No more dice, p.5
No More Dice, page 5
“And do you have a girlfriend? Are you married?” I ask, shocking myself. I’ve never asked a man this before in my life.
He looks away. “Nope.”
We’re silent for a moment, as he continues adjusting whatever it is that he’s adjusting, not judging me or waiting for the other shoe to drop. “How old are you, Hawk?” I ask him, and the voice inside my head is screaming ‘what are you doing?’
“I’ve got ten years on you, Lu. Of course, at this rate, I probably look about twenty or more.” He smiles.
I disagree. “Why would you say that?”
“Since my brother Kurt left a little while ago, I’ve aged some. I suppose it’s my own dang fault for not listening and for being stubborn.”
“He married Lisa.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“And you miss him.”
“I more than miss him. I miss my other brother, Grayson, too. Hell, it’s not like it used to be since they left. And my other brothers are hell on wheels, if you’ll pardon the language.”
“It’s okay.” I lick my lips. “Why are they such a problem?”
“They’re lazy.”
For lazy boys, they sure seemed to be working their tails off, but what do I know after seeing them for thirty minutes? “Well, the ranch looks great, and the animals are beautiful, so y’all can’t be doing that badly.”
He looks up at me and smiles. “I suppose you’re right.” He licks his lips and a ‘v’ forms between his brows. “Are y’all just afraid of coming down off the horse, or is it because some big, burly guy like yours truly reached out to you? Because I’ve got to tell you, I’m nothing to be afraid of, Lu. I know all kinds of people are scared of me and all, including you, and I don’t blame you one bit there on account of how I yelled at you yesterday, but I wouldn’t hurt a fly, and that’s the truth.”
I swallow, not knowing how to respond. Hawk probably feels a lot like the way that I feel sometimes, when people think that I’m a freak. I just smile at him warmly, and he smiles back. And all the fear starts to fade.
Chapter 5
Hawk
The poor kid is scared in her own skin. And like magic, Lullabelle helped her feel comfortable in her own skin, somehow. Now, I didn’t press to help her off the horse, because she seemed real scared of me, and as I said to her, I don’t blame her one bit. I yelled at her pretty good, and then I showed up at her workplace, probably intimidating the life out of a little thing like that. But her showing up, now that took courage, and I’m proud of her for that. She took the reigns like nobody’s business. Horses can be therapeutic, and it’s true, I’ve seen it. Why, we’ve had special needs children come around here sometimes, and riding helps them, too.
But I really don’t think that Lu is like that. I’ve heard a couple of people surmise that she’s got special needs, but I really don’t think that they’re of the clinical type. It certainly felt that way at first, but after seeing her on that horse, after very little coaching, I’d say she’s just as normal as the next person. She’s certainly got something going on inside that pretty little head of hers, but it’s not my business to pry, even though it broke my heart to see her so afraid of herself and of me. She wasn’t afraid of the horses though, and that’s something.
Setting my hat back on my head, as ridiculous as it looks, with all the water dripping down my face and neck, I look up at her and smile. “You know, this was actually a pretty good idea, soaking my hat. Feels great.”
“Looks great, too.” She says, and I detect sarcasm for the first time.
I chuckle. “I’m sure it does. Probably look like a drowned rat, but Lullabelle here seems pretty happy about it.”
Lu gives her a pat, and her tail flicks.
“You ready to head back, or do you feel up to riding some more?”
“I could ride more.”
This girl could not love riding more. “Alright then. You’re a brave girl.”
A look crosses her face, and I tilt my head. “I sure wish I knew what was going on inside that head of yours.” I raise my hands out in the open air. “Ain’t nobody here except you, me and the horses, nobody here to judge, sweetheart. Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
She looks down at the saddle, and I think that she’s lost her nerve, but then she murmurs. “I’m usually a coward.”
“Nothing cowardly about licking this on the first try, sweetheart. Do you know how many people are too scared to even get on a horse, or be near one? You aren’t a coward, Lu.”
“I am for certain things.” She says, still looking down.
“We all have fears. Heck, I’m afraid of things, too.”
That gets her attention. She lifts her head. “What are you afraid of?”
“Oh, lots of things. Mostly of losing. Losing what I’ve got and worked hard for. Losing my mind. Losing myself. It sounds so Oprah Winfrey, I know, but it’s true.”
She chuckles, lowering her head again.
“Now, I only watch Oprah with my mama, so don’t tell anyone about that.”
She smiles at me. “I won’t.”
“And what are you afraid of, doll? Because I know that you aren’t afraid of horses. Or of big, burly cowboys with soaking wet cowboy hats.”
She’s still smiling. “I’m afraid of so many things.”
“Why don’t you tell me just one?”
“People.” she says simply, pursing her lips together. “Most of them…treat me different. I don’t like it.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that you’re afraid of them then, Lu. I’d say more you’re afraid of being treated different. I can relate to that. Most people think that I’m some tough guy who you don’t want to mess with. I know even you thought that, and like I said, I don’t blame you for it. But I’m not like that.” I lick my lips. “Tell me another one.”
She swallows, lowering her head. “It’s mostly of people. There are so many people that I’m afraid of.”
“Well, now, that’s brave of you to say. And some people aren’t very kind, either. So, I don’t blame you there. What people do you like, love?” I ask, feeling like this topic is safer territory.
“I adore Lisa.”
“She’s a real spitfire, ain’t she?” I smile, shaking my head. “Now, I don’t know her that well myself, but if Kurt, my brother, married her, then that means she’s something else.”
“She’s my best friend.” She looks at me. “Who’s your best friend?”
“I don’t really have one, doll. But I suppose my brother Kurt comes close. Grayson, too. They’re both one of a kind.” I bend down to adjust my pantleg. “What about you? Have you got any brothers or sisters, love?”
She shakes her head. “No. It’s just me.”
“Well, you’re lucky then, that you’ve got a best friend.”
“I am. I love Lisa.”
“I believe you.”
She tilts her head. “How come you never married?”
“Well, I suppose part of it’s because of what people think of me, but the other is that I’m so busy with the ranch and all. My brothers seem to find a way to make their way around women somehow, but then I suppose that’s because they don’t have the reputation that I do.”
“You’re not so bad.”
“Thanks, doll. Anyone that passes in Lullabelle’s books is pretty decent in mine, too.” I wink at her. “What do you say we get these horses galloping? Are y’all brave enough for that?”
“Sure.” Her smile is so precious. I feel like it’s a gift.
When we take off at a gallop, her face lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree, and I can’t stop looking at her. I’ve seen so many people smiling when they ride, but this, this is something different. It’s like she’s never smiled before today. She’s in love with riding. Never met anyone who didn’t treat it like it was just another thing to do. I love it, too. It’s unlike any other experience in the world. I ride every day, no matter what. I was born riding, as my mama says.
As we make our way back to the pasture, Lu’s got it. She’s a natural rider, and that’s rare to see. Most people don’t get half as far as she got today, and in such a short time. “You’re a natural at this, Lu. God bless you.” I say, bringing her over to the block, being careful not to touch her. I’m not sure what the deal is with that, and I don’t dare pry about it, either. We’ve all got secrets, and I respect that. She gets off Lullabelle with ease. Turns out she didn’t need my help, after all, and I’m proud of her for that.
My brothers have almost finished with the barn, surprising me. I figured they’d be in the house, sucking back the beers by now, so I take Lu back to the house and show her the brochures, like she’d asked. “This is great.” She comments, looking at the trifold. “I have software for this. Do you want to use the same wording?”
“If you think you can make it better, you go on ahead. Actually, Lisa helped with this, and Laura a little bit, too.” I hand her Laura’s brochure for her ranch.
She pulls out her own brochure for her photography. It’s stunning. “Well, Lord, that’s something. You go on and do whatever you like, doll. I trust you.” I say, handing it back to her.
“Why don’t I put something together and give you a call?”
“Sure. Why don’t you just come on over when you’re ready? We can go riding again. Anytime you want. It’d be a shame not to, since you seem to love it so much.”
Her smile is so warm, it’s contagious. “That sounds great. I can do something up today and bring it over tomorrow.”
I lift a finger. “Just make sure you ice and do the sitz bath. Trust me, love. You’ll be in a world of pain if you don’t.”
“I will.” She hesitates. “Do you mind if I take more pictures? This ranch is so beautiful, and I’ve never seen the property before today.”
“My house is your house, Lu. You help yourself.” I lift my hands for emphasis. “Stay as long as you want. I do need to get out there and make sure that those boys are keeping well, though. So you call me if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay. And…thanks.”
I wink. “Any time, love.”
I walk her out and she hesitates, like she wants to say something, but I know that she’s too shy to say it, so I help her out. “Lullabelle will be waiting for you, now. You made her day.”
That gets a smile. “She made mine, too.”
***
“She going to let us use that picture, Hawk?” Luke asks as I join them at the barn, once Lu walks around, snapping shots all over.
“Oh, yeah. She’s going further than that. She’s going to do us up a new one. Says she’s got software for it.”
“That’s awful kind of her.” Mitch says, and I detect a teasing tone. “Does this little ‘Lu’ have a little crush on big Hawk?”
“She’s twenty-five years old. Just a kid.” I say, dismissing him.
“You’ve got about two feet on her, too.” Luke adds. “God, I’ve never seen a girl so small. You sure she’s not one of them dwarfs?”
I give him a look. “Naw, you should see her ride. Nothing wrong with her. She’s one of them natural riders. Rare.”
“Maybe big Hawk has a crush on little Lu.” Luke suggests.
“Like I said. She’s just a kid. Now cut it out.” I say.
Luke and Mitch exchange a look. “That sentence sounds odd when it isn’t followed by ‘shit for brains’, or ‘losers’.” Luke says.
“Keep it up and I will add something…with my fist.” I say, but a ghost of a smile is on my lips as I say it.
“And he’s back.” Luke says, satisfied, as if he misses my pet names.
Luke sees her walking around, and then she goes to her car, retrieves a different camera, and heads over by the stable. “What’s she doing now?”
“Oh, just taking pictures. I told her she could have free reign of the place. She’s a good girl.”
Mitchell and Luke exchange another look. But I ignore it. “Well, it looks like this barn is coming along. You’re almost done here, I see.”
“Yeah. Hey, how come you didn’t let me or Luke give her a riding lesson?” Mitch asks.
“Look who’s got the crush now, huh.” I tease, punching him on the shoulder playfully.
“Looks like this little girl’s softened you up some, Hawk.” Luke comments. “I haven’t heard a grumble out of you since she got here.”
“I’m saving them up, see.” I explain, and I see Lu come around the corner. “Hey, you need anything?” I take a step closer to her.
“If it’s okay…um…if it’s not too much trouble.” She stammers. “Can I come back just before dawn? I’d love to get pictures of the pasture and of the horses at sunrise.”
“Well, sure, love. We’re always up by then, and if not, you help yourself.” I say.
“Okay.” She nods shyly. “Thank you.”
“Oh, you’re welcome. It was my pleasure.” I say. “Hey, have you met my brothers?”
“Not formally.” She snuffles bashfully.
Luke and Mitch come closer and introduce themselves. “Hawk tells us you’re a natural rider. You ought to come by and help us teach and exercise the horses some.”
She raises her brows. “Oh, do you need help?”
“Naw, he’s just teasing.” I say, waving. “But you’re welcome to come by all the same.”
She grins nervously. “Okay, well, I should go…work on the brochures.”
“Sure, love. Hey, there’s no rush. You bring it on by whenever you’re ready. You can even come for a ride even if they’re not ready. Lullabelle loves you.”
That gets a genuine smile. “I will.” She looks at my brothers. “It was nice meeting you.”
“Pleasure, Luellen.” Luke says, while Mitch nods politely.
As she pulls out of the driveway, we wave to her, and finish with the barn. “So, what’s her deal, anyway? She looks like she’d rather be anyplace else but here. I thought you said that she enjoyed herself.” Mitch asks, removing his shirt, draping it over his shoulder, readying to take a shower.
“She did. She’s just real nervous around people.” I explain.
“How come?” Luke asks, washing the few cups that are in the sink.
“Dunno. Some people are just like that, I suppose. She’s as sweet as sin at any rate. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. I’d sooner have someone like her around than a woman who throws her weight all over the place like some of these Texan women.”
“I like a woman who can handle her own.” Luke frowns.
“I never said she couldn’t handle her own. Hell, she did everything by herself today. None of this damsel in distress garbage from her or nothing. She got on the horse and off by herself. And she wasn’t afraid of Lullabelle at all. I had her galloping and then she wanted more.”
“Really? A little thing like that? Not afraid?” Mitch asks, surprised.
“Not even a little bit. Fact, I told her we ought to take it easy or she’ll feel it tomorrow like a sonofagun.”
“Really.” Luke’s voice is flat. “Man, she don’t come off like that.”
“Exactly.” I nod.
“How old do you think she is?” Mitch says.
“She can’t be more than twenty, I’d say.” Luke guesses. “She’s a young little thing.”
“She’s twenty-five.” I volunteer.
Mitch’s eyes bulge. “Jesus. Man, I bet…with how shy she is…I bet she ain’t even had her cherry popped yet.” The way he says it is more like he’s concerned, not like he’s making fun of her, or that he wants the job.
“That’s not our concern.” I say diplomatically. “She’s a lovely girl and doesn’t deserve for us to be talking about her behind her back like this, so let’s just cut it out now.”
“Dang, Hawk. It’s like you smoked a joint or something. I’ve not seen you this mellow in ages.” Luke observes.
“Hardy har. I’m going to go on to the hands’ quarters and get cleaned up. When are these boys coming by for the interview?” I ask, and both my brothers’ eyes bulge out like they’ve been squeezed.
“Are you serious?” Mitch barks. “Because I can have those boys here in a half an hour if you want.”
“Let’s do it.” I shrug, walking away. I catch a glimpse of them before I exit the house. They’re both looking at each other like I just told them I’m pregnant.
***
“My brother and I have been helping out at my dad’s lumber yard since we were tykes.” Zack, one of the Nelson boys, says. Both boys are built like they could take me for a round in a wrestling ring. It’s clear that they aren’t afraid of work.
“And why is it that you’re looking to work on a ranch?”
“Our daddy sold the lumber yard in the spring. It’s closing in a couple of weeks. He and our mama are moving out closer to our Meemaw and Meepaw in Kettle Springs.” Jason, the other Nelson boy, explains.
“And what’s your daddy going to do?” I ask out of pure concern. The Nelson lumber yard has been in town since I was a boy. I’d heard rumors of the yard being sold, but I thought they were just that…rumors. I’m not in town much, and any lumber that I buy is over the phone, except for the stack of lumber I bought for the barn, which I bought from out of town, since Nelson’s lumber was too expensive.
“He’s retiring from the lumber business. He and our mama bought a small motel resort, and they’re going to keep that up instead. Mama used to be in hospitality, so it’s right up her alley.” Zack adds.
“How come y’all don’t want to go with your folks?” Mitch asks.
“Well, we like it here. We’ve both got girlfriends and we’re going to buy a place in town with our share of the money from the sale of the lumber yard. Plus, mama and daddy won’t be that far. An hour isn’t that much.” Jason says.
“Y’all know that we have accommodations here, too.” I volunteer.
