The dissonance, p.20
The Dissonance, page 20
Hal’s fingers dug into the fabric of the couch armrest. Pins and needles ran from his fingertips to his elbows. The Blade was waking in the void, opening the passage between Hal and itself.
Hal took deep breaths. He would not lose control in front of Marsh. He wouldn’t.
“But that’s not the only thing,” Marsh said. He picked up a tiny red-leather-bound volume and looked it over. “Last summer, at the convention, I spent a considerable amount of money on this little book. This summer, Erin, I’m entrusting it to you.”
“What is it?” Erin asked.
“Call it a legendarium,” Marsh said. “Or a book of fairy tales, or a collection of anecdotes. A book of stories about the Temple of Pain, and one of the only works of literature I’ve ever seen written entirely in Dissonant. I want you to translate it for Hal, and I want you both to study and reflect on the narratives inside. We need clues surrounding Hal’s connection to the Temple. What is this destiny he’s been promised? Is there a larger narrative in play here?”
Not once during this speech did the old man look at Hal.
Finished handing out books, he leaned back on the desk. “We’ll continue drills this summer, and I want all of you to take the independent studies seriously. How seriously you take them will be a gauge of how seriously I consider continuing your tutelage. Do you understand?”
All four—even Hal—said they did.
“Good,” Marsh said. “Now get out. I have work of my own to do.”
Athena
The coven retreated to the back porch, flopped onto the deck furniture, and stacked their assigned reading on the table between them. It was late afternoon, and almost unbearably hot, but out here they’d have at least a little bit of privacy.
“Independent study,” Athena said. She picked up Music of the Infinite, enjoying the heft of the book in her hand.
“Did you know about this?” Erin asked Peter.
Peter shook his head. “You know he never tells me anything. When you three aren’t around, he keeps the study door shut and only comes out for meals.” He glanced at the closed door behind him, then leaned forward. “Lately I’ve been hearing him in there. Talking on the phone, I think.”
“He sure is a mysterious old fuck,” Hal said.
They stashed their books in backpacks and Hal drove them into town. His mom had just started a new job as the night shift DJ at the local radio station, which meant he had access to her car most days. Athena rode up front with Hal, and Peter and Erin squeezed into the backseat.
On the drive, Hal continued to bemoan their summer projects.
“Aren’t you a little disappointed? I thought after two whole years we’d get into some epic shit this summer. A quest. Battles. Save-the-world stuff where I might be useful. Instead it’s more practice for me, and book reports for the rest of you. My job is to let Erin read me children’s stories. Oh, and I guess protect the rest of you from paper cuts.”
“Paper cuts are no joke,” Peter said.
“What kind of quest did you envision this summer?” Erin said. “Maybe like Conan the Barbarian meets National Lampoon’s Vacation? We could go across the country in an RV, stop at shitty motels, barter for Dissonant texts, and battle inexplicable horrors?”
Hal laughed. “Then there’d be some mix-up where Peter gets a room to himself and the professor and I have to share.”
“The two of you arguing over what to watch on TV,” Athena said. “Who gets the first shower. Who farted.”
They arrived at the diner just ahead of the dinner rush, and managed to snag their favorite window booth, in the corner farthest from the front door. They all ordered cheeseburgers, Cokes, and milkshakes, except for Athena, who ordered a salad and ice water. It was all charged to Professor Marsh, who had accounts at pretty much every business in Clegg. Athena watched her friends feast, her stomach growling, as she mechanically worked her way through her salad. She’d been unable to drop any substantial weight since last summer, and was hanging on to her diet plan by sheer willpower this year.
After dinner, they piled back into Lorna’s convertible. When they arrived at Marsh House, Athena got out and pulled the seat forward to let Peter climb out. Instead of running up the steps, he stood beside the car, shoulders hunched, as though caught between two conflicting impulses. Athena heard the click as Erin unbuckled her seatbelt and scooted toward the open door. Athena understood then: Peter was trying to decide whether to invite Erin in, and Erin was trying to make it easy for him.
Instead, he stepped back as Erin came toward him. “Good night everyone,” he said. “Talk to you tomorrow.” And then he ran up the steps.
Erin buckled herself back in. Athena avoided eye contact as she climbed back into the car. Better not to let Erin know she understood what had just happened.
“What time is it?” Hal said.
Athena checked her watch. “Almost six-thirty.”
“Oh shit,” Hal said. “I have to get home and wake up Mom for work.” He glanced at Athena. “Would you be okay hanging out at my house for a little bit and having your parents come get you?”
It was the first time Hal had ever invited Athena over by herself. She tried to take it in stride, like it was by no means exciting and/or a big deal.
“Sure,” she said. “No problem.”
The drive to Erin’s was more subdued than the drive to the diner had been. Erin radiated a silent melancholy from the backseat of the car. She and Peter had been doing a strange sort of courtship dance for almost a year now—ever since they’d returned from the conference last summer, and Erin had promptly quit the cheer squad and broken up with Randy. They seemed to be stuck in a pattern where they would get a little closer, and then a little farther apart again. And worse, Athena knew things weren’t getting any better at the Porter house. She’d heard the rumors about Erin’s mom, stepping out with Fire Chief Alan Sturgess.
When they got to Erin’s trailer and Athena let Erin out of the car, Erin walked up the front steps with her head down, her stride slower than usual. Athena wanted to say something kind and reassuring. What would Erin say, if their positions were reversed?
The best she could manage was, “Good work today.”
Erin looked back, incredulous. “You beat my ass.”
“Yeah well, you had it coming after you beat me at flyting last summer,” Athena said, but lightly, so Erin would know it was in good fun.
“I guess I did at that,” Erin said, and finally smiled, before she let herself into the trailer.
“C’mon, let’s boogie,” Hal said, beckoning Athena back to the car.
As soon as she stepped into the Isaacs’ apartment, she had an almost immediate, visceral desire to go back outside. It felt hotter in here than it had outside, and the air reeked of cigarettes.
Hal gave her a sympathetic glance. “There are Diet Cokes in the fridge if you want one. You might be more comfortable out on the balcony.”
Athena went into the kitchen while Hal went to the master bedroom. She found a few Diet Cokes on the bottom shelf of the fridge, almost hidden behind a case of Coors. It was one of the big cases, with twenty-four cans of beer. Athena had seen them at the store but never at someone’s home. Her own parents weren’t against a drink every now and then, but they preferred to mix cocktails, or sip wine from fancy bulb-shaped glasses. She peered into the case of Coors now, and saw it was more than half-empty. Part of her—the part that would straighten stacks of books in a bookstore display—wanted to unload the cans and free up space in the fridge. She might even have done it, too, if she hadn’t been interrupted.
“You can try one, if you want.”
She started and stepped away from the fridge, letting the door swing shut. A man stood in the kitchen entryway. He was white and rail-thin, with blond hair, blue eyes, and a couple of teeth missing from his grin, which was somehow unkind.
“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met,” Athena said.
“Reggie,” the man said. “Lorna’s true love.” He spared a glance toward the apartment’s master bedroom before returning to his study of Athena with a gaze both familiar and strange. The familiar part was just part of being Black in Clegg. No matter where she went, white people stared at her like an oddity, a not-entirely-welcome curiosity. Usually, the nicer ones tended to catch themselves after their initial surprise, and then go back to minding their own business. Others though, kept staring, unashamed, like she was an animal in a zoo.
The unfamiliar part of the stare was something that had only begun in the last year, as Athena had started to starve and exercise herself down to an acceptable weight. Now, in addition to curiosity, discomfort, and occasional hostility, she felt a certain hunger in the gazes of boys and men. Desire. The nicer ones had the decency to only stare when they thought she wasn’t looking. Other people, like this Reggie, openly leered, as if waiting for an invitation. No, that wasn’t quite right. They didn’t want anything as nice as an invitation. They were waiting for an opening. Athena met Reggie’s gaze, keenly aware of the cold can of Diet Coke in her hands, the mass of his body blocking the kitchen exit.
“You a friend of Hal’s?” Reggie said.
“That’s right,” Athena said. “It’d be pretty strange for me to be in here otherwise.”
“I’d have to call the cops,” Reggie said. “Tell ’em there’s a stranger in my home, breaking in and stealing sodas.” He laughed, and Athena managed a polite smile in return. It was what you did when a white person—especially a white man—made a joke.
Hal appeared in the kitchen entryway behind Reggie. “There you are,” he said to Athena. “What’s taking you?”
“I was just offering your little friend a beer,” Reggie said.
Hal’s eyebrows went up and he pursed his mouth as he considered the offer.
“No thanks,” Athena said firmly. “Diet Coke will be fine for both of us.” She reached back into the fridge to get one for Hal as well.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Reggie said to Hal.
“Sounded like you were introducing yourself fine,” Hal said.
“Excuse me?” Reggie said, and Hal flinched back. It was tiny, and Hal recovered from it quickly, but Athena saw it, and she would have bet Reggie did, too.
“I said it sounded like you two were already old friends,” Hal said. “But in case it hadn’t come up yet, Reggie, this is my best friend, Athena. Athena, this is Mom’s boyfriend, Reggie.”
Athena would’ve been touched by the best friend thing, if Reggie hadn’t taken the opportunity to leer at Athena again.
“Best friend, huh?” he said.
“That’s right,” Hal said. He ducked under Reggie’s blocking arm, and put himself between Reggie and Athena. He started making a pot of coffee for his mother, and acted casual, as though this were the only reason he’d come into the room, but Athena felt safer already.
“Give me one of them beers, Hal,” Reggie said.
Athena pulled a silver can from the case and handed it to Hal, who handed it to Reggie. Reggie didn’t say thanks. He cracked it open, and continued to stare at Hal and Athena. Hal returned to the process of making coffee.
Reggie finally (finally) took the hint and left the doorway. A moment later Athena heard the sounds of pro wrestling from the living room TV. It was, of course, turned up way too loud.
As Hal fixed the pot of coffee, Athena called her parents and asked for a ride home. Hal finished the coffee and left it on the table by the front door, where Lorna couldn’t miss it. Then they crept through the living room, past Reggie, who was smoking on the couch, beer cradled in his lap, and out onto the balcony.
It wasn’t much of a balcony—just a slab of concrete bordered by wood, with a view of the crappy parking lot below. There weren’t even any chairs up here. Athena and Hal leaned on the barrier and surveyed the shitty surroundings.
“Fucking Reggie,” Hal said.
“Fucking Reggie,” Athena said, and they clinked their soda cans together.
Hal took a long pull from his can before he spoke again. “I’m sorry about him. Usually when Mom gets a boyfriend, it only lasts a few weeks, but this guy just keeps lingering.”
“I’m sorry you have to put up with him,” Athena said.
“Stinking up the house with his cigarettes. Always watching the TV.”
“Yeah, but he’s watching wrestling. I thought you liked wrestling.”
“I do,” Hal said. “But somehow, having to watch it with him ruins it.”
He looked out at the parking lot. If he was aware his right elbow was pressed up against Athena’s left, he gave no indication. Athena tried not to stare, but couldn’t stop picturing it in her mind, even as she looked away.
“It makes sense,” she said. “It matters who you do things with.”
“Exactly,” he said.
“It’s sweet of you to get your mom up,” Athena said.
“More like self-preservation,” Hal said. “If I don’t literally drag her out of bed, she’ll oversleep and miss work.”
They stood in silence for a little while. Athena finished her Coke, and glanced at Hal surreptitiously. Out in the heat, away from the cigarette smoke and the others, she felt well and truly happy for the first time all day. Together, they watched Hal’s mom exit the apartment, run down the stairs to the parking lot, get into her car, and drive away.
“I keep the radio on until I fall asleep now,” Hal said. “To make sure she’s still working. Like I can’t fall asleep unless I hear her voice.”
“That’s kind of sweet,” Athena said.
“It’s not like that. It’s like I need to know she’s making money and we’ll have enough for rent and groceries. And I know that when I hear her voice on the radio.” He waved the subject away. “Anyway, enough about Lorna. What are you going to do for your project?”
“I’ll have to think about it,” Athena said. “I want to do something grand. Something no one has ever done before. But all we’ve learned in the last two years are basic characters and simple commands. Kid stuff. You can’t build the Great Wall out of Lego bricks, you know?”
“You could,” Hal said. “But I don’t know why you’d want to. It would be a terrible wall. Maybe you could superglue the bricks together to reinforce it?”
“Maybe, but that’s not my point.”
“I know. Marsh is probably expecting the Dissonant equivalent of a science fair volcano. Think of it like homework. You don’t have to paint the Sistine Chapel on your first go.”
Athena didn’t concede the point. Hal scoffed.
“You want his approval so very badly.”
She scoffed back. “And you don’t?”
“No,” Hal said. “I want to keep him off my back.”
“He pushes us to help us grow.”
“He pushes because he’s a fucking prick. He does his best to humiliate me in front of other people.”
She peered at him in the dark. He stared forward, shoulders hunched, head down.
Hal and Athena were rarely in the same classes at school. Athena was on the college track, and Hal was with what he liked to call “the rest of the dummies.” He wasn’t stupid. He was maybe the sharpest person Athena knew. It was more like he was uninterested in school. And because he wasn’t in honors courses, he didn’t understand how hard you had to work at a thing to be good at it. How, if you wanted to be extraordinary, you had to allow your teachers to drive you past frustration, past exhaustion.
“He’s harsh,” she conceded. “And maybe not the best teacher for you.”
“Not like I have a lot of options. No transfer forms available. And after his presentation at the con last summer, I don’t think anyone else is going to step up and offer to teach me.”
She swallowed hard. “Maybe I could help you.”
Hal looked up, his gloomy countenance a little faded. “What, like do drills on our own? Without Marsh?”
“Maybe some regular Dissonant study, too. Maybe we need to come at it from another angle. My parents are taking a day trip to Vandergriff on Saturday, but I’ll probably stay home to work. You could come over. Protect me from paper cuts.”
There it was. She’d just invited a boy to come over while her parents were out of town, and, shockingly, it had sounded like the most natural thing in the world. Panic flooded her chest.
“If you’re bored or whatever,” she added. “We could order pizza, invite the others over, watch a movie.” She winced inwardly. She hadn’t meant to make it a group activity.
Hal looked back out at the parking lot. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe that could be fun.”
“Cool,” Athena said, and tried to sound it.
“Cool,” he agreed.
Erin
A couple of weeks passed. Erin and Hal showed up at Marsh House and ran their drills. Erin’s shields and ethereal armor grew stronger. She got better at varying density and weight on the fly. Marsh seemed pleased with her progress. Less so with Hal’s.
Hal remained fierce. Every swing of his practice sword seemed designed to split Erin in two, and Marsh complained that Hal needed to learn finesse and patience; that swordplay wasn’t about power, but intelligence and instinct. The more Marsh nagged, the harder Hal fought. Erin had always known her friend had a temper, but there was an anger swelling in him now that worried her.
One Wednesday in early June, as they sat on the back porch of Marsh House after drills and rehydrated in the shade, Hal said:
“All this combat training. Why do you think it’s so important? What’s Marsh training us for?”
