The legend of zero the m.., p.1
The Legend of ZERO: The Many Misadventures of Flea, Agent of Chaos, page 1
THE LEGEND OF ZERO Presents…
The Many Misadventures of Flea:
Agent of Chaos
Words by Sara King
Images by Lance MacCarty
Words Copyright © 2015
All Rights Reserved
Sara King
Images Copyright © 2015
All Rights Reserved
Lance MacCarty
No part of this work may be photocopied or otherwise reproduced without express written consent of the author and/or the artist. For permissions and other requests, email Sara King at kingnovel@gmail.com or Lance MacCarty at lancemaccarty@gmail.com
Author’s Note (IMPORTANT)
BEFORE WE START: THIS IS NOT BOOK 4 OF THE ZERO SERIES. While it does have hints (lots of hints, if you’re paying attention) as to what is coming in Book 4, this is a side-story about Flea from Book 2. It is best read either after Book 2 or Book 3 of the ZERO series—either one will work—but BEFORE book 4.
Second: Fans of the ZERO series, you are amazing. Thank you for your support for this project. If it works, you have my solemn word that I will publish Outer Bounds 2: Fortune’s Folly the moment I’ve regained rights to the world. (It’s been complete since February 2015!!)
A little history: About two years ago, I sold one of my favorite babies (The Outer Bounds universe) to a big corporation. It was dumb. It was stupid. And I was recently given the chance to buy it back—if I can collect the money in time.
So to that end, Lance and I spent the last 14 days utterly working our asses off to create something fun for fans of the The Legend of ZERO series who want to support their favorite author in her last-ditch effort to regain a world she created. We utterly exhausted ourselves for your pleasure. (Yeah, I totally meant to say that.)
Make no mistake: This is essentially a rush, slapdash charity case, because the clock is ticking, and people wanted to help, and neither Lance nor I wanted to take free money. We wanted to give you guys something fun in return for your outpouring of support (which totally blew us away). We know it’s not our best. We fully expect there to be errors because we are both brain-dead jenfurglings at this point. We also think it’s pretty damn good, considering our time constraints. (She says at 7:00am having not yet slept tonight.) And as they say, some people’s crap is, well…
Also, because we’re REALLY grateful for the support, and we know that $6.99 is a lot of money, Lance is offering up the best of these images in high-res for download as desktop wallpapers via a super-secret link in the back of this book.
To Recap: This is a special project for ZERO fans to help me get my rights to Outer Bounds back before they are lost to a big corporation forever. If you somehow picked up Flea’s story and you have never read The Legend of ZERO, you’re going to be totally out of your depth. READ THE OTHER BOOKS FIRST. Start with Forging Zero and go from there. Flea’s story is crazy, convoluted, and utterly different. It’s going to bend your mind around a Pepsi can and then slap it around a bit. But, if you’re a fan, it’s going to be a lot of fun.
Keeping in mind our deadline—14 days!!—a lot of the detail we normally put into our work is missing, especially regarding the aliens. Therefore, for both newcomers and people who want a refresher, we’re going to give you a brief rundown on what is…
WHAT IS A BAGA?
Flea, the champion of our story, is a Baga. They generally look like a cockroach with wings. Because that’s what they are—a flying alien cockroach the size of your head that can essentially survive a nuclear detonation, that has a superiority complex, a numbers problem, an irrational desire to do stupid things, and can spit a substance from a tube in its ass that immediately becomes whatever it lands on. He looks like the critter on the cover.
WHAT IS AN OOREIKI?
Ooreiki are generally peace-loving, boneless, lumpy, hairless brown gorillas with tentacle arms. They weigh about 500 pounds and make up a good portion of the sheer numbers of Congress.
WHAT IS A JAHUL?
Jahul are, to put it simply, disgusting. They are six-legged walking stink-bombs that evolved as herd/prey animals. Their defense mechanism, like a skunk, is to spew toxic, indelible fluids over their skin on the off-chance that whatever chasing them won’t want to take a bite out of them. Unfortunately, that means every time they get anxious, stressed, upset, or afraid, they shit themselves. All over their skin. They also have extreme empathic sensory organs that allow them to sense the moods of other species, making them great ambassadors. Or crime lords. Especially crime lords.
WHAT IS A TRITH?
Trith see the future. Imagine the ‘grays’ of UFO lore. There ye go. They like to try to meddle with certain people that give them headaches by changing the future. They are also the only species in the known universe that has not been absorbed by Congress. The three times Congress tried to induct them, it got its ass handed to it. Because they see the future.
WHAT IS A HEBBUT?
If you don’t remember this one, I don’t blame you. It only got a passing mention in the ZERO books. It’s basically a space-ogre that likes big guns and deathmatches. They also aren’t very bright. The cannon-fodder of Congress.
WHAT IS A HUOUYT?
These are nasty. Sociopathic—they stick together as a species only for the common goals of wealth and power over other species—and they can use the genetic material of other creatures to transform into that creature. They are a boneless, semi-aquatic species with three legs and three fingers on each arm, entirely covered in a downy white cilia that wriggles. The best assassins are Huouyt, and they can produce poisons and drugs within their own bodies from many years of training. They’re nasty. Don’t screw with Huouyt. Jer’ait Ze’laa and the former Representative Rri’jan are Huouyt.
WHAT IS A JREET?
Big earthworms. Very, very big earthworms. With arms, scales, and predator teeth. The hardcore warriors of Congress (think Spartans), shunning both battlefield and medical technology because anyone who needs that crap is a weakling. They also have the ability to energize their scales and disappear from the visible (and heat) spectrums. Oh, and they carry a gross fang in their chests that they both mate with and kill people with. Unfortunately, due to the habits mentioned above, they’re also considered an endangered species in Congress.
WHAT IS CONGRESS, KOLIINAAT, THE REGENCY, AND THE TRIBUNAL?
Congress is the conglomerate alien super-state pieced together over the last two and a half million years. Earth is just another newly-acquired planet in its never-ending march to expand its borders throughout the galaxy. It contains 3244 sentient species. Koliinaat is the artificial planet it created to house its hub of government, which is called the Regency. Each species in Congress has one Representative that is sent to the Regency to look after its interests. The Tribunal is an elected three-Representative panel that wields the most power of the Regency (think three presidents who have to vote before something can get done).
Hopefully that was enough to get you back into the ZERO universe groove. Good luck!
(And yes, we really did put this together in two weeks…)
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Author’s Note (IMPORTANT)
WHAT IS A BAGA?
WHAT IS AN OOREIKI?
WHAT IS A JAHUL?
WHAT IS A TRITH?
WHAT IS A HEBBUT?
WHAT IS A HUOUYT?
WHAT IS A JREET?
WHAT IS CONGRESS, KOLIINAAT, THE REGENCY, AND THE TRIBUNAL?
TABLE OF CONTENTS
PART 1: Agent of Chaos
Option 1) Flea Spits, Because Spitting is Fun
Option 2) Flea Rejects the Gift…Because.
Option 3) Flea accepts, for the Geuji is wise and benevolent…
PART 2: Flea’s First Mission
Option 1) Spit On Them, Because Spitting Is Fun…
Option 2) Use The Names of Your Powerful Friends to Make Them Shudder In Fear and Give You Anything You Want
Option 3) When in Doubt, Apologize…
Option 2 Continued) Returned to the Force…
Option B1) Flea Spits, Because Spitting Is Fun
Option B2) Go Willingly, Escape Later
Option B2a) Flea Spits, Because Spitting Is Fun!
Option B2b) Flea Fights, Because Deathmatching is Fun!
Option B2c) Rocks Fall and Everybody Dies…
Option B3) Try to Talk Your Way Out of It, for You Are Smarter Than A Dumb Hebbut
Option B3a) Flea Spits, Because Spitting is Fun
Option B3b) Flea Flees
Option B3c) Flea Deathmatches to Avoid the Mines, Because Baga Are Natural Badasses
Option B3X2) There Must Be Another Way…
Option 3, Continued) Apologies Only Get You So Far…
Option 3a) Flea Spits, Because Spitting is Fun.
Option 3b) Flea Tells His Life Story, Because Marshi Looks Like a Good Listener…
Option B3c1) Flea Spits, Because the Hebbut Needs to Know He’s Dealing with an Impostor
Option B3c1a) Flea Spits at the Princess, for Princesses Appreciate That Sort of Thing…
Option B3c1b) Flea Realizes He Knows Her From Somewhere…
Option B3c1b1) Flea Spits on Rat, Because Spitting On Badass Assassins Is Fun.
Option B3c1b2) Shamelessly Join the Team, Because Maybe They’ve Got Food…
Option B3c1b3) Try your l uck alone. Because.
Option B3c1c) Flea Uses The Masterful Wrestling Moves He Just Learned From Watching Rock Crusher With Loog To Escape The Princess’s Hold
Option B3c2) Flea Follows Inconspicuously, Because Privacy Is The Best Venue For Interrogation
Option B3X3) Flea Fights, Wings Be Damned!
Option B3X3a) Flea spits at Kroeg, Because She Wouldn’t Have Signed Up for This Unless She Expected to Die.
Option B3X3b) Flea Allows Kroeg to Hit Him with Her Club to Fake His Own Demise, Because He Knows Kroeg Wouldn’t Kill Him for Real. Really.
Option B3X3c) Flea Speaks!
Option B3X3 CONTINUED
Option B3c3) Flea Follows the Assassin at a Distance to Unravel His Evil Plot.
PART 3: The Trith!
Option B1) Spit Again, Because Ashes, You Survived the First One, So Why Not Try For Two.
Option B2) Use the Knife to Save the Trith.
Option B2a) Spit at the Corpse, Because It Made You Break a Sweat.
Option B2b) Frame Rat for Something She Plans to do Anyway.
Option B2c) Hack up the Body, Then Stash the Pieces.
Option B3) Get Out. Get Out Now.
Option B4) Stab the Trith with the Knife, Because Nobody’s Ever Done That Before.
Option B5) Bag Yourself a Trith, Because Nobody’s Ever Done That Before.
Option B6) Put the Fear of Flea into the Trith.
PART 4: Pandemonium
PART 5: The Final Choice
PART 1: Agent of Chaos
“Oh come on,” Flea whimpered, as they pulled his front foot across the laser block. “I told you I’ll get you your money.”
“You had money,” the big Hebbut holding him grunted. “Now you don’t. Now we take your money with feet.” It nodded to the other Hebbut holding the switch.
“Wait!” Flea cried, desperately wriggling under the gigantic oily paw holding him down on their boss’s desk. He would have glued Moxi and his two Hebbut henchmen given even half a chance, but one of them had set a ruvmestin-gilded paperweight on his klett, shutting off any excretions from his abbas and locking them inside his body. Which would suck. The whole situation sucked. They obviously didn’t understand he was a war hero, or that he had very important friends in Congress who would bail him out of a few credits in a heartbeat. “I am friends with Commander Zero and the Voran Jreet Representative! I can get you your money! I just need to contact them!”
The two Hebbut glanced at each other, then behind them at their putrid criminal overlord. Even for a Jahul, Moxi stank. He assaulted every pore of Flea’s skin with his powerful stench, even from where he reclined on his rancid couch nine digs away.
The sticky green Jahul sighed, plucking another wriggling black bug—a bug that looked uncomfortably like Flea himself—from his plate. He popped it into his big toothless mouth almost thoughtfully. Then Moxi said, “You have friends that can repay twenty million credits?”
Flea wasn’t exactly sure how much twenty million was, but if it was much more than the cost of a shuttle ride, he was pretty sure Daviin would squish him again. “Yes!” Flea cried quickly. “Important friends! They owe me. They would do anything for me!”
Moxi and his bulky Hebbut thugs looked at each other, the two goons still waiting for the signal to make the cut.
“I’m more interested in the Peacemaster,” Moxi said. “I’m told you have spoken to Jer’ait Ze’laa in person?”
“We’re friends!” Flea cried, desperate, now. He wouldn’t exactly say that he and Jer’ait were best of buddies—the last time he’d seen him, Jer’ait had shot at Flea for eavesdropping on one of his powwows with high-ranking Representatives and Peacemaker leadership—but he might still be able to call in a favor. Maybe.
Well, no, probably not, but all the tugging Moxi’s thick-handed thug was doing on his extended leg was bringing him close to dislocating the joint, and Flea was pretty much willing to say anything at this point to keep his leg. He hated growing back legs. They were so clumsy and made it so much harder to cling to the ceiling.
Besides, Daviin—the stingy greasebag—summarily halved Flea’s experience points if Flea lost legs during his adventures, because the Jreet claimed that a Human monk couldn’t lose legs, so it was cheating.
Stupid Jreet. Flea couldn’t wait to be Dungeonmaster. He’d take off points every time the huge, scaly warrior told someone to ‘dance on his tek’ or threatened them with his tek, or especially if he actually skewered someone with his tek. Daviin liked to play dwarves, and dwarves didn’t have huge poisonous spears sticking out of their chests, and therefore making people dance on them would be cheating.
Though telling Daviin he got half the experience for an adventure because he cheated would probably result in whatever edifice in which the Jreet was in when he received the news becoming reduced to a pile of rubble and the Peacemakers getting called in to pacify him before the prince could hurt himself. Because apparently, by becoming a Tribunal member, they were now more worried about Daviin hurting himself than they were about him bringing down hotel casinos by yanking out support posts. Which he’d done. Because Flea had gambled away the contents of their Joint Adventure Account on one of Daviin’s rare vacations a few turns back instead of going to the café to get their lunch.
Still reclined on his greasy couch, Moxi plucked another wriggling creature off the platter, this time eying it thoughtfully. “The Peacemaster and I…” The slick-skinned Jahul twisted the disgusting black bug this way and that, allowing it to glisten in the light. “…need to have an understanding.” He squished the bug between his thick forefingers, making its little black legs twitch and go still. “He’s been confiscating my peysh and karwiq lately—haven’t managed to get a single shipment through the Old Territory in six rotations. That needs to stop.”
“I can stop him,” Flea agreed quickly. “Just let me go. I can get close enough to get a message to him.”
“I’ll let you go after he agrees,” Moxi said.
That made Flea a little more uncomfortable. “Okay, yeah…”
“First,” Moxi said, “you’re going to get him on the vidcom.”
Flea felt his doom rapidly approaching. “I don’t have his direct channel,” he managed.
