Its not me its him, p.24
It's Not Me It's Him, page 24
We stood at the same time.
“You didn’t have to get up, Daphs.” He took the box and smiled at it. “Nice wrap.”
“Thanks.”
He shook the box. “I wonder what it is?”
“Oh! No. Don’t open it now. Open it tomorrow or when I’m not here. Please.”
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know….”
“Alright.” He grabbed another t-shirt, folding it in halves.
I honestly couldn’t blame him for not speaking. The past week had been weird since the Blake incident. From how he moved, I knew Ana told him to stay away from me. I folded an item of clothing from the pile next to me.
He paused, eyeing me. His lips twitched, stifling a smile. “I didn’t know you folded.”
“What kind of stupid statement is that?”
“I don’t know…It looks strange.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
As we folded in silence, everything felt good—as if we were back to our usual selves.
“Do you want anything to drink?”
I thought about it for a while, then calculated that I might have to leave the room. “Nah. I’m fine.” I enjoyed our alone time and didn’t want to ruin it by going out there. “I was thinking about riding again for the new year. Well, it could be before….” I shrugged.
Leo kept his focus on the blanket he was folding. “Okay.”
“Maybe I could get a bike for you, and we could ride….”
He peered at me. “That isn’t necessary.”
“Why? It’s…It’s not like you don’t enjoy it. We could ride together and—”
“Daphney, I’m your driver. I’m not supposed to be doing any of those things.”
“Is this because of her?”
He looked up. “Huh?”
“Ana. Is she the one stopping you from doing these things with me? I…I mean, nothing has been normal between us since the Blake stuff. You avoided and left me alone when you had to drive me around.”
“It’s not what you think it is. It’s not her.”
“Then what is it? Am I so repulsive that you hate being in my company?”
“You’re not repulsive, Daphney.”
“Well, I’m certainly emotionally taxing.”
“I…” he sighed. “You’re not taxing, and it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s…it’s…” He leaned against his nightstand.
“It’s what?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Why is everything complicated? You make everything complicated.” Why did I always cry around him? I never showed weakness, but now I was a blubbering mess.
I stood. “You know what? Never mind.” I wiped my cheeks and headed for the door.
“Wait.” He rushed in front of me, shoving the door closed. He turned the knob, and it clicked.
A heavy breath escaped me. “What are you doing?”
Rather than answer me, he ran his hands down his face.
I scowled. “I can’t get you. You say you like me and then say it’s complicated. What are you locking me in here for?” I didn’t need his pity, and I sure as heck didn’t want to feel unwanted. “Is it you want me to feel stupid?” I shook my head. “And to think I actually have feelings for you. But you’re with Ana, who just makes things worse. Since Blake and I broke up, I thought you would have been there for me, but you distanced yourself. You, of all people.”
I pushed his bare chest for space, but his rigid body stilled.
I swiped the tears from my cheeks. “Just let me go. I thought you were different.”
He looked pained, but I didn’t care. He hurt me. The last person I expected to hurt me was him. “Move!”
“I can’t.”
“I hate you, Leo. Let me go.”
“You don’t understand….”
“Oh, I understand clearly. You were being nice, doing everything, and caring for me because it was part of your job.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Then what was all of that? Huh?” I shoved him again.
“I…I can’t tell you. It’s comp—”
“Complicated, right?” I shook my head. “Get away from me. Let me go.”
“I can’t let you go, Daphney. Not yet.”
“Then I’ll scream. I’ll scream so your mom can rescue me.”
He reached for my hand, directing it to his chest. His heart thundered beneath all that muscle and flesh.
He took a deep breath. “This is what you do to me.”
I stayed silent, concentrating on the flutter of his heartbeats.
“My morals are what complicate things—what is right and what is wrong. I can’t tell you how I feel because I’m with Ana. I’ll become the same guy you hate. I don’t want to be a liar and a cheater like Blake. That’s not me.”
My breath caught. And I realized how close Leo had been to my face.
“If I tell you how I really feel, then I’ll become exactly what I accused Blake of being. And…and I’m not sure if you like me for me or because I’m giving you attention. I don’t want to ruin what Ana and I have to be your rebound. One minute you hate me, then you don’t.”
“I…I don’t hate you, Leo. I-I never did.”
He reached out, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. “Well, I’ve liked you since day one. I like the ebony brown of your hair and the silkiness of your skin.” He traced his finger along my arm, giving me goosebumps. “You always smell like strawberries, and nothing makes you more upset than when someone calls you ma’am.”
I let out a soft laugh between my sobs.
“Your favorite color is white, and you only wear red when trying to earn attention in the room. When you’re angry, the tips of your ears get red, and when you’re sad, like now, you feel vulnerable.”
My chest heaved.
He leaned closer, his forehead touching mine. The heat of his shallow breaths against my face tingled. I wanted him to kiss me desperately, but I knew he wouldn’t.
“If you think that I don’t like you…Then you should know that I’m head over heels for you. But I can’t tell you that.”
A small smile tugged at his lips, and I mirrored his. Our eyes remained on each other. I waited for him to lean in and kiss me. But he didn’t.
His hand reached up to touch my face, but he stopped himself. “You should go…” he said, squeezing his eyes closed.
The headiness in his breath enthralled me. My body refused to move. “No.”
“You have to go.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“I won’t be able to stop myself, Daphney.”
“What if I want you to do it?”
“You need to go.”
“I’m not leaving.”
He moved his hand to unlock the door, but I swatted it away.
“Don’t fight me, Daphs.”
“What are you afraid of? It’s just the two of us.”
“I won’t only be hurting you. I’ll be hurting Ana, too. Now, go.”
I threw myself in front of the door, blocking the handle. If he didn’t want to kiss me, then I would. I would show him how I felt about him—how much I liked him.
I pulled him in for a kiss, squeezing his taut body against mine.
Leo’s mouth covered mine, filling me with the taste of him. He deepened it, pressing me into the door and holding my cheeks. My body burned for him. If this is how he tasted, then I wanted more. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to devour him, like how he was dangerously consuming me.
He lifted me off the floor, and I squeezed my legs around his waist as he carried me across the room onto his bed. He traced sweet kisses along my jawline, making me ache for the taste of his lips again.
I moaned, cupping his face. “Kiss me…”
But as if I’d morphed into a pimply-nosed witch, he bolted off me, backing himself into a corner. “Shit.”
I sat upright. “Leo?”
“You have to go. Now.”
“I—”
“Now, Daphney. Now!”
His voice shook me. I’d never seen him so irritated, so disgusted…so—“Fine!” I adjusted my sweater and scurried out his door, slamming it behind me.
37
Leo
I should never have kissed her back. Damnit. What the hell was I going to tell Ana?
I took a seat on the edge of my bed. Everyone got hurt, no matter how much I tried to work things out in my head.
“Knock, knock.” I looked up to see mom standing in the doorway. “Well, you’re supposed to answer,” she said.
“What sense does it make? You’re going to come in anyway.”
“Boy, I am your mother. Don’t talk to me like that. Where’s Daphney?” She looked around.
I gave her a dirty look, knowing damn well she probably saw Daphney storm out of my room.
Mom sighed and closed the door, taking a seat next to me. Her hand reached out, rubbing my back. “What’s wrong? What did you do?”
“Why did it have to be me?”
“Because that girl looked hurt when she left the house. So what did you do? You kissed her?”
I knew she had seen her. But how—why would she even ask that? “What?”
“Mm-hm.”
“How did you know that? And I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”
“I know everything.”
Probably from eavesdropping…
“I heard that.”
I smiled, shaking my head.
She reached up and swiped my chin with her thumb. “Plus, you’ve got lip gloss all over your face. She came here with lip gloss and left without any on her lips.”
I wiped my face, thinking it would somehow disappear. “You really looked at all of that?” Mom wasn’t making things any easier for me. As a matter of fact, my mood plummeted when she entered because I knew she would let me have it.
“Yes, now tell me what’s wrong and stop wasting my time. I have guests to entertain.”
“I cheated on Ana when I kissed her.”
She sucked her teeth. “That’s what you’re killing yourself for?”
“The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Ana.” That and being a total hypocrite. I’d jeered Blake for cheating on Daphney and did the same thing to Ana.
“Who do you like?”
“What?”
“Which of the two do you like?”
“Both.”
She sucked her teeth again. “Of course, both. But who do you like more?”
“I don’t know.”
“You know.”
“Daphney…But she changed in so many ways. I don’t even know how to handle this different side of her. It’s not normal. And the thing is, she said she has feelings for me.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “Y’all teenagers.”
“I’m not a teenager.”
“Yeah, but you’re surrounded by them and even dating ‘em.”
I sighed.
“If you like Daphney, tell her how you feel and be with her. The two of you are playing games.”
“What about Ana? I can’t treat her like that.”
“Well, stay miserable then. You already cheated. Save the girl before she hates men.”
I shivered at her words. I never wanted to be a cheater. But telling Ana the truth would be the hardest thing ever. “Mom, you’re not supposed to be this raw.”
“Boy, I’m too old for this. Get your feelings in order. After what you did, someone has to feel bad in the end. You can’t please everyone. The quicker, the better. And next time, don’t play with these girls’ hearts like this. I taught you better than that.”
* * *
Ana and I were supposed to meet on New Year’s Day, but her father surprised her with a week-long ski trip. She abandoned me to pack. I hadn’t told her about the kiss between Daphney and me because I wanted to tell her in person.
When I returned to the Stone’s residence on the fourth, Daphney was nowhere in sight. We hadn’t spoken since the ordeal, and she left my fifteen messages unread.
“Where’s Daphney, Mrs. Stone?” I asked.
I watched as she scooped the fruits and vegetables from the chopping board and threw them in the blender. The combination was wild. I didn’t mind the fruits, but adding veggies like zucchini made it undesirable.
She pushed the knob on the blender for a few seconds and then unplugged it. “She took my car to hang out with colleagues. Want some?”
Colleagues? “Nah. And she didn’t call or at least wait on me?”
Mrs. Stone shrugged, emptying the lumpy substance into her flask. “She said she couldn’t wait. I am actually surprised she’s driving now.”
I checked the time on the new watch mom gave me for Christmas. “Don’t you need a car to work? It’s after eleven. ”
“Nah. I took the week off. Plus, I need the time to prepare for the final hearing of your mom’s case on Thursday.”
Oh, right…I’d forgotten about that. “I really hope we win. Can’t wait to move back home.”
She gave a little smile and sipped her drink. I knew the smoothie tasted awful. From the way her face contorted, she confirmed it.
“Well, I have a few errands to do. Do you need anything, Mrs. Stone?”
She waved me off, heading for the stairs. “Nah. I’m going upstairs to chill. I have the house to myself. Take as long as you want.”
* * *
I strolled through the front door, and Mrs. Stone greeted me with confusion etched on her face. I knew today was Saturday, but I’d come to see Daphney since she’d been dodging me the entire week. “Is Daphney home?”
“Yeah, in her room.”
“Oh, and thanks again for winning our case. You don’t know how much you’ve done for us.”
She smiled. “It’s not a problem, Leo. I’m glad to see you guys are comfortable again. Your mom has thanked me enough.”
I headed upstairs and knocked, saying nothing, as it was better for her to think it was her mom.
“It’s open,” she yelled.
When I pushed the door, my heart skipped a beat—or more like a crash into my chest because I had not been expecting to see what I saw. “You cut your hair?”
Daphney had headphones in her ear and sprawled across her bed like a sprightly teenager. She shot upright. “Get out. Get out, get out, get out. Leo, get out!”
I crossed the room, forgetting our personal boundaries, and touched the blunt ends of her hair.
She scurried away, rolling off the bed. “Don’t touch me.”
“You c-cut your hair?” Her beautiful hair—her long, wavy, dark hair. Now, it barely brushed her shoulders. Her new look didn’t look bad, but…
“Leave.”
“Why haven’t you returned my calls and my…my texts?” I still couldn’t get over her hair. Why? Why would she cut her long hair? I knew hair grew back, and hers would probably return to its regular length in a few months. But the thought of being unable to run my fingers through her hair or just admire it from afar burned a hole in my chest.
“I’m going to call mom.”
She brushed past me, but I reached for her hand. “Daphney…please. I came to talk to you. Can you at least give me a minute?”
She folded her arms. “Why? Why would I give you a minute? I came to you, and you embarrassed me. You turned me down like an old piece of trash.”
“No…” I moved closer. “It’s nothing like that. You don’t know how hard it is to finally know that the girl you’ve fantasized about is falling for you. This is so unreal, Daphs. I mean, a few months ago, you hated my guts. So, forgive me for acting like that.”
I paused, allowing her time to speak, but she remained silent, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Nothing changes the fact that I like you,” I continued. “But I can’t just switch up and be with you on a whim. I’m with Ana, and she deserves respect, too. You need to understand that.”
She frowned. “S-so, I’m just supposed to wait? It’s like no one cares about me anymore.”
“That’s not true. I care about you.”
“Then why did you stop hanging out with me? Why did you shove me off at the party? Why did you stop yourself from kissing me? You say all these things, but your actions speak differently.”
I sighed. “That’s because I couldn’t control my feelings around you. It was easier for me to step away than ruin what I’ve got with Ana for someone who isn’t sure what they want.”
“I want you.”
“Are you really sure? Or is it that I’m just your rebound for Blake?”
She shook her head. “But I guess the feeling isn’t all that mutual.”
“The feeling is mutual, Daphs—”
“Then show me. Show me that what you’re saying is true.”
She peered up at me, but I couldn’t show her. Not until I ended things with Ana. “I…I can’t.” It pained me to tell her this because she would read it differently. I didn’t want to be the bad guy, but I guess I was already the villain after kissing and shoving her away. It seemed like I could never win. But I would do the right thing.
Daphney’s eyes darkened. “Then get out of my room.”
“Daphney.”
“Get out—mom!”
“Our kiss meant so much; I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
“I don’t care.”
“Listen to me, Daphs.”
She yanked the door open. “Leave—”
We nearly jumped out of our skin at the sight of Ana at the door.
Ana dropped the small yellow gift box, letting the contents inside it shatter to pieces. “Kiss? What kiss?” Then she shook her head with disgust. “You know what, never mind. You two deserve each other. Devils!”
“Ana! Wait.”
I stepped over the box and ran out of the room. I heard Daphney’s door slam as I hurried downstairs, bidding a confused Ricky a quick hello.
Ana had thrown herself on the bed with her face buried in the pillow. “Ana?” I closed the door and moved to the edge of the bed. This hadn’t been how I planned on ending things. She wasn’t supposed to find out like this. This was worse because she thought I cheated behind her back.
She lifted her head, wiping her eyes with the back of her palm. “Did you kiss her?”
