Hidden hearts, p.24
Hidden Hearts, page 24
Roz looked at her with tears in her eyes. “I asked for more than I hoped I needed . . . because I didn't want to ask twice. And the check he held was for double what I asked for.”
Then it should more than get them through. Brandy smiled. “Well, it's yours. I believe in this place.”
“It's a loan.” Roz emphasized the last word. “Not a gift. It will get repaid—every penny—and my hope is to hand most of it back to you as soon as the government grant money comes in.”
Brandy looked around the table as if to explain. “It was a windfall.”
“It was payment for bullshit,” Roz muttered.
Brandy laughed and Beck added, “If we got adequately paid for bullshit, none of us would be in this position.”
Roz laughed too hard for a moment. As if it was all a little too much.
Brandy continued. “That’s true. I got lucky. I considered it karma for the shit that went down with Theo.”
At Lynzee’s confused look, Brandy told the whole table about how she'd locked herself in the bathroom fifteen minutes before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. About how Theo had slept with her sister and then lied about not doing it and had even bribed Sammy to get her on board. Eventually though, Sammy had caved.
The others seemed to have already known most of it. Well, Ash knew all of it. Beck and Roz seemed to have picked up pieces here and there. But Lynzee's mouth fell open. “He did that?”
“All of it,” Brandy admitted, feeling a rank fool and thinking she had a smidgeon of understanding how Roz had felt with her son here, actively belittling her. Theo at least hadn’t done that.
Then she turned to Roz again. “What if it's not a loan?”
She looked at the rest of them. “I mean, I’d like to have a fraction of it back.” She rattled off a number. “I'd eventually love to have that in my savings. Maybe use it as a down payment on my own place.”
“Of course,” Roz assured her again. “I'll gladly pay every penny of it back. I don't want charity.”
Brandy thought about the small part she wanted back. She was thinking she wanted to stay here, but her feelings on that might be contingent on whether or not she could get Ash back.
She couldn't help it. Her eyes darted across the table to him, catching the blue of his that seemed to have been deeper these past few weeks.
She'd heard him. She knew she could never undo going back to LA with Theo. But maybe she could convince him that what they had was real. Maybe there was a way forward.
She turned to Roz and asked more clearly, “What if it's an investment?”
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
It was a week later that Ash noticed the mood around the dinner table. It had been better since Calvin left. Since Brandy offered up her money, and Roz said she didn’t even need anyone’s salary.
It was true that money couldn't buy happiness, but it certainly could change unhappiness. Roz's underlying tension was gone. She had never explained, and no one had asked what Calvin had said about her failing at previous businesses or being put on psych hold. As far as Ash was concerned, whatever it might be, if she had it under control, then she had it under control and it wasn’t his place to ask.
He wouldn't begrudge any kind of recovering addict either and, honestly, the number of times that he’d left his family and then went back years later made him feel like a relapsed addict himself. So, no, he would not judge Roz.
She was lighter, it was obvious. The smiles crinkled at the corners of her eyes more than they had before. The food even got a little bit better. Whether that was because there was a little money to go around, or simply because the people weren't quite under the stress of the shoestring budget, he couldn’t tell. Hell, Roz and Beck had shared the stress of knowing that it wasn't a shoestring budget, but a thread already starting to fray.
Though everyone around him was doing better—even Lynzee was present and participating, already moved into the fourth cabin—Ash didn't feel any better.
Roz refused to speak about business at the dinner table, but now they were each eating with a dog sitting at their side, waiting patiently. They were taking them back to their cabins in the evenings and training them to live in a room with a person.
Beck even had them waking up in the middle of the night and faking needing help. Ash wouldn’t miss when that ended, but he did find he liked having a companion.
He missed the kittens, and he missed Brandy.
They'd had a class about the incoming humans with Roz showing pictures of who the dogs were being matched to. Ash had gone so far as to show the pictures to the dogs. Graduation would happen without the underlying fear that one thing going wrong could tank the whole sanctuary.
Only, the underlying tension in him hadn't changed. He knew what it was, too.
Shouldn't he be getting over her by now? Shouldn't something give? Shouldn't he feel better about the decision that he'd made?
If he compared it to any other big decision in his life, it didn’t feel the same. When he had broken up with Rena all he'd felt was overwhelming relief. Each time he decided to cut off his mother, he felt freer. Yet here he was—he'd cut Brandy off. Not as a friend, not as a coworker, but as whatever they had been.
Everything was fine—or so he told himself. He no longer had a lover. He stopped himself when he wanted to run to tell her something. He no longer had his falsely inflated hopes to curl up with at night.
Ash didn't feel lighter. He felt heavier.
“I will be here with the dogs for Thanksgiving,” Roz announced, a big grin on her face. No one asked if she was going to have Thanksgiving with her son. In fact, probably no one wanted to.
The subject of Calvin had not been brought up again or the fact that Calvin had a different last name than the boss lady.
“I can handle all the dogs by myself,” she said, “so you're all free to go for the weekend. Does Wednesday through Saturday sound good?”
“It sounds really good,” Beck perked up. “I have plans for Thanksgiving Day. Is it okay if I take the car out overnight?”
He was the last one Ash had expected to have plans. They all knew now that he'd sold his car to fund the Sanctuary. He was using Roz's car where he could.
“However you need it.” She said it with confidence, as though she didn't even calculate for her being stuck on the mountain without it. Ash guessed she had the van if she really needed it.
Not having any family he was willing to spend the day with, Ash expected to be here himself. He volunteered.
“I’m staying, too.” Brandy said. “I just went home and visited, and I’ll be glad to not have to deal with the travel again.”
Lynzee curled one lip. “My mom is expecting me. But it’s close, so I’ll just be out for the day on Thursday.”
The conversation moved as though there was a small wall between him and Brandy. Everything else flowed freely. If anyone else noticed it, they didn’t say anything.
“I know we aren’t supposed to talk business at dinner. But I had a question,” Brandy asked. When Roz shot her the stink eye, she added with a polite smile, “So please tell me when dinner is officially over, and I can ask.”
A while later, when the plates were empty and they started to stand to carry the dishes back, Roz told her she could ask.
“Why are we still operating on a threadbare budget?”
They all looked at her like she was crazy.
She defended the choice. “I think we should spend some of the money on converting the other rooms.”
Roz looked at her, “I don't want to overspend. I want to use it wisely.”
“I totally agree. I am absolutely a silent partner here. Not even a partner! My investment is miniscule. And obviously, I’m sucking at being silent. However, I’m just throwing it out there.” She stood with a dish in each hand and looked at each one of them in turn. It had become far more of a democracy once the floodgates had been opened.
“Look, I don't have many good things to say about Theo, but he did teach me about investing and managing money. We know that startup businesses perform better in the long run—much less likely to fail—if they're well-funded at the start. Operating on a shoestring budget can be penny wise and pound foolish.”
Roz started to open her mouth and Brandy waved her one dish at her to ward her off. “I know that's not what you did. Penny wise and pound foolish refers to when you actually have pounds to invest. You were making the best decisions based on what you had at the time. However, that’s not the case anymore. I think it's worth considering what kinds of things would get this business running better, faster.”
Ash looked to Roz then Beck. Then he caught Lynzee looking around, too. She might be young, and she might be hourly, but she’d volunteered her salary, too. She deserved a voice. He also had to admit that Brandy might be right.
They’d been thinking under old constraints that didn’t exist anymore.
“How many dogs can we train in the next round?”
“Five,” Roz answered quickly.
“But you want to train more per round, right?”
Roz nodded, the look on her face told Ash she wasn’t dismissing the idea out of hand.
“What's limiting that?” Brandy asked.
“We have kennels for more than five. So, it’s not that.” Beck pointed out. “And graduating more in the second class gets more money in faster.”
Brandy nodded and let him run with it.
“The staff now has a much better idea of what they're doing,” he set down the stack of plates he’d been taking into the kitchen, his eyes off in the corner of the room as he calculated. “If we train two dogs of the same skill set, we could train almost double the number of dogs for very little extra effort. What limits us is the number of rooms to put people in when they come to graduate.”
Roz loaded dishes directly into the industrial dishwasher that they never seemed to quite fill. “That's a really valid point. But maybe we can still save the money. The rooms are useless when empty—we heat and pay for this place every day regardless. So maybe we can stagger the graduations.”
Ash jumped into the conversation now. They were hitting his forte. “That would mean staggering the costs of testing incoming dogs and getting shelter fees or grants again. It would mean we don’t take such a big hit if a dog washes out.”
He was comfortable with the idea, though he wasn’t saying it directly to Brandy. Even if it was her idea to start. Even if he wanted to tell her.
He also knew he hated the idea that it was Theo who was helping them out. But it wasn't, it was Brandy, simply using the things she could from the bad situation she'd been in. At least she got something out of it.
Beck added more in. “Staggering the graduations should be fine. It does mean probably a couple of weeks between because the dogs who are in the second round will get less time and attention while the others do their specific trainings with their human, and they won't get quite as much training then.”
“Also, just to give ourselves a buffer should something go . . . less than smooth,” Ash added, and they all nodded.
Lynzee spoke, her voice soft. “It also depends on you having the same amount of staff that you have right now.”
Nobody seemed to follow. But Ash did. So, he said it. “Brandy's leaving after the first graduation. Which means that we lose an experienced dog trainer. We can hire someone, but they won’t know exactly what Jade River Sanctuary does.”
They’d have to take time to train the new person. He was looking to Beck, wondering what the man thought, but Roz turned to Brandy.
“He's got a very valid point with that. That might be where the money needs to go—training your replacement. Unless?” Roz waited a beat and asked it out loud. “You'd like to stay for another cycle?”
His heart broke yet again, and he hated himself for waiting on her answer.
CHAPTER SIXTY
If Brandy had expected a subdued Thanksgiving, she was in for a surprise.
Roz had shooed her out of the kitchen early Thursday morning but, from the produce, cans, and assorted items on the counter, it was clear that she had plans.
However, as she pushed Brandy out the door and closed it behind her, her boss warned her. “I'm only a decent chef, but I want to do what I can.”
Brandy had been unceremoniously plopped into the hallway, the kitchen door clicked firmly behind her. She turned and found Ash looking at her.
“Clearly any attempts to enter the kitchen are not going to fly today,” he told her. His tone was a bit jovial. Had he softened toward her?
“Strictly verboten!” she answered with a smile.
Something clattered to the floor and Roz called out quickly, “Everything is fine!”
“What’s happening in there?” Ash asked conspiratorially, as she had actually managed to see inside, and he hadn’t.
Brandy could only shrug. She had no real idea. Roz hadn’t let her look long enough to put any of the pieces together. “Just the usual traditional stuff?”
Roz had been clear that they were taking the day off—no training. She’d fed the dogs in the morning and played with them already.
Without being able to help in the kitchen, and no assigned tasks, Brandy didn't know what to do. Her cabin was warm, but tiny. The grounds outside were wide open, but chilly.
With a tip of his head, Ash turned and walked away. Even though they weren't training today, he'd said something about the clinic yesterday. As Brandy inadvertently followed along, thinking she might take the dogs out in the yard and throw the ball or find a stick, Ash was already ahead of her.
Everything to do was already covered or called off.
Wherever she went, it was going to be lonely. She headed back to the cabin for a little bit, enjoying the warmth that enveloped her as she headed inside. The mountaintop had grown as cold as the space between her and Ash. It had been far too long, but not long enough for her heart to get over him.
She scrounged her way through her own tiny kitchen and put together an egg sandwich. She ate it at her table, scrolling through social media, grateful that Roz had made sure there was adequate signal on the mountain top.
As she chewed, Brandy wondered had she made the wrong decision? Should she have gone home for the holiday?
Her family was large. Her mom had told her Rick had to work today and wouldn't make it until Friday. But everyone else would be there. For a disturbing moment, Brandy wondered if Theo was included, as he was now confirmed as the father of their first grandchild. Still, Brandy thought, she would have been around family.
She turned the phone the other direction and started tapping at it, waiting while it rang and enjoying her mother's exuberant, “Brandy! It's so good to hear from you.”
“I just wanted to check in and wish everybody a happy Thanksgiving.”
“Right now, I’m in the middle of cutting apples for the pie.” Oh, just the thought of a good Blackwell apple pie made her mouth water. “Let me hand you over to your father.”
Brandy didn't tell her no, even though she fully understood that getting handed over to her father meant getting handed off one by one to everyone else. Maybe she could shut that down. But her father kept her on the line for a few minutes to himself. “How is the dog training going?”
“The training is really good. We are on track to graduate all four remaining dogs on time!” She paused and thought through something she’d learned. “I liked my regular job, but there’s something really cool about seeing the names and faces of the people who will get these dogs. It’s direct good if that makes sense.”
“It does!” he agreed and asked, “Are there enough people left behind to make Thanksgiving worthwhile?”
“Only three of us today and I just got booted from the kitchen. From the looks of it, we're getting a full multi-course meal tonight.”
Her dad next handed her off to Gary Jr, then to the twins. Then, without any irony at all, he took the phone back and sadly informed her that Sammy had not yet arrived. “You’ll miss the chance to talk to your sister, unless you call back later. Or I can tell her to call you!”
“Just tell her I said Happy Thanksgiving,” Brandy said as politely as possible before she hung up. Had her father remained that clueless or was he simply that optimistic? Probably a combination of both.
Though Sammy had finally had enough of Theo, it wasn’t enough to set things right. Brandy was grateful her sister saved her from playing the fool for any longer. But that didn’t change that her dirty ex fiancé had talked Sammy into accepting money to say it was Curtis’s baby. Or that Sammy had slept with him in the first place!
Grabbing a book, Brandy headed into the lodge where at least she could be inside and be warm, but the four walls would be different. At the back door, she was greeted by six exuberant dogs. Not only were Shadow and Astra loose in the main area, but so were all four training dogs. Brandy was glad they were just getting to be regular puppies today.
She settled into one of the big leather chairs, thinking that she would be on hand if anything dropped, shattered, or caught on fire in the kitchen. Though there were a series of noises, each time something clattered, Roz called out “I'm fine! Everything's fine!”
Brandy read until she was hungry again, at which point she forced her way into the kitchen, demanding some level of food from Roz.
Pushing a metal baking bowl at her, Roz pointed inside to the puffs there. Brandy popped one into her mouth before she recognized it. “Oh, these are delicious.”
“I hope it's okay . . . that I made them.” Roz turned back to the apple pie she was putting together. Brandy would get some anyway and try not to compare it to her family’s recipe.
“Why would it not be okay that you made them?” Brandy grabbed a second one, the savory sausage and cheese flavor melting on her tongue.
“Good point,” Roz replied as though Brandy had said something profound. She popped one into her own mouth. “I've been snacking on them all day.” But then her expression grew wistful as she looped back to where she'd started. “I was told for years not to make them. That they were poor or trashy.”
