Unforgiven, p.15
Unforgiven, page 15
“I have a pretty good idea. I was in prison.”
“Yes, you were. I’m sorry for the accident and that you had to spend time behind bars, but you weren’t completely innocent, Seth. You chose to get involved. You chose to fight Peter when he turned on you. You could have walked away.”
“And you couldn’t ever walk away?” He raised an eyebrow.
Her temper flared. “The man who promised me and God that he would care for and honor me abused me in countless ways for years. I wasn’t allowed to do one thing of my own free will, Seth Zimmerman.”
He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, you shouldn’t have even thought it. But you did.” She walked to the door and held it open. “Now will you please leave, or should I call the deputy back and ask for his help?”
“No. I am sorry, Tabitha.” When she remained silent, he studied her face one long moment, then walked out the door.
The moment Seth was across the threshold, she locked the door. Then, just like she used to do, she peeked at him through the windowpane. But secretly, barely disturbing her curtains.
This time, instead of watching him approach, she watched him leave. Stared as he descended the front steps. Noticed how he strode forward, and how his pace picked up steam with each foot of distance. Like he couldn’t get out of her sight fast enough.
Which made her realize yet again that she’d been such a fool. She’d thought he’d never noticed her watching him, but he had. He’d noticed everything she’d done. Just like Leon had.
But instead of judging her and finding fault with everything, Seth had encouraged her to believe in herself.
Instead of hurting her, he’d helped her heal.
Instead of ignoring her wishes, he’d honored them.
Encouraged her.
She supposed he was doing the same thing now. Even though he hadn’t been shy about voicing his thoughts, he’d still left. After apologizing.
Just like she’d asked him to.
Only when Seth was out of sight did she move away from the window. Turning around, she analyzed the space. The living room was neat as a pin. There was no trace of either Deputy Ernst or Seth ever being there. No, the only sign of her circumstances having changed was the bright light shining on the table. The other one currently shining in her bedroom. She needed those flashlights. Anything to feel safer.
But it was a false sense of security. She was alone.
Nerves shot through her again, clenching her stomach and tightening her throat. Like a woman possessed, she checked the deadbolt on the front door again. Then she rushed to the kitchen and double-checked the lock on the back door. Then checked every single window, already imagining Leon watching and waiting from the woods. One by one, she visited every windowpane, securing locks that were already secure. Pulling down shades that were already down.
Chance watched her. Perhaps sensing her fear, he whimpered.
“It’ll be okay, Chance,” she said.
He whimpered again, and she knew the dog didn’t believe her words any more than she did.
After brushing her teeth and hair and washing her face, she changed into her nightgown. Finally, she lay down on her bed and curled up in a ball on her side, exhausted. Wrapped her arms around herself again. Just like she used to do when she was hurting so bad.
Just like she still did when she was scared.
She closed her eyes. The memory of Seth holding her rushed forward. The way he’d been so solid and steady. The way he’d promised her that she was going to be all right.
And for one split second, she’d believed him.
Until she’d pushed him away.
Over and over she reviewed their conversation, hating that they’d fought before his departure. Hating that she hadn’t asked him to call her when he got home safe. He’d dropped everything when she’d called and then spent hours by her side. In return, she’d sent him on his way in the dark. She hadn’t even offered to let him borrow a flashlight.
At a quarter to one in the morning, she allowed the tears to fall. They soaked her skin and her pillowcase and the neckline of her nightgown. Come morning, she’d likely need to wash everything.
It didn’t matter, though. She’d still be all alone.
22
The pounding at the door was unceasing. With Seth still groggy, the knocking rivaled the continuous hammering inside his head. He had fallen asleep in the chair next to the fireplace. The evening before had had him so spun up, he’d lit a small fire and sat down next to it, hoping the flickering warmth would soothe his spirit. Instead, it had reminded him of Tabitha, and he’d wondered if she had brought enough wood inside.
“Seth?”
It was his sister. “Mel, stop pounding. I’ll be right there.” He got up and headed for the door.
“Hurry. It’s cold out here.”
He rolled his eyes and moved his neck from side to side. It did little to ease his headache or the tension in his neck and shoulders. He needed some pain reliever and a hot shower. And coffee.
When he opened the front door, the bright morning sun was blinding. “Come on in.”
“Danke,” she said as he closed the door behind her. “Gut matin.”
“Whatever. I need coffee.” He went into the kitchen, leaving Melonie to divest herself of her cloak and hang it on the hook by the door. His house was small but wide open, so he could easily see the front door from the kitchen.
After he turned on the coffee maker that he’d thankfully prepped the evening before, he listened to it drip as he took in the sight of his little sister. Today she had on a cranberry-colored dress and black tights. Her kapp was as neat and clean as always, and for once she didn’t have a single wayward blond curl out of place. The only thing that marred her perfection was a worried frown.
“Seth, what took you so long to open the door?” she asked as she joined him in the kitchen in her stocking feet. “I must have knocked on it for five minutes.”
“I was asleep.” Still groggy, he peered at her. “How did you get here anyway?”
“I rode my bike.” Staring at him like she had something important to say, she added, “It’s ten o’clock, Seth.”
“Is it? Hmm.” He hadn’t bothered to look at the clock. Her stare practically pierced his bones as he filled a cup with strong, black coffee.
“You look like you slept in those clothes.”
“That’s because I did.” He closed his eyes as he savored his first sip. The taste of fresh, hot coffee never got old. He certainly never took it for granted. Not since his release from prison. Feeling his body slowly relax, he took another sip.
Melonie cleared her throat. “Aren’t you going to offer me a cup?”
He adored his sister, but he was not loving her current attitude. “Didn’t think I needed to.”
“It’s the polite thing to do.”
“Help yourself if you want kaffi, Mel. You know where everything is.” Taking a seat at the kitchen table, he watched his sister pour a healthy amount of milk in a cup, then fill the rest with coffee.
Her mouth pinched slightly. “Where’s the sugar?”
“Second cabinet from the right.”
She opened two of the cabinet doors, located the bag of sugar, and added two heaping spoonsful. After stirring, she took a sip, added a bit more coffee, and tasted it again. Finally looking pleased, she sat down at the table.
He grinned. “I’d forgotten how much you like all that milk and sugar.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“You’re right, though I might as well be making you a cup of warm milk.”
She waved off his quip. “There’s coffee in here.”
“If you say so.”
“So, are you going to tell me why you not only fell asleep in your clothes but were still sleeping at ten in the morning?”
“Sure. I was up late reading.”
“That’s the story you’re going to tell me?”
He figured she had a point. As lies went, it was a lousy one. “The truth is I was helping a friend last night. It was late by the time I finally got home and got to sleep.” She didn’t need to know he’d been up half the night wrestling with what he’d learned from Tabitha.
“Who were you helping?”
“I don’t think I should share that.”
“Why not?”
“Because she deserves her privacy and it’s not my story to tell.”
“She?”
Seth felt like slapping himself on the head. He knew better than to give Melonie a single clue about last evening’s adventures. “Don’t worry about it, Mel.”
He could practically see the wheels turning in her head. “You were over at Tabitha Yoder’s last night. Weren’t you?”
Well, he supposed it was ridiculous for him to even imagine that Melonie wouldn’t know who he was talking about. “No comment.”
“I knew it.” She smiled before turning serious again. “Wait. Is she all right? Does she need anything?”
Melonie sure seemed to jump to that conclusion quickly. “Why would you ask that?”
“Beyond the fact that everyone knows you look out for her, everyone also knows she’s struggling. So, is she all right?”
Seth wasn’t sure what to say. The short and simple truth was that Tabitha really was struggling, both emotionally and physically. She absolutely wasn’t all right. She had a scary ex-husband who had violated a restraining order, she lived by herself, and she didn’t even have the full support of her family.
Adding insult to injury was the fact that Sheriff Johnson hadn’t even been around the night before. No matter how much Deputy Ernst tried, he wasn’t anywhere close to the officer that Johnson was.
“I’m not comfortable sharing her story, Melonie. It’s private.”
Melonie took another sip of her coffee before pushing it aside. “Why do you look like you’ve been through the wringer?”
“I tried to stay at her house last night. She didn’t want me to do that.”
She looked scandalized. “I can’t believe you even suggested such a thing!”
“Oh, settle down. I was going to sleep on her couch, Mel. Just so she’d feel protected.”
“Why does she need to feel protected?”
“Again, no comment.”
His sister pursed her lips, just the way she used to when she didn’t get her way. Usually he thought it was cute. Not at the moment. She was wearing him out.
He picked up his cup, saw that he’d drained it, and walked back to the coffee maker. “Mel, instead of focusing on me and my lack of sleep, how about you tell me why you’re here.”
“Mamm and Daed said you could come over for supper tomorrow.”
Seth was glad the coffee cup was still on the counter. Otherwise, its contents would’ve poured down the front of his shirt. “Why do they want to see me?”
“Beyond the fact that you’re part of the family?”
Hardly. “We know I’m not that anymore,” he said as he joined her again.
“I think they’ve finally come to realize that they’ve been too judgmental.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Well, it might also be because I’ve been seeing more of Lott.” She lowered her voice. “Please think about it.”
“I’ll try.”
“Gut,” she said, looking pleased.
“Hold on here. Tell me what’s been going on with the two of you.”
“Only that we’ve been seeing more of each other.”
He rolled his eyes. “So you two are getting serious?”
Melonie looked away. “I’m not sure.”
“How come?”
“Seth.”
He couldn’t resist needling her. “What’s wrong? Don’t tell me that being on the receiving end of endless questions isn’t enjoyable for you.”
Her cheeks turned pink. “You made your point. I shouldn’t have pestered you about Tabitha. Just as you don’t need to pester me about Lott. We’re adults now. Neither of us should have to explain ourselves to the other one.”
“I agree with what you’re saying, but I’m not pestering you, Mel. I really am interested. You’re my little sister and I care about you.” He smiled. “Unless you’d like to chat about Cousin Lorne.”
Melonie looked pained. “You heard about Lorne?”
“Yep. How he was your date at the singing and everything.”
She opened her mouth to protest, then seemed to realize that he was joking. “Oh, stop. It was horrible. I’m so glad our cousins went back home.”
“Let’s talk about Lott, then.”
“Fine.” She reached for her cup, took a sip, and then jiggled her foot while she seemed to struggle with finding the right words to say. “I don’t know if we’re serious or not, Seth. Sometimes Lott acts like he’s very serious and wants to marry me someday. Then other times . . . I don’t know.” Frowning slightly, she picked up her cup and put it down again. “What do you think I should do?”
“Talk to him.” That was the right advice, anyway. Of course, what he was itching to do was visit Lott and order him to stop playing with Melonie’s emotions. But he was pretty sure that wouldn’t go over well.
“I don’t know what I would even say.”
“All you have to do is tell him what you told me.”
The wrinkle that had been threatening to mar her forehead deepened. “But shouldn’t Lott be the one to tell me his feelings first?”
For the first time in their conversation, Seth knew how to answer her. “Sorry, but most men aren’t real good at sharing their feelings.”
“What about you?”
He chuckled. “Obviously not. If I was better, Tabitha would have trusted me enough to let me stay there last night. Instead, I walked back here and was so worried about her I stayed up half the night debating about whether or not I should go back and camp out on her front porch.”
“I hope you didn’t. That would be creepy.”
“I didn’t.” But that didn’t mean he didn’t regret his choice. He was still concerned that Tabitha was frightened and all alone.
“What are you going to do now?”
“As much as it pains me, I’m going to honor her wishes for at least a couple of days.”
Melonie blinked. “Really?”
“I don’t have much of a choice.” All he had to do was remember what she told him. “Tabitha doesn’t want me around.” He searched for something to add, anything that might make himself sound a little less pitiful, but decided not expanding on the obvious was the best option.
Reading his silence, Melonie gazed at him. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m more worried about her than my bruised heart. But, hey, listen . . . if you think Lott is the man for you, don’t give up on him. But don’t rush into anything either. You both have lots of time.”
“I’ll try to remember that. Now, will you come over for supper?”
Seth wasn’t sure if he wanted to. There was so much between them that couldn’t be removed or forgotten. On the other hand, they were his parents and he loved them. They weren’t perfect and neither was he. “Jah. Yes, I’d like that.”
Melonie’s smile lit up the room, and she jumped up and threw her arms around him. “I’m so glad. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
Realizing that she was already heading to the door, he followed her. “That’s it?”
“Jah. I’ve got things to do, and you need to take a shower.”
“I reckon so. I probably need to eat something too.”
She smiled at him. “And put on fresh clothes while you’re at it.”
Looking down at his rumpled clothing, he grinned. “Anything else?”
“Nee. I’m really glad you’re coming over tomorrow night, Seth.”
He couldn’t say he was “really glad” he was going, so he did the next best thing. “I’m really glad you came over here today. Thanks, Mel.”
Her expression softened as she slipped her feet into her boots. “Anytime. Anytime at all. I love you, Seth.”
Seth helped her into her cloak and adjusted it on her shoulders. When she turned around to face him, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for that. And . . . I love you back.”
Watching her hop on her bicycle, Seth felt like he had gained a new perspective about his relationship with Tabitha. It was time he took some of his own advice. He needed to not give up on them, which meant he needed to be more patient with her and himself. He’d waited this long for her, so he could wait longer.
There was no need to push too hard or rush into anything. A counselor in the halfway house he’d lived in briefly after being released had been fond of saying that Rome wasn’t built in a day. He was pretty sure that solid, meaningful relationships weren’t either.
As Seth reminded himself of those words yet again, something inside him eased. The Lord was allowing them all the time they needed. He should give thanks for that. He and Tabitha had their whole lives ahead of them. They could take their time and learn to trust each other.
Maybe he would even share more of his feelings . . . and Tabitha would give him more of her smiles. They could heal. Maybe make a future together.
Yeah, he really liked that idea. He liked that a lot.
23
Melonie had a pretty good idea that she was going to regret her decision, but it couldn’t be helped. Not only was her brother’s devastated expression playing over and over in her head, she was concerned about Tabitha. Melonie had never had the connection with their former schoolteacher that Seth had, though she didn’t know why. Maybe it was because she’d been only a child when Tabitha had taught in their schoolhouse.
Back then, she’d been focused on her friends and playing with her dolls. She vaguely remembered when their teacher had left in the middle of the school year to get married, but it hadn’t made much of an impression on her. One week Tabitha had been their teacher, and the week after that Rachel had taken her place.
