Think twice, p.12
Think Twice, page 12
part #1 of Don't Even Think About It Series
You were wearing a yellow dress. You’d just cut your hair and were afraid I wouldn’t like it.
Did you like it?
Their eyes locked. Of course. You looked beautiful. You always did. You always do.
They sat in silence. He cleared his throat. “I should get going.”
“Where are you off to?”
“Olivia is working in the children’s ward. I’m meeting her in the lobby.”
Oh. That’s why he’s here. I thought he came to see me.
I did come to see you.
You know what I mean.
“Mackenzie…” he started, but then stopped. What was there to say? He tapped the armrests with his fingers.
“Sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I appreciate you coming. It was good to see a friendly face.” She felt a surge of emotion. I miss you.
I miss you, too, he thought.
Another surge. You do?
He flushed. Of course I do. You were my best friend.
You were mine, she thought. Do you remember when we met?
He snapped his fingers. Preschool. You were crying because you missed your mom.
You gave me a cookie to cheer me up.
You told me oatmeal cookies weren’t real cookies and to come back when I had a chocolate chip one.
Mackenzie laughed. I was such a bitch! I can’t believe you were so nice to me.
No, you were right. I hated oatmeal cookies, too. He smiled as another memory came to him. Remember when I snuck out of my fire escape to watch the eclipse with you?
She smiled. What were we, ten?
Twelve. I can’t believe I got away with that.
What about the time my parents caught us making out? You ran out of my room so fast you were like the Road Runner. Practically made a hole in the wall.
He looked down at the floor. She’d shifted the conversation back to when they were dating, and he didn’t know how to respond.
You broke my heart, he thought.
Her eyes filled with tears. I’m sorry.
He nodded. I know. We were young. You were scared.
I’m still scared. Her throat tightened and she felt sick. My mom, Cooper, my mom!
He reached over and smoothed the hair around her face. It was a simple gesture, but it made the tears spill down her cheeks.
He put his arms around her and let her cry on his shoulder.
When a doctor in scrubs came into the waiting room, Cooper pulled back and took Mackenzie’s hand. They walked over to the window where her family was seated.
Mackenzie held her breath.
“She did great,” the doctor said. “We did have to remove part of her larynx, but we’re hoping she’ll regain her speech soon.”
“Hoping?” Cailin asked.
“Yes,” the doctor said. “She won’t sound quite the same, but we’re extremely optimistic about the results. She can start speech therapy as soon we remove the tracheostomy tube.”
“What about the cancer?” her father asked. That was the real question. The one they were all afraid to ask.
“We believe we got it all.”
Mackenzie’s father sank into his chair. His shoulders sagged with relief.
“Can we see her?” Cailin asked.
“Not right away. She’s still in recovery. We’ll let you know when she wakes up.”
Cooper squeezed Mackenzie’s hand. Mackenzie squeezed back.
Mackenzie was all choked up. Her mother was going to be okay.
“You should go home now,” her dad said to her. “You’re probably exhausted. We’ll call you when she wakes up.”
There he goes, babying her again, Cailin thought. Although she does look kind of tired. “Yeah, Mackenzie. We’ve got it covered,” she said.
“I’m staying right here,” Mackenzie said, suppressing a smile. They were annoying, but they were still family. At least they were always there for her.
Cooper squeezed her hand again. I’m always here for you, too.
* * *
Olivia was in the children’s ward when she heard Cooper’s thoughts. She’d been reading to five-year-old Fiona Walber from the fourth book in the Ivy & Bean series.
Cooper missed Mackenzie? He would always be there for her? What was wrong with oatmeal cookies? Olivia loved oatmeal cookies.
She’d also picked up a few of Mackenzie’s thoughts, and was now feeling sick to her stomach. It was obvious Mackenzie wanted him back.
Olivia knew Cooper would be stopping by the waiting room. It wasn’t like he’d tried to hide it. She also knew that she should probably go down there, too. It was the right thing to do. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t face them.
Mackenzie had a power over him that Olivia had never understood, and how could you compete with something you didn’t understand?
Wasn’t their little tête-à-tête in the waiting room proof enough?
What would happen now? Would he realize he was still in love with Mackenzie? Would he keep denying it—to her and to himself—and string Olivia along? For how long? The rest of the school year? Over the summer? What about next year? Should she just go to Johns Hopkins and call it a day? What if she lost her ESP? What if she lost everything? What should she do? Go to Johns Hopkins? Go to NYU? She had to make a decision before they gave her scholarships away.
She felt cold. And lightheaded.
Was she going to pass out? She was going to pass out.
“Keep reading!” Fiona demanded, motioning to the book in Olivia’s lap. “Why did you stop?” Olivia looks funny, she thought. Maybe she has a hernia, too.
Do not pass out. Do not pass out. You are here to learn to be a doctor, not become a patient. Get it together.
“I’m sorry,” Olivia said, her hands shaking.
“Were you daydreaming about your boyfriend?”
“Yes,” she said. But it wasn’t a daydream. It was a nightmare.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
That night, Tess’s mother was going to a show with a few colleagues from work and wouldn’t be home for hours. She reminded Tess that BJ wasn’t allowed over while she was out. Also, that Tess was not to sample the cookies on the kitchen table. They were for her book club tomorrow. “You might want to think about watching the snacks before prom,” she said on the way out. “You’ll have those pictures forever, you know.”
Tess had her mother’s dark olive skin, but much to her mother’s disappointment, not her tiny dress size. Tess no longer cared what her mother thought. She was quite happy with her body. Plus, BJ believed she was the sexiest woman alive.
Tess ignored her mother entirely. She popped a cookie in her mouth as soon as her mom was out the door and then invited BJ over.
A text popped up from Olivia. Do you have time to talk?
She typed back while munching. BJ on his way over. Can it wait until tomorrow? Everything ok?
Three dots.
Tess waited. She ate another cookie.
Yeah. Can you meet me before homeroom in the cafeteria?
OK.
Later, while BJ played with her hair, Tess wondered why Olivia wanted to meet. They were friends, but not best friends. These days Olivia spent most of her time with Cooper.
“What time did you say your mom will be home?” BJ asked, nibbling on her ear.
“What if Olivia lost her ESP?”
“It’s not her ESP,” BJ said, moving down to her neck. “She would have texted everyone.”
“Probably,” Tess said, turning to look at him. “Maybe it has something to do with Cooper. Did you see him at Teddy’s party? He was beyond wasted.”
“I’m still hungover myself,” BJ said. “I might need medical attention, doctor. Maybe a little mouth-to-mouth?”
“That must be some hangover. The party was a week ago.” Then she frowned. “Are you really not feeling well?” She put her hand to his forehead. “You’re not getting sick, are you? You can’t get sick—the boat party is in a few weeks, and then there’s prom, and then—”
“I do feel a little dizzy,” he interrupted. “I might roll onto the floor. Maybe you should tie me to the bed and—”
She sat up and hit him with her pillow. “Can you be serious for a minute? Are you okay or not?”
“Ooh, the lady likes it rough,” he said, tossing the pillow back at her. “I’m fine,” he said. At least I will be as soon as we get naked.
“But what about Olivia?”
“She can get naked, too, if she wants.”
She laughed. “You wish.” She rolled over and planted a big, juicy kiss on his lips. He was a pervert, but he was her pervert.
* * *
After BJ left Tess’s, he went to McDonald’s.
It happened while he was waiting in line. He was getting a Chicken McWrap. He loved the McWraps. He had at least one a day, sometimes for breakfast, sometimes as a late-night snack.
But not tonight. Tonight, he ran straight back to Tess’s apartment.
Tess was sitting on her couch having some tea and writing in her diary. She loved to drink tea while she wrote. It felt like such a writerly thing to do.
Her mom had just come home and was about to get ready for bed. “How many cookies did you have?” she asked, glancing at the plate on the coffee table.
“Just a few,” Tess droned. She didn’t add that BJ had had a few, too.
Before her mother could reply, Tess’s phone rang.
“It’s me,” BJ said. “I’m in the lobby. We need to talk.”
“Come up,” she said. “But I have to warn you, she’s home.”
Her mother raised an eyebrow.
“No,” he said. “You come down. It’s private.”
“Okay, just give me a sec,” she said, suddenly anxious. What was so important—and private—that couldn’t wait until morning?
“Was that BJ?” her mother asked, brightening. She liked BJ. A lot. Of course, it didn’t hurt that he flirted with her.
“Yeah,” Tess said, throwing on a sweater. “We’re going for a walk.”
“But it’s almost eleven!” Though really, her mother looked more disappointed than worried. “Why can’t he come up?”
“I don’t know! He wants me to come down.”
“Well, I hope you’re going to change. At least put on some lipstick.”
Tess resisted the urge to laugh. She didn’t think he’d care that she was wearing sweatpants. Not after seeing her naked.
As soon as she stepped out of the elevator, she knew something was wrong. It was written all over his face. His eyebrows were pushed together, his forehead deeply etched.
Shit, he thought.
What happened?
He kept clenching and unclenching his fists.
BJ?
He didn’t answer.
She felt cold all over. Say something, damn it!
Shit, shit, shit.
“What happened?” she asked again, this time out loud.
She knew what he would say, even without his thinking it.
“It’s gone.”
“When?” she asked.
“I was getting a McWrap.”
“After you left here, you went to McDonald’s?”
He shrugged. “I was hungry.”
“And?” She waited for him to continue.
“I was listening to the girl in front of me have this debate with herself about whether the guy she’d hooked up with was going to call. Should she have slept with him on the first date. Should she call him. Should she text him. Should she show up at his apartment. And then suddenly I got this intense pain in my head and I started to get dizzy—”
“Omigod,” Tess said. “You were feeling dizzy earlier tonight. I thought you were joking!”
His lips twitched. “I was a little dizzy, but then it passed. And then it came back.”
“It did?”
“At first. But then I couldn’t hear anything. And the worst part? The girl’s phone rang a second later and I didn’t know if it was him!”
“That’s the worst part?” Tess asked.
No! I mean, yes. I mean, I’m so used to knowing stuff automatically and now I can’t know anything at all. I can’t believe this happened. What do I do now?
“We’ll figure it out together,” Tess said with more confidence than she felt. What was to figure out? His ESP was gone. Dead. Defunct. “Everything’s going to be all right.” Would it? That part of their life, that special bond, was over. How could it be all right?
He jumped back. “You can still hear me?”
“Of course I can still hear you.” What did he think? He knew how this worked. She hadn’t lost her powers. She could still hear everyone.
I don’t want her listening to me if I can’t listen to her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling a little put out. “There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Stop it!” BJ said. I don’t want her to hear me!
“You’re acting crazy,” Tess snapped. But then she felt bad. He was upset. He was lashing out. Who knew how she’d react if the situation were reversed?
I need to get out of here.
“I’ll come with you. We’ll talk more.”
He shook his head. “No. I need to be alone.” I need to think. Without you.
She felt like she’d been slapped. What was happening? They’d always been a team. Now he was shutting her out. “Do you want me to text the others?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from breaking.
“No! Just…no! Don’t tell anyone!”
“They’re going to find out anyway,” she said. “We might as well get it over with.”
“Just don’t, okay? I don’t want them talking about me. I don’t even want them thinking about me.”
“BJ, come on.”
“I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll call you later, okay?” He turned and walked away, leaving her standing in the lobby.
It was the first time he’d ever told her he needed time alone.
It was the first time he’d needed it.
* * *
“Thanks for meeting with me,” Olivia said, fidgeting with her spoon. “I know we haven’t hung out much lately, but I didn’t know who else to talk to. You’re the only one who would understand my issue.”
Olivia was smart, she was pretty, and she was nice. She had made lots of friends the past few years, but had basically put them all on the backburner for Cooper.
All of us liked her, of course. At least, we used to like her before her thoughts started to spiral again. Cooper, Mackenzie, Cooper, Mackenzie, NYU, Johns Hopkins.
“No problem,” Tess said, her curiosity piqued. “What’s up?” She tried to read Olivia’s mind, but even now, all she got was Cooper this, Cooper that. Cooper, Cooper, Cooper.
Olivia heard Tess’s thoughts and blushed.
It was just before eight the next morning. They were in the almost-empty cafeteria, having juice and oatmeal. Tess picked up her juice, then put it back down. Picked it up again, put it down again. She looked at the door.
“Tess? You all right?”
She didn’t answer.
“Oh. My. God,” Olivia said, reading Tess’s mind. “BJ lost his ESP?”
Tess frowned. “Don’t say anything to him. He’s upset.”
“I won’t. But won’t he…” Olivia had been about to say, won’t he find out that I know? But then she realized he wouldn’t. How could he? “Another one down,” she said grimly.
But why did it have to be him? Tess thought. Why couldn’t it be one of the others? Like Sadie, for instance. She couldn’t care less.
Or Levi, Olivia thought. He just uses it to pick up girls. It would be good for womankind if he lost it.
“We could be next,” Tess said. “Any of us could.”
Olivia shuddered. How would she know what Cooper was thinking?
“You could always ask him,” Tess said.
Olivia shrugged. “He’s not good with feelings.” At least not with me. He has no trouble telling his feelings to Mackenzie.
Is that what this is about? Mackenzie and Cooper?
Olivia shrugged. No. Yes. She looked down at her oatmeal. “I just don’t know what to do. Do I go for the better program or stay here and go to NYU to stay with Cooper?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“Well...” Everyone else thinks it’s a bad idea! But you’re the only one who would understand! You’re going to school with your boyfriend!
“It’s not the same thing. We’ve been together forever.”
Olivia picked at her thumb. “What, so you guys are more likely to make it?”
Yes, Tess thought. She thought about last night. Maybe. She shook her head. “It’s not just that. We both wanted to go to Berkeley.”
Lucky.
“So you never worry about what would happen if you broke up?” Olivia asked.
“No,” Tess said. “Not really.” At least, she never used to. “What does Cooper think?”
“That’s the problem! I don’t know!” Olivia cried. “I listen to him all the time and he never thinks about college!” He never thinks about me, either.
Never?
Okay, not never. But not enough. Olivia sighed. I know what you’re thinking. That he’s not as in to me as I’m in to him, so I can’t pick NYU.
Tess raised an eyebrow. I wasn’t thinking that. But it sounds like you are.
I don’t know what to do! I can’t leave him! But I can’t stay! I don’t want to make the wrong decision! What’s the right thing to do? Tell me what to do!
Tess leaned closer. “I can’t! I don’t know!”
Olivia fell back in her chair.
“So how often do you listen in on Cooper, exactly?”
Olivia picked her thumbnail. “It’s not like he doesn’t know. He hears me think about it later.”
“You’re kind of one step away from being a stalker,” Tess said. “You’re obsessing a little, huh?”
Olivia put her head down on the table. “A little? I can’t stop.” It’s too much. The enhancement, Mackenzie, losing our powers, the choices. I can’t take it. My brain hurts.
“So stop obsessing!”
