Sentenced to troll 3, p.6
Sentenced to Troll 3, page 6
Incoming Message (Taryn): There’s a guy in here. Another player. He’s hiding his level and class, but his name is Jon Bailey. He looks like a dweeb. I’d put all my money that he’s casting the illusion.
Another player? That’s interesting. What could he possibly want with Treehaden’s livestock? My mind races with possibilities as I wait for more information alongside Berry and Stompy.
The good news, at least, is that this Jon Bailey doesn’t seem bent on hurting NPCs. Not that taking their things isn’t wrong, but he doesn’t seem to be another Glenn.
Incoming Message (Taryn): All of the kobolds have the same rings. It’s like this guy has made a little crackhead army. They’re loading the animals into the wagons. I think they’re planning to leave soon.
Not if we have anything to say about it.
There’s so much opportunity for heroes in Isle of Mythos, why would he resort to stealing from poor farmers? I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy was in prison for robbery.
Message (Chod): How many kobolds are there? Do they seem concerned with our presence?
Incoming Message (Taryn): About thirty, give or take. There are a few watching, but I think they assume you’re just resting. No one seems alarmed.
Message (Chod): Do you think you can distract them long enough for me and the gang to make an appearance? Let’s take these clowns out and get Treehaden their property back.
Incoming Message (Taryn): When I give the signal, full speed ahead.
Message (Chod): What signal?
I wait for his response, but it doesn’t come. Instead, there’s a crash of lightning that rips through the illusion.
“Goddammit, Taryn! I thought we were being smart this time.”
I let out a stream of curses as I follow Berry and Stompy into battle. For all the talk of me losing my temper, Taryn is the one to go rogue. I summon a quick burst of three horrors as I run and equip Destroyer.
Stepping through the edge of the illusion, I’m greeted with scattered chaos. I search for Taryn, but he is nowhere to be found. A wagon sits broken and smoldering, pieces of debris littering the ground around it. Kobolds try to gather the startled livestock until they see me and Taryn’s pets. They freeze in place at our sudden appearance, and I immediately sic my horrors on the closest kobolds while continuing to look for Taryn.
A man wearing a dull blue robe, and glasses with two different colored lenses, snarls at me, lifting his diamond-tipped staff into the air. It flashes white for a second and the man splits into two identical versions of himself. Each one tan and lean with shaggy brown hair, built like a runner.
Are they clones or illusions? And more importantly, are they capable of dealing damage? I focus on them, but all I see is the man’s name: Jon Bailey.
Berry and Stompy stand by my side, waiting for orders. My horrors fall, but not before taking out a couple of kobolds with them. We all stand in a moment of shocked silence, waiting for someone to make the next move.
“I’ve heard about you.” Both versions of the man speak at the same time. The words slither out of his mouth in an uneasy echo; greasy, like a used car salesman. “The troll who can’t seem to mind his own business.”
“Let us take the livestock and no one has to get hurt.” I’m offering him a way out. More than he deserves.
“I think not. I plan to make a hefty profit selling them at the market.” He smiles for a second, a cocky, devilish smile. “Minions, I’ll craft a plus-two ring for whoever lands the killing blow on this one.” He extends a slender finger in my direction.
The kobolds hiss in unison, making my hair stand on end. Suddenly, it all makes sense. This guy is an enchanter, capable of crafting items. Has he addicted them to Charisma? Is that why they’re following him?
A bolt of lightning crashes into the left version of the man. He vanishes in a wisp of smoke, and the bolt explodes against the earth. The man steps back, raising his staff into the air once more and creating another doppelgänger.
Both versions repeat the movement and another copy appears. They raise their staffs over and over until there are at least ten of the man. He must have a hefty mana pool to cast so much so quickly.
“Kill them!” they shout in unison.
A bright glow catches my eye from under one of the wagons. Taryn hides beneath, casting Imbue on Berry and doubling his size just as a group of kobolds leap onto the bear’s back. They stab and claw as Berry thrashes, eventually tossing the kobolds to the ground.
He’ll be able to hold his own. Right now, it’s time for me to fuck shit up.
I swing Destroyer at the closest kobold, connecting with its head and sending the lizard creature soaring across the field like a golf ball. Red flashes through my warhammer as Inferno takes effect.
Kobolds surround me, the belle of the ball, their eyes orange with greed and the promise of more Charisma.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t think you’re going to like the outcome of this fight.” I twist Destroyer against my palms, letting the head of the warhammer spin.
The first kobold leaps at me and I smash him into the ground with enough force to displace the earth. For the next thirty seconds, I play whack-a-kobold as they try to get close enough to damage me. By the time the last one falls, Destroyer is glowing molten red.
Stompy lets out a trumpet call as he smashes into a wagon, destroying Jon the Enchanter’s only method of transporting his stolen goods. Berry finishes off another few kobolds while Stompy smashes the last of the wagons.
All the kobolds are gone, but there’s no sign of Taryn or Jon anywhere.
Until I hear the crash of thunder in the distance and turn to see eight men in blue robes with identical movements running from a dwarf.
Taryn runs full speed, using Strong Wind to keep up with the enchanter, staff in one hand and shadow dagger in the other. Strong Wind boosts his speed long enough for him to stab one of the men. The man vanishes in a puff of smoke.
The buff from Strong Wind only works when out of combat, so as soon as he attacks, he falls behind.
As soon as the cooldown is up, he casts Strong Wind again, catching up and stabbing another clone. Down to six.
I leave the livestock and set off in pursuit. Jon has been here a lot longer than Taryn, so there is a high probability that he out-levels the dwarf. We’ve yet to see him cast any offensive spells, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any. I’d rather be there to back up my friend just in case.
Sprinting at full speed, I slowly make up lost ground. Blood pounds behind my ears as my muscles fatigue, but I don’t slow down. Berry is several strides ahead of me, and Stompy is a little behind. The umber bear’s muscles ripple beneath his thick fur with each powerful step.
Taryn has managed to cut the illusions down to four, and I’ve almost caught up with him. He raises his staff to cast Strong Wind again, but nothing happens.
“Dammit!” he yells. “I’m out of mana!”
I could possibly catch the enchanter, but my own stamina is beginning to wane. If only there was a way to slow the speedy little fucker down.
An idea pops into my mind and I want to punch myself for not thinking of it sooner. I summon a Horror of Vitality in front of me and grab the chubby little furball by the horn as I run by. Planting my foot in the grass, I sling the horror with as much force as I can muster straight ahead.
It looks at me with a face of absolute betrayal as it soars through the air like an astronaut adrift in space, landing right in the middle of the group of enchanters. Their movement speed slows by twenty percent, which is more than enough for what comes next.
I explode the horror, and the three other clones disintegrate.
Berry rushes toward the lone enchanter. Jon raises his staff to cast a spell, but the bear tackles him. Using his massive paws, he pins the frail man to the ground.
“Please don’t let him eat me!” Jon begs, squirming but unable to move. “Please! I’ll do anything.”
Berry’s snout is inches from Jon’s face, teeth bared and drool dripping from his exposed gums. Jon winces, as if closing his eyes will make the threat go away.
Taryn finally catches up to us, his face flushed and sweat beading down his forehead. “You mother fu—” He has his dagger drawn, but I grab him by the arm, stopping his attack on an unarmed man.
“Easy there, killer.” I loosen my grip, and when Taryn doesn’t immediately attack, I release. “How about we question him before you get all stabby-stabby?”
“Fine.” He stares daggers at Jon. “But if you try anything sneaky, I’ll gut you like a fish.”
“What do you know about gutting fish?” I tease, trying to diffuse some of his anger. “You grew up in Brooklyn.”
“Screw you! I know how to gut a fish.”
“You’re a nerd. When have you ever been in a position to gut a fish?”
“I know how to gut a fish.” He crosses his arms.
“How? How could you possibly know anything about gutting fish? Worms, now, I bet you know a thing or two about worms.”
Taryn makes a rude gesture at me before returning his attention to Jon. Stompy has joined us as well and has taken up a hulking position just above the enchanter’s head.
“Talk.” Taryn kneels next to Jon, doing a damn good job at being an intimidating mobster.
I guess that makes me the good cop.
“W-what do you want to know?” There’s real fear in this guy. It probably has something to do with the fact that having one’s face eaten off by a giant bear would be, at the very least, unpleasant and more than likely very painful.
“Well, for starters, why you attacked Treehaden? And then maybe we’ll get around to your little army of kobolds and the illusions.”
“Can—” He gasps for air. “Can you maybe let me breathe a little?”
“Berry, off,” Taryn orders. No sooner has Berry lifted his paws before Taryn has Jon fully bound using the vines from his new staff. “I don’t trust you. Now, talk.”
“Ugh. I’m just trying to make some gold, man. Nobody got hurt.”
“You don’t think that people will be hurt when they can’t provide for their families, when they can’t eat?” Taryn’s anger is rising all over again.
Jon scrunches his face. “They aren’t real, man. It’s all a game.”
The words hang in the air for a long moment. He’s right. They aren’t real, not truly. Maybe not to him. But to Taryn and I, they are. Can we really fault him for treating this as a game even if every sensation tells us that it’s not?
“Have you ever sat down and talked to one of them?” The anger has vanished from Taryn’s voice. “Have you spent a minute with any of them that wasn’t at a shop or inn?”
“No.”
“Maybe you should. Then tell me how this is just a game. Now, why steal from these people? Why not go dungeon-diving like the rest of the heroes?”
Jon sighs. “Because I fucked up. I thought it would be cool to be an enchanter. I thought I could make awesome items, sell them, and get rich. Turns out crafting is hard. You have to level that shit up. There are textbooks that are expensive if you want to learn the good stuff. I can only do the most basic enchantments right now. Nobody is willing to pay much for a plus-one Charisma ring. I don’t even have a single offensive ability. Crafting and illusions. Being an enchanter is not all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Why the kobolds then?” asks Taryn.
“Dumb luck.” Jon flashes a half-smile. “I was searching for materials in the forest and three of them ambushed me. Probably would have killed me had I not tried to bribe them. I tossed out everything I had. One of them picked up the ring and that was all it took. Their whole clan wanted some.”
“Then why not take the kobolds to a dungeon to fight for you?”
Jon’s eyes light up. “You know that’s not a bad idea. Why did I never think of that?”
I step a little closer. “How’d you end up in prison anyways, Jon?”
“Burglary.” He lets out a dry laugh. “One of the few things I was ever good at.”
Taryn stands up and retracts the vines to his staff. “You couldn’t have been that good.”
Jon sits up, watching us with skepticism. “What’s going on?”
Taryn extends a hand to Jon. “We’re gonna give you a chance to make things right and maybe do some good for once.”
6. Walk the Walk, Talk the Talk
Taryn and I stand about twenty feet away from Jon the Enchanter, huddled in conversation. Jon brushes off his arms and back, trying to wipe away the dirt from his tumble in the grass.
“You want to bring this weaseling little snake with us?” I don’t know what druid herbs Taryn is smoking, but this seems like a bad idea. He’s a criminal. “What makes you think he won’t rob us in our sleep? Or worse?”
“You’re a criminal. Are you going to rob me in my sleep?” Taryn stares at me while I process the information. Technically, I am a criminal.
“It’s different.” I’m not a real criminal. Not like these guys.
“Is it? Look, if he wanted to run away, he could right now.” He points at Jon. “No one is holding him hostage, but he’s standing there. Waiting.”
I can think of at least one reason he’s not running away. Jon reaches out to pet Berry, but the bear snarls, flashing his dangerous canines. Jon takes a couple of steps back, holding up his hands in surrender.
“I don’t know, man. It seems like a bad idea.” I’ve had too many bad experiences with other players to want to trust one. Glenn, Jude, Richard the Cleric. Even Pressley the Death Knight and Michael the Paladin haven’t been the most pleasant experiences. Everyone in this world is looking out for themselves. Now, Taryn is wanting us to sleep beside a guy who just robbed a village.
“King Orso told us to make allies. Jon can be the first. If we’re not willing to take a chance on anyone, how are we going to build alliances? Don’t you remember when no one would take a chance on the trolls?”
He’s got me there, damn logic. I run my fingernail through the tip of my braid, trying to think of a valid argument.
“Fine. If this blows up in our faces, it’s on you.” I’ll go along with his stupid plan, but I’m not going to be happy about it.
I sling my satchel over my shoulder. We return to Jon and prepare to get moving.
Taryn dishes out orders. “First thing on the agenda is to gather up the rest of the livestock and return them to Treehaden. We can get to know one another along the way.” He climbs onto Stompy and motions for Jon to lead the way.
Surprisingly, Berry is very adept at herding animals, running to and fro and rounding up the stragglers. Maybe he’s a dog trapped in a bear’s body.
Jon looks uncertain at first, turning back every few seconds to see what we are doing, but eventually, his shoulders relax, and he walks more leisurely.
I walk in silence for a while, content to let Taryn mastermind this foolishness, but as they continue to talk about pointless topics, I’m forced to intervene.
“So, Jon. What level are you?” His Wisdom is obviously high enough for him to know Conceal, but that doesn’t say much considering he’s an enchanter. He probably had more Wisdom at level one than I do now.
“Ugh.” He hangs his head before looking up with a grimace. “Level ten.”
“Ten?” My mouth drops. “How in the hell have you been in here longer than both of us and you are only level ten?”
He brushes shaggy brown hair from his eyes, frowning. “I told you I don’t have any offensive abilities. I’ve died a lot. That’s part of the reason I wanted to sell the animals, so I could pay someone in the city to train me.”
I can understand the toll that might take on someone, entering this world and then realizing you screwed up your character creation. Still, it’s no reason for him to be a dick. “Well, what can you do?”
“I can enchant small items, and I can cast illusions. That’s about it.”
“Give us a little more detail than that,” I snarl. “If you’re level ten, you should have access to seven abilities. What are they?”
“Fine.” He sighs. “I can enchant a small item with plus-one Charisma. I could have chosen any of the basic stats, but I went with the most useless one. The first time I used a Charisma item, I thought it was so cool, the way it changed how you felt, but it turns out no one is looking for them. Well, no one with coin to spend. I can also enchant a gemstone to provide light.” He taps his staff on the ground and the diamond tip glows brightly. “When I managed to level up, I was stuck in a dungeon and my torch was on its last legs. Another wasted point. I can also enchant my voice so that it sounds like it’s coming from several directions. It’s great for misdirection but hasn’t helped me kill anything. The rest of my points were put into my doppelgänger ability and Conceal Area.” He stares out in the distance. “I’m a glorified distraction. That’s about it.”
“Hey, man.” Taryn pulls Stompy up beside Jon. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you’re more powerful than that.”
“Thanks.” Jon gives him a half-smile before averting his eyes.
“So what if you’re a distraction?” I know I’ve been a dick to this guy, but seeing how defeated he is in this world where I’m having the most fun in my life puts things in perspective. Not everyone is a natural at games. “If you put those abilities to use in the right circumstances, they could turn the tide of a fight. Every team needs support. You could be an invaluable part of the right team.”
Jon’s eyes light up. “You really think so?”
I nod. “Let’s get these animals returned, and I’ll show you.”
I catch Taryn grinning out of the corner of my eye.
For the most part, the journey back to Treehaden is easy. Berry wrangles the livestock, with some help from my horrors to keep the wanderers in check. Only once do we lose an animal, but Taryn is able to track it down in his bird form before it truly escapes.
