Agent mother other, p.34
Agent. Mother. Other., page 34
‘Where are we?’ I asked.
‘Back at the Hidden camp, in the same tent we had last time. It was a bit of an effort for everyone to carry you back in from the lo-vehic, but we did it, and once we got you in your bed, you pretty much haven’t moved. The medic has been in a couple of times to check you over. No permanent damage was her diagnosis.’
I nodded, which I regretted immediately as it sent a cascading wave of pain through my body. I bit back a groan and instead asked the most burning question in my mind. ‘Are you okay?’
‘A bit tired but getting better. That was…that was really something that you did back there. I didn’t know we could do anything like that.’
‘Neither did I.’
‘What did it feel like?’ I opened my eyes at his question. I wasn’t sure how to answer in a logical manner, but I stumbled on anyway.
‘It felt like…like I didn’t exist as me anymore. I was just part of the power. I could feel it growing and growing, and I knew that if I let it, it would consume me. The flood of electricity out of me was harrowing and intoxicating. It’s the only way I can describe it. I killed all those people so easily, and it terrified me. It felt like I lost myself and became nothing but the power. Untamed and raw power. But then there was something, a voice maybe, that…you’re going to think I’m crazy, but it sounded like your dad, and he said “enough.” So, I listened to him and let the power go.’
‘Mum, that wasn’t Dad, it was me,’ said Sam, smiling. His words surprised me, but of course it had been him. I felt ashamed and silly for thinking it was anything else.
I looked at him and realised he had been watching me as I spoke with an eager interest, absorbing every word. Something in his look sparked a wave of concern and worried me, though, as he seemed a bit too curious.
‘Sam…I’m truly scared of this power. What happened just shows that it’s not safe; it’s too much for one person. I saw the true depths it can suck us down into, and I don’t want you pulled into it. I know the temptation is overwhelming, but we need to be careful. We need to learn to control it. If I have it, and you have it, then there is every chance that if you have children, they will also inherit it. So, we need to keep ourselves safe, and we do that by being careful, being quiet and learning how to manage these powers. And we do this together, okay? Don’t go off being reckless. I know you; you’re too easily consumed by curiosity and will want to figure it out. We do need to figure all this out, but we can’t risk anyone knowing about it. I see now why they were after us. These powers in the wrong hands would spell disaster for so many. So, we will figure this out together and keep each other safe.’
‘You’re right, Mum. Truthfully, what you did back there scared me. I could feel you sucking my power into you, and it left me feeling empty, but I was more scared of what it would do to you. It’s strange though. That feeling of power is already so much a part of me that it felt wrong having it taken away. But you’re right. This power in the wrong hands is unthinkable, so we need to keep it secret. I was thinking though; too many people here know us. Even after wiping all records of ourselves, it’s not going to eliminate the fact that multiple people know who we are and what we can do. We can’t wipe their memories, so what if we leave? Head to Uishka or Aeir and start a new life there under different names. I don’t want to stay in Crayn. It has too many painful memories.’
A sad smile swept across my face. He really was all grown up. ‘Running doesn’t get rid of those memories, Sam. Trust me, I’ve tried that before.’
‘I know. Lilli will always be a part of me, just like Dad will always be part of you. But as you said, we need to keep this safe.’ He flicked his fingers and threw a tiny blue spark into the air. It floated gently through the air and my eyes tracked it as it moved in a dazzling dance before winking out of existence. It was beautiful and such an inaccurate reflection of the true power that lay beneath.
‘Well…I guess there is only one thing we need to figure out then. Do you want to live in the sky or near the ocean?’
‘Let’s go ocean,’ said Sam. ‘I’m not sure I would get used to the heights in Aeir.’
‘Uishka it is then. A quiet life in a house by the water sounds perfect.’ We smiled at each other as excited determination filled me. We would have a new life, my son would be safe, and we would figure out how to control our powers together.
‘Knock, knock,’ came a voice from the door. We both looked and saw the warm, kind face of Calista. ‘Okay if I come in?’ she asked. ‘I just wanted to check in on how our patient was doing.’
‘I’m fine,’ I said, a reciprocal smile spreading across my face.
‘Don’t listen to her,’ said Sam with an authority I hadn’t heard before. ‘She just woke up and needs to keep resting.’
‘I won’t keep her long,’ promised Calista, ‘but I would love a quick chat if she’s up for it.’
‘Alright. A quick chat. Then you need to rest again,’ Sam said, pointing at me. ‘I’ll go get you some food while you two have your chat.’ He headed towards the opening, awkwardly squeezing past Calista as she made her way to the tent’s only seat and gripped the armrests tightly as she gently lowered herself onto it.
‘So,’ Calista began once she was settled, ‘you’re taking my advice and heading to a new city.’
‘How did you—’
‘Hear?’ Calista offered, finishing my question. ‘It’s a tent, dear, with fabric walls, and I didn’t want to interrupt such an important conversation, so I just let it continue its natural course until a moment came when it would be okay for me to come in.’
I wasn’t sure I liked that she had been listening, but there was no getting away from it.
‘Did you hear where we’re going?’
‘Yes, I did. But don’t worry, I have no interest in letting anyone know about you. That is, unless you pose a threat to me or my people.’ It was a statement but also a question and she stared at me, waiting for an answer. It seemed that something important depended on the answer I gave.
‘I have nothing against any of your people, or yourself. You have all been so generous. You gave us sanctuary when we had none. I just want us to start again somewhere so we can try to build a life. That’s all I want.’
‘And that you will have. We will help you on your way. We have someone that can provide new identities. Have you thought of a different name for yourself?’
‘Well…we had to choose between water or air for where to live. So, what about the name Skye? Since I won’t get to live there, why not take a name inspired by it?’
‘Skye. I like it. But Skye who?’
I didn’t hesitate with my answer, as I knew Miles wouldn’t mind me taking some inspiration from him. ‘Shaw. Skye Shaw.’
‘It’s definitely an option,’ Calista nodded, pulling an unsure face. ‘You’ve got time to think about it, though.’ Her rejection of the name hurt, but I barely had a moment to process it before she continued. ‘There is a memorial this afternoon for Lucas. If you are strong enough, I would like you to be there.’
‘Of course.’
‘Ah! I think I hear your darling boy back already with food. Eat, get stronger and I will see you at the service.’ Calista patted my arm before rising and shuffling to the exit. Before leaving, she paused and half mumbled to herself, ‘Skye Shaw…sounds like a made-up hero’s name. Maybe it’s actually perfect.’ Then she left, letting the tent flap fall behind her.
Sam reappeared not long after, laden with bowls of stew and simple, fire-baked bread. I jostled my way into a sitting position, biting my tongue as my muscles groaned at every movement. Sam handed me the bowl of stew and I pounced on it, devouring it like a wild animal as I dipped in the bread and scooped up chunks of vegetables. It was hot, and hearty, and exactly what I needed. We ate in silence as I let my body and mind just enjoy the flood of nourishment. Once finished and re-energised, I handed the bowl back to Sam and asked him a question that had started bouncing around in my mind.
‘What’s going on back in the real world after everything? Have there been any reports about the Master or Vivian?’
‘Yeah, there have been. Word spread pretty fast about an assault on the Palace and the resulting death of the Master, but the details are hazy. The reports just say the Master’s body was found near his private lo-vehic pad by a Palace cleaner, and officials haven’t yet been able to identify who’s behind it. There are rumours, though. One suggests it was worker organisations finally acting against the terrible conditions experienced by the Grovians. Officially, the Tir-na Collective is “investigating the issue” and will release their findings once complete. The reports are also saying Vivian was just unlucky and got caught in the attack, just an innocent bystander. I must admit, whoever came up with that story knows what they are doing as it plays well in the comm feeds, and more importantly, doesn’t point to us.’
‘What happened to the freaky doctor and his perfectly groomed babysitter? Do we know if they were at the base when it exploded?’
‘Unfortunately, it looks like they got out before it blew up. No one has seen Velor Closman, but from all accounts Serena Fabrica is already back at work doing whatever it is she does at La Panta. The two of them are wrapped up in so many layers of protection provided by La Panta that it’s going to be almost impossible to make anything stick.’
‘Even with you releasing the details of their connections to the Pleasure Spot dealers and the Master?’
‘Kind of unsurprisingly, that information has somehow been buried so deep that it hasn’t registered with any comms networks. Perks of having a rich and powerful corporation behind you, I guess.’
‘Well, that’s annoying. I hate loose threads; they make me uncomfortable.’ I rubbed and pinched the bone between my eyes as a headache started pounding in my skull. ‘Any news on who will replace Vivian and the Master in their positions?’
‘No news yet about who will lead the Grove and all the terraforming activities. One of the Master’s staff has stepped into the role as a temporary measure while the Collective takes their time to appoint someone officially.’
‘Makes sense,’ I said.
‘As to who will step into Vivian’s position? Well…I’ll let you talk to Peter about that later.’
‘Peter?’
‘Yeah. He can give you the most accurate update on that situation. He’ll be at the memorial this afternoon. You can talk to him after that. In fact, that’s probably not the only thing you two should talk about.’
‘What do you mean?’
Sam sighed. ‘Look, from what I can tell, you two used to be close. You were partners for many years.’
‘Yeah,’ I replied hesitantly. I was wary of where the conversation was going.
‘I’m just saying, you two have a lot of history, and used to share a deep trust. That’s now been shaken. You need to figure this out, and I don’t think we should leave until you do, for your sake.’
I hated to admit it, but he was right. I needed to figure out where I stood with Peter. If we just left, it would leave everything unresolved, and those unknowns would haunt me for the rest of my life.
‘When did you become so smart?’
‘My mother was an excellent role model.’ Sam smiled a cheeky grin, then stood abruptly. ‘All of that is for later, though. Right now, you need to rest. I’ll come get you when it’s time for the memorial.’
‘Thanks, sweetie.’
‘You know. I think this might just all pan out. I’m actually excited about our new life.’
‘Calista said you need to think of a new name for yourself.’
‘Really!?’
‘Nothing stupid, Sam!’
‘How about Keith?’
‘No.’
‘Douglas?’
‘Sam!’
‘I know, Aled!’
I just looked at him with an amused dead stare.
He laughed, ‘I’ll have a think and come up with something good. Rest up and I’ll see you soon.’ Then he left, leaving me to carefully lay down in my cot again. Thoughts kept swimming through my mind. A new life. A new name. Would it all be too much? Was I even ready to leave my old life? Truthfully, I didn’t think I ever could really leave it. It was a part of me. It made me who I was, so even with a new identity, the core of me would stay the same. All the good, all the bad, all the softness and all the hardness, it was all me. Maybe this new life would be a chance to forge a life as I truly am, as my messy, complex self. Now that was a thought that excited me, and on that happy thought I closed my eyes and let myself drift off to sleep, pulled along by visions of a happy future where I could truly be myself.
29
Farewells
The growing sound of slow footsteps and muffled conversations moving past my tent woke me from a heavy and fretful sleep. I sat up and put on my shoes, my joints aching at the effort of tying up the laces.
The tent flap opened, and Sam stuck his head in. ‘It’s time, Mum.’
I nodded and got to my feet, half shuffling, half stumbling as I walked across the small space and reached for Sam’s offered arm for support. Part of me hated that I was the one needing help; he had always been my boy, and for twenty years it was my job to help him. The tides had changed though, as they inevitably should, and now I needed him more than he needed me.
We walked out into the low-lit encampment, the eerie green glow from the chem-lights painting everything a sickly colour. Multiple people were passing through, all heading in the same direction, much like a flowing river, so we let ourselves drift along with them. We wove our way through the Hidden’s camp until we reached the large open expanse at its heart. There, the crowd slowed and gathered as one. The central ring of stone seats were occupied by the same group of individuals we had seen talking together in those seats the first day we arrived, and there in the centre, dressed in flowing grey robes, her long, braided hair pinned in a loose coil on the side of her head, was Calista. The crowd fell silent as everyone trained their eyes on Calista, waiting for her to begin the service. I looked at the people gathered and couldn’t help but notice how their eyes were filled not just with a solemn sadness as appropriate for the occasion, but also with an idolisation of Calista. She was their leader, their mother. The power she commanded without any show of brute strength or political cunning was inspiring. She led her people with truth and love, and they loved her in return. I wished I had time to learn from her.
There were still a few people trickling into the area, and as I looked around, I spotted the Zinkes at the front of the crowd clutching each other’s hands. Looking further, I saw Peter and Megan hovering at the back of the crowd, their faces solemn, their bodies still. Once all the Hidden were present and settled, Calista opened her mouth, and her heart, to begin the service.
‘My friends. My people,’ she began, letting her soft voice carry across the space like a warm blanket enveloping her children. ‘We are here together, in the heart of the home we have built, to remember and honour our fallen family, Lucas Evans and Lilli Zinke.’ She paused for a moment, letting the names hang in the air, like her words were summoning their spirits to be with us. Sam reached out and grasped my hand. I held it tightly, hoping I could send what little strength I had through my hands and into him. I hadn’t realised the service would also be for Lilli. ‘Lucas was the bravest and most fiercely protective man I’ve ever known. Having no family himself, he found his family in us, and also found true love here with Jamie. For Lucas, our world was everything, and he gave his life in the hope of building the better world we dream of. So often he would come to me and talk about the amazing life he could see for all of us at the end of our struggle, at the end of our mission to bring truth to the people. He longed to live in that world with his love, Jamie, and we will honour him by making sure his dreams for us all become truth.’
Calista lowered her head and paused, giving time for our minds to embrace the memories of Lucas. ‘Lilli was the smartest of us all and had the biggest heart. When her family was threatened, she didn’t shy away from the situation, but instead did what she had to do to ensure their safety. It was only from her efforts that her family found their way to our camp, where they now have a safe home. Every action ever taken by Lilli was motivated by one thing: love. Love for her family, love for Sam, love for all of us.’ I heard Sam suck in a sharp, quiet sob, and I gripped his hand tighter as Calista continued. ‘She sacrificed so much by doing what needed to be done. She showed bravery and courage beyond her years, all for the dream of a better life for us all. Lucas and Lilli won’t see those dreams become reality, but you will. The world they dreamed of belongs to you now, and we all must do our best to honour their memory by living. Not just getting by, but truly living.’ She reached down to the ground and picked up in her slightly shaking frail hands a green glowing globe made from the same material as the lights scattered throughout the cave. She raised it above her head, throwing a rippling green glow across the crowd. Everyone responded in kind by pulling out similar globes and copying Calista’s movement by lifting them above their head until the crowd became a sea of glowing orbs. It was beautiful in its simplicity, and overwhelming in its meaning. They were a family, and together they would mourn the loss of their loved ones. ‘Lucas and Lilli, you were the best of us, and the two of you will live on in our hearts forever. May you both find peace.’
‘May you find peace,’ the crowd responded as one.
Calista lowered her light orb and placed it in the exact centre of the stone circle she was standing in. She shuffled to the side and indicated for the Zinkes to come forward, along with Lucas’s partner, the kind-eyed man called Jamie. Lilli’s mother and father slowly moved to the centre of the circle, with tears streaming down their cheeks, and placed their orb next to Calista’s. Jamie was next, and he lowered his light with shaking hands as a sob escaped his lips. One by one, everyone made their way forward and laid down their orbs in expanding concentric circles, with Calista’s orb at its heart. A kind soul in the crowd noticed that we had no orbs, and after a small fuss, they acquired one each for us so we could take part. Then, with orbs in hand, we walked to the circle, and I added mine to the ever-growing pattern that grew brighter and brighter with each added light. Sam hesitated for a moment and stared at his orb, lost in what could have been a thought, a memory or maybe a wish. He closed his eyes, raised the orb to his lips, kissed it briefly and then stepped forward and added his to the final circle to complete the pattern.
