Miles for love series bo.., p.67
Miles for Love Series Box Set, page 67
I draw in a deep breath and nod once in thanks. When I exhale raggedly, I wipe another tear away.
“Is there anything I can do?” Daniel asks, giving my knees a squeeze.
“Ashley thinks I should go to her grave. Get closure.” I answer. “Telling you is second to telling mom.” I look him straight in the eye with strong conviction, like I’m going to tell him that I’ll kill him and everyone he loves. “Mom can never know about this. I can’ t…hurt her like that.”
He leans back. “If that’s what you want.’” He pauses for a beat and then he nods. “You’re a good kid.”
“She’s my mom. She was just looking out for me while she worked her ass off. It’s not her fault.”
Daniel sits back up again, so our gazes meet. “It’s more important though, Christopher, that you know that it’s not your fault.”
***
By the time the girls returned, Daniel and I were snacking on Kayla’s homemade cookies and watching some lame cooking show on television. “Couldn’t you find anything else to watch?” Kayla chuckles as she leans down to kiss Daniel.
“It’s Sunday morning, baby.” He states, kissing her back. Mitchell is passed out cold in the stroller, and Ashley has rosy cheeks from the walk.
“It’s so beautiful outside. I could have walked all day.” Ashley says.
“Yeah?” I say. “Maybe we’ll go for another one when we get back.”
“You guys want to come over for dinner tonight?” Kayla offers.
“What am I cooking?” I tease, popping another cookie into my mouth.
She laughs. “I can cook, smartie pants.” Daniel pulls her down, so she sits across his lap. He holds her tight and she kisses him on the lips.
“You guys want us to take little Mitchell for another walk?” I ask suggestively, letting the room know, based on my tone, that I’m picking up on their need for alone time.
“Because that wouldn’t be tacky at all!” Kayla barks, laughing.
“What…I don’t mind.” I look at Ashley. “We don’t mind, do we?”
Kayla lifts her hand. “No, that’s quite alright, you guys. We’re okay.”
Daniel is quiet, but I can tell by his face that he wouldn’t complain about having an afternoon delight with his wife.
“Okay.” I sigh, and then I look at Ashley. “You ready to head out?”
“Wait. Are you coming for dinner?” Kayla asks as Daniel rubs her leg.
“Sure, we’ll come.” I say, responding to Ashley’s nodding. “See you later.”
“See you guys.” They both say, but I notice that neither of them gets up to see us out.
When we get outside, I say. “They’re gonna do it with the kid right there. I bet you ten bucks.”
Ashley laughs. “We should have just taken him for a walk. Maybe next time, don’t make it so obvious, silly.”
“If I dance around my true intentions, Daniel will see right through me, anyway.”
“Nonetheless. We should offer to babysit for them some time.” Ashley suggests.
“Believe me, my mom babysits enough. They get enough time away.”
“Yeah, but your sister is away, so your parents have been watching Henry, right?”
“True.”
We slide into Ashley’s car. “How did it go with Daniel?”
I nod. “Good. Better than I expected.”
“I’m really pleased to hear that, Christopher.” She says earnestly. “Do you still want to go to the cemetery?”
“Might as well get it over with.” I shrug, punching the address into the GPS. As Ashley starts to drive, her hand slides over to mine. “I’m proud of you.” She gives my hand a squeeze.
“Thanks.” I lift her hand and kiss it. “Nobody’s said that to me in a long time.”
She pinches her lips together into a smile. I keep her hand in mine until we reach the cemetery. “How do we…find where she’s buried?” Ashley asks.
“I guess we…look for fresh graves.”
“Do you know what her surname is…err…was?”
“Yeah, it was Grainger. Hazel Grainger.”
“Maybe there’s a map somewhere.”
Sure enough, the administrative office has a map affixed to a plexiglass-encased map and listing of all the grave sites on a thick, wooden pedestal just outside the doors. There is more than one Grainger, but they seem to be in the same area, so we head there. Hazel’s is very fresh. The headstone isn’t even laid, it’s just set to the side, upright, like a tripod picture frame.
“Do you want me to stay in the car?” Ashley offers. “I know this is very personal, and I don’t want you to feel…awkward.”
“Ash, you’ve seen me at my worst. If anyone can come with me, it’s you.” I say, taking her hand as we walk up to the raised grassy area where the Graingers are. There are four other Graingers buried here. From the look of the stones, they’ve been here a while. Probably her parents, but it’s too morbid to look. Part of me hopes that she’s died a long, painful death, but then I get a shiver and take the thought back.
We stand by her grave, and I notice the stone. The epitaph says, ‘loving mother, devoted wife, best aunt’. I scoff. “Looks like she was nicer to other people. It was just those who weren’t family that she preyed on.”
Ashley doesn’t respond. She just puts her head down, as if she’s praying.
“Well, missus Grainger, I don’t know which side you’re on, whether you’re up there with God, or down there with Satan, but you’ve sure managed to mess my head up. I don’t know if you had some mental illness or something that forced you to be so vicious, but I sure hope that whatever it was, that you didn’t take it out on anyone else.”
Ashley takes my hand and sandwiches it between hers.
“You always told me that you’d kill me if I told anyone. But now you’re dead. So, you can rot and get the hell out of my head. I’m finished with this, I’m finished with you, and I’m ready to move past what you did to me. I hope you felt shame and guilt until your dying day. That’s what you deserve. Rest in peace.”
Walking away, I have Ashley’s hand in mine. We say nothing until her cell phone rings. The display reads that it’s Darlene. She picks it up.
“Hey, Dar. I’m just in the car with Christopher.”
“Hey, Darlene.” I say.
“Oh, hi.” She says. Her voice is laced with tension.
Ashley picks up on the tone. “Do you want me to take you off Bluetooth?”
“Actually, can you come by?”
“Err…sure. I’ll just drop Christopher off and swing by.”
“Thanks, Ash. You’re the best.”
“No problem. I’ll see you shortly.”
She hangs up. I look at her. “Trouble in paradise?”
That gets an eye roll. “One thing about Darlene. She’s the queen of drama. Not just a drama queen, but the queen of drama. And with her it can be anything. She makes mountains out of molehills sometimes, but then other times, she minimizes serious things.”
“Sounds like fun.” I’m being facetious.
“Do you mind if I just drop you off and go put out the fire?”
“No, not at all. It’ll give me a chance to get caught up on some more homework. Just let me know if you’re going to make it back to go to Daniel and Kayla’s for dinner. It’s cool if you can’t, but just let me know so that I don’t leave without you.”
“I’m sure it’ll all blow over by then.”
…But it doesn’t.
Chapter 15
Ashley
When I get back to the dorm, Darlene is sitting on her bed. She has this forlorn look on her face. “Hey,” she says.
“Hey,” I close the door. The tone in her voice is serious. “What’s going on?” I take a seat beside her, folding my legs in, mirroring her Indian-style stance. She pulls a small cardboard package out of her purse, which is sitting next to her on the bed. The cardboard is labeled with her name, and I suddenly realize that it’s her birth control pills.
“Did you run out or something? Is your health plan not covering them anymore?” I guess. Like I said, with Darlene, drama can stem from just about anything.
She opens the empty package…or, rather…almost empty package. There are two pills still in there. “I finished them, and I had completely forgotten that this was my last package, until the pharmacy called with my refill. They said it’s been sitting in the out bin for a couple of weeks.” She looks at me. “I didn’t get my period, Ash. It’s at least two weeks late.”
Face palming, I sigh. “Shit.”
“Yeah,”
Drawing in a deep breath, I slap her arm lightly. “Well, the only way to know for sure is to take a test.” I pat her again, getting up off the bed. “Let’s go.”
“Now?” she blurts.
“When else? You have something better to do?”
“Besides slit my wrists, you mean?”
I smirk, placing my hands on my waist. “Let’s go.”
Fifteen minutes later, we’re back at the dorm, and Darlene and I are standing in the communal washroom. “God, could this be any more ridiculous? Anyone walks in, and they’ll know I’m doing a pregnancy test. Can’t we do this somewhere else?”
“Just…pee on the stick and we’ll take it back to the room. I’ll hold the box.” I say, irritated. She’s being such a baby. Acting like she’s the only college student who’s ever done this before.
“Fine.” She’s exasperated. But five minutes later, she’s pacing in our room. “I can’t look at it, Ash. If I’m pregnant, you’ve got to promise me that you’ll come with me for the abortion.”
My eyes dart to hers. “Are you serious? You’d have an abortion?”
“Well…yeah. I mean, the father is an adulterer, and I’m right in the middle of my college education. Not to mention, my mother would kill me.”
Half shocked, half annoyed, I grab the stick, avoiding the urge to beat her over the head with it. I mean, who is this careless? Forgetting to take two pills, not using a secondary method of birth control, and not paying any attention to your cycle? I wouldn’t dream of being so reckless with my body or my future. “You want me to read it?”
Pinching her eyes together tightly, she nods. “Yes, please.”
Twisting the display up, so I can see it, I close my eyes for a second, just to prepare myself. A second later, I look at the display.
It’s positive.
Immediately, I want to puke.
“Oh…God,” she whines, gauging my reaction. “No. No, please.” She begs, and I can see the tears coming to her eyes. “Ash, I can’t be pregnant.” The sobs come. “I’m twenty-one years old. This can’t be.”
“If you’re old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to get pregnant, Dar.” I say gently, rubbing her back.
“Oh, God. This can’t be happening.” She cries, leaning over into her pillow. Her face is mushed on the fabric, so the noise is muffled. “How did this happen?”
“You had sex, Dar. Did you use condoms?”
“Why would I use condoms if I’m on the pill?”
I scoff. “Ash, the pill isn’t one hundred percent effective. Nothing is. But also, the pill doesn’t protect you from diseases. Didn’t your doctor tell you that?”
She ignores my question. “How am I ever going to face Will?”
“I don’t know. But I think you should give it some time before calling the abortion clinic. You need to think this through, Dar. Having an abortion could be something that you may regret for the rest of your life. Think about your options at least.”
Her face scrunches, the tears pour, and she leans forward, burying herself into the mattress. “I can’t be pregnant. I just…can’t.”
“Well, you are, babe. You might as well accept it.”
“God! How could I be so stupid!” she blurts, pulling her hair from the sides of her head.
“I don’t know. But I think you ought to think this through when you’re more rational. Give yourself at least a few days to let it sink in.”
She looks at me with the same expression that she used when she told me she was over Will. “I’m having an abortion, Ash. I can’t have a baby. It’s…impossible.”
“Dar, it’s not. Yeah, it’ll be difficult at best, but you have enough friends, family, and don’t forget the father of the baby, too. Lots of people do it.”
“I don’t…want it.” She growls. “I don’t want a baby.”
All I can think about is little Mitchell. I could never have an abortion. It wouldn’t matter what the circumstance is. A baby is a baby. “When was the last time you were around a baby?”
She wipes her nose and uses a tone an errant child would use if they were asked what time they really got home when they missed curfew and got ratted out. “I don’t know!”
“Well, then, I have a suggestion.”
“What?” she scoffs.
“Christopher and I are invited over to his brother’s place for dinner tonight. They just had a baby.” I pause, watching her eyes roll. “I think it would do you good to come and be around him.”
“What are you? Some kind of anti-abortion activist? What’s got up your ass?” she barks, annoyed.
“Listen, if you give it some thought and decide that you really don’t want to have this baby, by all means, I’ll come with you when you have the abortion. If you decide you want to have it and give it up for adoption, I’ll support you, but you’ve already made one mistake by not being careful…don’t make another one.”
“I can’t even think about eating right now, Ash. Especially not in front of people I don’t know. And I most certainly don’t feel up to meeting new people.”
“Trust me. You’re going to love them.”
***
As soon as I dial Christopher’s number, I’m immediately feeling reluctant. I lied to Darlene and told her that I had to call my dad in private. So, I take a walk in the hallway. Christopher answers the phone on the second ring.
He sounds so sexy on the phone, but I try not to focus on that. “Hey. Miss me or something?”
“Or something.” I smile.
“Did your car break down again?”
“No. Nothing like that. Um…do you think Daniel and Kayla will mind if I bring Darlene with us to dinner tonight?”
Hesitation. “I doubt it. We’re a ‘the more the merrier’ type of family. Everything okay? How come she wants to tag along?”
Long sigh. “You have to promise not to tell a soul.”
“I’m crossing my heart right now.”
He’s so cute. “Darlene’s pregnant.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, and she wants to have an abortion.” Another sigh. “I don’t want her to make a rash decision, so I thought meeting Mitchell might help.”
“Or it might be too much for her and she’ll fall apart.”
Silence.
“But, hey, you know her better than me.”
“Nice save.” A pause. “Do you really think it’s a bad idea?”
“Admittedly, I’m a little biased, but, I think she probably needs some time to think. Going over to meet them and be in the company of a newborn might be a little too much pressure.”
“Anything to get out of seeing an ex.” I tease.
“That’s another thing. You think she wants to see me? Another reminder of her loose morals that got her into trouble in the first place?”
“Man.”
“Sorry. Just being honest.”
“No, you’re right. I never thought of it that way.”
“Is she really freaked out?”
“Yeah. I should probably get back to her.”
“Stay with her. You don’t need to feel obligated to come to dinner. Darlene needs you more than Kayla and Daniel do.”
What about you?
“I’ll let you know for sure a little bit later.”
“Sounds good. Good luck.”
“Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you later.”
When I walk back into the dorm room, Darlene is laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. “Hey. You want to do anything?”
“Aside from not be pregnant?”
“You want to go to a movie or something?”
“Don’t you have dinner plans to impose on me?”
I flop down on the bed beside her. “Forget about that. You’re off the hook.”
“God, this is such a nightmare.”
I lay down beside her. She inches over a little, making room for me. “What am I going to do…do you think if I tell Will, he’ll make me keep it?”
“I think he’ll march down to the free clinic with you and pay for the abortion himself.” I say matter-of-factly. “Something about him doesn’t strike me as him being very responsible or selfless. He would not be good father material.”
“Up until he nailed that girl, I thought he’d be great father material.” She scoffs. “He had really good paternal instincts. He took care of me and made sure that I had what I needed.”
“Except for birth control pills and condoms.” I point out. “You’d think he would have an inkling about proper birth control.”
“Clearly I didn’t.” another scoff.
We’re silent for a bit. I break the silence. “We should probably get you to a doctor, like ASAP. If you want to keep the baby, you need to get on folic acid immediately.”
She swallows. “And what if I don’t?”
“Then we need to get you the information you need to make the right choice, Dar. There’s no pressure here. I know this is hard, and that’s why I’m here.” I take her hand in mine. “I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”
***
I walk in the door half dead, after falling asleep at the dorm. Darlene and I got to talking and time got away from us. We literally laid on the bed all night talking, eating leftover Greek salad for dinner. Darlene had ordered a large one the night before from the school cafeteria and saved what was left. It’s nearly two o’clock in the morning, and I considered just staying over, but I knew all my stuff was at Christopher’s place.
