a straight-up control freak, bossy to an extreme, weak, and arrogant. You put all those together, and they equal abuser. The asshole bitched about everything. She worked full-time and took care of us… exclusively. That dick couldn’t be bothered to take us to school, or a practice, or pick us up. I don’t remember him even going to the grocery store, forget cooking a meal. But God forbid she put something on the table that didn’t meet his standards you'd think she put dog shit in front of him.
“Our house was spotless, not because that’s how Mom wanted it. No, that’s what he wanted, but do you think him being a whole-ass grown man with working limbs ever picked up a broom or a dust rag or did a single dish—fuck no, that was a woman’s work. For as long as I can remember, she was a single mother working her ass off with another adult in the house that made her miserable and caused her more work. She raised us alone. She taught us how to be the men we are.
“And that shit in there, the way you were with her, that’s what my brother and I wished she had when we were growing up. And then after she divorced his cheating, lying ass, that’s what we hoped she’d find. But she never did. She went back to school, got more degrees, gave us more time, and then when we were both grown and out of the house, she buried herself in work.”
Kane stopped and looked at his feet.
“Then it’s good she has that now.”
“Yeah, it really fucking is. But wanting her to have it, hoping she’d find it, and then seeing it are very different things. And seeing it hit me square in the goddamn heart how much she didn’t have with the dumbass.”
I had nothing to say because I agreed with him, though I wouldn’t badmouth the man’s father. Even though Josie's ex deserved it. Good or bad, the man was still half of what made Kane, and that shit wouldn’t be right.
“Did she tell you he’s been married three more times?”
“No.”
“I only met the first. By the time number two and three came along, I was old enough to refuse to see him. And I only know about the third because DJ told me. DJ only knows because Dad waltzed his ass into DJ’s work and ambushed him. But yeah, four wives. He treated number one the way he treated my mother, so it’s a fair assumption he did the same with three and four. Number two divorced him for the same reason mom did, the asshole was fucking around on her. Again, can’t know for certain, but a man doesn’t cheat on his first two wives and then suddenly become a saint, so I’d bet he cheated on them, too.”
It'd be a safe bet to make.
“I fucking hate him for what he did to my mom.”
Josie would despise that.
“I don’t blame you.”
Kane’s eyes locked on mine. “I’ve given you plenty of ammunition to jump in and shit-talk your woman’s ex, and all you have to say is, ‘I don’t blame you.’”
“Right now, we’re not talking about my woman’s ex. I have strong opinions about that man, ones I won’t share with you or your brother. Right now, we’re talking about your father, and that man is off-limits to me. It’s not my place to talk shit about him, my place is to stand here with that man’s son and listen as he lets go of some pretty heavy shit.”
Kane scrubbed his hand over his face and tipped his head back to look at the sky.
I gave him time to collect himself, wondering if I should tell Josie about this conversation. This new family dynamic was uncharted water. If Lindy was harboring serious resentment toward Celeste, I’d want to know. But I’d also have to respect the relationship Josie was building with Lindy and trust she’d come to me if there was a serious problem.
“I like your daughter,” Kane said calmly.
Now it was my turn to give him something.
“Her mom left when she was seven. That’s to say, I kicked her mother out when she was seven. My ex had issues with drinking and going out. I wouldn’t go as far as to say she’s an alcoholic; I think the addiction was more to the attention she got. I never caught her cheating, but when a man’s wife is out at the bar more than she’s home, he has his suspicions. I was still in uniform, as you know, that’s not a nine-to-five, so our daughter had an array of babysitters.
“After the divorce, it got worse for Lindy. Celeste broke more promises than she kept. I finally had enough of my girl sitting in front of the window waiting for her mom to come get her when I knew in my gut that bitch was going to no-show. Lindy hasn’t seen her mother since she was ten. That’s half of her life she’s been without a mom.”
“Now I’m even more pleased, mom has you,” Kane said. “Because now Lindy has a woman worthy of being her mom.”
Fuck, I hoped so.
“I haven’t had a relationship since I kicked my ex out. Like your mom, my sole reason for living was raising my daughter. Your mother’s the first woman I’ve ever allowed to meet my daughter. I’ve shielded her from my friends’ wives and sisters, not wanting another woman to run out on her. I fucked up with that. I deprived my daughter of something she needed out of fear she’d be abandoned again. Full disclosure, we’re new, we’re still trying to find our way. But I need you to know, I care about your mom, I’m falling in love with her. I’m willing to put in the work to make what we have stronger. But, bud, I’m gonna fuck up along the way because I have no fucking clue how to love a woman as great as your mom.”
Kane’s mouth twisted into a smile.
“I think you just give her what you did in there, and she’ll do the rest.”
Smart, protective, and wise.
Yeah, Josie raised a good man.
“You ready to go back in?”
“Wanna get back to your woman, or do you want my mom to lay eyes on me so she knows I’m okay?”
“Both. And I want more pancakes. Your mom’s one hell of a cook. Had her fried pork chops last night—heaven in the form of food. It’ll mean I gotta run an extra three miles later at the gym, but every bite was worth it.”
“My dad hated when she made pork chops.”
We were out of the woods, and I stepped right on a landmine.
“She told me.”
“Glad she found a man who doesn’t mind running an extra three miles so she can have what she likes.”
I’d run a fucking marathon every day if it meant Josie had what she wanted.
We were nearing the front door when Kane asked, “You cool with me getting Lindy’s number and adding her to the sibling chat? Carrie’s in there with us.”
Seriously, Josie raised a good man.
“You don’t have to ask my permission, Kane. I trust you’ll do right by my daughter. But I feel the need to warn you, she has an obsession with stupid memes, and she’ll send you a hundred of those reels.”
“Good to know. She’ll fit right in.”
Two older brothers to give her gruff and look out for her. Two women in her life to help guide her into womanhood.
I like the trail of warmth blaze through me.
Then I followed Kane into the house.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“You were wrong, Josie,” Lindy told me.
I stuttered to stop and gripped my phone at my ear tighter. Not because Lindy told me I’d been wrong about something, but I could swear I saw someone crouch down behind a car in the parking lot. I shifted to get a better view out of the window while still keeping in the shadows and went back to my conversation with Lindy, but kept my attention on the cars.
“What was I wrong about?”
“It’s not Kane who relentlessly teases me, it’s DJ.” Her words were snappy, but her tone was wistful. Just like it had been every time she’d called me over the last two weeks to complain about something the boys did.
I loved it.
Every part of it.
The boys teasing her.
Her calling me to mock complain.
Them calling me to gush about how awesome Lindy was.
DJ and Carrie FaceTiming so they could meet Evan since DJ’s work schedule hadn’t allowed them to come down for a visit.
Kane calling me but ending up on the phone with Evan.
All of it was perfect—including, and most especially, Evan.
There had been a time in my life when I’d dreamed of finding the perfect man. Age and wisdom taught me there was no such thing as perfect.
Evan proved that to be false. He was as close to perfect as there was. At least he was perfect for me and my boys. Bonus me and the boys were perfect for him and Lindy.
“The next time DJ’s giving you a hard time, send him a squirrel gif.”
“Why a squirrel?”
“He’s deathly afraid of them,” I told her, still staring into the parking lot.
“He’s afraid of squirrels?” Lindy laughed.
“Deathly,” I confirmed. “When he was about eight, we were at the park and a squirrel fell out of the tree we were sitting under. It landed on his head. Kane was four and laughed himself sick at his brother’s screams of horror.”
“Thanks, Mamalious, you’re the best!”
Mamalious.
My breath arrested in my lungs and my heart squeezed.
Lindy, my sweet Lindy, called me Mamalious.
“Anytime, sweet girl, but listen, I’ve got to scoot. I have a meeting in ten minutes.”
“Okay. Dinner at yours or ours tonight?”
That was something else wonderful that had happened, or rather two things—Lindy joined Evan and me for dinner, not every night but most nights, and that was the other thing, in the last two weeks, there had only been one night I hadn’t spent with Evan, and that was only because he had a middle of the raid.
So it wasn’t a question of if we were having dinner together it was which house we were eating at. Most of those nights were at theirs so Lindy didn’t have to drive home after supper.
“Where would you like dinner to be?”
“Do you mind ours? I’m working on a painting.”
Of course she was. The girl never stopped creating.
“That’s perfect because I’d like to see the canvases you picked out before you take them to the gallery.”
There it was, a flash of dark hair appeared between two cars.
Dark hair on a fifteen-year-old boy I knew well.
Damn.
“I have to run, sweetheart. Text me what you want for dinner, and I’ll stop by the store on the way home.”
“You’re busy. Dad or I will hit the store. See you after work.”
“You will, Lindy. Have a good day.”
I disconnected the call and quickly found Evan’s contact.
It took four rings for him to answer, which meant he was busy, yet he still took my call.
“Hey, baby.”
“Hey, Evan. Sorry to bother you, but Tyler’s outside the center in the parking lot.”
“Where are you?”
“In my office, watching him through the window.”
There was a beat of silence before I heard his muffled voice talking to someone, then he came back to me.
“If I told you to stay in your office and under no circumstances were you to leave the center, would you be pissed?”
I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.
“No, honey. And I won’t go outside.”
He blew out a relieved breath. “An uniformed officer will be there in a few minutes.”
I knew better than to ask him if that was necessary. Evan would do whatever he felt he needed to in order to protect me. And really, for the safety of everyone in the center, I couldn’t have Tyler lurking around outside.
“Okay. I’ll let Phil know. He’ll go out and handle it.”
There was a long stretch of silence, and when he didn’t fill it, I did. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, Josie, I’m still here.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No, baby, everything is just right.”
In the weeks I’d been with Evan, I didn’t love his rough, velvety voice any less than the first time I’d heard it. The difference was, now I got that voice in and out of bed, and one could say when the rough was laced with sex, it was even more amazing.
“Okay, I’ll see you after work. Lindy decided on your place tonight.”
More silence, then, “I get it’s soon, but the two-house shit is getting old, and you’re at mine more than you’re at yours.”
He was correct, but I wasn’t sure where he was going with this beyond pointing out the obvious.
“Was that a general statement of facts?” I asked.
“No, Josie, it was me saying I want you to think about moving in with us and renting your place out.”
Mamalious.
Her calling me to mock complain.
Them calling me to gush about how awesome Lindy was.
DJ and Carrie FaceTiming so they could meet Evan since DJ’s work schedule hadn’t allowed them to come down for a visit.
Kane calling me, but ending up on the phone with Evan.
I wasn’t sure there was much more to think about.
But I said, “Talk to Lindy, and we’ll talk more about it later.”
“It was Lindy’s idea.”
Mamalious.
My sweet girl wanted me to move in with her father.
Then it was a no-brainer.
“We’ll check rentals in the area and see what I can get for my place. But I’m hiring one of those services. I don’t want the hassle that comes with renters, and—”
“Christ, just when I think I can’t love you more, you prove me wrong.”
I knew Evan loved me, he showed me every day, but he’d never said the words.
And now he was saying them…over the phone.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear you tell me you love me for the first time over the phone,” I snapped. “Besides, I have to go, a cruiser just pulled into the parking lot, and Tyler made a run for it.”
