Lost hope, p.9
Lost Hope, page 9
I limp back to where Brielle is secured. She starts to struggle again when she sees the saw I’m holding.
“Gage? What are you doing? Please don’t.”
“Shh. Everything’s going to be okay.”
I loosen the trap, and Brielle cries out in pain. The walls bleed fresh blood. It bathes me as I revel in its splendor. The hunter has left for now and the butcher has taken control. I attach the rubber tubing above the area I’m cutting and cinch it tight. This will control the bleeding until I can cauterize the wound. Then I free the trap completely and start my business, bearing the saw down into her flesh. She screams anew. Why? Does she think anyone will hear? Or care?
“Gage! Please! No, not my leg. Please. You can’t!” she cries, pulling at the restraints. I feel invigorated by this and pick up the pace of my sawing. Blood splashes onto my face, only feeding the frenzy in which I cut. Her blood mixed with the blood of many others. It feeds me and makes me full. “Gage, stop! Please stop!”
“Shut up, Brielle, or I’ll take the other leg! If you weren’t carrying my child, I’d kill you now!” I bear down harder, and with each stroke she pulls and tries feebly to free herself. She is writhing as I cut with a renewed fury. Jonas stands over me, supervising the proceedings. He smiles with blood lust as the walls continue to bleed. Within ten strokes of the blade, I’m through. Much quicker than I expected. Brielle is shaking uncontrollably, her eyes rolling back in her head as she passes out. Hopefully, she will remember this the next time she tries to escape. I take the bottle of medicine from my pocket and pour a liberal amount onto the bloody stump. The flesh sizzles and pops, cooking the wound and drying up the blood. She opens her eyes and screams again. Oh, the beauty of the sound! Her body is convulsing as she pulls at the straps on her wrists. The acid works well; within moments there is no blood, only a blackened piece of flesh. I’ll store the leg in the cooler for now, as it will provide a good dinner for later. I waste nothing. She struggles anew and bucks with her hips.
“Boy, she’s a fighter, isn’t she? But I think you may have broken her spirit for now,” Jonas says.
Brielle fights for a moment more and then stops struggling, apparently defeated, and begins to whimper silently.
“I’m glad you’ve stopped fighting this, Brielle. You must have understood I would win. I am the chosen one, after all.”
“You’re a sick motherfucker is what you are. I hate you, Gage!” she says, crying. “It hurts so bad. I need something for the pain.”
“You want drugs? We don’t want to hurt the baby, do we?”
“I hope you did kill it! It would serve you right!”
“We’ll find out soon enough. I’m taking you to the infirmary for inspection. Will you be good?”
“No, I’ll tear your eyes out if I get the chance!”
“Of course you will.” I pull out the syringe of painkiller and inject it into to her thigh. Within seconds, she is getting groggy. I didn’t want it this way, but it’s too much work to inspect her and get her back to her quarters while fighting me every step of the way. I wipe the blood from my face, licking my fingers afterward. The sweet taste of her is heaven. Hoisting her over my shoulder, I take her to the infirmary. I place her on the examining table and grab the stethoscope to check her vitals. Her heart is still racing a little but calming. I think she and the baby will be fine. I cover the wound but first wrap the blackened stump with moist bandages, then a dryer outer layer. I learned this technique by looking in my mother’s medical journals. It keeps the flesh pliable and allows for proper blood flow.
“Oh, Brielle. You fought well. But in the end, the chosen one was too much for you. You will have this baby and complete the prophecy. It’s the only way. You’ll see in time. When you wake, it will be a different reality for you. I’m taking you to your room now, where you’ll sleep tight for a while. Don’t worry, you and the baby will be just fine,” I say, whispering in her ear.
I throw her over my shoulder and head for her quarters. I will dine on sweet meat this evening. The discarded flesh of the one I love. She may not understand everything yet, and she may not have come around to me, but in time, whether by force or some other way, she will know what it means to follow the ways of the chosen one. Maybe we can continue to be close? Sexual intercourse is okay, even when a woman is with child.
14
HOLSINGER ON THE HORIZON
I see them every day now. The dead have come to stay. They pass me in the corridor. They all looked like fresh kills, at first, with heads hanging from strands of skin and ligaments. Now they look more like normal people walking about. I still see Jonas. I’ve even asked him how he really died. He doesn’t seem to understand what I’m saying. I suppose he wouldn’t; he’s only a shadow of me, although a much stronger force than he realizes. I’ve come to understand and embrace his influence on me. As a result, his pull is diminishing. He no longer gives advice. He only taunts me now, along with the others. Strangely, they jeer at me for not killing Brielle. They wonder why she was spared, and they weren’t. But I pay them no mind. My mother hasn’t appeared since the night she stood with the ghosts. Maybe she’s content with the way things are going? I’m not sure, but I’d like to see her.
Brielle sits in her quarters now, withdrawn and staring at the wall. I have complete control of her since I ate her leg in front of her. It’s hard to believe it’s been eight months since that night. I cooked the meat, leaving the bone, as I wanted her to see the stringy piece of the once-viable appendage. There wasn’t a lot of it. She is a small woman, after all. I ate it right in front of her, after the trauma of losing it wore off. I cut each piece with methodical precision and chewed every bite slowly, smiling at Brielle the whole time. She threw curses at me, pounded the bed. Even tried to attack me. But the restraints attached to her wrists and other leg held her back. In the end, when she realized it was no use, she gave in and began to weep. After a few weeks, she gave up entirely. She had no issues with me sleeping in her bed. The last few times I was with her, she turned her face to the wall and let me have my way, no fighting or resisting. Maybe the drugs I give her are working, or maybe she’s come to understand her role here, as the vessel for the chosen one. I’ve even allowed her to have access to her data link. Although I made sure she couldn’t access anymore of the main ship data. All she has is what she collected. She can pour over the files of my exploits all she wants. It won’t change a thing. Only let her realize who’s in control.
Brielle is in her last trimester of pregnancy and looking radiant. Soon, she will be ready to deliver a healthy baby boy. Yes, the baby is a boy, according to the scans I’ve performed on her. My mother’s machinery is working perfectly, and I couldn’t be more excited. Brielle is starting to look the part of an expectant mother, too. Her midsection has grown quite a bit, and I can hardly contain my excitement. Brielle herself doesn’t show much emotion. When I watch her from the monitor, she is rubbing her leg stump or sometimes her belly. I’ve caught her talking to the wall on occasion, too. It’s strange, as no one is there. I constructed a crutch for her to stand with and even helped her to walk around the room, although she is far from being able to do so on her own. The advanced state of pregnancy isn’t making it any easier, either. Most of the time she prefers to lay, after she sits on the side of her cot to eat. I fashioned a wheelchair for her, complete with wrist and ankle restraints, one ankle anyway, and take her to the garden with me on occasion so she can watch me cultivate the plants. I’ve also managed to use the earthworms for protein, as they seem to be thriving these days. I’ve begun mixing them in a concoction with the vegetables. The flavor is different, but it seems to be working. Brielle eats it as well, after I feed it to her. I’m not sure if she likes it, though. We are only a few days away from Holsinger 8c. I can see it from the window in the cockpit. It’s a small crescent. Brielle will find out tonight once I tell her. I’m hoping she will be as excited as I am.
The control room is hopping with activity tonight. All the lights are beeping, indicating our proximity to the planet. The Spero is a well-designed machine. All the instruments are working perfectly, guiding us to Holsinger 8c. The only thing the pilot must do is make sure everything continues to operate efficiently. I can foresee no problems. From what I can decipher from the logs, I calculate Maccabeus’ ship should be arriving soon after the Spero is in the atmosphere. I’ll be happy to meet my other father. I feel he will be a step up from Jonas. When I tell him how things are going, I think he’ll be pleased.
I check the monitor to Brielle’s room and see her talking to the wall again. She’s done this recently on many occasions. I wonder who she’s talking to? I also wonder why is she talking? I’ve given her regular sedatives to keep her relaxed. I don’t want her getting upset and harming herself or the baby. I’ll have to see about fixing this issue. My regular chores begin now. I’ll go prepare a meal for Brielle and then give her a dose of medicine. I haven’t bothered mixing it in with her food or drink, as she willingly takes them while I watch. For the last week or so, there’s been no fight at all. I leave them on her tray and walk away. This daily monotony is becoming tedious, though. I’ll be glad when we get to Holsinger and she has the baby. I’ll keep her alive if the baby needs her, then she will provide food for the chosen ones. At least until we find other sources. The place should be teeming with life. When there, I’ll also be able to do something I’ve never done before: place my feet on actual soil. It will be strange I’m sure, as the only dirt I’m used to is the flower beds in the garden. The planet itself is larger than Earth, making the days much longer. But compared to the days on this ship, I will welcome it.
I leave the bridge, careful to seal the door behind me. Although I’m sure Brielle won’t be able to get back in there. In her current state, she would be hard pressed to go anywhere.
As I make my way down the corridor toward the garden, Jennifer walks up beside me. She has been doing this lately. She always follows me there, then disappears. She goes to her usual corner. It makes sense, as this is where she died. I remember cutting her throat, and, as an animal would, she ran blindly into the wall, the blood spewing out in sheets across her body. It was almost comical, if not for my affection for her. I wonder now why I wanted to keep the girl. She was useless to me other than the need for food. No, I only had one to save. Brielle was worth it, and now she will complete the circle. She is the key to all I’ve hoped for my entire life.
I prepare the meal for Brielle. One of the best I could put together with such short supplies. Wilted greens and cabbages. Boiled potatoes with herbs. A drink with something added to make Brielle more docile. I feel my mother would be proud. I go to the corridor with the food on a tray. As I move, I feel the air getting colder and sense something familiar ahead of me. Deanna Reyes is staring at me.
“Gage. My child. Are you well? I’ve noticed more activity from the ghosts on this ship. They seem to be restless. I’ve been in contact with them, but not you. It seems Jonas is trying to suppress me. What’s he up to anyway?”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Mother. Jonas hardly speaks to me and everything seems to be fine. Brielle is content, and I provide her meals. Everything is moving along nicely, just the way I planned.”
“Things are changing, Gage. Not all is as it seems. Something isn’t right. I feel you’re hiding something.”
“No, Mother. All is well. Brielle is mine and she is going to have my baby. Since the hunt, Jonas has been no help at all. But my real father will come to help me make Holsinger 8c what it should be.”
“What do you mean, your real father?”
“Why, Maccabeus Pendleton, of course. The only father I claim now.”
“What? How can this be? Maccabeus can’t come to Holsinger. He’s a monster! How could he even know about it?”
“According to the ship’s logs, a homing beacon started transmitting the coordinates of the Spero about thirty years ago. It must be embedded deep in the ship, as there’s no evidence of it in the control room.”
“Thirty years ago? When you were born. Maccabeus is craftier than I thought. Somehow, his scientists were able to plant it in your DNA. Gage, you’re the beacon.”
“Even better. My real father appears to have elevated me to a greater status. He will be pleased that I have led him to Holsinger 8c, and as I’m the chosen one, he will have no choice but to love me.”
“Gage. Maccabeus will destroy you. He only uses people for the purpose of gain. The whole reason for this mission was to…”
“Was to what, Mother? To compel your son to greatness? To bring me to a planet to save humanity? If there’s another reason, then maybe you think like Brielle. Before I taught her to think otherwise.”
“No, son. You are just what you say. You are a monster. The same as your fathers.”
“Yes, and just like the stories you read to me growing up. The stories where one would come from the sky and create a new Earth from the ashes. Monster or not, I’m the one who is coming, and my father will ride beside me! The new Earth is Holsinger 8c, and I’m the one who will create it in my image!”
With this, she dissolves into the air. I am in control now. Just as I was at the age of fifteen. Just as I was the day she died. Oh Jonas, if you only had broader vision, if you could have seen what I saw. She had to die. You had to die. All of you had to die! It’s the only way I could achieve my greatness!
15
BRIELLE’S SURPRISE
I walk a little faster now. My excitement is hard to contain. All is coming together, and I can see the end game approaching. Holsinger 8c and everything I’ve worked for is coming to fruition. I open the door to Brielle’s quarters. She sits on the edge of the bunk with her head drooped forward.
“Brielle? I brought you something to eat. I think you will like it.”
She looks at the food with a blank stare. She always does this and, in a few minutes, after I leave, she is eating. I turn toward the door, but before I leave, she raises her head to talk to me.
“Gage? Have you seen the baby kick?”
I look at her, not sure if I’m more surprised to hear her speak or her acknowledgment of me. She seems more lucid. Maybe she’s acclimating to the effects of the drugs? Either way, I’m excited to hear her.
“No. But I would like to.”
She motions me to sit down on the bed. She raises her shirt, and I see a protrusion on her stomach. It moves from one side to the other. The shape of a small foot forms under the skin. I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s truly amazing. She pulls her shirt back down and with sleepy eyes looks at me.
“I think this baby is coming soon. Maybe tonight. Are you ready for it, Gage?”
I’ve never delivered a baby before, but with the help of my mother’s journals and medical books in the infirmary, I’m sure I can figure it out. I’ll make sure she’s unconscious before I start.
“Yes. I have everything ready. The infirmary is clean, and all the linens are there, ready to go.”
“No. I mean are you ready for this baby?” she says as she tilts her head. “You know, with the drugs you’ve been slipping me, this baby is going to be more fucked up than you?”
I look at her, considering the way she is talking to me. Perhaps she hasn’t learned her lesson. Doesn’t she know what I can do to her?
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Why are you talking this way? I thought you loved the baby?”
“I don’t blame it for what you are if that’s what you mean. But I didn’t want your baby, Gage. I don’t love you and never have. You make me sick. I only wanted to go to Holsinger 8c and start a new life with my mate, Mathew.”
“Why are you trying to anger me? You know what happened the last time I was angry?”
She looks down, toward the stump of her leg. She looks at me and slowly nods her head. I see her hand from the side of my vision, but before I can turn away, she plants the fork I gave her into the side of my neck. Instinctively, I place my hand there. I’m knocked off balance as Brielle pushes me from the bed and onto the floor.
I get to my hands and knees, watching as she scrambles on the floor, toward the door. She’s moving too fast to be drugged. How long has it been since she took her last dose? It’s then I see the pills under her bed. I grab a handful and throw them across the room. It looks as though she’s been faking her stupor. By the amount of the pills, it’s been a while. To think I trusted her. Drugs or no drugs, she can’t get far. Not on one leg anyway and in her current state of pregnancy. She reaches for the door facing, catching the edge and launching herself into the corridor. She’s surprisingly strong for someone in her condition. I raise to my feet and pull the fork from my neck and throw it across the room. It produces a light metal clang on the floor. I’m beyond angry. I hope she’s right about the baby because I’m ready to rip it out of her!
Walking into the corridor, I watch her struggle to get to her knees. Despite the lower part of her leg is missing, she does well. The only problem is she can’t keep her balance due to her pregnant belly. I win again, as I’m responsible for both conditions. Is she heading toward the control room? Why would she do something so foolish?
