Denali dreams, p.25
Denali Dreams, page 25
Agent Williams entered the living room where she’d tucked herself into the couch. “How are you doing, Deanna?”
“Okay, I guess. Under the circumstances.” She wasn’t ready to admit her struggle with fear.
“We need to discuss a plan. Our man hasn’t shown himself.”
“I think I need to get out. What do you think?” There. She’d said it.
His eyebrows raised. “I was actually going to suggest it.”
She threw off the blanket and sat on the edge of the couch. “This roller coaster of emotions will eat me alive if I don’t get out. I’m scared to death, I’ll admit that, but then I get angry and want to stop him. I feel like a mouse sometimes and a lion at others.”
“That’s understandable. Your life has revolved around hiding from him.”
“Yeah, but the swing of the pendulum is getting to me. One minute I want to hide, the next I want to strangle him with my bare hands.”
He nodded.
“I don’t want to put others in danger,” she said.
“You forget that everyone volunteered for this.”
She nodded. Time to suck it up.
A knock at the front door made her jump. Williams peered through the side window. “It’s Josh.”
Relief poured through her as the agent allowed her favorite ranger entry. “Hi, Josh.”
“Hi.” He glanced around the room, a worried expression on his face. “Am I the only one here?”
Williams patted his shoulder. “The others are outside getting some fresh air. We’re done for now, Deanna. I’ll check in with everyone else and come back later.”
“Okay, thanks.”
Josh paced in front of her. “So, how are you doing?”
“Good.”
“Getting enough rest?”
“Uh-huh.” She watched him go back and forth. “Josh, you’re going to wear a hole in the carpet. Why don’t you sit down?”
His feet stopped, and he sighed. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know this is stressful for everyone.”
“Yeah, it is.” He looked up and captured her gaze. “Especially since it’s you.”
That got her attention.
“You’re special, Deanna.”
Heat crept up her neck, into her cheeks. He thought she was special?
“More than just a fellow ranger, and more than just a friend.” He looked down.
The front door opened before Deanna could respond.
John stood there, glancing back and forth between Josh and her. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No,” Josh said, face flaming as he glanced at Deanna. “I just wanted to check on Deanna.” He smiled.
“Me, too.” John moved forward. “I brought some paperwork I was hoping you could help us with.”
Deanna stole a glance at Josh as he backed toward the door. He winked and slipped out.
Maybe next time.
Chapter 7
Today was the day. After prodding, ribbing, and teasing from all the guys, Josh was going to make his move.
The bouquet of flowers behind his back would hopefully make Deanna smile.
David sat on the porch of her little house as Josh walked up. The smirk on the big guy’s face couldn’t be missed. “About time.”
“Don’t think it’s insensitive? Bad timing?”
“Nope. Go for it, dude. She needs you.”
He nodded. “Let’s hope so.” The door stared him down. Deep breath. Shoulders back.
“But if you hurt her, you realize how many big brothers will kill you, right?”
Right. Nothing like a bunch of brawny, scared-of-nothing, mountaineering rangers after your tail. He gave a mock salute to David. “Understood.”
He opened the door. “Hey, Deanna.”
“Josh.” She smiled from her perch on the couch. “How are you?” Feet tucked underneath her, she looked at total ease, except for the haunted look in her eyes.
“I’m great.” He handed her the flowers. “Especially now that I’m off.”
“What are these for?”
“You.” Realization hit him square in the jaw. He’d just referred to her as a “what.” Well, kind of. “I mean, who … well, you said, ‘what’ and I said ‘you,’ but I meant that they’re for you. And you’re a who, not a what….” The hole he dug couldn’t swallow him up fast enough. “Just because.”
Laughter surrounded him. Deline stood in the door from the kitchen. “You’re adorable when you get nervous, Josh. I didn’t know you were such a chatterbox.” She handed a cup of steaming liquid to Deanna. “You better snatch this one up, I think he’s a keeper.”
Adorable. Just what a guy aimed for. Wasn’t adorable reserved for puppies and babies?
A slight blush rose in Deanna’s cheeks. She lowered her head to sip from the cup.
It made Deline laugh harder. She turned to Josh, gave him a smack on the arm. “So, have you seen Logan today?”
“Yep, just a little bit ago.”
“Is he behaving himself?” She pulled on a jacket.
At least she had the courtesy to change the subject. Josh swallowed his embarrassment. “Yes, ma’am. In fact, he’s on his way over here for a little while. He said something about a hot date with a beautiful woman.”
“Did he, now?” She winked at Deanna. “I’ll come back by tomorrow, but I need to go check on my dad.”
“Thanks, Deline. It’s been fun.” Deanna tossed her long auburn braid behind her shoulder.
“You’re welcome. Promise me it won’t take another seven years to do it again.” And in a blur, she was gone.
Josh stood in the living room feeling awkward. Were they actually alone? Oh boy. What was it about Deanna that threw him off like this? Every single time.
“You can sit down, you know.” The cup in her hands hid the lower portion of her face. Her cheeks were still pink.
“Okay.” The spot next to her on the couch invited him.
“Thank you for the flowers.”
“You’re welcome.” Good grief, he was an idiot. Couldn’t he come up with something better than that? “Look, I know things are really tough right now. But I want you to know I’m here for you.” Here for you. Uh-huh. What did that mean exactly? Open mouth. Insert foot.
Warmth seeped through his jacket as she touched his shoulder. Her smile was small, but it reached her eyes. She didn’t seem to care that he turned into a bumbling fool around her. “I don’t know what to do with my feelings, Josh. I’m scared. Really scared. And for the first time as an adult, I’m not alone. But I don’t want to risk anyone else’s life. Especially yours.” A soft sigh escaped as she uncurled and sat forward. Her bare feet rubbed the carpet. “I haven’t been able to trust a soul. No friendships, no dating, no one allowed in my life.” She turned her head toward him.
A lock of hair escaped her braid, and he longed to brush it back.
“All these years, I’ve wanted to live a normal life—be around people, hang out with friends—you know the drill. But now that people know, I don’t know what to do with myself.” She bit her bottom lip. Then breathed deep. “And I don’t know what I would do if anyone got hurt because of me.”
“No one’s going to get hurt. We’re going to protect you.”
“You don’t know that, Josh.”
“But I believe it.”
She huffed. “Look, I know we share the same faith, but you haven’t seen what I’ve seen. Haven’t been through the horror this man has put me through. Yes, I know God is there, and I believe, but I’ve also got to keep a clear head and protect those around me.”
“So you don’t think God is big enough to do that?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Deanna stood and paced the living room in front of him. “I know He’s big enough, but I also know He allows bad things to happen. So if I can keep them from—”
“Whoa there, Deanna. That’s not how God works and you know it. This is a sin-filled world, so yes, bad things are going to happen. But you can’t supersede His position and say that even if He allows something to happen, you can stop it because you don’t want it to happen.”
Her back to him, she stopped her pacing. Her shoulders slumped and began to shake. Was she crying? He prayed David wouldn’t decide to come in the door at that moment. The big guy would probably lay Josh flat for making her cry.
He stood and moved closer to her. “I’m sorry, Deanna.” He reached out and touched her elbow. “I didn’t mean to upset you, but I would be a lousy friend if I didn’t tell you the truth.”
Deanna turned to him. Sobs shook her whole frame. “No, I’m sorry. I need you to be honest with me. And I need to be reminded that I’m not in control.” She stepped closer and smiled. Patted his chest with her hand. Her voice broke as she walked back to the couch. She sat on her knees in the far corner and pulled a blanket up around her. “I’m sorry. I’m an emotional mess right now.”
“It’s okay, you have the right. And maybe someone should remind you that the killer isn’t in control, either.” He handed her a tissue.
“Thanks.” She sighed. “And you’re right again. But don’t let it go to your head.”
“I won’t. And you’re welcome. Anytime.” He meant it. He would love nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her for the rest of his life. As the connection between them grew, Josh couldn’t pull his gaze away. Change the subject. Do something. He was in way over his head. “So, I have an idea. Maybe it will cheer you up.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“I was hoping we could go out to the café. David and Jolie said they’d go and sit at another table. Kyle, Zack, and John will be in there as well.”
The haunted look left her eyes for a brief moment. “You mean, a date?”
“Well, I … was hoping for one … eventually that is … but this doesn’t have to be one, if you’d—” If only he could stop rambling around her.
“I would love to go on a date with you … but …”
David burst through the door. “No buts. You can’t let this killer rule your life. Besides, Agent Williams thinks he’s gone for now. Talkeetna’s too small and everyone is on alert for anyone new or suspicious.”
Josh crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at his fellow ranger. How long had he been listening?
Deanna smirked. She yanked the blanket off and stood. “You know what?” Deanna pulled on his hand. “I am dying to get out of this house! And you know what else? I would love to go on a date with you.”
“So you’re just using me to get some fresh air?” He winked.
David smacked him on the shoulder.
A pillow flew through the air from the couch. It hit David just as another one sailed toward Josh.
“I take that as a yes?”
Chapter 8
The laughter was a balm to her soul. The food was amazing.
And Josh? Well, he was everything. Everything she’d ever wanted in a man. Who cared if this was her first date ever at twenty-seven years old? Contentment poured through her. This truly was how life was supposed to be, wasn’t it?
Zack had the whole place laughing about a climb. But Deanna couldn’t take her eyes off Josh. For almost three hours, she hadn’t even thought about the stalker. Or her family. Guilt washed over her. Shouldn’t she be hiding somewhere? Her family hadn’t given their lives so she could live it up in a café while the stalker was still loose. She shook her head. Thinking like that wasn’t healthy.
A hand reached across the table. Took hers. She jolted. He let go but left his hand close. “I’m sorry, Deanna. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Tears pooled in her eyes as she tentatively reached for him. “You didn’t.” She sniffed. Wiped at her eyes. Josh held her hand. The simple gesture meant more than he’d ever know.
She motioned him closer with a finger and whispered into his ear. “I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but it’s the first time I’ve held a man’s hand.”
He squeezed tighter and sat back in his chair.
After hours of conversation and fun, gone was the man who rambled around her. She knew Josh was a great guy, but it had been fun to watch him be nervous around her. This new Josh, the real guy underneath, was amazing. She hoped they’d have a chance. A real chance.
“Why don’t we get you home?” Josh caught the attention of the other rangers. “I don’t want it to get too late.”
She nodded, trying to remember all the wonderful things about the evening. They would be stowed in her memory forever. Maybe they could even replace the ugly memories over time. Maybe. If they ever caught him.
Josh, David, Logan, and Zack all escorted her out. Josh opened her door for her, as David climbed into the backseat. Zack and Logan got into the Jeep behind them.
The distance to the café was so short, they could’ve walked, but the guys wouldn’t allow it. As they drove up to her house, she noticed Agent Williams standing on the front porch.
Once again ensconced between all her bodyguards, Deanna walked toward the house. Williams escorted her inside with Josh. John, her boss, sat in the living room.
He stood. “Not a sound while you were gone. But I’ll check all the rooms, just to be safe.”
Her heart raced, this was the part she hated. With a passion. The stalker had taken her trust away. She never felt safe. She checked and rechecked everything. All the time. The stove, the oven. Windows and doors. Closets and cabinets. Even phone calls and e-mail made her a nervous wreck. Would the nightmare ever end?
John and Williams returned. The agent holstered his weapon. “David is on the porch, but he needs a break. I’ll stay outside tonight. John said he would stay inside, and Missy is coming as well, correct?”
All she managed was a nod. So much for her date. The fun evening was over. A short reprieve from reality. Cynicism raced through her blood again. Anger burned. The man had to be stopped. He’d stolen everything.
Josh’s bubble burst when they returned to Deanna’s home. It had been such a great night. He’d had hope they could forget. But that monster destroyed even the remote possibility. The look on Deanna’s face told the story. Fear, anger, hatred. They’d never have a chance until the stalker was caught and put away for the rest of his life.
Good-byes were brief as Josh left Deanna with the FBI agent and Missy.
Josh walked to his car and decided to head home. Lord, what do I do? Hopelessness filled him. He wanted to do something. He understood now the prompting of the Holy Spirit the other night. Why he’d felt the need to pray. If God cared enough to have him pray for Deanna, when he didn’t even know who he was praying for, then couldn’t He care enough to take care of the situation at hand?
For the first time in his life, he’d found someone he cared about. The thought of losing Deanna before they even had a chance to really begin gave him pause.
He pulled into his driveway and went inside. The real question was bigger. Did he believe God was in control or not? Could he leave everything in the Lord’s hands? Even Deanna and her safety?
“Come on in, Karon.” Deanna sipped another cup of hot chocolate. If only the brew could calm her nerves. Two more long days had passed. No sign of the stalker. No rest for her weary mind.
Karon carried an armload of books. She plopped them onto the coffee table and sat cross-legged on the couch next to Deanna. “Okay, boys”—she shooed Zack and Logan—“go sit on the porch for a while. We need to chat.”
The guys nodded. Zack turned back around. “You sure you’re okay, Dee?”
“Yeah, go ahead. I’m sure she won’t tell me anything that will make me think any worse of you.”
The guys laughed.
The door closed with a soft click. Deanna sipped. What did Karon have up her sleeve?
“All right, friend. We need to talk.” She ran both hands through her short black curls. “It comes so naturally to you now, doesn’t it?”
“What?”
“The facade. You can joke with the best of them, keep them all thinking you are fine and dandy, while you’re really just hiding behind a wall of fear.”
Wow. Deanna felt stabbed by the words. The wound bled inside.
Karon patted Deanna’s knee and smiled. “Sorry, I’ve just come to realize that life is too short to mince words. I haven’t been here as long as the others, I don’t know you like they do. But I’m pretty observant and I’ve been watching you all summer. You’re amazing. So strong. So together.”
“I wish that’s who I really was.” A long sigh escaped. “But it’s not. You’re right, the facade is my cloak—my protection.” She’d never voiced thoughts like this out loud to anyone. “It’s safe. Easy. Comfortable.”
“Mind if I share something with you?”
Deanna shrugged. “Sure. Go ahead.” What could it hurt? Wasn’t that what real friends did?
“I know you’ve heard all about Zack and me. So you know I’m a cancer survivor.”
Deanna nodded. When Karon had braved Denali earlier in the summer, she’d been shocked and amazed at her gumption.
“Well, what you probably don’t know is that I just about let cancer win.”
“What do you mean?” She set her cup down.
“The battle was long and hard. Everyone coddled me. I was so sick for so long that it simply became easier to let everyone else help and do everything. I didn’t make any decisions anymore. I didn’t go anywhere. Exhausted was my middle name.”
“That’s totally understandable. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through.” Karon had become a big sister to everyone at the station under thirty-five. The woman had more spunk than the proverbial barrel of monkeys. She’d moved from Louisiana to Alaska and opened a coffee shop/bookstore. Just like that. No long, drawn-out decisions. She just did it. Deanna couldn’t fathom this bright, lively woman in front of her giving up.
“Now, I have a point. This isn’t a pity party about me, Dee. I wanted to share with you what God did during that time. In my exhaustion, I thought about how much easier it would be for everyone else if they didn’t have to take care of me, if they didn’t have to worry about me. And it was during one of those martyr times that I was lying in bed crying. I realized it was my fear of living that held me back.”
