The end begins, p.27
The End Begins, page 27
Relief flowed through Jesse. “That’s great news. For a change.” He followed Caleb out to the jeep and took his usual position in the passenger seat. This time he didn’t mind. All he cared about was that he was going to see Meryn.
“So what are you going to do?”
Jesse shifted in his seat to face Caleb as he pulled through the gates of the base and onto the road. “About what?”
“The army. Are you staying or going?”
“Oh. I’m staying. For now.”
“How exactly is that going to work?”
“What do you mean?”
Caleb looked at him.
Jesse ran his fingers up and down the seat belt that crossed over his chest. “I was going to leave. I wanted to, but when Meryn and I talked about it, we realized I might actually be able to do some good where I am, help the … help people who find themselves in trouble or in need of assistance.”
“Help the Christians, you mean.”
He blew out a breath. “Yeah.”
“The ones who claimed responsibility for 10/10 and whose religious practices are now considered hate crimes under the law you have sworn to uphold.”
Jesse’s fingers tightened around the seatbelt. “Come on, Cale. You’ve gotten to know these people. There’s no way they blew up those mosques. Nothing in what the Bible teaches supports that in any way. And you know as well as I do that this whole hate crimes thing is beyond ridiculous. Even if I hadn’t come to believe, I don’t know if I would have been able to keep upholding a law that is so blatantly prejudiced and unjust. And I don’t see how you can in good conscience either.”
“Hey.” Caleb smacked the steering wheel. “Don’t turn on me. I’m on your side here.”
“Really? It doesn’t sound like it.”
Caleb pulled over to the side of the road and jammed the jeep into Park. “I’m trying to show you how challenging it’s going to be for you to stay in the army and pretend that nothing has changed, when the reality is that every single thing in your life is different now.”
“Yeah, I kind of got that when, two days after becoming a believer, I had to do the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m not under any illusions. I know exactly how hard it’s going to be. I know it could, and probably will, cost me everything, including my life. And I don’t care. I have finally come to realize that every gift and skill I may have been given, every choice I’ve been compelled to make over the years, hasn’t been to advance my career. That would have been meaningless. Instead, it’s been to fulfill my purpose for being on this planet. And right now, staying in the army and doing whatever I can to help the Christians is the reason I’m here. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. So I’m going to do it, with or without your support.”
Caleb rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. When he dropped his hand and spoke, his voice was weary. “Jess, where have you been for the last thirty-five years? I couldn’t care less that we don’t have the same blood flowing through our veins. You are my brother and I love you. I will always have your back, and you will always have my support. Always.”
Remorse washed over Jesse and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he reached out and clasped Caleb’s arm. “I know that. I’m sorry. I love you too.” Jesse let go and raked his fingers through his hair. “Everything that’s going on has made me crazy, I know, but I have no right to take it out on you. You’ve never, not once, given me a reason to think you wouldn’t be on my side, even if you don’t completely agree with what I’m doing.”
“What makes you think I don’t agree?”
Jesse dropped his hand and stared at his friend.
Caleb exhaled. “The truth is, I was already thinking about getting out myself, before all of this happened. Ever since those bombings, and really for a lot longer than that, things have been going on in this country that make me extremely uncomfortable. The marginalization of any group in society has historically only led to galactically bad things happening. I may not be quite where you are, as far as buying into everything the Christians believe, but I don’t want to be party to this legalized persecution either.”
“What are you thinking?”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe leaving isn’t the solution, at least not yet. If we stay, we might be able to use our positions to do something positive before we’re found out and it all blows up in our faces.” He offered Jesse a wry grin. “At least we’ll be together. We’ll be making our lives count for something, and, in all likelihood, we’ll be able to go out in a blaze of glory. Like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.”
“Are you sure, Cale? I don’t want you giving up everything just for me.”
“It’s not just for you, but that is a big part of it, and that’s okay. It’s not because I’m into blindly following whatever path you might go down on a whim. It’s because I trust you. If this is something you believe is worth doing, then it’s worth doing, and I want to be a part of it. Besides, I promised Rory I’d watch your sorry tail and do my best to keep you out of trouble. Of course, I had no idea that was going to be a full-time occupation.”
Jesse grinned and shrugged in apology.
Caleb nodded. “I have to figure out this Christianity thing on my own. I respected Rory more than anyone I ever knew, and I feel the same way about you, so if you both believe it, then I’m going to have to take a serious look at it and decide if I can accept it or not.”
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help with that.”
“I will.” Caleb punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Now can we go to Meryn’s place or what?”
“If you insist.”
“If it will help you get your head on straight, I do.”
When they had nearly reached the lane that led to Meryn’s house, Caleb pulled onto the shoulder again and turned off the vehicle. “I’ll let you out here. I signed us up for patrol duty around town tonight, so no one would wonder why we were leaving the base this late. I’ll go drive around for a while, make sure everything’s quiet, but I’ll be back to pick you up in half an hour. I’ll park here again and flash the lights a couple of times, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll come right away.”
Jesse reached for the door handle. “I will. Thanks, Cale.”
“Give her a big kiss for me.”
Jesse shot his friend a dark look.
Caleb pointed a finger at him. “Half an hour. The more careful we are, the longer we’ll be able to keep this thing going.”
“Got it.” Jesse climbed out of the vehicle. After the agony of the last four days, even half an hour with Meryn sounded like a taste of heaven. He wasn’t about to complain. He picked up his pace as he made his way up the driveway.
He wasn’t about to waste a single second of it either.
41
Meryn dried the last of the supper dishes and set the plate on the pile in the cupboard. After hanging the towel over the stove handle, she turned to Kate, who was wiping down the sink. “I think I’m going to go for a walk. I could use some fresh air.”
“Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“Yes, I’m fine. I won’t go far.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
Meryn squeezed her friend’s shoulder. “No, go spend some time with your family. I won’t be long.”
Meryn slid her silver trench coat off a hanger in the front closet and pulled it on carefully. Her back was still tender, but much better than it had been the day she’d come home from the base. She buttoned the coat up over Jesse’s pyjamas. Kate had washed them a couple of days ago, and Meryn could no longer catch the faint citrus smell of Jesse’s musk on them. This afternoon her heart had been so heavy with thoughts of him that she’d slipped them on, hoping to feel as close to him as she had the nights she had worn them in his quarters.
She slid her feet into a pair of sandals and opened the screen door. The pungent scents of pine needles and impending rain mingled in the air.
Spring.
She inhaled deeply before making her way down the porch steps and across the front yard, dappled with shadows. Patches of moonlight streamed through the branches of the maple trees as she made her way to her favourite lookout spot. When she reached the cedar-rail fence at the summit of the small hill that sloped down to the pond, she stopped and folded her arms across the top rail. At the bottom of the hill, moonlight shimmered across the surface of the water. Meryn drank in the sight of it, lifting her face to let the cool evening breeze brush lightly across her skin.
A twig snapped behind her, and she whirled around.
“I’m sorry.” A tall figure, shrouded in the shadow of a large oak tree, stepped into the light. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Jesse.” Meryn pressed her hand to her chest. “I thought you weren’t going to come here.”
“So did I.” He moved closer.
Her heart squeezed when moonlight fell across his face, illuminating the features that had hovered in her mind for days now.
“But I couldn’t stay away.”
“I’m glad you couldn’t.”
“Me too.” Jesse reached the fence and rested an elbow on it. “I had to see you, Meryn. I had to know if you were okay. Are you?”
She gave him a shaky smile. “Yes. I’m fine. Better every day. Rick gave me these wonderful little pills that make everything seem right with the world, and Kate’s been waiting on me hand and foot. Ethan’s here too, and Matthew and Gracie. I can never feel too down when they’re around, so it’s all good. Almost all, anyway.”
He searched her face. “What isn’t good?”
Her gaze dropped to the ground. “I’ve been missing you.”
Jesse moved down the fence until he stood in front of her. He slid two fingers under her chin and lifted her face until she looked up at him. “I’ve been missing you too. More than I can say. In fact, I’ve been moping around the base so much, Caleb dropped me off here and ordered me to spend half an hour with you so I could ‘get my head on straight.’”
“Well, God bless Caleb.”
“My sentiments exactly.” He started to drop his hand.
She grabbed it and pressed it between both of hers. “Jesse, thank you for giving me back my Bible. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
“You’re welcome. Hide it well.”
“I will.” Her knees weakened, more from the sight of him than from the lingering effects of what had happened to her. In any case, she had to reach out and grip the top rail to steady herself. “I have some news.”
He watched her closely. “Come and sit down and tell me.” He tugged on her hand and guided her through the opening in the fence and over to the wrought-iron bench that overlooked the pond.
The light from the pole in the farmyard cast a warm glow over them as she settled onto the bench and turned to face him. Was he really here?
Their arms rested along the top of the bench, and Jesse entwined his fingers through hers. “Before you tell me your news, I have some news for you. They’ve ruled that you can keep the store.”
“Really?”
“Yes. There are a couple of restrictions, like you have to let us know when you’re getting a shipment of books in, and there will be periodic, unannounced searches of the store, but you can open back up whenever you’re ready.”
Meryn squeezed his hand, happiness welling in her chest at the unexpected gift. “I’m sure the testimony you gave on my behalf had something to do with that. Thank you.”
“It was the least I could do.” He brushed a strand of hair back from her face. “So what did you want to tell me?”
She shifted. “I video chatted with Shane and Brendan a couple of days ago to tell them about everything that’s happened.”
“What did they say?”
“They were a little upset.”
“Just a little?”
“Maybe more than a little. Shane’s usually pretty calm, but he did lose it a bit. Brendan went ballistic, but he’s prone to doing that. Anyway, my news is that they got talking to each other after that and decided they are both going to move to Kingston. When Shane called to tell me, I told him I didn’t want them to do that just for me, but he said they’d both been thinking about it ever since the bombings. That’s one good thing that can come out of horrific events like that, I guess. They make people realize what’s truly important in life—God and family—and how close they want to be to both.”
“I guess.” His fingers tightened around hers. “I’m glad they’re coming back. I’ve hated the idea of you having no family around.”
“There’s always my sister.”
He shook her hand lightly. “You’re hilarious. I meant none that would actually be there for you and look out for you.”
“You’ll really like my brothers. They want to meet you, so as soon as—”
His head jerked. “You told them about me?”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Well, I … I mean, your name might have come up. In passing.”
“In passing.” He grinned, then a shadow fell across his face. “Did you tell them it was me that …?”
Meryn ran a hand over the smooth metal of the bench. “Shane asked me, and I didn’t want to lie, so yes. But I also told them that you didn’t want to do it, that you had to so you could convince everyone you were still loyal to the army.”
“And did your brothers buy that?”
She bit her lip. It might be better not to tell him exactly what their response to her attempts to defend him was.
“I didn’t think so. I’m not surprised they want to meet me, then. No doubt there are a few other things they’d like to do to me.” Jesse rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “But I don’t blame them for being furious. I’d feel the same way if I had a sister and this happened to her.” He pressed the fingers of his free hand to his forehead. “I keep going over and over everything, asking myself if we could have done anything differently. If there was any way you could have avoided going through that. Maybe if I had—”
Meryn touched the knee of his faded jeans. “Don’t. You’ll drive yourself crazy. There was no other way, not without one or both of us going on the run and having to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders. We did what we had to do, and now it’s over.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“When they meet you, they’ll see that everything I told them about you is true.”
“Everything? That doesn’t sound like a passing mention.”
“I might have said something about you being a pretty great guy too.”
“And?”
She smiled. “What, are you feeling a little insecure tonight? Do you really need to hear every little detail of what I told them?”
“I think I do, yes.”
Meryn pulled their clasped hands onto her bent knee. In the light reflecting down on them, Jesse’s eyes softened as he watched her, and her stomach tightened. “All right, here goes. I said that you are kind and intelligent, and that you have a great sense of humour. I also told them you are strong and loyal and good, and that you are one of the bravest men I have ever known. There may have been one or two other things, but I think that was …”
His look grew so intense she could almost feel it brushing across her cheek. “Meryn.” His husky voice sent shivers skittering up and down her spine.
“Yes?”
He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then closed it again. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “Did I mention how much I’ve missed you?”
“I think you did, yes.” She offered him a sheepish smile. “And I totally get it. The day I came home I was sitting on the bed thinking about everything that happened, and I suddenly burst into tears, because I was missing you so much. And whenever I want to feel close to you, I go and put on your pyjamas again.”
His lips twitched.
“What?”
“I’m just enjoying how much you’ve embraced this whole transparency thing.”
“I know.” She wrinkled her nose. “Look what you’ve done to me. I’ve become so transparent, I feel like I’m made of glass now.”
Jesse chuckled.
“And about my brothers, if it’s any consolation, they’re far more furious with Annaliese than they are with you.”
His smile faded. “That I definitely understand.”
A heaviness settled in her stomach, and she clutched his arm. “Jesse, if my sister even suspects that we’re …”
“Seeing each other?”
She nodded. “You should know that she will come after you full-force. Our whole lives, she has always tried to take everything I have. That’s the reason I never told her about …”
His eyes narrowed. “About what?”
Meryn fished for a response that would satisfy him. “Anyone I cared about.”
For a few seconds he looked at her as if he knew she’d taken an abrupt turn from where she had been headed, then the corners of his mouth turned up. “Pretty long list, was it?”
Her shoulders relaxed. “Not very, no. But she always found out about it and succeeded in taking whomever it was away from me.”
“Well, she is doomed to failure if she comes after me. I wouldn’t spend two seconds with a woman who could slap her little sister across the face or lock her in a chicken coop or”—his face hardened—“turn her over to the authorities. In fact, I told Ethan if I was ever in the same room as her again, I might rip her head off.”
“What did he say to that?”
“That he’d like a front row seat to that show.”
Meryn started to laugh, then pressed a hand to her mouth. “I shouldn’t laugh. That’s terrible.”
“Why? She deserves a lot more than that for what she’s done to you. You have every right to hate her.”
“I don’t hate her, Jesse. Thanks to you.”
He blinked. “Me?”
“Yes. When I found out it was my sister who betrayed me, it did hurt. A lot. My first instinct was to be angry and bitter, and I was, for a couple of days. But then I remembered what you said the night someone threw the brick through my store window, about forgiveness being the light that counteracts the darkness of hatred and bitterness and pain. And you’re right. So as hard as it is, I choose the light. I choose to forgive her. Besides, she’s still my sister. Maybe someday she’ll come to regret everything she’s done and we can actually be a family.”
