Only you, p.5
Only You, page 5
The thought made me antsy. “I don’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend, Sunset. I’ll never be anyone’s boyfriend.”
She stared at me in disbelief. “Ever?”
“Ever,” I promised.
“Why?”
My gut twisted. “Just because.”
“That’s not an answer, Brodan.”
I grinned cheekily at her to cover my racing heart. “It’s the only answer you’re getting. Now, Bodyguard, where should we go next? And bear in mind, wherever we go, chaos follows.”
She laughed reluctantly. I ignored the swooping sensation in my stomach, just as I’d ignored it the first time I felt it a little over a year ago.
It happened these days anytime my best mate smiled at me.
5
Monroe
PRESENT DAY
* * *
My last job had been at a primary school in the suburbs of Glasgow, and there were some nights I didn’t get home until six o’clock, even though the last bell rang at three fifteen. However, since moving back to Ardnoch, I had no choice but to be out of the classroom by three thirty because of my current caretaking duties.
Passing by Ellen Hunter’s P6 class, I bid her good night as she sat at her desk marking jotters. She waved at me absentmindedly, and I hurried out of the school. To my surprise, I saw two kids lingering forlornly at the gate and was even more surprised when I realized the boy was in my class.
Lewis Adair.
He stood with his little sister Eilidh, who I knew was in P3.
He was a quiet, intelligent boy with an athletic side that made him popular with his peers. I liked him. His father was Thane, and I remembered Thane being a bit of a scrapper when we were younger. He was always the one Brodan and Arran looked to for protection, because the other boys were afraid of Thane. By all accounts, he’d grown into a civilized gentleman, but he’d sadly lost Lewis and Eilidh’s mum a few years ago. He’d since remarried and had caused quite the scandal since his new bride was his twenty-seven-year-old nanny—who also happened to be his brother Lachlan’s wife’s sister.
Keeping it in the family, those Adairs, I thought wryly as I walked across the car park to make sure the kids were all right.
“Lewis!” I called to him, and the children turned.
Lewis had his sister’s hand gripped tightly in his.
Adorable.
Something like relief flashed across his face when he saw me, and my heart stumbled. “Ms. Sinclair.”
“Are you all right?”
“You’re Lewis’s teacher,” Eilidh announced brightly. She was a beautiful child with big blue eyes and dark curly hair.
I smiled. “I am.”
Suddenly, she frowned. “You’re very pretty.”
My lips twitched, wondering why this would cause her to frown. “Thank you.” My attention drifted to Lewis. “Everything okay?”
Considering all the other kids had been collected and these two were still standing here, I had to think not.
“Who’s picking you up today?”
“Mum,” Lewis answered, his brows pinched together. “It’s supposed to be Mum.”
I vaguely noted he called his stepmum mum and how lovely that was before I nodded. “Okay, let’s go back inside and see if we can call her.”
“Ms. Sinclair!”
Turning around, it shocked me to see our head teacher, Mrs. Anita Cooley, hurrying across the car park. I’d never seen her move at anything but a sedate pace.
“Ah, thank goodness,” my boss said as she slowed to a stop. “I’m so glad you’re waiting with the children. Mrs. Adair just called. The children’s uncle Arran is on his way to pick them up, as Mrs. Adair had to rush her sister to the hospital. She’s in labor.”
Oh my.
“Where’s Uncle Lachlan?” Lewis stepped forward, concerned. Eilidh leaned into his side.
“He was on the estate,” Anita said. “He’s on his way to the hospital, too, but your mother was with her sister at the time.”
Just then, we heard the telltale sound of an engine and a black Range Rover skidded to a stop outside the gates. Arran jumped out of the driver’s side, and I ignored the unease I felt at the sight of him. I knew Arran wanted us to be friends again, but it was too complicated for me.
Arran’s relief upon seeing the kids was palpable, and then our gazes met and gratitude filled his expression. “Thank you for waiting with them.”
“Of course. I hope your sister-in-law is okay.”
“Robyn is a warrior,” Arran said, just as Eilidh threw herself at him. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He lifted her into his arms and she clung to him like a little monkey. “Aunt Robyn’s tough, isn’t she?”
“She’s tougher than you, Uncle Arran,” Eilidh agreed with a serious nod.
Anita snorted behind me, which made it hard to stifle my laughter.
Arran grinned, completely unabashed. “You haven’t met Robyn. Eilidh only speaks the truth.”
“It’s true.” Lewis nodded. “Aunt Robyn used to be a police officer, and she’s been shot and she taught every girl in the family martial arts.”
I knew a lot of this from village gossip, but to hear it confirmed made me want to meet Robyn Adair in person. She sounded like quite a character.
Of course, if I met her, it would only be in passing. I’d never have the chance to get to know her.
“Anyway, we better get going. Thanks again.” Arran gave me an intense look. “Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.”
I tried not to blush. I knew he knew I was avoiding him. Arran had tried to get me to rent a cottage owned by the Adairs at a discounted rate, but I’d turned him down, and we hadn’t seen each other in weeks.
I gave a noncommittal smile and waved them off.
“See you tomorrow, Ms. Sinclair,” Lewis said before he followed his uncle and sister.
“See you tomorrow, Lewis.”
Once they drove off, I turned toward my car and almost squeaked with fright at the sight of Anita. I’d forgotten she was there.
She looked like she was struggling not to smile, as if she knew quite well I’d forgotten her presence. “Rumor has it you used to be quite close to the Adairs.”
Anita Cooley was a transplant from Aberdeen. She’d taken on the position of head teacher at the primary school ten years ago, so Brodan and I were before her time here. “Years ago, yes.”
“Parents’ evening is coming up. I take it that won’t be an issue for you.”
“Not at all,” I promised. And it wouldn’t be. Thane Adair probably barely remembered me, and it wasn’t like Brodan would stay in Ardnoch much longer. It had been a few weeks since he’d ignored me on Castle Street, so surely his feet were itching to leave by now. Besides, even if he didn’t leave soon, I’d never have to be around Brodan simply because I was teaching his nephew.
The good thing about driving a small car was that I could squeeze into small spaces. I grabbed the last parking spot near my mum’s cottage, but she wasn’t my first stop. Hands filled with shopping bags, I had to settle them on the ground to unlock my neighbor’s door.
Flora’s mum, Belle, had given me a spare key once I started insisting on doing her shopping for her. Unlike my mum, Belle gave me money every week for my help. Flora used to do it for her, but since I was already bringing Mum hers, I didn’t see any point in Flora stressing herself out trying to run the café and look after Belle. I knew Flora’s husband was a police officer and had little free time either. So I helped. It was why Flora wouldn’t let me pay for coffee.
“Belle, it’s me!” I called as I stepped inside, lugging her groceries.
“Hullo, Monroe!” she called from the living room. The kitchen, like ours, was at the front of the cottage, so I dropped the bags off first before I headed into the sitting room at the back.
October had brought with it the first signs of winter chill, and Belle looked cozy, settled on her lounge chair with a blanket over her lap and a book in hand, walking stick nestled beside her.
“Look at you.” She rested her book on her lap. “Cheeks all pink with the cold. You’re pretty as a picture.”
I smiled at her compliment. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Belle. How are you? Can I get you anything before I put your shopping away?”
“Do you have time for a cuppa?”
Of course I did. “Let me put the shopping away, and then I’ll bring some tea and biscuits through.”
Not longer later, I sat across from Belle on her floral sofa, sipping tea and munching on shortbread. I knew the longer I waited to go next door to take care of Mum’s dinner, the snarkier she’d be, but Belle seemed to delight in my visits. I knew Flora loved her mum dearly, but despite her sometimes sunny demeanor, Belle focused on negative articles she read online or in the newspaper. I’d noticed many elderly people did this. I understood it could be tiring, and I think Flora didn’t quite know how to deal with it without getting frustrated or depressed.
But everyone needed someone to talk to, so I listened as Belle chatted away to me about corrupt governments, conspiracies against the elderly, and how climate change was devastating us already and everyone was burying their heads in the sand.
Once we finished our tea, I gave Belle a kiss on the cheek, and she smiled at me fondly before I left.
I found Mum in the kitchen, fumbling around, pain etched on her features.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What am I doing?” She glowered at me. “I’m starving. Where have you been?”
“I’m sorry you’re hungry, but I had to drop off groceries for Belle.”
“I’m your mother, not that old witch.” She stepped into my space, her face almost touching mine. “You remember who took care of you.”
I pulled my head away from hers. “Funny, this coming from someone who didn’t even want me here looking after her in the first place.”
“Then fuck off,” she snapped, stomping her walking stick angrily as she tried to hurry from the kitchen. “You’re not wanted.”
Apparently, I never had been.
Ignoring how my chest caved in a way I thought would’ve disappeared with age, I removed my coat and got to work making Mum’s dinner.
6
Monroe
THE PAST
* * *
I spent most of my days on Ardnoch Estate. Brodan’s family owned acres upon acres of land, and growing up, we’d made it our life’s mission to explore every inch. They even owned a private, golden-sand beach, and on those rare gorgeous summer days, we’d hang out there. Most of the time, Arran was there, sometimes even Fergus. When we were much younger, Lachlan and Thane would have joined us too. Yet today, the skies above the castle estate were brooding, the clouds’ mauve bellies threatening a downpour. It was humid, though. So bloody humid that my hair stuck to the back of my neck, and I’d braved wearing a short summer dress even with the threat of rain. My mood mirrored it as we walked across the wild lawn toward the castle.
“Tell me what’s going on, Sunset.” Brodan nudged me. “You’ve been off for days.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Nothing’s wrong.”
My friend scowled and stared straight ahead. It had been his suggestion to hang out at his place today, and though I wasn’t the best company, I’d do anything to get away from Mum. She was part of the reason for my shit mood. Thankfully, it was only poor Brodan being infected by it today. Fergus had to work, Arran was off with some girl, and Lachlan should have been home for the summer from his second year at St. Andrews University, but by fluke, he’d ended up as an extra in a movie and grabbed the attention of the producer who’d gotten him an audition for another film. And he’d gotten the part! It was crazy. Right now, he was filming a proper Hollywood action movie in Canada. I still couldn’t get my head around the fact that we’d be able to go to the cinema to see Lachlan in a movie. It was mind-boggling. His whole family thought so too.
Thane Adair was back from his first year at Glasgow Uni, but he had a summer job at an architectural firm in Inverness, so we saw little of him.
As for Arrochar, she was thirteen now and had a group of friends she spent the summer with, biking around Ardnoch. It surprised me Brodan was allowing his wee sister so much freedom. They were usually all over the poor lass. To my shock, Brodan had been pretty attentive to me the past few weeks. Not that he wasn’t an involved friend, but during last term, between his many casual hookups and the fact that I had a boyfriend, we’d definitely spent less time together.
Brodan seemed determined to change that this summer.
Since I no longer had a boyfriend, I had no reason not to spend the days with my best friend.
Another reason I was in a shitty mood.
Just wait, I thought as I followed Brodan into the castle. In a year’s time, I’d be graduating from high school and on my way to university, where surely I’d meet a boy who could make me fall out of love with my best friend.
As Brodan took a left instead of a right, I frowned. “Where are we going?”
Ardnoch Castle was too big for the family to afford to use the entire place. In fact, they only used a few rooms. The rest of the castle was dank, dark, and a bit creepy. As kids, we’d explored every inch too.
Brodan threw a smile over his shoulder and then grabbed my hand, pulling me along after him. I wanted to tighten my fingers around his, but forced myself not to. To my surprise, he led me to the door to the castle’s only turret.
“What are we doing?”
“C’mon.”
We climbed the narrow stone staircase within, up to the next door, and when we stepped out, I sucked in a breath.
As children, we played in the turret. It was our place, where we’d tell each other all our secrets. It was the place I’d finally told Brodan that my dad hurt me and where he’d begged me to tell someone. I’d pleaded with him in return to keep my secret, and he had until that fateful day almost five years ago.
Brodan had turned our place into a campout. He’d strung fairy lights everywhere, so it didn’t look so cold and gloomy. He brought in multiple sleeping bags, duvets, and a large picnic basket filled with snacks.
“What is this?” I asked him in wonder.
My best friend looked down at me. He was now taller than Thane, almost as tall as Lachlan. That put him exactly a foot taller than me. Not a comfortable height difference, and one of the many small reasons I compiled to remind myself that Brodan and I would never be more than friends.
I’d started dating Phil in December of last year because I knew it was time to move on from these feelings for Brodan. Sometimes, however, when he looked at me the way he was looking at me now, he made it really hard to forget that I was in love with him.
“I thought maybe if I brought you here …” He shrugged, looking around at the place filled with memories. “You’d talk to me.”
“Brodan—”
“Don’t.” He gave me a wounded look. “Don’t say you’re fine. I know you’re not. Did I do something? Is that why you won’t talk to me anymore?”
I shook my head, feeling guilty for shutting him out. “No, of course not.”
“Then why?” Those blue eyes were so hurt and troubled. “We haven’t even graduated yet, and I feel like I’m losing you. That fucking kills, Roe.”
This was the problem when you were as close as Brodan and me. We’d always told each other exactly how we were feeling. Never afraid to be vulnerable. Until I fell in love with him and closed down communication. Things between us had not been the same for a few years, but I’d acted my arse off so Brodan wouldn’t feel that distance.
I guessed I’d just grown tired of pretending.
That wasn’t his fault, though.
He didn’t ask me to fall in love with him.
“Talk to me,” Brodan pleaded.
With a sigh, I walked over to the bed of blankets and sleeping bags, kicked off my trainers, and sat, legs out, leaning back on my hands. Brodan took this in and approached, eyes glued to my face as if searching for something. He kicked off his trainers and sat beside me, mirroring my body language.
“Mum has been particularly shitty lately,” I told him quietly. “She keeps trying to talk me out of uni, telling me it’s a waste of my time, that I’ll fail. And everything I do around the house isn’t enough. My weekend job at the store isn’t enough.” I’d been working at the general store every weekend for over a year. “Never enough.” Apparently, that was a theme in my life. Sometimes it seemed impossible that I could feel so much for Brodan and not have him feel it back. Other boys found me attractive, so it really bloody stung that he didn’t.
Mind you, he was Brodan. He was the best-looking guy in Ardnoch. Maybe even the entire county. Not that his looks were the primary reason I was in love with or even attracted to him. I loved Brodan’s openness with me when he was so closed off with anyone outside of his family. I loved that I knew things about him no one else did, like how he still enjoyed eating Chewits and ready-salted crisps at the same time. A “delicacy” he’d discovered when we were kids. Yuck. I smiled to myself at the thought. I loved how loyal he was to me and his family. He was popular, but he wasn’t a bully. He treated everyone with the kindness they deserved until they proved otherwise, but even then, he wasn’t mean. If you were a shitty person, he just wouldn’t give you his time.
But yeah, I was attracted to him.
My body reacted to his in a way that it never reacted to Phil’s.
I didn’t feel that deep tug of need in my belly when I looked at Phil, the way I did when I focused on Brodan’s hands or his broad back and shoulders. I didn’t get butterflies when Phil smiled at me, but I sure as hell did whenever Brodan gave me his boyish grin.
“I can’t wait for you to get away from that woman.” Brodan brought my thoughts back to the confession about my mum. He turned his head to look at me. “You know she’s wrong, right? She’s just scared of being alone, so she’s saying anything to make you stay.”
