Lost in arcadia a novel, p.31
Lost in Arcadia: A Novel, page 31
**RonJeremiah has left a tip**
“Umm, thanks Ron,” she said aloud.
GetItOn: Ron couldn’t be more right.
GetItOn: If you don’t want to be with Gravedigger, how would you like to be a star? I’m working on a project right now that could use a model.
GetItOn: Well, a spokesperson. I’m in PR and we could use a new face.
StopDropnFuck: Oh shit dude, that’s a great idea. God I hate all those people on TV.
Guest839: Dude if you’re just handing out contracts, I could sure as hell use a job.
SurlyD: Shut up, no one wants you.
“Umm … yeah, I don’t know if I’m so interested…” Unless it would make him leave her be.
GetItOn: It’s legit, don’t worry. If you’ll send me your email, I’ll send you an application form. At minimum you’d get to be on national TV.
“I … um … I’ll PM it to you later.”
Guest60: I don’t have any fake contract, but I do have $100 if you’re giving out your email.
“Please don’t ask for that again, you or anybody else, you, too, GetItOn, or I’m going to have to get out the banhammer. That puts me in a bad mood.”
Guest60: Sorry, I was just joking.
“It’s okay, Guest60, I forgive you. But I feel kinda tired now, I’m going to get off. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
She didn’t send him her email, but after that he only became more insistent. When she didn’t respond to his PM for two days, he wrote back, saying, “I didn’t mean to seem aggressive or anything. I just want to meet up. No pressure. No games. btw, the app form I mentioned is online here http://43782dts.com/files/CPProject.pdf“
She wrote back with a single word—“no.” Then she put his account and IP on permanent ban for good measure.
When he found a way around that, she knew that shit had finally gotten stalker-level serious. She considered quitting her stream entirely, which she should’ve done after that not-so-subtle threat from her partner about playing by the rules. But she’d been damned if she was going to let a bunch of police brass slut-shame her into some false morality, and she’d be damned if she was going to let this prick change her life, either. The stream was the only thing that kept her going while she sleepwalked through the drudgery of life in uniform.
So fuck this guy. She PM’d him, saying she was ready to meet up, then cleaned her nine millimeter in anticipation.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
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Hey hey, it’s Milli Vanilli: Is Gravedigger a fake?
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Author: ProBeats
Joined: Sat. Jan. 3 2037
Location: The Rhythm Section
So last night I was hanging out on one of those sex chat things for whatever fucking reason (fwap), and one of the guys on it started ranting about how he made Gravedigger. As in, like, created him, not just helped the guy hit it big or wrote some rhymes for him or shit, but like the whole person. At first I was like this dude’s drunk our crazy or whatever and just saying shit. But then I was like wait, this makes some fucking sense.
Has anyone, and I mean a person and not a publicist or some hack journalist, ever spoken with the guy? He only does shows online or in venues where the security is carefully controlled, and in public he’s always hiding behind those masks. There’s gotta be something to the way he made his name not from real performances or anything but due to a buncha fanboys in Arcadia.
I started digging around on this but most of what I found were just some conspiracy theories that are pretty easily debunked by his official biography. But then I started thinking, “Wait, that’s his official biography, which was written by … his publicists.” I tried to track down some of the sources for it and haven’t come up with anything at all. Most of the people quoted pop up every now and then to say shit about him, but pretty much never on anyone else. This may sound stupid but I want to see a birth certificate. I want to see some verification that he’s not just a studio-made wannabe. He’s just too perfect, too radio friendly. What do you guys think, is there a real human behind that mask or is he just reciting rhymes given to him by Warner Music?
Author: Shadz
Joined: Sat. July 18, 2037
Location: Shadz
Goddamn you fucking shit you can’t just make up fucking crazy theories and throw them up here. I’ve been to the guy’s concerts and trust me, they’re legit. Liek I can tell you for sure that just because you’re seeing em in Arcadia, the music is being made totally live. I don’t know what his studio time is like but neither does anyone else. I mean, how do you fucking know the Beatles weren’t just given those songs either? It’s a stupid question and you’re wasting everyone’s time by asking it.
Author: LegendaryJ
Joined: Wed. March 1, 2034
Location: Atlanta, GA
What does it matter whether or not he’s “real”? He’s signed to a corporate label. Whether or not Wyatt Collins Jr. is legit or not is pretty immaterial to me, since either way I doubt he’s written a rhyme in his life. You shouldn’t be listening to that shit—keep it underground. Fenix or the Live2Die crew could shit on a slab of vinyl and it would be better than anything Gravedigger’s put out.
Author: NotoriousP.I.G.
Joined: Thurs. Oct. 1, 2037
Location: M.I.A.
Fuck you ProBeats, GDWAG 4EVA!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: TiffanyX
Joined: Sun. Oct. 25, 2037
Location: Playboy Manson
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Author: StackAttack
Joined: Tues. May 26, 2037
Location: Connecticut
You know what, I was wondering the same thing after I read this interview he did with Slate. It just sounded … too good? Not perfect exactly, but his edges seem intentionally rough. All of his off-the-cuff comments were a little too much what you’d expect them to be. Here’s a link to the piece I’m talking about: www.slate.com/articles/3423488. Also, the journalist’s description of him without a mask is almost exactly the same as what you find here: www.rollingstone.com/features/gravediggerp1.html.
There’s of course a few possibilities for why this is the case. It could be that the Slate guy copied the Rolling Stone guy, an old fashioned case of bad journalism … but when I went back and started reading through other articles on GD, they all started feeling eerily similar. I had trouble separating one from another because they hit on the same points. They describe him, sure, but I never get the feeling like the writer is in the same room as their subject. That may be why the same details pop up over and over again, prose about his facial structure and all that. They don’t have anything else to go on besides what they’re being fed, and whenever he’s in public he’s wearing a mask and shit. I mean, I know masks have a big history in rap, but you combine that with his whole online only performance thing and it makes you wonder…
Author: EpicEpoch
Joined: Sun. June 7, 2036
Location: The Dance Floor
The truth is out there … and it’s that you dumbasses are nuts. You shouldn’t be posting here on rappers delite, you should be on the conspiracy boards explaining your whacked out theories about how he’s an emissary from the greys, preparing for an invasion foretold by the great and powerful Xenu.
I never understand why there’s so much hate for the guy here. I get it, he’s successful, while your favorite artists aren’t, but he came from the underground like anyone else before getting signed. You want some articles about it? Here’s a live write-up from the Voice: www.villagevoice.com/live/review/july8.htm and BuzzFeed’s interview with him from before he had an album out: www.buzzfeed.com/mplayers/august235.html. If you’re too lazy to click on it yourself, here’s an excerpt:
Opening up tonight for Nostradahmer was Gravedigger, who—despite being almost completely unknown—blew the crowd away. He started out ferociously by rapping about the first time he got shot, which surprised the hell out of the venue’s audience, even given their hardcore expectations, and continued with an ode to the way drugs fueled his music, which he called “Mead for the Muse.” He ripped through a seven-song set, and while a couple of the tracks seemed incomplete, his performances were always stellar. This was a guy with fire in his belly, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see a major label scoop him up before the end of the year. He didn’t upstage the main act, especially since Nostradahmer gave his best performance in years, but he came damn close.
It’s a mighty stupid argument, and while you’re free to have your own opinions, stick to the music.
Author: ShirleyBNasty
Joined: Sun. Oct. 25, 2037
Location: http://tablix.com
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Author: NightclubDwight
Joined: Tues. Feb. 24, 2037
Location: Nice, Nice
Now that you mention it, there is something eerily similar about that piece in the Voice and this one from Pitchfork: http://pitchfork.com/news/467963-nostradahmer-takes-atlanta-by-storm. Also, those aren’t staff writers for either publication, they’re just freelancers. I don’t see Sasha Vierny covering any of his stuff early on, it’s always these writers no one’s ever heard of before.
Author: JayP423
Joined: Tues. Oct. 12, 2035
Location: Brooklyn, NY
That’s because those places, and a lot of other publications, use interns for live reviews because nobody actually reads them. And trust me, there’s no way something like that could get covered up. I’ve been freelancing for music publications for more than a decade, and while admittedly there’s a lot of shady shit that goes down (payola is real, let me tell you that much), the reviews are legit. There’s just no way someone could keep an artist as big as Gravedigger under wraps for that long.
And let’s talk about your source again: a camwhore site. I don’t think you’re insane for wondering about Gravedigger’s past. Some parts of it always seem more than a tad airbrushed to me, too, but that’s true of every major artist. You dig a little bit and you’ll always see some cracks in the surface, details that don’t quite make sense. But that’s because their publicist’s job is to tell you a story. They need to give you a compelling story behind the album or it’s all just noise, that’s what gives the music its meaning. Sometimes the music itself can do that, sure, but hearing from an artist that it’s about their struggle with their father or growing up as a drug dealer gives listeners a key, a direction to take their interpretation. When things don’t quite fit the story, they adjust here and there, give the bitch little nips and tucks until they do. But the bigger outline about an artist is going to be legit, and of course “existing” isn’t exactly a small point that they’re going to screw up.
Author BigRalph
Joined: Sun. May 1, 2033
Location: The Fridge
I get what you’re saying EpicEpoch, but you know how the internet works. If enough people and their networked computers agree that something’s true, then the consensus is what everyone believes regardless of the concrete, verifiable “facts” of a situation.
Here’s my question for both sides: how could any of you ever know for sure that Gravedigger is “real?” Even if it’s just an actor spouting lines, does that make the lyrics in any way less legitimate? The words and delivery are the same either way and so, frankly, is the performance.
I have no reason to believe that this ProBeats is any more real than Gravedigger, let alone the person he supposedly talked to on the sex channel. Still, I have to admit that despite my skepticism and questions as to its relevance (either way, I’ll be purchasing his next album), your idea has piqued my curiosity. Anyone here feel like hacking us up some government records to find out whether this Wyatt Collins Jr. fellow existed before 2025?
Author: EpicEpoch
Joined: Sat. June 7, 2036
Location: The Dance Floor
You guys completely misinterpreted me. What I was trying to say is that there is clear documentation, from multiple independent and might I add reliable sources, that Gravedigger is Gravedigger. I would much sooner debate whether orn ot you are a person, BigRalph, or just another screenname for ProBeats. Goddamn, guys like you are why I wonder why I spend so much fucking time explaining things like this to dumbshits online. This whole board is such a fucking joke.
Author: Bad_A$$
Joined: Sat. July 11, 2037
Location: NJ fo life
I like your farfetched story, ProBeats, and wish to subscribe to your poorly photocopied newsletter. Do you think that perhaps the Bilderberg Group is involved? If this links up to the Kennedy assassination the way I think it might, we may be onto one of the reptilians’ biggest cover-ups since Waco.
Author: ProBeats
Joined: Sat. Jan. 3, 2037
Location: The Rhythm Section
Haha, laugh it up guys. Not that I meant this to be taken seriously when I wrote it, but all of you getting so pissed off about the very IDEA of him not being legit made me think that maybe I was onto something. Just consider it for a few moments and you’ll realize that there are crazier things that have happened in music history. Until that tape played, no one knew that it wasn’t Milli and/or Vanilli singing. Had it not been for mechanical failure they could’ve been bigger than Michael Jackson + Prince x Cher. Don’t call bullshit unless you can prove, for sure, that he’s a real person. If you’ve seen his face or knew him growing up, tell us about it. Otherwise, don’t be so quick to jump down my throat.
Author: SlickTommy
Joined: Mon. Mar. 23, 2037
Location: Williamsburg
i’m not saying i believe you or not, but when i asked some friends (who are also pretty big fans) about this last night, at first they laughed at the very idea … but then they started thinking about it and checking out some sources and before long they were noticing the same patterns that stacksttack pointed out. i feel like we should post links to this online and see if we can crowdsource things. maybe someone out there has the free time to really dig into this. i don’t want to rule out that we’re seeing things that aren’t there, jumping to conclusions because we want to believe our own crazy theories. but what if we really are onto something? what if gravedigger is no more real than santa claus, ronald mcdonald, or jesus? or i guess, what if he’s exactly as real?
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
From: Eric McTeague
To: Gideon Reyes
Date: November 12, 2037 3:33 PM
Subject: Important
Gideon,
I have to say that I’m pretty disappointed in you. I realize you were frustrated about being moved off the Gravedigger project, but that’s no reason to act out about this publicly. You’re no rookie. You know the stakes we’re playing with, yet you insisted on commenting publicly about your relationship with the project. Completely unacceptable.
As you may have surmised, we need to terminate your employment immediately. It’s not that I don’t have faith in your abilities. Your creativity has long made you a natural publicist, and an asset to AP. But I can’t have disloyalty on my team. It pains me to think that you might take this as a threat, but I need to remind you that the nondisclosure agreement you signed when you began working here means that if we wanted to, we could sue you into bankruptcy for your next ten lifetimes.
But I’m not a vindictive man. I know we don’t always see eye to eye. (Now that I think of it, when was the last time we actually met? Maybe why you didn’t treat things seriously enough.) But I wish you the best of luck in the future. I had our lawyers consider what the next step should be, and we agreed that it would be best if we could work something out with you rather than dragging everyone’s names through court.
Here’s what I have to offer: you’ll continue on as an AP employee up through the anniversary of the Wall’s completion. It’s good publicity to show that the company retains the person who thought the whole venture up, etc. etc. I want to see you put on your best public-relations face and head out there for the Thanksgiving festivities. Talk about how important the fixture is, how it shows corporations standing up for the rights of Americans, how it’s helped international relations, all that good stuff. After that, you’ll quietly leave the company with a small settlement and an understanding that should you ever speak about Gravedigger, the Prophet project you’ve been working on, or even the GWoF, without explicit instructions from us, you’ll be in violation of contract and subject to heavy (HEAVY!) penalties. I’ve attached a pdf with the legalese that we need you to sign and send back ASAP, effectively saying that the part of your life spent with AP is officially our property. Keep in mind that your hiring contract already stated the same. This new form merely updates the terms for new media platforms and some of the statutory changes of the past five years.
