Queen, p.9
Queen, page 9
“It’s not pork sausage. Actually it’s turkey sausage,” Allen said. “And the pancakes aren’t fried in oil. Queen uses a nonstick griddle, and egg substitute in the batter instead of hen fruit.” He grinned and winked as the boys giggled at his foolishness. “But the syrup is the real thing. Maple…sweet and thick, just the way I like it.”
Queen tried not to smile, but it was impossible. She thought it was a shame that Lenore Whittier wasn’t as nice a person as her husband.
“What’s sweet and thick?” Cody asked as he walked into the room.
Queen blushed as she looked away to tend to the pancakes on the griddle. Last night had changed things between them, even if only in her own perception. She’d gone from paid employee to caregiver. From taking care of his house and sons to talcing personal care of him. Try as she might to ignore it, the feelings that came with it were making her crazy.
“Way to go, Dad,” Donny drawled, eyeing his father’s bare feet and the fact that Cody looked as if he’d just crawled out of bed and into the jeans and T-shirt he was wearing. “I thought you were gonna sleep all day.”
Cody busied himself with getting a cup from the cabinet and pouring some coffee before he answered. “Just overslept, I guess,” he said. “I didn’t think to set the alarm.”
“Do you want two stacks?” Queen asked, waving a plate laden with hot, steaming pancakes beneath his nose.
She had interrupted on purpose. Changing the subject had been instinctive, just like her concern for him last night. She caught Cody’s grateful glance and looked away, unwilling to share anything with him, even something as simple as a thank-you.
He took the plate, sat down at the table, and even talked his mother-in-law into trying a single cake with only a thin smear of syrup. Cody tried not to grin when she took a second helping along with two links of sausage. Queen had done the impossible. She’d silenced Lenore Whittier, because at the moment her mouth was too full of food for further complaints.
But when it came time for the Whittiers to leave, Lenore resumed her attack on Cody’s abilities as a proper parent.
“Boys, give your grandparents a good-bye kiss,” Cody urged, knowing that it would not be offered unless he insisted.
Lenore held out a cheek and took each kiss as her due, all the while fussing with the boys’ clothing, hair, and manners in turn as they followed their father’s orders.
Then they lined up beside Cody and stood on the deck, watching nervously as their grandfather carried the bags to the car and their grandmother lingered at the bottom of the steps with a look on her face that they’d come to recognize meant trouble. And they were right.
Lenore took a couple of steps toward her husband, who was waiting for her at the car, and then stopped and turned. Her lips firmed and her eyebrows arched contemptuously as she spoke.
“Don’t think that just because you’ve moved so far away, I won’t know what’s going on,” she warned.
Cody’s gut wrenched. He should have known. She’d been playing games with him all along, trying to get him to let down his guard long enough for her to pounce.
“I don’t know what the hell you mean,” he said softly.
She glared past him to the woman standing quietly in the doorway behind them and then smirked. “I think you do,” she replied. “At any rate, be forewarned. You do anything to endanger these boys’ morals, and I’ll take you back to court and prove you’re an unfit father. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect Claire’s children.”
Donny paled. J.J. started to whimper, and Will clung to Cody’s leg in silent terror.
Queen couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The woman was a witch. She smiled out of one side of her face and threatened from the other.
“No, that’s where you’re wrong, Lenore,” Cody said. “You take one step over the line of grandparental boundaries and I’ll see that you never visit them again. Do you understand me?” His nostrils flared and his chin jutted in anger. “And another thing. Don’t you ever—by God, ever—threaten me again.”
With that, he turned and ushered his sons into the house. Queen stepped aside to let them pass. Even though Cody was silent, she could feel his fury.
Allen Whittier was disgusted with his wife. Queen could tell it from the way he walked and the cold anger with which he escorted her toward their car. But he didn’t speak up in Cody’s defense, and to Queen that in itself was unforgivable. Before she could stop herself, she was off the porch and at the car just as Allen opened it to seat his wife inside.
“What do you want?” Lenore asked, angry at the housekeeper’s audacity.
“You know something?” Queen began in an almost conversational tone, ignoring the woman’s rude question as though it had not been uttered. “When I was little, I always thought that my sisters and I were missing something in our lives by not having grandparents. In my mind, grandparents would always be good for extra hugs and kisses, for making cookies and taking me places.” She leaned closer until she was nearly face to face with Lenore Whittier. “But I see now that I was wrong. If you are an example of how grandparents are supposed to act, then I’m glad I never had any. In fact, I must have been lucky as hell.”
Queen turned and started to walk away, ignoring the angry sputtering she heard behind her; then she remembered the fear on the boys’ faces and turned.
“And one other thing.” Her voice rose with each word as she pointed her finger at Lenore. “If you bother Cody Bonner or try to hurt his boys again, you’ll come through me to do it.”
Allen started the car and put it into reverse before Lenore had fully closed the door.
“For pity’s sake,” Lenore said, shocked beyond words at Queen’s threat. “How dare she talk to me like that?”
Allen looked at his wife with something akin to loathing and wished he had the guts to do what that redhead had just done. “Buckle up,” he said instead. “It’s a long drive.”
Queen hit the front door with the flat of her hand and then slammed it shut behind her. Her breasts were heaving, and her breath was coming in short, shallow gasps. Her eyes flashed green fire, and if someone had crossed her path at that moment, she probably would have taken them apart blindfolded.
Then she blinked and inhaled slowly and looked at the Bonners, who were staring at her in shock.
Cody had heard only the last few words that she’d flung into the space between yard and house, but it had been enough to give him hope. Come through me to do it. Those were fighting words if he’d ever heard them.
He would have liked to think that she’d included him in that pledge, because he had a sudden flash of insight as to what he wanted from Queen Houston, and it was much more than protection.
The passion on her face was unmistakable. Even though it had been born out of anger, it was proof that she was capable of great love as well. Only someone who hated so fiercely could love so deeply. That was what he’d seen, and that was what he wanted. He wanted Queen and her love.
And she wanted a bus ticket out of Snow Gap.
“Boys, go to your room,” he said quietly.
Queen felt herself go limp as the anger slid out of her body. She leaned against the door and covered her face with her hands. My God! What did I just do? she thought as she heard the boys’ footsteps on the stairs.
“Are you all right?” Cody asked.
She nodded, too embarrassed to face him.
“Queen…”
His voice compelled her. In spite of her reluctance, she looked up and then swallowed nervously at the expression on his face.
“I’m sorry I—”
He caught her apology before it was finished, stopping it by pressing the tip of his forefinger against her lips. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m sorry I put you in this unforgivable position. I’m sorry I dumped you in the middle of my personal problems.”
The touch of his hand against her lips stunned her. Her mouth was on fire.
And the fact that she’d left it there stunned him. He’d half expected her to slap it away. When she didn’t move, other than to stare up at him with those wide green eyes, he knew he was on shaky ground, but he couldn’t stop himself from finishing what he’d started.
“I’m sorry for a lot of things, Queen Houston. But not that you came into our lives. Thank you for being here…and for last night.” His thumb traced her chin and felt it tremble beneath his touch just before she moved.
So he had known! She’d thought he was still asleep when she’d left the room. Now her face truly burned.
“It was nothing,” she said, and moved farther away, uncomfortable with the lack of space between them. “I was afraid you’d wake the boys.”
He nodded. “Just the same…”
“Forget it,” she said.
His eyes narrowed. He held his breath, almost expecting her to order him to take her to the bus. Would she remind him that she’d upheld her part of the bargain and now it was time for him to uphold his? But she didn’t, and he was afraid to broach the subject of her staying longer. Instead they stood, eye to eye, quietly assessing each other’s anger, not realizing that the anger they felt was not with each other, but with the situation.
Queen was furious with herself and the fact that she cared…that she’d made the Bonners her responsibility. She stomped past him into the kitchen and began banging pots and pans. She didn’t want to care about anyone else. When would someone ever care for her?
The euphoria of having quelled the Whittiers’ frontline attack faded, and along with it went Cody’s appetite. His moods swung dangerously, and Donny watched his father with a nervous eye, alerting Queen to the fact that Cody’s behavior was not normal. One day everything and everyone got on his nerves, the next day the house could have blown away and he’d never have noticed.
Queen watched until she felt she could no longer remain a silent observer. It had been a week since the Whittiers had come and gone, and Cody had done nothing but go from bad to worse. And he was continuing to experience restless sleep, plagued by nightmares. She knew it was time to intervene. She waited until the boys were in bed and Cody had retreated to the deck outside to brood.
All he can do is tell me to get lost, Queen told herself. She smoothed her hands over the front of her shirt and took a deep breath before pushing open the screen door and slipping outside into the darkness to join him.
Cody heard the hinge squeak. It was Queen. He didn’t have to turn around to know. The air around him changed, charging with an electricity she seemed to emanate.
“Something wrong?” he asked.
There would be no easy way to approach this subject. But Queen had never taken the easy way out of a problem yet, and tonight was going to be no exception.
“You tell me,” she said.
He closed his eyes and smiled, confident that his expression was hidden by the darkness. He’d never known a woman as straightforward as Queen.
“You aren’t sleeping. When you do, you have that same dream…don’t you?” she asked.
A soft curse slid quietly into the night shadows between them. “Let it go,” he told her.
“It doesn’t have hold of me, Cody Bonner. You’re the one with the monkey on your back.”
He vaulted from the chair, angry that she’d said what he already knew. He braced his hands against the rail of the deck and looked up into the night sky and the heavens in which he used to fly, and he felt anchored to earth by the terrible weight of fear he couldn’t lose.
“Dammit, you don’t understand.”
“No, I think it’s you who doesn’t understand,” Queen said softly, and slid her hand up his arm in a comforting gesture. “I think you need to go back to the base and make another visit to the doctor…don’t you? What did you say he called this thing that was happening to you—delayed stress syndrome? How can you get better when all you’re doing is heaping more stress onto yourself?”
His shoulders slumped, and then he turned and leaned against the railing as he crossed his arms and stared intently at her silhouette, wishing he could see her more clearly.
“If I start something like that, it would mean constant trips back and forth to the base. Don’t forget what happened the last time I left the boys alone for the day.”
His answer hung between them, and Queen suddenly knew why he was suffering alone. He wouldn’t start what he couldn’t finish…because of her. Because she’d promised to stay only until the grandparents came, and they’d been gone for days.
She took a deep breath, worrying her lower lip between her teeth as she contemplated the easiest way to tell him of the decision she’d already made.
“Yes, but that was before I came,” she said. “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t you give the doctor another try?”
Cody couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She’d just offered to stay…indefinitely. His heart pounded, and he had a sudden urge to gather her in his arms and hold on to the solid comfort of her body. But touching her was probably the worst thing he could do.
“You know what you’re saying to me?” he asked.
“Oh, yes,” she said, and laughed softly into the space between them. “And don’t think I haven’t given myself a very good tongue-lashing for the decision, either.”
“That’s what I mean,” Cody said. “You’ll be staying out of guilt. And that will only make my guilt worse, don’t you see? I’ve already coerced you into something you didn’t want to do. How do you think this makes me feel…knowing that once again I’ll be taking advantage of your good nature for my own needs?”
“Maybe that was so the first time,” she said. “But there’s no one but you and me to hear what’s said between us now. I’m not being forced to stay. I’m offering. This time it’s by choice, not design. Okay?”
“Oh, God, lady,” Cody said, and took a step toward her. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you coming into our lives, but I’ll be forever thankful that you did.”
He reached out, but she was no longer there. He heard the hinge squeak, and then the click of the latch, and then he heard her call softly from the darkness.
“Good night, Cody. Go to bed and try to get some sleep. You’ll see…tomorrow is a brand-new day.”
And so the trips began. The days turned into weeks and the weeks moved toward autumn, and Queen forgot about her plans to go to Arizona and “find herself.” There was too much to do every day for her to worry about herself. As time passed, Cody’s laughter could once again be heard throughout the house and from the woods as he and his sons continued to gather firewood for the coming winter.
Queen learned not to jump whenever he came too close and often managed to return his smile when they’d pass in the hallway. But things between them were the best when they shared laughter at something the boys had said or done. Yes, those were the best of times. The worst were yet to come.
Cody dug through the pile of clothing on his bed and then lifted it into his arms and carried it downstairs.
“Hurry up, guys,” he yelled. “I want to get to Snow Gap before noon.”
“What are you doing?” Queen asked as she walked into the living room and stared at the stack of clothing he had just dumped on the couch.
“Getting rid of some old clothes,” he muttered. He walked back to the stairs and yelled again, “Come on, I’m leaving you guys here if you don’t hurry up!”
When he turned around he saw Queen sifting through the clothes he’d pulled from his closet, laying a garment or two aside as she searched.
“What are you doing?’ he asked.
“Why are you giving these away? They’re still like new.” She held up a couple of sweaters and a heavy suede coat lined with sheepskin.
“Because I’ve gained weight since I mustered out,” he said. “My flying weight was about twenty pounds less than what I am now.”
Queen squinted her eyes, trying to imagine less meat on his immense frame, and shook her head. “Then you were too thin,” she said.
“The fact remains that I can’t wear those clothes.”
“If you don’t mind my asking…may I have them? I don’t mind wearing hand-me-downs. They were all Johnny ever brought us,” she said, and then felt compelled to add, “I wouldn’t want all of them, of course. But I could wear these sweaters…I know it.” She held one up in front of her and stretched out the arms in measurement against her own. “See? Only a little bit too long. I could push them—”
“You can have anything of mine you want, lady,” he said quietly, trying not to imagine her body inside his clothes. Or her breasts pushing against the soft cable knit, restructuring its lines into those of womanly shape and form.
He was shocked to think that she would willingly wear something that had once belonged to someone else. Once they were a year old, Claire wouldn’t even wear her own clothes, let alone someone else’s. And then he had a flashback of the first time he’d seen Queen lying beneath his pickup truck—the old, faded jeans and the boots with the soles worn nearly through. He realized that he knew little to nothing about her life before she came to live with them. In fact, he couldn’t remember if he’d ever heard her mention any “Johnny” before.
Queen smiled with delight and turned to dig through the pile on the couch. Cody watched her excitement as she slid her arms into the coat sleeves and then turned back and forth in front of the living room window, using the faint reflection as a mirror.
“It’s not bad. Not bad at all,” she said. “With layers of winter clothes beneath it, it should be just about right. What do you think?”
“I think you’re one hell of a woman, Queen Houston. That’s what I think. And I also think you better get a move on if you’re coming with us.”
She didn’t hear the break in his voice, and it was just as well. Shows of emotion always bothered her. Instead she grinned, almost dancing as she ran from the room with the sweaters over her arm and the coat still on her back.
Shame for what he took for granted overwhelmed him. Cody dropped onto a chair and sat with his elbows on bent knees, staring wordlessly at the floor and trying to imagine Queen as a child, wearing other people’s cast-off clothing. The image made the backs of his eyes burn, and it was with relief that he finally heard the footsteps of his sons on the stairs.
