Blood courtesan hooked, p.11
Blood Courtesan Hooked, page 11
“Quite a few,” Gregario said. “Only about three percent of the vampire population has quit blood altogether.”
“Some just go off human blood,” Ulrich chimed in. “Pig’s blood is often used as a substitute.”
“Or blood banks.”
“How is that abstaining?” I wondered aloud.
“It isn’t.” Ulrich snorted.
“Some vampires don’t believe in consuming their blood directly from the source,” Gregario explained. “To them, abstaining means not harming humans. But it doesn’t necessarily mean going thirsty. You have to understand, a vampire’s need for blood is paramount.”
“But you don’t die without it?”
“No. We suffer but we don’t die,” Gregario said. “That’s why some vampires will still take in blood—to curb that thirst. But that’s simply to fill a biological need. Some of us have more willpower than others.”
“And some of us are fooling ourselves.” Ulrich gave another snort. “There is no half-way clean. You’re either abstaining or you’re not.”
“Everyone has their own way.” Gregario’s spine straightened. He looked at me, his next words clearly meant to change the subject. “I hear you’re looking for your sister?”
“Yes. Have you seen her?” As much as the topic of vampire abstinence intrigued me—and I had more questions than answers about the whole thing—I knew a meeting was about to start here soon and I didn’t want to still be there when it began. Besides, finding Lily was the reason I’d come to Paris. I could debate the fine-points of vampire sobriety with Ulrich later.
“I’m afraid not.” He shook his dark head, glancing toward the door, presumably wondering when the first members might arrive. I was worried about that, too, since I was standing there like a hamburger in a dog kennel, just waiting for the flood of hungry beasts. “But as I told Ulrich, we did have a member in last week who talked about a blood courtesan—a very expensive one—who fit the description of your sister. He said her name was Lily.”
“I need to talk to him.” I waved Ulrich away when he tried to interrupt. “Can you give me his name? Do you know where he lives?”
“I’m afraid I can’t divulge that information.” Gregario gave that thin-lipped smile again, the one that said I didn’t understand anything because I was a human.
“That’s the anonymous part of the program,” Ulrich explained dryly.
“Then what are we doing here?” I snapped, glaring up at him. “You know, I might as well just start asking strangers on the street if they’ve seen her, for all the good your ‘vampire connections’ have done me.”
Ulrich glared right back at me and I knew that was a little unfair. He’d arranged and paid for this trip—something I would have been unable to do on my own. And we’d been looking for my sister pretty much non-stop since we’d arrived.
“I can tell you where he met her,” Gregario quickly offered and I perked up immediately. His next words were so ominous, I actually got goosebumps. “L’Empire de la Mort.”
The Empire of the Dead.
“The Catacombs?” Ulrich eyebrows rose.
“Yes.” Gregario gave a grave nod, turning to Ulrich. “That’s what I couldn’t tell you over the phone. There have been rumors that your brother has been living down there. And I hear he’s putting together some sort of vampire army.”
Alaric. My blood felt like ice water running through me, my limbs instantly cold. If he had Lily down there, then he was using her blood. It wasn’t much of a stretch to believe that he’d had her call me, somehow, because he wanted mine, too .
I only hesitated for a moment. I knew by reputation how dangerous the tunnels under Paris were. But if that’s where Lily had last been seen, then we’d just have to take that chance.
“Let’s go then.” I turned to leave, feeling Ulrich’s hand on my shoulder, holding me back as he talked to Gregario in French again. I waited impatiently, tapping my foot, eager to go now that we had a destination.
“Sois prudent,” Gregario warned us both as I pulled at Ulrich’s sleeve, heading toward the door. “Et bonne chance.”
Be careful and good luck. I had a feeling it was too late for the former—but we were going to need a lot of the latter, if we were ever going to find my sister. I had hope that this tip from Gregario was the lucky break we needed.
Ulrich pulled me to his other side, keeping me close as we passed another vampire in the hallway. I glanced back, seeing the vampire open the door with the “Sanguinarians Anonymous” sign, his nostrils flaring as he met my gaze. For a moment, I felt dizzy, a little weak, transfixed by the heat in his eyes. He was a young vampire—had been young when he was turned and hadn’t been one long, although how I knew that, I couldn’t say—rather handsome in a boyish sort of way. He reminded me a little of Sebastian.
“Arrêtez!” Ulrich snarled at the younger vampire to stop, steering me around the corner and down another hallway. We flew up the stairs—my feet touching them not at all, Ulrich’s hand at my elbow—and out the front doors of the church.
The street was dark and deserted. Ulrich pulled me against the brick wall of his chest, crushing me to him and pressing his mouth against my ear.
“You are irresistible,” he breathed, words so soft I felt more than heard them.
“Let me go.” I struggled in his grasp, suddenly afraid.
He did, so quickly I almost fell, catching myself on the railing of the stairs leading up to the church.
“Who is Sebastian?”
“You can read minds.” I smirked. “Shouldn’t you already know?”
“You keep him close.” Ulrich frowned. “Many of your memories are locked away from me.”
“I had years of practice,” I reminded him softly. “Keeping my thoughts away from vampires.”
“He wanted you.” His face was a dark cloud of anger. I wasn’t sure if he was talking about Sebastian or the vampire we’d passed in the church hallway.
“It doesn’t matter.” I shrugged, heading toward the waiting car. “Let’s go.”
“You can’t come with me to the catacombs,” Ulrich called after me, sighing when I whirled around and stalked back to face him. He grabbed my wrist as I made a fist, aiming to punch his bicep in frustration when words failed me.
“I mean it this time, Poppy,” he said softly. “Gregario cautioned us for a reason. The catacombs are far too dangerous. I can’t let you come with me this time.”
“Stop saying that!” I stood up to him as tall as I could manage—although I barely reached his shoulder—defiant. “I’m coming and you can’t stop me.”
“Yes, I can.” A patronizing smile crept over his face and if he hadn’t grabbed my other wrist, I would have smacked it off.
“You think you’re so superior to humans, don’t you?” I struggled uselessly to wrench myself out of his grasp. “But you’re not! You even think you’re better than them—your own damned kind—just because you don’t drink blood. Do you think that changes anything? Do you really think that makes you so high and mighty? We must seem so small and insignificant to you. Like ants—trundling along, living our short little lives.”
Ulrich’s grip tightened. I gasped, feeling the bones in my wrist grinding together. But that didn’t stop me.
“You think you’re above it all, but you know what, Ulrich? The truth is you’re hiding. You’re afraid of who you are—of what you are.”
Always pale, his face was like alabaster now in the moonlight at my words.
“You can’t escape it, you know. No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run. You can’t get away from the truth.”
“And what is the truth?”
“You’re no better than they are.” I nodded at the other vampires arriving for the meeting, going past us as they went up the steps into the church. “Whether you’re drinking human blood or pig’s blood or aardvark blood—or no blood at all.”
“I never said—”
“You didn’t have to.” I was on fire now, blazing at him. “You’re not a hero—you’re a martyr. You’re denying yourself and you claim it’s for humankind but you’re not saving anyone. Least of all yourself.”
“It’s far too late for me.” The flash of his smile was grim in the dimness. “I can’t be saved.”
“It’s too late for all of us.” I blinked at this realization, thinking of Lily. “Everything alive is going to die. You couldn’t stop it even if you wanted to.”
“You’re wrong.” He let go of my wrists. “I have the power to bring you death. Even greater, the power to condemn you to my singular existence—to being undead. To force you to watch everyone and everything you love wither away and die, year after year, century after century…”
The pain on his face was palpable. I suddenly ached for him.
“You’re right that I can never escape what I am. But make no mistake—I don’t feel superior.” His gaze had transfixed me to the spot where I was standing. I’d never seen into him as deeply as he was letting me now and it both intrigued and terrified me. “There are plenty of vampires who feel like gods among mankind, who take what they want, when they want. Like the one who took your innocence.”
His jaw tightened, the muscle there working when he paused, looking thoughtful. I couldn’t help cringing at his words. I didn’t like to think about that time. I didn’t even like another being—human or vampire—knowing about it at all. It made me far too vulnerable.
“Believe me, humans are the lucky ones,” he continued softly. “I don’t feel superior to you. I envy you. Humans can be released from pain, even if it means death. What I wouldn’t give to rest in peace. What a relief that would be.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh my God, what a martyr.”
“I’m not a martyr, Poppy.” He shook his dark head, looking sad, the pain in his eyes so real, for a moment he seemed almost human. “Martyrs are saints—and they’re mortal. They sacrifice and die for what they love. I’m… I’m a monster. Something twisted, dark. Fallen from grace. I’m not dead—I’m undead. That makes me eternally damned. I will forever long for that which I cannot have. And yes… for those I could not save. Including myself.”
I couldn’t help but feel for him even if I couldn’t fully understand that empty part of him, the one where his loved ones had once resided. For a brief moment, I saw the man he must have been before he had turned into this and I couldn’t help but wonder at it. Who had this man loved? Who had he lost? How much time had passed since?
Maybe I didn’t understand the pain of his immortal existence, but I did know human loss. I’d been taken from my mother and my aunt when I was far too young—and I’d lost every mother figure I’d managed to glom onto since.
For a long time, I’d only had my sister—my twin, my other half, my constant—and then I was separated from her, too. I’d buried that agony so deep that unearthing it now left me with a raw, gaping wound I felt everyone must be able to see.
I was afraid we’d never find her, that I wouldn’t get to tell her how sorry I was, how much I’d missed her. Her sacrifice had set me free, but I wanted her to know, I would have given anything, even my freedom, to be with her again.
“I’m sorry.” The tears threatened to break past the dam in my throat and I swallowed them back, reaching out to take his hands in mine. “I didn’t mean it. Any of it. I just… I have to find Lily. I know she’s out there and she’s in trouble. She needs me.”
I felt my lower lip begin to tremble and bit down to stop it. His big hands engulfed mine, pulling me close to him. I looked up into his face, seeing the concern there, wondering how it could seem so real, the emotion in his eyes.
“You say you’ve loved… and you’ve lost…” I swallowed again past that growing lump in my throat. “Ulrich, I love my sister more than I could ever say and we’re connected in ways I don’t even understand. I tried, for a long time, to deny that bond between us, because it was so painful to be separated from her…”
I choked on my own words, hesitating before finally managing to force more of them out of my throat.
“I went to the ends of the earth to escape that pain. And now I know you did, too.” I saw my own feelings mirrored in his eyes. He’d hidden himself away in that ice cavern to escape the pain of losing someone. I didn’t know who, or what the circumstances might be, but I knew it was true. “But I know now that I can’t run away from myself. And you can’t either.”
“I am no longer myself.” Ulrich’s pained expression broke my heart. “And I never will be again.”
“Maybe not. I don’t know.” I shook my head. It was too much to contemplate, how much humanity might be left after the change from human to vampire. “I lost myself, too, somewhere along the way. But don’t you see? We both went to the ends of the earth to get away from humanity—and we found each other. That can’t just be a coincidence.”
Ulrich’s brow creased as he frowned down at me. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying…” I hesitated, asking myself the same question, afraid of the answer. Before I’d met him, I’d loathed vampires as a species. But now? His very existence had changed something in me. “I guess I’m saying… there has to be a reason. You saved me out there on the tundra and you brought me here to help me save my sister. I keep asking myself why… why are you doing this? I mean, aside from your need for vengeance.”
Ulrich’s brows went up in surprise. “That’s not enough?”
“I think you came here to save yourself.”
“No.” He denied it with a sad shake of his head. “I can’t be saved, remember?”
“Maybe not. I don’t know.” I sighed. The existential question of vampire existence was too much for me in the moment. “But… you could be redeemed.”
His hands moved to cup my face, tilting it up to his in the moonlight. His eyes searched mine, something strange and quizzical in them I didn’t understand. I felt him probing me, looking for something deeper, something buried, and I didn’t know what it was.
“Perhaps you’re right,” he said softly, his thumbs wiping gently at tears I hadn’t even known were falling until that moment. “Maybe I can be redeemed.”
“Ulrich…” His gaze was so penetrating, I felt run-through, weak and dizzy from the sensation. “Please… will you take me with you to the catacombs? I have to find Lily. It has to be me.”
Without a word, he pulled me into his arms, cradling my head against his chest. Where a flesh and blood man’s heart would beat, there was silence, and yet I found more comfort in the solid press of his flesh, the cool stroke of his hand down my back, then I ever had in a human man’s arms. I didn’t understand it, but I didn’t question it either. I’d never felt safer in my life than I did when I was with him. In the two years we’d been together, Sebastian had never once seen me cry, but here, in the circle of Ulrich’s arms, I could feel everything I’d never allowed myself before.
In the middle of the night on a side street in Paris, I sobbed in Ulrich’s arms, and without a word, he comforted me like no other. He didn’t try to stop or shush me. He just held me, stroking my hair, wiping the tears from my cheeks as they fell, cradling my head against the vast expanse of his chest. More vampires passed us, going into the church. Most of them glanced at us, curious, surely some of them thirsty, but I didn’t care. I knew I was safe with Ulrich.
Finally, I drew a shaky breath and dared to lift my swollen face to his.
“Please,” I whispered, my throat thick with my tears. “Please help me save her.”
He nodded, the tender press of his lips brushing the top of my head before he pulled me close again.
“You have to know…” His hands smoothed down my back, his voice full of pain and regret. “If she’s down in the catacombs... she may be beyond our help.”
“She’s still alive,” I insisted, drawing a long, shaky breath. Closing my eyes, I knew it was true, somehow. Maybe it was that twin-connection. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. But it was enough, for now. “I know it. I can feel it.”
“All right.” Ulrich pulled back to look at me, his face growing serious in the moonlight. “But if I take you down into the catacombs, you have to promise to stay close to me—”
“Yes, yes, I know,” I interrupted impatiently. Every moment we spent here was a moment lost. “Let you do all the talking—”
“Listen to me.” Ulrich’s hands gripped my upper arms, all business now. He shook me hard enough to make my teeth rattle, jarring me, waking me up. “I can’t prepare you for the catacombs. It will be vampires at their absolute worst. It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced.”
I blinked at him, surprised. Even he looked a little afraid of this place and that was so foreign to me, I couldn’t help but be a little afraid, too. But I squared my shoulders anyway, straightening my spine and lifting my chin at him.
“I was a child prostitute for pedophile vampires,” I reminded him with a grim smile. “I can’t imagine it’s much worse.”
I didn’t have any idea then how wrong I was.
* * * *
I shivered in the cool night air, hugging myself and leaning my back against the brick wall, watching Ulrich and another vampire named Lazarus discussing something in very fast French in the light of the full moon overhead. I stayed in the shadows of the train tunnel, the tracks rusty from disuse, overgrown with brush, afraid of the other vampire’s tone and the few French words I’d managed to discern. Apparently, our would-be guide into the catacombs wanted more for showing us the way through L’Empire de la Mort and to the secret unmapped tunnels used by vampires for centuries. From what little I could understand—and from the way Lazarus kept looking hungrily at me—he wanted more than money. The word “amuse-bouche”—a little taste—made me bristle. The word “enclave de sang”—blood slave—forced a little bile up my throat.
Clearly Lazarus thought I was Ulrich’s blood slave. Why else would he be taking me down into the catacombs? That realization made me ache for Lily. Things had happened so fast, I’d hardly had time to contemplate what her life up until now must have been like. Had she been living as a blood slave down in the catacombs? Some part of me had always hoped that she, too, had eventually escaped. The thought that her whole existence since we were children might have been that of a blood slave, made me equally sad and furious. I wanted to cry and punch something. Really hard.
