Meru, p.30
Meru, page 30
The message was from Pushkara, and it was as brief as it was cryptic: Are you fit for a return to Meru? I think your reputation will make you an ideal candidate, and the committee supports it. Kaliyu couldn’t fathom why Pushkara would ask this of zir. Zie checked the news spool and discovered that the MEC’s hearing on the human trial had finished. That would probably supplement whatever Pushkara had omitted from his message.
Kaliyu slowed enough to spool the entire recording into zir extended memory before accelerating past Mars. Zie had no desire to be within sight of other people, not yet. Zie fell into orbit a bit past the planet’s pull and took a rest. As zie drank bhojya, zie replayed the meeting, hoping that it would explain why the committee wanted zir back at Meru. Zie skimmed past the first several kilas of procedural business until the committee arrived at the topic of the Human Habitation Project.
The MEC members had convened at the Primary Nivid, with Hamsa and Pushkara present as well. Time lags across the Solar System were too great for a back-and-forth meeting. Six of the nine committee members had fully space-adapted bodies, though not so large as a pilot’s. The other three trended humanoid, like Pushkara. Kaliyu was surprised at Hamsa’s more modern form and a little envious of his elegant, almost translucent tail. Hamsa’s chromatophores swirled in patterns reminiscent of wispy clouds. He had a reputation for making subtle alterations to his superficial phenotypes during each partial rebirth. Kaliyu could see why people had such respect for his tarawan abilities. He was a floating advertisement of his skills.
The committee members took another five kilas each to respond to Pushkara’s proposal and ask questions. Four of them seemed to support Pushkara, while two others were opposed. The chair and remaining members kept their phores neutral and didn’t ask any follow-up questions before yielding to Hamsa.
Kaliyu almost skipped past the human-loving alloy’s statement, but zir curiosity overruled zir distaste.
Hamsa began, zir phores colored with graciousness.
That was a surprise.
Of course Hamsa wouldn’t let it go so easily. Kaliyu could see how the tarawan’s argument might persuade some people, and zie wondered how Pushkara would counter it. Then zie noticed that the chairperson’s phores had gone bright pink with displeasure.
The gazes of all nine committee members went distant as they conferred via a private emtalk channel. Pushkara and Hamsa exchanged a look, but Kaliyu couldn’t tell whether they also had a parallel conversation going on.
Pushkara glowed with satisfaction. Hamsa’s phores stayed neutral, though he must have been disappointed.
So they had done Hamsa a small favor. It might help him salvage some of his reputation, but nothing in the existing data could validate the long-term viability of humans on Meru. The test subject had completed only a portion of the required trials. The project would never advance to its later stages, and Hamsa had little to justify the amendment to the compact.
Kaliyu read the message from Pushkara again: Are you fit for a return to Meru? I think your reputation will make you an ideal candidate, and the committee supports it.
It made more sense now. Reputation would come into play when Kaliyu “discovered” the contaminant that zie had released onto the surface. Zie didn’t relish the thought of returning to the site of zir fight with Vaha, nor of ferrying the human, assuming she lived. If zie were lucky, she would be a corpse like Vaha’s incarn and not someone zie would have to interact with. Vaha, on the other hand . . . if zir friend were alive and adrift, perhaps Kaliyu could find zir. The return contract would give Kaliyu a legitimate reason to be in the Pamir System, and if zie spent a few kaals wandering the vicinity of Meru, no one would care. All zie wanted was the peace of knowing zir friend was all right.
Zie could still see Nidra’s words flashing before zir eyes, glowing with contempt: I would have told you to preserve your integrity and save your friend. If Kaliyu accepted the MEC’s offer, zie could redeem zirself by looking for Vaha. Zie shouldn’t care what zir human-loving maker thought of zir, but zie couldn’t help it. Maybe zie needed to adjust some hormones, or maybe zie couldn’t let go of the hope that zie could convince Nidra to leave Earth.
If nothing else, by completing the MEC’s tasks, zie would remain in Pushkara’s good graces. There were worse allies to have. And best case, zie would find Vaha, clean up the mess on Meru, and return a hero. Then zir maker would have to retract zir harsh words. A quick turnaround trip wouldn’t cost much time, and it was a small price to show Nidra that zie wasn’t a monster.
Kaliyu composed a reply to Pushkara: I am nearly healed already. By the time I reach heliopause, I should be fine. I will have to stop to get my human chamber prepared for a passenger, in case the test subject is alive. Thank you for trusting me with this opportunity. Then zie turned around and headed back to Mars to send it.
The journey to Meru took thirty kaals, and Kaliyu spent far too much of it brooding. Zie had given Pushkara what he wanted to the point that thousands of Pushkara’s supporters had sent zir congratulatory messages while zie’d traveled toward Solar heliopause. Why couldn’t zie be happy and enjoy zir success? Why couldn’t zie let go of the hope of finding Vaha alive, of saving zir maker from zirself? Was zie doomed to a life of chasing after impossible things?
Zie stopped first in Meru’s orbit, at the observation rig, which had lost some altitude while it had been powered down. Kaliyu towed it back to the correct location and turned it back on. No one answered when zie tried to communicate with the human’s living site. That was promising. Zie had left three-quarters of a masan earlier. That was a long time for a lone human to survive on an uninhabited planet. Kaliyu waited another two kaals, watching for the human to show up on one of the cameras, but she never did. Zie didn’t think she could spend that much time in the womb or the washroom, the only two places with total privacy.
With a sense of relief, Kaliyu landed, but the sentiment was short-lived. The bare surface of Meru surrounded Kaliyu in all its reddish-brown glory. As zie examined the ground around the tent, zie saw no sign of activity. No footprints, and no contaminant, either. When zie lifted the tent and peered inside, zie found more nothing. Where could the human and Vaha’s incarn be? The womb wouldn’t open for zir, but if the human was inside, surely she’d have exited upon feeling the impact of Kaliyu’s landing. Had Vaha returned and taken her? It seemed impossible given the injuries zir friend had sustained. Plus zie wouldn’t have left the womb.
Kaliyu scanned the horizon in all directions. Perhaps the human had wandered off somewhere and died, but zie hadn’t seen any indication of organic matter from the observation platform. Had she drowned in the ocean? Zie felt a spark of pity for the little human, left to her own devices with no way to communicate to anyone, as betrayed by Vaha’s abandonment as Kaliyu had been.
Zie shook away the sudden empathy. Packing up the shelter involved an extensive and specific procedure to avoid breakage or contamination. As the final step, zie coiled up the waterline that had drawn from the nearby lake and stuffed it into a sack. Once zie had that done, Kaliyu sent a message to the nearby construct, Varshaneya, who would help launch zir into the upper atmosphere, saying that zie was ready for a pickup.
As zie waited for the megaconstruct, zie examined the area again. Slithering around in gravity was beyond awkward, but zie needed to find proof of contamination. That was the final piece to secure the end of the project as well as guarantee that Hamsa’s amendment would lose the general vote. Zie grew increasingly frustrated as zie found nothing, and zie wondered if the scanner from orbit didn’t work. Could the container have gone off course? That could prove catastrophic, especially if it had ended up in the ocean or some other large body of water, but if that had happened, surely one of the other orbital observers would have noticed? Zie would have to move the platform to some other orbits and look for zirself.
Varshaneya flew in and landed more gracefully than Kaliyu had. Zie strapped Vaha’s womb to zir body and clambered onto the construct’s back. With the help of Varshaneya’s eight powerful legs, they thrust upward.
As they flew, Kaliyu sent a query via their emchannel. “Have you seen any sign of a human around here?”
“Seventy-eight kaals ago, I carried a human named Jayanthi to space, where I left her with another megaconstruct.”
That was not the answer Kaliyu had expected. “Why? Was she returning to Sol?”
“She stated that as her goal.”
“And the construct took her there?”
“The construct was a free agent passing through the system and willing to give her passage. I’m not sure what his destination was or where they might be today.”
“And you don’t know anything more, like why she decided to leave?”
“She inquired about your whereabouts and expressed concern that she could not communicate with you.”
By the Nivid! The human had gone rogue, running off with a strange megaconstruct. She could be anywhere, or she could be floating in space, as cold and dead as an asteroid. Kaliyu wanted to spin in frustration. Zie didn’t want to return to Sol empty-handed, but it appeared that zie had no choice.
Zie thanked Varshaneya as they reached an altitude where zie could safely detach, then engaged zir ventral sphincters and squeezed, pushing zirself higher and safely into orbit. Zie would have to split zir remaining kaals between looking for the contaminant and for Vaha. If zie didn’t find at least one of the two, the excursion to Meru would end up a disappointing waste of time.
Kaliyu had searched in a conical spiral from Meru outward, in the rough direction that zie recalled as Vaha’s final trajectory. Zie had expended extra power to listen for the faintest hint of emchannel activity, but after nearly ten kaals, zie had encountered nothing but the steady silence of the galaxy. Zie hadn’t dared to transmit a message. If Vaha felt as angry at Kaliyu as zie had during their fight, a message from Kaliyu might chase zir farther away.
The stars glared at zir with recriminations galore. What kind of friend was zie to allow Vaha to drift away? So what if zie had threatened to fight Kaliyu? If Kaliyu had been a better person, zie would have found a way to overpower Vaha and drag zir back to Sol and safety.
A kaal into zir exploration, zie had remembered the solar weather that had blazed from Pamir through the system. Vaha would have been caught in that with no shelter. Had zie managed to survive it? Perhaps zie had tried to course-correct with a flare-addled mind and ended up drifting along a different vector. If that had happened, Vaha could be anywhere in the system, and Kaliyu could search for the rest of zir life without finding zir friend. Or perhaps a megaconstruct had picked Vaha up, as it had the human, and zie had chosen to run away.
Kaliyu had failed to find any sign of the contaminant on Meru’s surface, land or sea, and now zie had failed to discover the fate of zir best friend. Frustration infused zir phores with a deep-apricot glow. No one could see zir, so it didn’t matter. Zir shame was entirely zirs to bear. With a flick of zir tail and an unlit apology to Vaha, zie engaged zir thamity senses and found the steepest gradient toward Pamir’s heliopause. The faster zie could get back to Sol, the sooner zie could put all this behind zir.
I’m sorry I failed you again, my friend.
Coming back to Meru had been a mistake. Zie had let the MEC’s request feed zir ego. Zie thought zie could achieve the miraculous, and instead, zie would have to report to Pushkara the lack of evidence of contamination. The fruitless search for Vaha wouldn’t win zir any points with zir maker.
Kaliyu had acted like a thrice-made mudha once again. Zie resolved that after zie completed this task, zie would do nothing but race. At least there, zie knew zie could excel. Gravity could take the MEC and Pushkara and Hamsa. It could take the humans and zir maker, too. Zie wanted nothing more to do with any of them.
SURAKSHAA—RECOVERY
Nakis rotated zir body off-axis as zie flexed zir tail up and vented zirself down. The icy upper atmosphere of Kumuda stung the exposed skin where the exoskeleton had rubbed away the outer layer. High as zie was, the air currents didn’t disturb zir flight. Zie had a tendency to panic when they did, which zie attributed to the deep-seated feeling of incompetence that zie had yet to shake loose. Rithu claimed he didn’t mind coming to Nakis’s aid as needed. He could scoop zir body up and lift zir back to their platform with minimal effort, or so he said. For all that he called himself old, Rithu still had the well-toned muscles of a racer. Nakis could feel them flex and extend under the pilot’s skin whenever he carried zir.
Zie had made the right decision by staying with Rithu. News spooled in regularly from courier drops at Meru, and Nakis always looked through it for headlines regarding Pamir, Meru, or Kumuda. Once, while Rithu was out collecting samples, zie had found an item about the Meru Exploration Committee regarding a human survivability experiment. The article mentioned that a pilot named Vaha, who had flown the human to Meru and was supposed to remain at the planet, had departed early in breach of contract. Vaha had attacked and injured another pilot named Kaliyu and was presumed adrift. The text had concluded by stating that Kaliyu would return to Meru to shut down the project and carry the human back to Sol.
Vaha. Nakis had rolled it around in zir mind, trying to see if it fit anywhere or knocked loose more memories, but nothing had happened. Zie had never shown any violent tendencies during zir stay with Rithu, but perhaps zir personality had changed. The story fit—zie had carried a human somewhere. Zie had ended up adrift until Karkothaka had picked zir up. Zie must have had a reason to come to the Pamir System. But zie could recall none of it.
Meru might hold some answers to zir past, but what if they confirmed yet another failure to add to zir childhood record? And a violent one, at that. I wouldn’t have ended up injured and in emergency hibernation because I did something right. Maybe it was enough to know as much as the news item had divulged. If Vaha’s assignment had been to ferry the human, Nakis might as well ignore it. With zir injured tail, zie couldn’t transport anyone anywhere. The other pilot, Kaliyu, would finish the work that Vaha had abandoned.
Zie had decided to delete the article from their news spool. Zie didn’t want Rithu to judge zir by Vaha’s actions—assuming they were in fact the same person—and zie saw no need to involve Rithu in zir speculations. Vaha no longer had obligations to the MEC, not if everyone presumed zir adrift or dead. Nakis was free to start a new life at Kumuda—free of zir maker and the haze of failure that lingered in zir organic memories—so that’s what zie had done.
