Chaos, p.1
Chaos, page 1
part #5 of The Zara Chronicles Series
Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Monday, October 8
Tuesday, October 9
Wednesday, October 10
Thursday, October 11
Friday, October 12
Saturday, Octboer 13
Sunday, October 14
Author's Note
More Books by Scarlett
Find Scarlett Online
Chaos
The Zara Chronicles #5
Scarlett Haven
Copyright © 2019 Scarlett Haven
http://scarletthaven.net
All rights reserved.
Cover by Scarlett Haven
Edited by Janet at Dragonfly Editing
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, places, events, or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
Monday, October 8
Spoiled.
Camden and I kissed on Friday and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me, but a lot has happened since then, and now it’s Monday. I have to go back to school and everything is going back to normal. I’m just not sure what ‘normal’ is between Cam and me. Are we going to kiss again? Are we just friends? Are we more? I simply don’t know, and I’m kind of scared to ask him.
After the kiss, Cam asked me not to tell the other guys. He told me it wasn’t because he was ashamed of me or anything like that, but part of me wonders if he is ashamed of what happened. The other part of me is glad we’re not telling them because Cam isn’t the only guy on my team, I have feelings for. I don’t even want to think about that right now, though.
How do I act around Cam? How do I act around the other guys? I know my mom said to ‘date them all,’ but could I really do that? Could I really date all five guys? If I did, I feel like somebody would end up getting hurt and that isn’t what I want. They’re my friends and teammates, first and foremost. I can’t stand the thought that I could ever cause them to hurt. I can’t. I won’t.
Zach isn’t home today. He’s been obsessed with finding out who caused the plane crash and whoever left the note. I don’t blame him for that, but I do miss him. The guys have been taking turns staying over. Camden is currently downstairs, waiting for me. We have to leave for school, but I am nervous about seeing him.
I look at myself in the mirror one last time.
When I first came to Spy School, I hated the school uniform. I thought it made me look like everybody else. Now, I see the small differences in everybody’s uniforms. I actually sewed mine so that the skirt is a little shorter. I hated how long it was. Now it goes to my mid thighs. I’m wearing leggings under my skirt though, because it’s freezing in Switzerland this time of the year. I have on a pair of black, fuzzy boots. I don’t care if they make me look basic, they’re super comfy. Almost like wearing house slippers. I also have a pair of tennis shoes in my backpack for when I have to run later.
Dylan has been training me every single day. I’m not as strong as the rest of the guys, but I am getting better. I can run farther and I can fight harder. It’s a slow process, but I’m not worried. I know as long as I keep working, I’ll get there.
I’m wearing a white, button up t-shirt with a light gray sweater vest. I also have on a blue tie that we are all forced to wear, but I kind of like the tie. It makes me feel like a hipster or something.
My hair, as always, is down. It’s naturally wavy. Everybody back home always tells me I have the perfect beach hair. All I know is that I like my hair. Especially now that I know I get my color from my dad.
I grab my messenger bag from my bed and put it over my shoulder. I know I can’t put off going downstairs anymore. I have to just suck it up and head down. Besides, I don’t think Cam is going to be weird about the whole kiss thing.
Cam is in the kitchen grabbing something out of the fridge as I come down. I see he has an energy drink in his hand.
“You want one?” he asks, holding it out.
Cam is cute. I thought so the first time I met him too, at least until he was a jerk to me. He has dark brown hair that is always styled. I’ve never actually seen him mess with his hair, but he must style it, right? How else can he get it to stay so perfectly? His blue eyes study me, probably making sure I have everything I need.
Camden is the leader of our team. He makes sure everybody is happy and that we’re all doing our job. I like that about him.
I also like his British accent which is kind of Americanized.
The rest of our team, besides Cam who is British, and Stefan who is a Kiwi, are American. I think we influence the others on our team. Not intentionally. It’s just... I feel like, since there are more of us, they try to adapt to what we like.
“Nah, but thanks,” I say, regarding the energy drink he’s offering. I honestly don’t need that much caffeine this early in the morning.
He opens the drink, gulping down half in one go.
“Are you ready?”
I nod.
He grabs his backpack from a chair at the table and walks towards the door. I follow him, locking the door to the house on the way out. I don’t even double check to see if I have my keys, because I know all of the guys now have a key to my house. They’re obviously more responsible than I am.
Cam opens the passenger side of the SUV for me and I smile at him as I get in.
All the guys are spoiling me, truly.
I’m surprised by how not-awkward things feel with Cam. I guess I expected them to be because of this kiss, but things just feel normal. Nothing has changed between us. It’s almost as if the kiss didn’t happen. Which isn’t what I wanted, but also maybe it’s for the best. I still haven’t had time to process what I’m feeling for each guy. I need more time.
“You look really beautiful today,” Cam says, as we drive to school.
I look down at my clothes, wondering what he means.
“Why do you look so confused?” he asks.
“I look just like I do every day,” I say. “I’m trying to figure out what made you compliment me.”
“You’re always beautiful,” he says. “I should tell you every day, but I don’t always get the chance.”
He says the words so casually, but the words cause my heart to race and my body to tremble. Cam means so much to me, and for him to think I’m beautiful is... exciting. That he is confident enough to tell me how he feels makes my feelings for him grow even more.
“Thank you,” I say, trying to sound calm, but my voice sounds shaky to my own ears. If Camden notices, he doesn’t say anything.
He pulls into a parking spot at school and shuts off the SUV. I don’t get out, knowing he will want to open my door. I grab my bag and by the time I look up, he’s got my door open. He holds out a hand to help me out.
“Thanks,” I say, once I’m out of the vehicle. He shuts the door and locks it before grabbing my hand. We hold hands as we walk towards the dining hall where the other guys are.
My heart is beating fast. Not just because of the beautiful boy who is holding my hand, but also because of the other four guys who will be waiting for us in the dining hall. I haven’t seen them since yesterday afternoon and I miss them. I always miss them when I’m away from them for a while.
Cam holds onto my hand, even as we walk inside the dining hall to grab our breakfast. I have come to expect it. All the guys hold my hand, not caring who sees. I sometimes wonder if others think it’s weird, but nobody has commented on it. Even if others did comment, I’m not sure I would care. I like holding their hands and will continue to do so no matter what anybody thinks.
Not feeling very hungry, I just grab half a bagel and a bottle of water. Cam and I walk over to sit down by the others.
Okay, now I feel awkward.
All the guys are looking at me as Cam and I walk to the table and I wonder if I look different to them.
Cam was my first kiss. And it was a good first kiss. None of the other guys know about me kissing him, though.
Should I tell them?
No, Cam asked me not to.
Still, I want to tell them. It doesn’t seem fair to keep this a secret from my guys.
Cam is the leader though. If he thinks it’s important to keep it a secret, I will. For now.
Tutoring.
This afternoon, the guys are taking their final map class and I will be tutoring somebody in math. I was supposed to start last week, but I was kidnapped and had to do the whole “torture training” thing, which I wish to never relive. Or even think about. Yep, let’s just pretend torture training never happened.
Still, part of me is glad that I went through it. I passed it. I can now be in on all the secrets the guys have, even though I feel like they’re still keeping something from me. I think soon they will tell me, they just have to tell me in their own time. I can respect that.
I sit in Mr. Brown’s classroom, looking over the notes he has for me. Whoever I am tutoring is actually really bad at math. They probably need to be in an easier math class, but there is only one math class for juniors in Spy School. It’s actually the last math class we need before we graduate. If whomever I’m tutoring fails, they’d have to take the class again next year, which would not be fun. I will do my best to make sure they pass.
As I look at their old work, I hear a noise at the door and look up to see...
“Taylor?” I say, but I raise my voice at the end so it comes out like a question.
Taylor was my roommate when I first arrived
“Zara,” she says, her face slightly red at the sight of me. I can tell she’s just as surprised to see me as I am to see her. She clears her throat before walking close to the table I’m sitting at. “Are you... here for tutoring, too?”
I think she already knew the answer to that question.
Mr. Brown doesn’t exactly keep quiet about my grades in class. He’s always either complaining about how good I do, or he’s telling the other students they should follow my example and do better. It’s kind of confusing. I don’t think he knows whether to love me, or hate me.
“I’m actually here to tutor you,” I say.
“Oh,” she says, casting her gaze down. She bites the side of her lip and I think she’s about two seconds away from bolting. For some reason, seeing the torn look on her face makes my heart sink.
Taylor obviously needs help in math. If she wasn’t completely desperate, she would’ve left the second she saw me at the desk.
“Look, I know we haven’t exactly gotten along since I got here,” I say. Taylor still doesn’t look at me. “But I am willing to give this a shot. I can tutor you today. We can consider this our starting-over point. If I help you, you can show up next Monday and we can do this. If you don’t show up, then that is that. But I promise I will try hard and I will teach you as much as I can. This is a clean slate.”
Taylor looks up at me, her eyes hard. She clears her throat. “I don’t want people to know that I need help in math.”
“I won’t tell anybody,” I say.
Her eyes meet mine. She doesn’t say anything, she just looks at me, standing very still.
Taylor is beautiful. Like, Hollywood beautiful.
She’s tall, probably almost six feet, but she’s also very lean and fit. She seems like the kind of girl who spends hours a day in the gym, and she probably does. She has long, dark hair that she usually keeps in a messy bun on top of her head, and she has dark brown eyes. They’re so dark that they almost look black. Honestly, she is more beautiful than any supermodel I’ve ever seen.
I wouldn’t blame Cam if he liked her.
He doesn’t.
But if he did...
Gah, I’m jealous over something that isn’t real. It's all in my head.
Cam likes me.
Period.
But what if someday he gets another girlfriend? He can’t pine over me forever.
I stop those thoughts, not wanting to go to such a dark place. Instead, I wait for Taylor to give me her answer in regards to tutoring. Just because we don’t exactly get along doesn’t mean I can’t be a good tutor for her. I will be good and I will do my best to teach her.
“I can get you a passing grade in here,” I tell her. For some reason, I need to convince her that I can help her. “We will have to work hard. The time I spend with you on Mondays will be a lot of work, but I can give you notes to study through the week and you’ll find things will start making more sense the longer we work together. I promise to be nice to you. I would never belittle you because I’m better at math, because if you couldn’t tell, when we run laps in PE, you lapped me two times yesterday before the end of class.”
She smirks, a light finally shining in her eyes. “Fine. We will study math together, but if you tell anybody I am getting help from you, I will kick your butt.”
“I promise I won’t.”
“Not even Cam?” she asks.
“Not even Cam,” I say.
She nods, sitting down in the chair beside me.
I don’t think Taylor and I are going to become best friends anytime soon, but I do believe we now have an understanding.
Honestly, it could be worse.
Maybe Mondays won’t be so bad.
Taylor and I get started on math. I decide to start at the beginning with her. As promised, I give her my notes. I know she needs them a lot more than I do. And I leave the classroom feeling good about what we accomplished.
We kissed.
After my tutoring session with Taylor is over, Cam drives me home. Zach isn’t here, which I expected, but I’m still a little disappointed. I know I moved into his house for safety reasons, but I was excited to get to know my biological father.
Still, I know he loves me. He’s not here because he’s trying to figure out who has been threatening my life. I know he won’t stop until I’m safe.
“Are you staying the night?” I ask Cam, as we walk into the house.
He flicks the light on, looking around the space. “Yeah. I think somebody else might be coming early in the morning, though. I'll probably be gone when you wake up.”
I nod.
I want to talk to Cam about the kiss. It’s been on my mind most of the day. I feel like things aren’t awkward or anything, at least not as awkward as I built it up to be in my head, but I still think it’s something we should talk about. Almost immediately after it happened, everybody got distracted, so we never even brought it up again, but I need to know where I stand with him.
“Let’s sit and talk,” Cam says, almost as if he can tell what I’m thinking. Maybe he can. He’s really good at reading people. I know he’s in charge of our team because he’s good at making decisions under pressure, but I feel like there is a lot more to it than that.
I sit down on the couch. The same couch where Camden and I shared my first kiss. My face grows warm thinking about it.
It was a good first kiss.
I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them against me. It’s something I always do when I’m uncomfortable, but Cam grabs my hand so I can’t sit like that.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer. I turn towards him, but don’t meet his eyes. I just need time to think about what to say. How do I even bring this topic up? I’m beginning to think I imagined the whole thing and that we didn’t actually kiss.
“Talk to me,” Cam says.
I tilt my head up so I can look at him. He’s watching me in such an intense way that it nearly takes my breath away.
Camden is the leader of my team, but more than that, he is my friend. I can talk to him about anything and I’m being silly, so I decide to just talk about what’s bothering me.
“We kissed,” I say.
More words refuse to come out, so I leave it at that, unintentionally.
“Do you regret it?” he asks.
I shake my head.
He grins. “I don’t either.”
“But now I don’t know how to act around you,” I say. “I’ve never kissed anybody before, and I’m not sure what is supposed to happen now. Do we keep kissing? Do we pretend it never happened? Do we date?”
“Whatever you want to happen can happen,” Cam says.
Of course, he would say that.
Camden is noble, and he’s leaving the decision up to me.
Still, I wish he would decide, because I can’t. I need somebody to decide for me.
“I don’t know what I want,” I say, though it’s not exactly true.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he says.
I take a deep breath, wondering where to start. “I liked the kiss, a lot. And I want to kiss you again.”
“I want to as well,” he says.
I smile, but it quickly falls from my face and I bite my lip, uncertain how I should bring up the next part.
“The thing is, I like you,” I say. “A lot.”
“I like you a lot, too,” Cam says.
“But I also like somebody else,” I say.
Multiple somebody elses.
“Tristan?” Cam asks.
I nod.
“Dylan?”
I nod again.
“Austin? Stefan?”
I nod, one last time.
“I’m not sure what to do about it,” I say. “You mean a lot to me, but so do they. And I don’t want to hurt any of you guys.”
Cam doesn’t say anything for a moment, so I finally look at him. I expect to see worry on his face, or maybe even anger. But none of that is there. Instead, Cam is smiling at me.
