The shadowed queen, p.28
The Shadowed Queen, page 28
"Will you stay by my side, when it finally comes to it?"
"Well Lord Tyron already told us that we would be assisting in any way possible. I would be honored." He pulls my hand to his lips, leaving a warm kiss across my knuckles.
"Annabelle told me to explore my powers, other than reincarnation I'm really not sure what I can even do. Let alone in a fight."
"You'll figure it out, you have time, don't beat yourself up about that just yet."
But I have been. She told me, that Mors and Vita were the first of the Goddesses to exist, and therefore were the strongest. Born twins, they had equal and opposite powers. Her powers are so... widespread. I know I have to have more than just being able to reincarnate people. Mother of souls, Shadowed Queen, Goddess of Death, and her twin sister, Goddess of Life, the reincarnator. Great.
The next morning, I managed to convince Trenta to come with me back to Asphelia to confront my sister. Apparently, being head of the guards gives him a pass to not have to do real work, if it means escorting a princess somewhere. Tyron had eyed us very suspiciously when we told him that he would be coming with me today.
Trenta steps tentatively through the portal, watching the edges like they would cut his arm off if he got too close. As he passes through, his body changes, turning into the grey, mottled-skinned ogre that Oberon used to turn into before Annabelle fixed him. He looks down at his hands as they change, then glances to me, before quickly looking away.
"Hey, I know what you really look like," I say, softly pinching his cheek, the skin thick and rubbery, "If it bothers you we'll have her fix you right up."
"Yeah, well. I hate it. Don't look at me in the meantime." he jokes, chuckling softly.
We make our way to Annabelle and Oberon's house. As I take the first step onto the porch, the door flies open. Annabelle is nowhere to be seen, but I know she's inside. Trenta raises an eyebrow at me, but we make our way inside.
"Ophelia where have you-" she cuts herself off as she comes around the corner, "Who is- is that Trenta? Why did you bring the shrimp with you?"
He rolls his eyes, putting on a joker's smile, and I say, "He's taller than me, which makes me the shrimp." He squares his shoulders in mock pride, "We came because I wanted to talk to you, and he wanted to see Asphelia."
Annabelle waves a dismissive hand, and a shadowy mist flows over Trenta, revealing his human body beneath. He lets out a sigh of relief, running his hands along his body and hair.
"Don't get used to it, if I'm not around you next time you leave Nyxfall, it'll be back that way. The only reason Obe stays the way he is, is because he's always right next to me," she lets out a hearty laugh, "Come sit Ophelia," she gestures towards the fireplace in the living room. She sits in the chair she always does, the one that's way too close to the fire, I always feel too hot sitting there. Settling down onto the couch across the space, I see Trenta leave out of the corner of my eye. He waves from the front porch and settles on the swing.
"What did you want to talk about?" She asks, eyeing me carefully.
"Just about... well how we feel about everything. I've been stuck in, like, emotional limbo. And I feel like you're... leaving me behind." I avoid her gaze, and look down at the frayed ends of my shirt sleeve.
"Leaving you behind?"
"I went through a lot of shit... and we haven't really talked about it."
She sits forward in her chair, "You told me how you felt about everything when you got back, I thought you were doing okay."
"I was... I am... I just well," I sigh, throwing my hands up, "I feel like we're not close anymore."
She scoffs, crossing her arms and leaning back into her chair, "We're just as close as we used to be, I'm not sure what you're talking about."
"You're joking, right? We barely talk."
"Ophelia, that's not fair. I'm just busy."
"Busy with everyone but me." My throat begins to tighten, and tears sting at my eyes.
"What do you want me to do? Let you sleep in bed with me and Obe? Bring you into the bathroom with me?"
"That's ridiculous and you know that's not what I'm saying."
She takes a moment, picking at her nails and glancing anywhere but at me. When she speaks, her voice cracks slightly, "Ophelia. you were dead. You were gone. For seven years. For seven years I was hanging out with a ghost that couldn't pass on. You had nowhere else to go. I wanted you around, I needed you around, we were all we had. But we're older now. you're here again. We have friends, real friends. I have Oberon, you have Trenta... I guess. I don't even want to go into that." she shrugs, "We are just as close, I love you just as much, things are just different now. Not to mention the whole, Mad King free on the earth again, bullshit. I can't... I'm not your "mom" anymore. I can't coddle you. You're not my responsibility anymore. I'm not your mother, I never was. It was always about you... what about me?"
Fire rages in my chest. Coddle? Is that how she thinks she should handle me?
"I know I was a burden your whole life, I just didn't think you'd ever admit it." I can't stop the fire in my chest from spewing out.
"What the fuck are you talking about Ophelia? I never said that."
My whole body heats. Like pure fire is raging in my veins. How can she be so dismissive? So cold?
"I don't know why you've decided you're in charge of the whole endeavor anyway. Why do you boss everyone else around? Shouldn't it be Oberon who is in charge, he was a general. You're just dangerous." Fire lights my tongue, fueling my rage.
"Dangerous?" Her voice wavers, a flicker of hurt in her eyes.
"You only ever hurt the people around you. How many people have you gotten killed lately? You want to act like a good guy, but you're a bad person Annabelle. Your powers are evil. Death is not a good thing. You're fucking dangerous. One touch from you and we turn into nothing." I stand from my seat, and stomp towards the door, "Call me when you need me, otherwise, just leave me alone. I'm done being a burden."
"Ophelia! Stop!" She chases after me, grabbing at my elbow. The touch angers me even more, my skin still feeling heated. I turn on my heel and slap her, hard enough that her head cracks to the side. She winces, putting her hand to her cheek, then looking down at her fingers, blood coating them. The smell of burnt flesh fills the room, and a bloody, charred wound covers her left ear and some of her cheek and lower jaw.
Shocked, I look down to see that a white flame engulfs my entire hand. Fire. Light. To oppose her darkness.
"Oph-" she starts to say something, but I rush out of her house, slamming the door after me. She does not follow me.
Trenta hurries right behind me, silent until we are far enough away, then says, "What happened in there? What was that?"
I straighten my shirt, tipping my chin up, "That, I believe, was the start of my powers manifesting."
Oberon
"Annabelle, what the hell just happened?" I demand, pulling her hand from the wound on her face. Blood is dripping down her neck, staining her shirt.
"She- she hit me," she whispers, her eyes fixed on the wall behind me.
"Why? What happened?"
"She called me dangerous, Oberon. She said I'm- I'm a bad person. Dangerous."
I quickly pull her to me, careful not to touch the wound on her face. "You're not dangerous, shadow."
"I get everyone killed, she's right."
"No." I shake my head, holding her tightly. Her arms stay slack at her sides. She's in shock. "Heal yourself, Anna, let's get you cleaned up."
She pulls back from me, looking me deep in the eyes, "You're not scared of me? I could turn you to dust in the blink of an eye, and you still love me?"
I put my hand up to the good side of her face, "Annabelle, I love you no matter what. I always will. Please, just heal yourself, you don't deserve to hurt any more than you already are."
I hadn't told her, that I knew about the wound on her back. I hadn't told her that I had seen how it bled through her shirt that night. She left it there on purpose, for whatever reason, and didn't come to me. Whatever she's going through in that beautiful head of hers, she needs to process.
She sighs, her eyes seeming to come back to focus. A swirling black shadow covers her cheek, filling in the wound, and leaving a stark, black handprint there. Distinct fingers on her ear, with the thumb landing just below her temple, and a partial bit of palm leading down onto her jawline. Far enough back that most of her hair will cover it, but fuck if it doesn't enrage me to see.
Annabelle has done so much, for everyone around her. And it seems only Moss and I are the ones to see that. How could Ophelia hit her? How could she say she's dangerous?
"Obe, dear, I can see your anger please, just," she sighs, putting a hand on my chest, "please don't say anything."
"But Annab-"
"Please." Those starry eyes twinkle up at me, and I can't help but nod, giving in. "Good boy, now," she claps once and clears her throat, putting on that fake smile of hers, "Aelinor and Tali wanted to meet with us before dinner, we should get going."
That damn mask. The cold, calculating, almost mean exterior she puts on around the others. Unbothered. No one else sees how she picks at her nails under the table, how she bites her tongue against her canines, drawing blood to calm herself. How she silently cries in bed when she thinks I'm sleeping. What she's been doing in the shower. The way she smiled and laughed with the group over breakfast, despite the large unhealed burn on her back.
The mask is so real even Ophelia can't see through it? I put my hand over the fresh, silky scar, and kiss her forehead softly. She huffs, pretending to wipe the kiss away, then pulls me down by my neck and leaves a matching kiss on me.
"Let's go, ya big lug."
I watch her as we make our way to Tali's house. She looks lost in thought, but, content. I can't tell where her mind is at, she keeps me completely locked out most days. I can tell something is brewing inside.
Aelinor damn near jumps off the porch and pulls Annabelle into a very one-sided hug, but Annabelle grins, the fake, a bit too wide smile she puts on.
"Come on, hurry!" She pulls Annabelle inside by the elbow.
I make to follow, but Tali touches my shoulder, "Hey, can I talk to you real quick?" she whispers.
"Uh, sure Tali what's up?"
She waits until she hears the front door slam shut, Annabelle being dragged in by Aelinor.
"I don't really know how to go about this, so I'm going to just spit it out. I don't think... when the big fight happens, I think you should stay behind."
"What?"
"I saw, well-" she runs a hand through her braids, fiddling with one of the beads at the ends, "I saw Margan and Annabelle fighting. And I saw you. Ivy and you fightin' I saw him stab you in the chest Oberon." Her white eyes lock with mine, "I think I saw you die."
The words hit me like a boulder dropped right on me. "You-"
"I debated on telling you, that we can't change the future, but I definitely saw him stab... right through you. I don't know how else to change that."
"I have to go, I can't let her go alone."
"Oberon, please. I don't think she can handle another loss."
"I couldn't live with myself if she went alone and got hurt because of me. I have to go. What exactly happens? Maybe I can avoid it."
I can't stop to think about this. I can't let it fester. I need to avoid that future. I need to go, I need to protect her and keep Ivy alive.
"Oberon," she sighs, "you trip on a rock or something and fall. He takes the opportunity."
"Okay, so I just need to watch out for any rocks. I can do that."
"Oberon, none of my visions have ever changed. I don't think it's possible to avoid this."
"Oh ye of little faith," I try to make my voice sound happy, and optimistic, knowing a fake smile won't be seen by her, "thank you for the warning, but I have to go. I have to keep her safe. I will come out of it, I have faith in her."
"In her..." she says to herself, humming in frustration, "just be careful. In my vision, she doesn't even see it happen. She doesn't turn around until you're already down."
"Thank you for the warning Tali." I pat her on the shoulder, "I promise I'll be okay."
She chews on her lip, still humming to herself but starts to make her way inside, I call after her. "And Tali?" she turns back to me, a her lips pursed in a small line, "Please keep this between us? I don't want to stress Annabelle out more than she already is."
She nods, and heads inside.
I lean against the front porch railing and let all the air out of my lungs. I did not expect to hear something like that. But I can't worry Annabelle. I just have to change how things play out, somehow. I don't think she can handle another loss.
Ophelia
Later that night, everyone meets at the tavern in Asphelia for dinner. Most of us don't sit together but spread throughout the establishment. Trenta and I had stayed here, experimenting on my powers, and I am absolutely starving.
My chest still hurts, from the confrontation with Annabelle earlier, and I had been hoping that she wouldn't show up to dinner. But when the room grows a touch quieter after the front door jingled open, I knew they were here.
Where normally, her hair is left down in a loose braid with her wild bangs flying in every which way, it is pulled up now, into a high ponytail, revealing not only the newest black scar of hers, my handprint, burned onto her face like a brand, but something else. Something small enough no one would notice. Something that makes me want to throw up with guilt.
Those damn bunny earrings.
She looks at me out of the corner of her eyes, nodding as if she knew what I was seeing.
"I've worn them every day, Little Rabbit. Ask anyone."
I don't reply, I just turn back toward my meal and continue the conversation with Tali and Trenta.
He cocks his head slightly but says nothing as we continue our meal. The table behind us with Moss and Aelinor gets a little more animated as my sister and Oberon sit with them.
"What happened? Oh, my Gods." Moss shouts, fussing over Annabelle, "Is this like those damn claw mark scars you got?"
"Something like that, yeah." Annabelle lies, convincing the table enough to get the topic changed.
"Why is Oberon glaring at me like a disappointed father?" Trenta whispers. Tali giggles to herself.
"Just, never mind about that. Stop looking at him." I whisper shout through gritted teeth.
"I'm glad we're sitting over here," Tali says softly, stabbing at the food on her plate, "They get so loud over there, those girls."
She looks lost in thought, something is clearly bothering her, but we say nothing about it. If she wanted to talk, she would.
"They're excited to have mates, Tali, be nice." Trenta takes a sip of his drink, "They'll calm eventually I'm sure."
"You speak so candidly to someone who is a Goddess." I joke, softly nudging his leg under the table.
"I talk to you the same way, no?"
Tali turns towards me, her unseeing eyes looking right through me, "Do you feel... Ophelia, do you get the feeling sometimes that it doesn't feel real? I was normal until all this, you know?"
"I understand. It's weird to suddenly be this big important person." If it weren't for this damn curse, I would still be dead.
"What do we do after we kill the big bad guy?"
"I guess, rule over our Realms? Keep everything in check like they did?"
I hadn't thought about that much. I haven't even been to Spring, my supposed Realm. I'm the only one who didn't get to meet my Mother. Just another thing to be left out on.
Tali nods and hums to herself, and we finish our meals in silence. Trenta every so often glances up at me and smiles, I return the sentiment although I know it doesn't quite reach my eyes, and I wonder if he notices. If he does, he doesn't let on.
Annabelle doesn't say anything to me either, no one else does. It's like I'm dead again, how things were when she was off doing adventures with the others, and I just followed around. Like I'm not here. like I don't exist.
"Do you want to tell me what's up with you tonight? I left you alone after you and your sister's fight, but you can talk to me now." Trenta asks softly, lounging across the couch in my cabin.
"I just... I feel like no one here cares about me. It's all about her. And all her attention is on anyone but me."
"Could it be, because you slapped her with a fire hand?" A smirk forms on his lips, his eyes still closed.
"Probably. I just... I feel like everyone hates me," my lip trembles, and my voice cracks, "I called her dangerous. I said she was a bad person. I don't belong here."
He sits upright, holding his arms out to me, "shut up, come here," he commands. His grey sweater is out of place, pushed up slightly, showing too much of the tanned, toned skin of his lower stomach. My cheeks flush, and I avoid his eyes as I climb onto the couch with him.
He pulls me down and against him, his stomach warm against my back, as we lay on our sides staring at the fireplace. One of his arms is wrapped protectively around my neck and chest, the other combs through my long black waves, hair that I haven't brushed in probably too long.
"First of all," he whispers, his breath hot in my ear, giving me shivers, "No one hates you. Secondly, you belong here, arguably more than Aelinor and Tali. You are the Goddess of Life. Everyone is paying attention to your sister, because she's decided she's in charge, and they've accepted. Don't get mad at me when I say this, princess, but she did the groundwork, she gathered the Goddesses. She traveled the world to gather them. She has the experience, and so far, hasn't led the group astray. She's the one leading the charge. And on that same coin, every life that is lost, that will be lost, falls on her. Heavily. Is that a responsibility you could handle? Do you think Aelinor or Tali could? They already feel guilt over the people in their Realms dying while they came into their powers, until Annabelle helped save them."
I let his words settle on me. He's right. I know he is. I could not handle any of the pressure of this. I don't know the first thing about armies, wars, or fighting. Of the four of us, I guess it should be her. I've just been too blinded by my anger to consider it. I hadn't thought much about the guilt of the deaths. Annabelle has been pushing me to reincarnate the souls that have been flooding Asphelia, so I have been doing that. She feels responsible for me dying, and consequently for me not being able to reincarnate them earlier. I understand that. He's right about the guilt. if anyone in our party died... I couldn't handle that. I've never seen anyone really die, unless I count the times Annabelle tried when I drowned. I've never had to actually handle that. She always came back. The others won't.
