The malazan empire, p.974
The Malazan Empire, page 974
‘So why should she have any better reason to trust us?’ Gesler demanded. ‘We got snatched, and now we’re commanding our own damned army of lizards. The fact is, we deserted the—’
‘I ain’t deserted nothing!’ Stormy shouted. The smaller of the two dogs barked.
Brys noted the growing alarm on the face of the Awl woman. He caught her eye and said, ‘You are the Destriant?’
‘I am Kalyth,’ she said. ‘I do not understand what is going on. The way you use the trader’s tongue – there are words I don’t know. I am sorry.’ She faced Gesler. ‘He is Mortal Sword of the K’Chain Che’Malle. He is defender of Matron Gunth Mach. We must fight to stay alive. There are old wounds…old…crimes. We cannot escape. Gunth Mach cannot escape. We fight, will fight.’
‘And somehow,’ Brys mused, ‘the Adjunct understands the truth of that. How?’
Kalyth shook her head. ‘I do not know her. But’ – and she pointed at the girl standing near Grub – ‘where this one goes, there will be fire.’
Gesler rubbed at his face with both hands. ‘Our…Ceda. Sinn. Without her sorcery, and Grub’s, the Nah’ruk would have defeated us. Not on the ground, but from the sky keeps. So,’ he sighed, ‘Sinn and Grub saved us all. The Adjunct said we’d need them—’
‘No,’ corrected Stormy, ‘she said they’d be safer with us than with her.’
Gesler said to Brys, ‘We’ve been thinking of going after them – into that desert.’
‘She will not be swayed,’ said Brys. ‘And she wants none of us to follow her. It is her conviction that we will be needed elsewhere.’
‘I can’t assume command,’ said Gesler. ‘I’m a Hood-damned marine, a fucking sergeant.’
‘You was a damned Fist, Gesler!’ Stormy said.
‘For three days—’
‘Till they busted you down, aye! And why was you busted down? No, you don’t want to say, do you?’
‘Leave it—’
‘I won’t!’ Stormy jabbed a finger at his companion. ‘You went and thought you could be another Dassem! You went and got us all to swear our souls to a damned god! This ain’t your first time as a Mortal Sword, is it?’
Gesler wheeled on Stormy. ‘How should I know? It’s not like Fener reached down and patted me on the head, is it? And what about you, Adjutant? You lied to the damned Empress!’
‘I did what Cartheron and Urko asked me to do!’
‘You betrayed the Empire!’
Ceda Sinn was laughing, but it was a cold, cruel laugh.
Kalyth had gone white and had backed up a step, her eyes wide as she looked from Gesler to Stormy and back again.
Sinn said to Gesler. ‘That’s why you’ll be needed. But you won’t like it. Hah! You won’t like any of it!’
Gesler made to advance on the girl but Stormy stepped into his path and shoved him back.
‘Will all of you stop it!’
Aranict’s shout halted everyone.
Swearing under his breath, Gesler turned away from Stormy’s challenging glare. ‘Prince, this ain’t what I was looking for. I wanted you to take overall command – you or Krughava. Gods, even that queen you talked about. I don’t want any of this.’
‘The matter,’ said Brys, ‘has proved far more complicated than even I had thought. But I mean to hold to my agreement with the Adjunct. Nor do I expect Queen Abrastal to change her mind, either. Our royal titles are nothing but a product of circumstance. They confer no special talent or ability, and we are both aware of that. Mortal Sword Gesler, it is undeniable that you are in command of the most formidable army in this alliance, and as such, the full weight of command must fall on you.’
The man looked miserable.
Snarling, Stormy swung round and stamped back to the waiting K’Chain Che’Malle. The small hairy dog followed.
Gesler shrugged. ‘We liked it the way we’d made it – gods, so long ago now. Hiding in some foul garrison in a smelly fishing village. We’d ducked down so far it looked like the world had forgotten us, and that was just how we wanted it. And now look at us. Gods below.’
Brys cocked his head. ‘You have been with the Adjunct ever since that time?’
‘Not quite. We got pulled in with the Whirlwind – a mutiny. We blame the Imperial Historian, that’s who we blame. Never mind, none of it’s worth knowing – it’s just a sordid tale of us staggering and stumbling this way and that across half the damned world. We did nothing of note, except maybe staying alive, and see where it’s got us.’
‘If you and your friend are feeling so trapped,’ said Brys, ‘why not just leave? Did you not already call yourself and Stormy deserters?’
‘Wish I could. I really do. But we can’t, and we know it.’
‘But…why?’
Gesler looked down abjectly at Grub. ‘Because,’ he whispered like a man condemned, ‘she trusts us.’
‘Now didn’t that go well,’ said Aranict as they rode back towards the column at a slow trot.
Brys regarded her. ‘There was considerable alarm in your voice, Aranict, when you so startled us all.’
‘Where do gods come from, Brys? Do you know?’
He shook his head, unwilling to stir awake his memories of the seabed, the forgotten menhirs so bearded in slime. He had lost a lifetime wandering the muddy, wasted depths. I slept, and so wanted to sleep – for ever. And if this is not the death others find, it was the death that found me. Such weariness, I’d lost the will to drag myself free.
‘Gesler and Stormy,’ said Aranict, ‘they are almost within reach.’
‘I’m sorry, what?’
‘Of godhood.’
‘You speak of things Kuru Qan used to talk about. The ancient First Empire notion of ascendancy.’
‘The Destriant spoke of fire.’
He struggled to stay on the path she seemed to be taking. ‘The girl, Sinn…’
Aranict snorted. ‘Yes, her. Fire at its most destructive, at its most senseless – she could have burned us all to ash and given it not a moment’s thought. When you hold such power inside you, it burns away all that is human. You feel nothing. But Brys, you don’t understand – the Adjunct wants Sinn with them.’
‘As far away from her as possible? I don’t think Tavore would—’
‘No no, that wasn’t her reason, Brys. It’s Gesler and Stormy.’
‘You are right in saying that I don’t understand.’
‘Those two men have walked in the Hold of Fire, in what the sages of the First Empire called Telas. Tavore wants Sinn with them because no one else can stand against that child, no one else could hope to survive her power, for when Sinn awakens that power, as Kalyth said, there will be fire.’
‘The Adjunct warned of betrayal—’
‘Brys, Gesler and Stormy are on the edge of ascendancy, and they can feel it. They’re both holding on for dear life—’
‘Holding on to what?’
‘To their humanity,’ she replied. ‘Their fingers are numb, the muscles of their arms are screaming. Their nails are cracked and bleeding. Did you see how the boy watched them? The one named Grub? He stands beside Sinn like her conscience made manifest – it is truly outside her now. She could push it away, she could crush the life from it – I don’t know why she hasn’t already. For all the fire in her hands, her heart is cold as ice.’
‘Are you saying the boy has no power of his own?’
She shot him a look. ‘Did the Adjunct speak of him? The boy?’
Warily, he nodded.
‘What did she say?’
‘She said he was the hope of us all, and that in the end his power would – could – prove our salvation.’
She searched his face. ‘Then, Brys, we are in trouble.’
Betrayal. When the face before us proves a lie, when the eyes deceive and hide the truths behind them. Will there be no end to such things?
He thought back to the seabed, as he knew he would. I have these names, deep inside me. The names of the fallen. I can hear each one, there with its own, unique voice. Yet so many sound the same, a cry of pain. Of…betrayal. So many, and so many times. ‘She trusts those two marines,’ he said. ‘She trusts them not to betray her. It’s all she has. It’s all she can hope for.’
‘Yes,’ said Aranict. ‘And, worse than that, that Awl woman – Kalyth – who said she didn’t understand anything, well, she understands all too well. Like it or not, she holds the fate of the K’Chain Che’Malle in her hands. She is the Destriant to the Matron – do you imagine she trusts Sinn? With all their lives? With the Matron’s and all the other K’Chain Che’Malle? Hardly. She is in the same position as we are – it’s all down to Gesler and Stormy, and she is watching those two men fight for everything.’
‘It must be breaking her heart.’
‘She’s terrified, Brys. And so alone, so alone. With all that.’
He rubbed at his face. Their horses had slowed to a slow amble, directionless. Unaware, the standard-bearer had ridden on and was now closing on the column. At this distance, the standard looked like a white flag. ‘Aranict, what can we do?’
‘No matter what happens,’ she said, ‘we must stand with them. With Gesler and Stormy, and Kalyth and the K’Chain Che’Malle. But if it comes down to who can we save, if we’re left with that awful choice, then…it must be the boy.’
‘Those two men are at each other’s throat – there must be—’
‘Oh, that. Brys, they are like brothers, those two. They’ll snap at each other, even come to blows. They’ll shout each other down, but things would be a lot worse if none of that was happening. What we saw was their humanity – the very thing they’re desperate to keep. That was all like…like a ritual. Of caring. Love, even.’
‘As if married…’
‘Brothers, I’d say. Bound by blood, bound by history. When we witness them argue, we only hear what’s said out loud – we don’t hear all the rest, the important stuff. Kalyth is only beginning to understand that – when she does, some of her terror and anxiety will go away.’
‘I hope you are right.’ Brys reined in, and then dismounted. He turned to observe the Bluerose lancers, waved them back to their flanking patrol. To Aranict he said, ‘Let us walk. The vanguard will survive without me a while longer, I’m sure.’
He could see her curiosity, but she shrugged and slipped down from her horse. Leading their mounts, they began walking, parallel to the column.
‘My love,’ said Brys, ‘I have known a silence deeper – and more crushing – than anyone could imagine.’
‘You need not speak of it—’
‘No, you are wrong. But what I must tell you is more than finding a new intimacy between us, though that will be part of it. What I will describe is important – it bears on what you have just said, and – with your help – I hope it will guide us to a course of action. Tell me, what do you know of my death?’
She paused to light a new stick from the stub of the old one. ‘Poison. An accident.’
‘And my corpse?’
‘A revenant stole it.’
‘Stole? Perhaps it seemed that way. In truth, I was retrieved. I was carried back to a place I had been to before. My very name was carved upon a standing stone. Joined to countless others.’
She frowned, seemed to study the wiry grasses on the ground before them. ‘Is this what happens, then? To all of us? Our names set in stone? From death to life and then back again? As some sages have claimed?’
‘I do not know what happens, in truth. Whether what I experienced was fundamentally different from what others go through. But I sense there was something to it that was…unique. If I was inclined to blame anyone, it would have to be Kuru Qan. He invoked a ritual, sending me to a distant place, a realm, perhaps – a world upon the floor of the ocean – and it was there that I first met the…revenant. The Guardian of the Names – or so I now call it.’
‘And this was the one who came for you? In the throne room?’
He nodded.
‘Because he possessed your name?’
‘Perhaps – but perhaps not. We met in the clash of blades. I bested him in combat…’
‘He failed in his guardianship.’
‘Yes.’
‘When he came for you,’ said Aranict, ‘it was to set you in his stead.’
‘You have the truth of it, I think.’ Or so it seemed.
‘The “names” you speak of, Brys – does no one guard them now?’
‘Ah, thus leading us to my resurrection. What do you know of the details surrounding it?’
Aranict shook her head. ‘Nothing. But then, almost no one does.’
‘As you might imagine, I think about this often. In my dreams there are memories of things I have never done, or seen. Most troubling, at least at first. Like you, I have no real knowledge of my return to the realm of the living. Was there an invitation? A sundering of chains? I just don’t know.’
‘The power to achieve such a thing must have been immense.’
‘Something tells me,’ he said with a wry smile, ‘even an Elder God’s power would not have been enough. The desires of the living – for the return of the ones they have lost – cannot unravel the laws of death. This is not a journey one is meant to ever take, and all that we were when alive we are not now. I am not the same man, for that man died in the throne room, at the very feet of his king.’
She was studying him now, with fear in her eyes.
‘For a long time,’ Brys said, ‘I did not think I was capable of finding anything – not even an echo of who I had once been. But then…you.’ He shook his head. ‘Now, what can I tell you? What value does any of this have, beyond the truths we have now shared? It is, I think, this: I was released…to do something. Here, in this world. I think I now know what that thing is. I don’t know, however, what will be achieved. I don’t know why it is so…important. The Guardian has sent me back, for I am his hope.’ He shot her a look. ‘When you spoke of Tavore’s belief in the boy, I caught a glimmer…like the flickering of a distant candle, as if through murky water…of someone in the gloom. And I realized that I have seen this scene before, in a dream.’
‘Someone,’ murmured Aranict. ‘Your Guardian?’
‘No. But I have felt that stranger’s thoughts – I have dreamed his memories. An ancient house, where once I stood, but now it was empty. Flooded, dark. Like so much upon the bed of the oceans, its time was past, its purpose…lost. He walked inside it, wanting to find it as he once found it, wanting, above all, the comfort of company. But they’re gone.’
‘“They”? People dwelt in that house?’
‘No longer. He left it and now walks, bearing a lantern – I see him like a figure of myth, the last soul in the deep. The lone, dull glow of all he has left to offer anyone. A moment of’ – he reached up to his face, wiped at the tears – ‘of…light. Relief. From the terrible pressures, the burdens, the darkness.’
They had halted. She stood facing him, her eyes filled with sorrow. She whispered, ‘Does he beckon you? Does he beg your company, Brys?’
He blinked, shook his head. ‘I – I don’t know. He…waits for me. I see the lantern’s light, I see his shadow. All a thing of myth, a conjuration. Does he wait for the souls of the drowned? It seems he must. When we flounder, when we lose the sense of what is up and what is down – is that not what often happens when one drowns? And we see a lightness in the murk, and we believe it to be the surface. Instead…his lantern calls us. Down, and down…’
‘Brys, what must you do?’
‘There is a voice within me,’ he said, his throat suddenly hoarse, thick with emotion. ‘All that the seas have taken – the gods and mortals – all the…the Unwitnessed.’ He lifted his gaze to meet her wide eyes. ‘I am as bound as the Adjunct, as driven on to…something…as she. Was I resurrected to be brother to a king? A commander of armies? Am I here in answer to a brother’s grief, to a wish for how things once were? Am I here to feel once more what it is to be human, to be alive? No. There is more, my love. There is more.’
She reached up one hand, brushed his cheek. ‘Must I lose you, Brys?’
I don’t know.
Aranict must have seen his answer though he spoke it not, for she leaned against him, like one falling, and he closed an arm round her.
Dear voice. Dear thing that waits inside me – words cannot change a world. They never could. Would you stir a thousand souls? A million? The mud kicked up and taken on the senseless currents? Only to settle again, somewhere else.
Your shadow, friend, feels like my own.
Your light, so fitful, so faint – we all stir in the dark, from the moment of birth to the moment of death. But you dream of finding us, because, like each of us, you are alone. There is more. There must be more.
By all the love in my veins, please, there must be more.
‘Do not lecture me, sir, on the covenants of our faith.’
So much had been given to the silence, as if it was a precious repository, a vault that could transform all it held, and make of the fears a host of bold virtues. But these fears are unchanged. Shield Anvil Tanakalian stood before Krughava. The sounds of five thousand brothers and sisters preparing camp surrounded them.
Sweat trickled under his garments. He could smell his own body, rank and acrid with his wool gambeson’s lanolin. The day’s march felt heavy on his shoulders. His eyes stung; his mouth was dry.
Was he ready for this moment? He could not be sure – he had his own fears with which he had to contend, after all. But then, how long must I wait? And what moment, among all the moments, can I judge safest? The breath before the war cry? Hardly.
I will do this now, and may all who witness understand – it has been a long time in coming, and the silence surrounding me was not my own – it was where she had driven me. Where she would force us all, against the cliff wall, into cracks in the stone.
Iron, what are your virtues? The honed edge kisses and sparks rain down. Blood rides the ferule and splashes on the white snow. This is how you mark every trail. Tanakalian looked away. Seething motion, tents rising, tendrils of smoke curling up on the wind. ‘Without a Destriant,’ he said, ‘we cannot know their fate.’ He glanced back at her, eyes narrowing.
