Alchemised a novel, p.103
Alchemised: A Novel, page 103
Helena hadn’t realised how much time and consideration Kaine had devoted to thinking about killing Morrough. The strategy it would require. As if he’d spent the years on the island waiting for Lila to ask. Perhaps he had. Or perhaps he would have gone and tried to do it himself if he’d been physically able to, but he wasn’t. He’d never fully recovered from the torture Morrough had last inflicted on him. Under stress, his tremors were worse than Helena’s.
“You should put your name on this,” Lila said when Helena finally gave her a design for the bomb. “Even if people think you’re dead, you should get credit for your work. Luc always used to say you’d be the one to outshine us all.”
Helena shook her head. “I don’t want anyone to wonder about me or to look too hard. It’s not worth the risk. Just say you took the design when you escaped, and you don’t know who developed it.”
Pol came to slowly understand that his mother was leaving. He was five by then, and he and Enid had birthdays close together. As an early gift, Lila and Pol went to one of the larger islands and returned with a leggy white shepherd puppy named Cobalt, named for his father’s horse.
“He’ll keep you company and keep you safe until I come back,” Lila said. She’d let the dye in her hair fade, letting it grow blond again. It was braided and pinned around her head, because this was how she wanted Pol to remember her. “I won’t be able to send letters, but I’ll send messages sometimes, all right? And whenever you see Lumithia, that means I’m thinking about you, and when you see the sun shining, that’s your dad, watching you for me.”
Lila’s eyes shone with tears. “And you’ll look out for Enid? She’s your best friend. You have to stick together, because that’s what best friends do.”
THE HIGH NECROMANCER, MORROUGH, ONCE known as the first Northern alchemist, Cetus, died on a spring day.
According to the newspapers, the underground stronghold was breached by an elite team of Novis and Hevgotian military, accompanied by Paladin Lila Bayard, the last surviving member of the Order of the Eternal Flame. A mysterious pyromancy bomb was used in the initial attack.
The blast caused the famed Alchemy Tower to collapse, and the wreckage was painstakingly excavated and infiltrated as the team was mobbed by necrothralls.
Many were killed in the attack. Lila Bayard was nearly killed. The general leading the attack ordered that everyone fall back, but Lila had refused. She went on alone.
Newspapers across the continent featured a photo of Lila Bayard emerging from the rubble of the Alchemy Tower, helmet gone, face filthy, her armour streaked with blood. The brutal scar across her face was starkly visible, sharpening the look of cold triumph as she dragged the remains of Morrough’s mutated and rotting corpse behind her.
There was no denying Lila Bayard’s heroism. She had done what a dozen countries had failed to do.
Having a living, breathing member of the Eternal Flame who had done the impossible made it harder for the allied nations to treat Paladia as an utterly failed nation that needed external control. Lila was offered all sorts of ceremonial roles, but she refused them.
She had not come back to rule. She wanted those lost remembered, and she wanted the tragedy of the war confronted, not buried, so that it could not happen again.
IN LILA’S ABSENCE, POL AND Enid grew intensely attached to each other, to the point that Helena and Kaine began to watch them with worry.
“She’s not going to handle it,” Helena said as they watched Enid and Pol run from tide pool to tide pool. “She’s so much like us. I don’t know if it’ll be better or worse to begin preparing her for it.”
Kaine nodded as the children teased a large crab which then chased after them, scuttling sideways. Enid and Pol both tripped, shrieking with laughter as they tried to drag each other away from the pursuing claws, and Cobalt barked wildly.
Word had come that Lila was leading reconstruction efforts to have the Alchemy Institute reopened. There would be a new Tower, a new school, but not all Northern alchemy would be funnelled through the narrow admissions rate of the Institute. Generations of knowledge and alchemy had been destroyed; the continent was in desperate need of more alchemists, as many as could be trained. Alchemy certification would no longer be exclusive to Institute students but overseen by external bodies and given to anyone who could pass the necessary resonance tests and exams.
The Institute would return to its original purpose of new heights and advancements in alchemy.
After fierce debate, vivimancy was added as a field of alchemical study at the Institute. Lila had insisted on it. Healers had been vital to the Eternal Flame during the war. The potential of the resonance was being villainised and wasted by superstitious paranoia; it should not be an ability exclusive to those willing to abuse it. Paladia’s discriminatory treatment of vivimancers had played a role in how easily the Undying had recruited them. Paladia had to evolve.
It took a year and a half, but finally Lila returned, but she had not come to stay. She was taking Pol home.
Helena tried to change her mind, but Lila would not be moved. Luc’s son had to go to Paladia and see what his family had built.
The only consolation to Helena was that Pol would never be the Principate, for there would be no more Principate.
The world had seen Lucien Holdfast grovel at Morrough’s feet and beg for immortality before his execution. Even with claims that perhaps he’d been coerced, promised leniency for the rest of the Eternal Flame, the mythos surrounding the Holdfasts and the idea of a lineage of divinity had been irrevocably shattered.
Pol would go to Paladia as a Holdfast, and he and his mother would rebuild what had been dearest to his family’s heart. The Alchemy Institute.
“Come back with me, Helena,” Lila said as Kaine took the children on a walk along the cliffs. “You can run the vivimancy department; think of what a difference you could make. You’d be establishing a whole new formalised field of alchemy. You’d be perfect for it.”
“How would that work?” Helena asked. She could tell that reality was setting in for Lila, the realisation of all the politics and pressure that were the price of her choices.
“Do I leave Enid here? Or take her with me while I try to clear Kaine’s name?”
Lila looked away, staring out at the sea. “You can’t clear his name. It’ll never happen. I know you think he’s a tragic hero with no choice, but he’s done the most terrible things. People talk about Morrough, make jokes about him, but do you know who no one ever jokes about? The High Reeve. People look sick at the mere mention of him. His signatures and seal are everywhere. He was involved in everything. There was nothing that happened in that regime that Kaine didn’t know about.”
Helena’s throat tightened. “Well, that’s the thing about being a spy and destabilising a regime. You have to know about things. How else did you expect him to do it?”
Lila’s shoulders drooped. Helena understood why Lila did not want to be a sole survivor, the lonely hero. In Paladia, she was still surrounded by vultures, watching her, waiting for any mistake, some means to tear her apart, just as they had when she was a paladin.
Now Pol would be in their clutches, but even knowing that, Lila couldn’t leave her family, country, or legacy. It was not in her nature to give up a fight.
“I’m not going to leave him,” Helena said after a pause. “There’s no version of me that survived the war without Kaine. I was loyal to Luc, and I know you want Paladia to remember him, but that country killed him, as much as Morrough did. I can’t go back to it.”
Lila nodded, starting to turn, but then stopped.
“I know I said I wouldn’t say anything else, but I have to say this before I go and leave you here.” Lila’s throat dipped, her scar growing stark on her face the way it did when she was upset. “You’re all I have left besides Pol. I know you love Kaine, and he loves you, I don’t deny that. But I don’t think you realise how inhumanly cold he is to anyone who isn’t you or E. The rest of the world could burn and he wouldn’t care. I don’t think he’d even notice. Is this really what you want?”
“I know what he’s like,” Helena said sharply. “It’s the reason you and I are alive.”
Frustration lit Lila’s face, and she started to open her mouth.
“When you killed Morrough, what did you think about?” Helena asked.
Lila’s mouth snapped shut, and she looked away, her face growing anguished. “Luc. I was thinking of everything he did to Luc.”
Helena stared down at her left hand. The concealment on the ring had faded with time, but now the brace on her hand nearly covered it.
“Love isn’t as pretty or pure as people like to think. There’s a darkness in it sometimes. Kaine and I go hand in hand. I made him who he is. I knew what that array meant when I saved him. If he’s a monster, then I’m his creator.”
WHEN ENID REALISED THAT LILA was taking Pol away, she was initially uncomprehending and then hysterical.
“No! No, you can’t! He’s mine. He’s my best friend. You can’t take him away!”
She refused to be comforted by Kaine or Helena. She clung to Pol, not letting go. Pol was clearly conflicted, but he didn’t let go of Lila’s hand for even a second.
“She can come with us,” he said, looking seriously at Helena. “I’ll take care of her.”
Helena’s throat closed. “No. No, Enid has to stay here until she’s older,” she said, trying to untangle Enid.
“I want to go.” Enid sobbed as Helena pried her fingers off Pol’s trousers. “I want to live in Paladia, too. Why can’t we all go?”
“I’m sorry, we can’t,” Helena said, holding her tight as Enid attempted to collapse onto the floor and crawl to Pol. “It’s not safe for us. That’s why we live on the island, remember? Because Mum’s heart goes too fast when we do too many trips. Mum can’t go places that make her heart go fast.”
“But Pol is my best friend. I’ll be all alone without him.”
Kaine turned and walked into the next room for a moment, hands spasming.
Pol let go of Lila’s hand and went over to Enid.
“E,” he said tentatively, “you have to stay with your mum and dad. You can’t come to Paladia yet.”
“Why not? You get to.”
“Yeah,” Pol said slowly, his blue eyes huge and thoughtful, and then his expression grew pained. “But you have to take care of Cobalt. City’s no place for a dog, you know. He doesn’t come when we tell him, so he might get hit by a lorry.”
Enid’s head popped up. “Really?” she said in a trembling voice.
“Yes,” Pol said. “And the boats are dangerous, too, you know. So you have to take care of him for me. He needs walks every day.”
Enid nodded in fervent understanding of the serious responsibility being placed upon her, and Pol gave her the leash.
As Lila and Pol rode away, Enid sat on the cliff, holding Cobalt and crying.
CHAPTER 78
Four Years Later
“MUM.”
Helena looked up from the tincture she was making. There were certain things always in demand in the village. Enid was sitting in the kitchen, watching her work.
Since Pol’s departure, Enid had lost much of her playfulness. Kaine and Helena had tried to bring back the spark, to find children in the village for Enid to befriend, but she always held herself back.
There were too many obstacles: no alchemy, no mention of Kaine’s or Helena’s real names, or of where Pol and Lila had gone. The rules and barriers stressed Enid, and as a result she had retreated into the house, only going out with her parents or dutifully to walk Cobalt every day.
On the dark nights, Kaine would take her riding on Amaris. Sometimes they would fly to other islands together, but no matter where she went, Enid never wanted friends.
The bright spot of her life was the two weeks each summer when the family travelled to the Northern mainland, to visit Lila and Pol in the port city.
“Why do you have holes in your wrists?” Enid asked. “No one else has holes like that.”
Helena’s chest tightened as she looked down. She was usually careful to cover them, but she’d been distracted and pushed her sleeves up to work. Eight years was a long time to hide anything from a nosy child.
“No, there’s not many people who have them,” she said quietly. “During the war, people thought they could win if the other side didn’t have their resonance, so they tried to find ways to make it go away. And—these holes were one of the ideas they had.”
“Did it make your resonance go away?” Enid leaned closer, peering at them.
Helena pressed her lips together and nodded. “It did.”
“But it’s back now?”
Helena nodded. “Your dad got it back for me. It was a long time ago, but some scars don’t ever go away. They look funny, don’t they?”
Enid reached out and touched one inquisitively. “Did you get captured in the war?”
Helena’s throat closed. She stepped away, going to the cupboard and tucking a tablet into her mouth and quickly drinking a glass of water. She’d known these conversations would come up eventually. Enid was getting too old to keep avoiding them, especially given how desperate she was to go to Paladia and study alchemy like Pol, who’d just begun his first year at the Institute.
“Yes,” she finally said. “I was captured for a while, and it wasn’t very nice, so that’s why I decided to run away and have you instead. It’s been much more fun.”
Kaine entered the room, and Helena stiffened.
“E,” she said, “do you mind running to the village and getting some cheese for dinner? We’re all out.”
Enid hopped up, curly hair flying, and disappeared out the door.
“What’s wrong?” Kaine asked as soon as Enid was gone.
“Enid noticed the scars from the manacles just now,” Helena said without meeting his eyes.
“What did you tell her?”
Helena inhaled. “As much as I thought she was ready to know. I didn’t lie.”
Kaine just arched an eyebrow. Helena set her jaw and went over to a shelf and pulled down a newspaper.
“A crate of them arrived today,” she said. “I was looking through and this was there.”
She lifted the paper. WAR CRIMINAL FOUND DROWNED IN HEVGOSS.
Kaine’s eyes gleamed.
Helena looked down, studying the words. “It was Stroud. She was found in a lake. She appeared to have had a heart attack while swimming. Hevgoss is facing questions—apparently they took her in and gave her immunity in exchange for her research. Which is ironic given all those trials they presided over, where every guard was found guilty. But apparently the worst of them was quietly pardoned.”
There was a brief silence.
“Pity someone didn’t kill her,” Kaine finally said.
“Someone did,” Helena said in a voice that was almost a hiss.
Kaine stared at her blankly.
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
Kaine gave a low sigh, and when he looked up, the sharpness of him reemerged like a raw blade.
The version of himself that he wore perfectly on the island whenever Enid could see him—softness, crooked smiles, quiet monologues. It all vanished, and now he was real again. As cold and gleaming as razor-edged steel.
“Why would you do this?” Helena said, feeling as if there were a chasm inside her. “Haven’t we done enough? Why would you take a chance like this? Did you even think about what would happen if you’d been caught—”
“I was careful,” he said, not defending himself at all. “Did you really think I was going to let her live?”
Helena tried to swallow. She’d spent the day working to keep her heart under control, but she was too upset to manage her distress. “You lied to me. It was when we were at the ports, wasn’t it? When you said you had to go take care of some financial matter, but this is what you were doing. Now every time you go—anywhere—I’m going to wonder where you really are. And worry that you’re never going to come back to me—”
Her voice broke.
Kaine reached for her, but she stepped away from him. Pressing her hand against her chest, trying to keep her heart steady so she could keep talking, keep being angry. She was so angry.
“Is this not enough for you? Is having this life so dissatisfying that revenge is worth the risk?” Her eyes were burning. “In a few years, we’re going to have to tell Enid who you were. She’s going to go to school soon, and even here in Etras, she’ll hear about the war and hear your name. We both know exactly where she’s going to end up, and there will be no hiding the things you did. It’s going to shatter her world—even if she hears it from you first.”
Kaine’s jaw clenched. “I—”
“We don’t get to have all the things we want in this life. Remember? You were the one who told me that. You said there was a point when I had to realise I wasn’t going to get everything I wanted, and I had to choose and let it be enough. I thought we chose this. Have I been lying to myself this whole time?”
Her lungs started spasming so violently, an awful whistling rasped up her throat.
“She deserved to die after what she did to you.” His voice was unrelenting, unapologetic. “I couldn’t leave her once I knew where she was hiding.”
She shook her head. “You shouldn’t have looked. You should have left it alone.”
She glared at him for a moment longer and then burst into tears. “I’m so glad she’s dead.”
Kaine took two rapid steps and caught her before she could back away, her fingers curled, gripping his shirt.
“I hope she suffered, but I didn’t want it to be you—why is it always you?” She buried her face in his chest. “I hated her. I hated her so much. I’m so glad she’s dead.”
“I know,” he said, his arms wrapping around her. “She’s gone now. There won’t be anyone else.”
Ten Years Later
THEY STOOD, FINGERS ENTWINED, AS the last cloud of smoke from the steamship vanished.
