"Are you okay?"

  "Jesus fucking Christ, Raven, he had a noose hanging from the rafters. His dress blues were shredded and shot, and the gun was fully loaded. I can't believe it got this bad. I should have checked up on him more. If your grandmother hadn't told me to call..."

  "The point is you did. Just because you called didn't mean you would be open enough to come here tonight. We'll get him home and get him the help he needs, and he'll be around people who know and love him."

  "I figured we would stay in Kirkland this weekend to be close to your parents."

  "I would love that. Thank you, Toby."

  We stop at a hotel in Kirkland, and I go inside to register. I ask for a suite, so Raven and I can have our privacy but can still keep an eye on Trent. I request the ground level, so we don't have to worry about going upstairs.

  Today has been emotionally, physically, and mentally draining, and I am exhausted.

  I get Trent in bed and place ibuprofen and a glass of water on the bedside table. I'm sure he will need it by morning.

  I walk back into our room and walk up behind Raven. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck. "Thank you for everything you did for Trent today."

  "I really didn't do anything, Toby."

  "You did, though. You were there by my side and helped me stay strong. Shit, I didn't even think about dinner tonight. You must be starving."

  "I'm not hungry for food. I just want you to hold me, Toby."

  "Well, I think I can handle that."

  As we lie in bed, everything from the day plays in my mind. It's like a DVD that is looped, playing repeatedly. The shed, the noose, the gun. I think about just how easily it could have been me. I could have been Michaels. I could have thought about suicide. The difference is I have Beckett and Richard there to help me when and if I need it. Maybe Susan can talk to him tomorrow. Make him see his worth in the world. I don't know how long it takes me to finally drift off, but I am not asleep too long before…

  My ears are ringing and my head hurts. There are flashes of fire and gunshots. The sky is crimson. Shit! The sun is hot. It's beating down on me. I feel the sweat run down the side of my face, chest, and back. My heart is racing. I can't catch my breath. I can't breathe. Shit, I can't breathe. There's a noose around my neck. I'm swinging by the rope. It's getting tighter and tighter as I fight it. I hear it, the glass shattering, the screams of pain and panic. The look in her face when she realizes she can't escape the fiery hell she has caused and the blood. Beckett's blood. It's all over me, like Michaels's blood. The fire, it's spreading. I grab Beckett but again I can't move. There's a gun in my hand… This is the only way out. Kill yourself before the flames get you…

  Then the sense of calm comes over me. It's a soft voice, an angel's voice.

  "Toby, shhh." It's soothing. My heart slows its pace. My breathing becomes more relaxed.

  "It’s okay, baby, I'm right here." She leans over me so her face is right in front of me. My eyes search for anything familiar. Our eyes finally meet. My breath is ragged. Raven is wiping my tears away.

  I grab her and pull her to my chest. "God, oh God, make them stop." She continues to talk softly to me. She pushes back from my grip on her and softly touches my face, caressing it, telling me how much she loves me. She straddles my body now, sitting on my stomach. She tells me to breathe, and she breathes with me until I can breathe normally.

  I scoot up in bed, leaning against the headboard as I pull her into me again. "Oh God, Angel."

  She has her arms wrapped around my neck. She runs her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp. "I love you, Toby. I want you always to remember that. I will always be here for you."

  "I know Angel. I know. I love you, too. Always. Thank you for loving me the way you do."

  "I love you the only way I know how, baby, with all of me and with my whole heart.”

  I cradle her face with my hands and pull her lips to mine. Kissing her tenderly, softly, and with all my heart, I make love to her, showing her the only way I can without words, making her mine, binding our love together in a knot that has no beginning or ending. We are one.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  I WAKE TO THE SOUND of Michaels groaning in the other room. I'm so goddamned tired. These nightmares are getting worse. I swing my legs over the side of the bed. Resting my elbows on my knees, I rub my hands over my face then stride into the room where Michaels is sleeping. I check to see if he took the ibuprofen that I left on the nightstand. They are gone, along with all the water in the glass. The room smells of alcohol and body odor, almost nauseating. Michaels is tossing and turning, moaning then screaming. I place my hand on his shoulder to see if my touch will calm him down, but he's in the middle of a night terror. Shit, now I see what Raven goes through with me.

  I quietly start to talk to him, to try and ease him from the terror he is reliving. "Trent, it's okay, you're safe. Shhh, it's okay." I speak softly.

  Suddenly Michaels shoots straight up in bed, his eyes searching. "You're okay, Trent. You're with me. It's Mitchell." Michaels slowly turns his head to look at me, tears rimming his eyes, fear etched on his face, his wife beater drenched with sweat.

  Then, in a flash, his arms are around me, squeezing me in a tight embrace as sobs rack his body. I just sit there holding my friend, trying to soothe him the only way I know how. I start to rock him and rub his back as I whisper, "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here now. I'll take care of you. Shhh." I let him know that everything is going to be okay, that we will work through all of his problems.

  After a long while, he finally sits up, wiping his eyes on the backs of his hands. "Thank you, Mitchell," is all he can say.

  "We need to get ready. We need to get food, which I doubt that you've had for a while, and then we're going to take you over to Raven's grandparents for the day. Raven and I have something we need to be at around noon, and then we'll come back, okay?"

  "Yeah, that sound good, but I don't need a babysitter."

  "This won't be a babysitter. I think she can help you with some of the things you are going through."

  Raven walks into the room, all showered and ready for the day.

  "Trent, I know that I introduced you last night, but I'm sure you don't remember a lot of anything. This is Raven, my girlfriend."

  "Hi, Trent, It's nice to officially meet you now." Raven holds out her hand, and Trent takes it in his.

  Trent's eyes are wide with wonder. "I do remember you. You're the angel," he says in awe.

  "Dude, you can drop her hand now. She might be an angel, but she is MY angel," I say, laughing. "Am I going to be able to leave you two so I can take my shower?"

  "Don't be an ass, Mitchell, and take your shower. You smell.

  I chuckle at Michaels comment and stride to the bathroom.

  When I step out of the shower, I can smell the coffee and it smells good. I finish in the bathroom so that Michaels can take his own shower.

  As I walk out into the bedroom, Raven hands me a steaming cup of coffee. "Just the way you like it, minus the cinnamon."

  "Thank you, Angel." I lean over, kissing the top of her head. She smells so good, like tropical shampoo with a hint of her vanilla perfume.

  Michaels picks up his crutches and makes his way to the bathroom. He looks over his shoulder and says, "Hey, Raven, do you think you can help scrub my back?"

  She and I both laugh. "Oh, I'm sorry, Trent, but I'm not trained to do such manual jobs, but I did talk to Bertha. She's the masseuse here. You might have a problem fitting both of you in the bathroom, but I think she has the strength and stamina to help you out." Raven walks to the phone, lifting the receiver. "Did you want me to call her... him... Bertha? It was hard to tell just looking at her... him... well, Bertha."

  "Yeah... NO!" Trent shouts as he turns into the bathroom, all of us laughing.

  It feels good to laugh, especially after last night.

  We pull into the drive of Raven's grandparents.

  "Why do I feel nervous?" Trent asks under his breath, more to himself than to us.

  "I was nervous, too,” Raven tells him. “You know, yesterday was the first time that I sat down and talked to them. Knowing how they had treated my mother when they found out she was pregnant, I didn't know what to expect, but I was very surprised at how they treated me. They not only welcomed my mother, but my father, too, along with Toby and me, with open arms. After losing Mom for so many years, they knew that what they did was wrong and changed. They will love you."

  "So they aren't shrinks?"

  "No!" Raven laughs. "They just have a way of helping you feel better about yourself, freeing your mind."

  As I park the car, I wonder if they will see that I had another nightmare last night. Raven places her hand on my thigh and lightly rubs my leg. She knows my concern. It's funny, I think back to when we first met and how she almost always knew what I was thinking or feeling. I just thought it was intuition. The memory makes me smile.

  Before we get the chance to ring the doorbell, Susan opens the door, greeting us with hugs. First she takes Raven in her arms, then she looks at me and her expression changes. She pulls me into a hug then whispers in my ear, "You have to forgive yourself. This wasn't your fault. You saved him last night. You know that, right? Consider that your payback." She releases me, and I pull back, looking at her, trying to swallow the lump in my throat and quickly blinking away the tears that threaten to fall. I clear my throat so I can talk again.

  Bill, standing behind her, offers his hand to me.

  "Bill, Susan, this is my best friend, Trent Michaels."

  "Trent, we have heard so much about you," Susan says as she pulls him into a hug. He turns and looks at me with a look of fear and confusion. I can only chuckle.

  "Mr. Michaels, it's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for your sacrifice," Bill says.

  "Thank you, sir."

  "Let’s not be so formal. I'm Bill and this is Susan."

  "Thank you, Bill and Susan, for letting me hang here while Mitchell and Raven go to their event."

  I look at Raven then at Bill and Susan. "We really need to leave to get there in time."

  "Of course, dear." Susan leans over, kissing me on the cheek and hugging Raven.

  I take Raven's hand as we make our way to the truck.

  We drive a while in comfortable quiet until Raven says, "She's right, you know."

  I glance over to her. "What’s that?"

  "You have to forgive yourself. What happened four years ago wasn't your fault. Have you ever thought that, if you hadn't hit the IED, one of the shooters from the ambush could have shot him and killed him? You did say that the explosion tilted the vehicle, almost blocking everyone from enemy fire."

  "I hadn't thought of it that way before. I just feel so guilty for him having to struggle so hard."

  "Toby, we all struggle in one way or another. We have to find our way through those struggles in order to grow and be stronger. I've never met a strong person who had an easy past."

  "I know, it's just hard to accept."

  We make it to the park and find everybody hidden away from view of where Beckett will drive in and park. I have supplied everyone with earpieces so they can hear Beckett's proposal, if he remembers to turn on his mic. We are all sitting at different picnic tables a distance from the swings, knowing that that is where they will be going.

  It's a beautiful day, one that I am sure Harlow will remember forever. It's been a long time since I just sat back and enjoyed the outside. I listen to all the different birds sing as a couple of hummingbirds buzz by toward a fuchsia bush. The smell of summer flowers and freshly cut lawns fills my senses as a couple of squirrels fight over an acorn.

  I'm brought back to reality when I see Beckett's Jeep come down the hill into the park. I let everyone know that they've arrived. Everyone has turned their back to the street where Becket has parked so, if Harlow does look around, she won't recognize us.

  Beckett jumps out of the Jeep and opens the door for Harlow, helping her out then walking to the back of the Jeep and opening it. I mentally tell him, push the mic, push the mic. Finally, Beckett pushes the mic, and sound fills our ears. As soon as we hear his voice, we all get smiles on our faces. What a fun way to share in such a beautiful event.

  "Are you hungry?" Beckett asks. He takes Harlow's hand and leads her to a picnic table. He pulls a red-and-white-checkered tablecloth out of the basket and spreads it out, placing the basket at one end of the table. He pulls the food out of the basket, setting it on the table.

  "Oh my God, Beckett, I can't believe all this food. Did you make it all?"

  "Most of it. I mean, I put the antipasto platter together, and I had Kiley help me with the cupcakes."

  They sit there for a while, eating. "I can't believe you drove all the way here for us to have a picnic."

  Beckett takes Harlow's hand when they finish and walks her to the swings. They sit, and he hands her a cupcake. "This was the place where I fell in love with you, Harlow, and even though I had a lot of bad memories here, I had the best memories here, too. Memories of when we would sit on the swings and talk about the future when, back when times were innocent. What do you want now, Harlow? What are your dreams for the future?"

  "God, I haven't given it a lot of thought lately. I have been so focused on what was happening around me with Brad that I didn't want to focus on the unknown. However, there are things that I have dreamed of all my life. I want you, Beckett. I have always wanted you. I want to have your babies, and I want a family full of love. I would like my bakery to do well. I'm pretty simple when it comes to what I want, Beckett. What do you want?"

  Harlow starts to pull the paper off her cupcake, breaking it into little pieces and putting them in her mouth.

  "I guess I am pretty simple, too,” Beckett replies. “I want you to be my wife. I want to make babies that are as beautiful and sweet as their mommy. I want a house full of love where there is no anger. I want you to be the first thing I wake up to in the morning and the last thing I see when I go to sleep. I want to practice making babies every day with you. I want to give you the world in a cupcake."

  Harlow gasps as she gets to the middle of her cupcake and finds her dream. She looks at the ring then at Beckett. Beckett kneels in front of her swing.

  "Harlow girl, you have been my one and only love. You have been in my heart every day since I met you. You were my best friend, my protector, my light during horrible dark times, and my talisman who kept me alive for so many years. I love you, and now I ask you if you will take a new role in my life as my wife and lover and make me happier than any man has the right to be."

  Harlow slips out of the swing and kneels in front of Beckett. She takes his face in her hands. "Beckett, ten years ago I gave you half of my heart." She reaches out to touch his bracelet. "I was hoping that one day those hearts would become one again. I love you. There is nothing I want more than to call you my husband. Yes, of course I'll marry you."

  Beckett takes her hand, places the ring on her finger, and kisses her, at which point everyone starts to holler and clap as we all walk to where they are on the swing set.

  Harlow gasps and then looks at her ring then at her mom and dad. She throws her arms around Beckett. "Oh my God, I can't believe this! You did all of this for me?" Beckett stands up and helps Harlow up. She runs to her mom and dad, hugging them both, then to Richard and Nicole and to Raven and me.

  "Food is on the table, help yourself," Beckett says. We all make our way over to the table with all the food. Harlow was right: Beckett outdid himself with all the food he brought.

  I take Richard and Beckett aside and ask them if they are going to be hiring another computer tech. I tell them about Michaels and ask them if they will talk to him the following week. "He worked with computers in the Marines, but I'm sure he hasn't done a lot since he was discharged. But he's smart, real smart, and I really want to help him out," I say.

  "What has he been doing lately?" Beckett asks.

  "Drinking. I really don't know, to be honest. From what it sounds like, he was trying to buy people's friendship but then they would leave. He's a good person, and I haven't been a very good friend to him. I should have made sure he was okay, but I kept putting it off. To be honest, I'm no better than the people who took advantage of him. He was pretty bad off when we found him. I intend to get him the help he needs so he doesn't have to rely on anyone but himself."

  "That’s great, Mitchell. You are a good friend. We will have him come in, see what all he knows, and go from there. We're a baby company. I'm sure we can find something for him," Richard says.

  Raven and I say our goodbyes. We still have to pick up Michaels. I'm getting a little nervous about meeting with Makya tomorrow.

  Raven and I talk about conversations we had at the picnic. I tell her about my conversation with Beckett and Richard and the possibility of getting Michaels a job with them.

  We pull into Bill and Susan's driveway and I wonder how the day went with Michaels. As we walk up to the door, Susan is there to greet us. "Are you two hungry?

  "I'm not, thank you. Raven?"

  "No, thank you, Grandmother. We just ate at the park, but please don't let us stop you from eating."

  "Come on in and at least sit with us. Bill and Trent are out back. Toby, can you go tell them it's time to eat, please?"

  "Of course."

  As I walk to the back door, I hear Susan say to Raven, "Tell me how the proposal went."

  I turn and glance at Raven. She gets a big smile on her face as she starts to tell her grandmother about the day's events.

  I walk out the back door, looking for Trent and Bill. There's a shop just off the side of the house. I wander back to the door and knock on it. Bill opens the door and invites me inside. "I'm here to tell you dinner is ready." I glance over to Michaels, and he looks re-energized. The look on his face is how I remember him from before our lives took their unexpected turns. His eyes are bright and there is color in his face. There is a confidence about him. I don't know what has happened in the few short hours that he has been here, but whatever it is has obviously been a miracle cure for him.

 

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