Breathe, p.5
BREATHE., page 5
Pushing last night out of my mind, I pick up a rock and throw it into the lake, watching the ripples it caused, mesmerized now by the sound of the waves. Standing there, I’m again in an almost hypnotic state… the water has always calmed and soothed me, even as a child. My mother used to tell me stories of taking me to the river or the beach when I was a baby to calm me.
My mind flashes to scenes from yesterday’s hike, the smell that seemed to put me in that same hypnotic feeling. Now it seems like it was a dream, surreal.
The warmth from my latte is gone; the air must be cooler than I thought. I shiver as the wind begins to pick up. Living in a valley, we’re used to the wind. I zip my coat up and continue my walk in the sun. “Bing”
Will you heed this advice, Or will you need a full-time escort? Sweet little ….
I freeze; I can’t move. What is happening? Am I losing my mind? This is not real; this can’t be real. I look around to see if someone is watching me, that feeling I haven’t been able to shake for weeks now. I can’t see anyone. The beach seems deserted now. A few people on the sidewalk, but they’re engrossed in conversations. This person has got to have the wrong number. I can feel my stomach tighten; my heart begins to race, and I know I’m not imagining this. Breathe Presly, breathe. Listening to the voice in my head that’s echoing what my mother said to me my entire childhood.
Close your eyes, I tell myself, in and out, in and out. Taking a few more breaths, my heart starts slowing down, and my breathing returns to normal. I decide I can’t look at my phone; I slide it into my pocket and continue to walk. The sun feels so amazing on my face. Even if the wind has picked up a bit and is chilly, I don’t mind.
Okay, let’s analyze this: I’ve had dreams in the past that have popped up in life, and my mother would call it precognition. I’d tell her about the dreams, and she’d tell me it was rare and I shouldn’t share them with my friends as no one would believe me, or they may think I was making it up. I’m not too sure I believe it myself, but I didn’t share it with anyone, nonetheless. Maybe Jess is right. I just run at a higher frequency than other people. That’s all it is… I contemplate returning to the antidepressants I got from the doctor when my mom passed… no, I’m not depressed. This is something different.
I can’t even talk to my mom about it. I know she had ‘dreams’; my dad called them a great imagination, but I would hear them talking and her saying the word precognition. I didn’t even know what that meant back then. Is it hereditary? Did I get it from my mom? Fuck, mom! Why did you leave? I scream in my head. I can feel tears stinging in my eyes, threatening to come; my heart-pounding, my palms are clammy. Calm down! I hear the voice in my head shout at me.
“No!” I yell into the wind, anger boiling inside; I’m so sick of being the calm one! As the word leaves my mouth, a loud sound makes me jump and cover my ears, shattering the day’s quiet calm. A clap of thunder, possibly whatever it was, jolts me back to reality, and I calm quickly at the sudden shock. I look up to the sky and see a few clouds scattered but nothing that looks like rain. Maybe it was a bang from the street, I look toward it and saw nothing to account for the noise. Ugh, I feel like I’m coming unhinged; I need to get control of this shit. The last couple of weeks keep getting stranger, and since I saw that man, Mr. Sex, yesterday, things seem worse. I need a fucking drink. ‘Bing,’ my phone causes me to flinch, now on edge. Slowly, I pull it out of my pocket, holding my breath ... Sara, relief washes over me.
Hell Ya, we are!
I reply right away, my fingers shaking with every letter I punch.
Perfect, I need a drink. See you at 7.
Making my way back to my car, my mind is racing. Should I reply to that strange, cryptic text? No, I’m sure it wasn’t meant for me, I try to convince myself. Hmm, they probably realize by now that they had the wrong number. It had to be a coincidence that those words ‘Sweet little’ were in my dream. Okay, a colossal coincidence; it was just missing the “witch.” It must mean something; I must get myself a dream interpretation book.
My dreams have been so vivid lately, having me waking up in sweats. My mother has appeared in a few of them. Seeing my mother in my dreams hasn’t happened in years; she never speaks to me, though, like something is stopping her. I can feel her urgency, her worry, like she’s trying to warn me of something… I never get to the part of the dream where she actually tells me. Seeing her makes me long to return to our family home. I haven’t been in the house since my dad passed. It’s technically my home, but it’s not a home now. It’s just a house. Still filled with all our memories, furniture, clothes…. everything. The house is about a half-hour drive from my apartment; I drive up there occasionally but can never bring myself to go in. It’s just too hard to deal with right now. I will soon, I try to convince myself…. unsuccessfully.
Sliding into the seat of my car, I rest my head back on the soft black leather headrest and take a deep breath in and out. Why am I so out of sorts? It’s really working my last ounce of sanity. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I stare at the screen and open the strange text. Warning? Even if this was for someone else, it’s bizarre. I delete the texts and resolve to put them out of my mind; I don’t need to go looking for drama. I’ve settled into this monotonous routine; it seems to be all I’ll get anyway. I’m so used to having a peaceful life, but deep inside, I long to find some adventure.
I roar my car to life. The sound makes me jump as if I heard a gunshot or something… what the hell is happening to me? I’m used to the rumble of my Audi, and it’s one of the reasons I got it! It was my “fuck it” car after my father passed, and the inheritance money came in. Yep, it was stupid, but I don’t regret it. I was looking for something to make me feel alive, and I’m not going to jump from a plane or some other life-affirming activity.
I must have been in my own world, or speeding, because I’m pulling into my parking spot before I know it. Walking through my front door, I feel my body go lax and my mind clear. Kicking off my shoes, I grab a glass of water, go to my balcony door, and pull back the curtains to expose the beautiful view of the city and lake in the distance. The sun shimmers through a few fluffy white clouds that dot the sky and reaches through my window, kissing my cheeks; it’s warm and bright. I let out a long, soft sign that mirrors my mood at this moment—walking over to my comfy couch covered in throw pillows and a blanket. I curl up, sink in, pull the blanket over me, and stare out the window until my eyes are heavy, and I give in to the sweet slumber I so desperately need.
Chapter 5
Iopen my eyes slowly to see that the sun has gone from filling my apartment with a bright glow to a diminished glow. Stretching out my legs and letting out an exaggerated yawn, I wonder what time it is. Rolling off the couch, not so gracefully, and stretching out the kink in my neck, I go to find my phone. As usual, I don’t know where it is. Fishing into my coat pocket, I find it and look at the time. It’s just after four, so there’s loads of time to prepare. I see a message from Sara checking to make sure I’m still up for it, and I assure her I am. It’s time to hop in the shower and get ready for what I hope will be a fun night out with my friends, with far too much to drink. I don’t doubt that I’ll be drug to the dance floor by Jess at some point, which is not ideal, so it’s a good thing I’ll be drinking.
I hear my phone ringing, alerting me that someone is at the door—someone being Sara, of course. I buzz her in and see it’s just past six. I’m still not dressed, but I know what I’m wearing. My hair is done; I put a few loose curls in my blonde hair that reaches the middle of my back. I’m not so impressed with it, but
it’ll have to do. My make-up is light, but at least I’m wearing any at all. Shiny lips, pink cheeks, and a little mascara will suffice. Looking at my reflection, I’m just so, so plain ... Stop it! You are a goddess! I laugh out loud at myself. Sara enters the apartment and calls out, “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, you know, just how pitiful I can look,” I say as I walk out with a grin.
“If you’re the example of pitifulness, sweetie, what on earth does that make the rest of us?” She throws her arms up dramatically.
“Funny Sara, you’re hilarious.” I dramatically roll my eyes up to the ceiling as I walk to my room to get dressed.
I see Sara is wearing her high-heeled boots, which means she won’t be doing much dancing, and a grey loose-fitting dress that is mid-thigh. Her dark hair is down and straightened, falling around her shoulders.
“You look great,” I call to her from my room. “I think I just want to wear jeans.”
“You always wear jeans. I know Mixers isn’t fancy, but you know you could wear a skirt or something.” She comes in, perching herself on the edge of my bed, sipping a glass of wine.
“Yes, I absolutely could, but I’m not going to because these jeans make my ass look amazing.” I laugh as I pull on my favourite black jeans, slap my ass and go to my closet.
“Your ass looks amazing in anything Pres; what top are you going to wear, at least something a little dressy…for me?” She says in her sweet, pretty, please tone. I look over my shoulder at her, and she’s batting her eyes at me. I scoff at her, returning to my closet, pulling out a black cropped blazer, and holding it up with a willful look on my mock-irritated face.
“Yes, that’s fine; put a white cami under it, and it’ll be perfect,” she says, hopping up and clapping her fingers together.
“You’re a pain in the ass. It’s a good thing I love you. But I’m wearing my white Converse.” I smirk at her. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head as she stalks out of my bedroom.
“You are impossible,” she groans.
We arrive at the cocktail bar just after seven. We’ve been here many times, there aren’t many bars to choose from in our town unless you’re a beer drinker, which we are not. There are also many wineries, but in the fall and winter, those are mostly closed for the season, so this is where we go when we do go out. Mixers has a variety of people ranging in age from twenty to fifty. Some dressed up for a night out, and some still in their work clothes.
The walls are dark blue, covered in mirrors or random art and pool tables at the back, behind the bar. There’s a dance floor that’s usually dotted with tables, except for nights when they have a band, and tonight there’s a band, so it’ll be loud but hopefully a lot of fun.
“There’s Jess over there,” I say, pointing at a half-circle booth along the wall. We make our way over to join her and see the asshat I hoped wouldn’t show. Mark.
“Hey Presly, hey Sara.” Jess chimes with a huge smile. Beside her is a girl I haven’t met before and by her side is Mark. The girl looks a bit younger than us, maybe twenty years old, with brown hair in a high ponytail, cute chubby cheeks and full lips, a beautiful girl for sure. Mark looks as arrogant as ever, not one of his dark hairs out of place and a smug smile that doesn’t meet his dark brown eyes. Mark is an attractive man, and he knows it; too bad he’s an ass.
“Hey Jess.” I smile as I slide beside her and nod to Mark and the new girl.
“Hey guys, how long have you been here?” Sara asks, glancing down at the empty glasses on the table.
“Not too long; what are you guys having?” Jess asks as she waves to our server, who comes right over.
“I’ll have a whisky sour, and she’ll probably have a Cosmo.” Nodding my head to Sara. Sara nods. I’ve preferred what my friends call an ‘old man’s drink’ for years; it reminds me of my father, and it’s delicious.
“Yes, please,” Sara says cheerily.
“I’m Presly, and this is Sara,” I say to the girl at the table with a smile. Glancing at Mark and Jess, waiting for an introduction.
“Hi, I’m Madison,” she says, giving a little wave and a huge smile. Jess shakes her head at herself and says, “Oh shit, sorry, my bad.” Mark has his arm around Madison now, making it known they’re together. I’m happy for him but can’t say that, or it’ll come across as patronizing, so I just smile and say nothing.
I order another drink and another. I’m starting to feel it and am thinking I should’ve eaten dinner.
“How did you guys get here?” Jess asks, looking at my third whiskey sour.
“Sara drove us; we’ll taxi it home,” I say while catching our server’s attention before she turns and leaves the table.
“Sorry, can we get a round of tequila shots too?” I ask, and she nods and heads back to the bar.
“Oh no.” I hear Jessica and Sara say in unison.
“Don’t be babies. Sara, you don’t have to drive or work. You’re fine!” I laugh.
“So Sara, did you drive tonight?” Mark calls over.
“Yes, I drove,” she calls back. I think he’s showing concern for us, but I should’ve known better when I see his eyes narrowing at me and his smirk. I look at him, questioning, and my brows pull together.
“Yeah, that tracks. You wouldn’t want to leave the trust fund baby’s Audi on the street.” He shakes his head, his eyes burning through me. I don’t even get the chance to open my mouth to rip his head off when I hear Sara.
“What the fuck did you just say?! Watch your mouth, Mark, and it’s called an inheritance, you insensitive prick.” Sara is seething and ready to jump across at him, and I’m not about to stop her.
I can feel Jess’ hand on my thigh under the table, rubbing back and forth, trying to soothe me, no doubt, but not jumping to my defence as Sara does. Actually, she doesn’t seem shocked at his comment at all. I can feel the heat rising in my chest, and the anger is barely kept at bay. I take a long, deep breath before saying anything.
“It’s fine Sara, he didn’t mean anything by it.” Knowing full well he fucking did, petulant fucking child. My thoughts are racing; my anger is just beneath the surface, and Jess whispers gently,
“Breathe, don’t let it get to you.” I can feel the red in my cheeks as I try to stop my heart from pounding full of rage. Crash! We all jump, our heads swivelling over at the server standing there looking stunned at all our shots on the floor and looking up at us apologetically and a little more than confused at the spilled tequila.
“I’m sorry, I’ll get another round,” she says, shaking her head at herself. Sara reassures her that it’s okay, and Mark helps her pick the glasses off the floor. I look at Jess, and she stares at me with what looks to be disbelief.
“Are you okay, Presly?” she asks quietly, eyeing me as if I were a wild animal about to pounce.
“Yes, I’m fine. Are you? You look white as a sheet, Jess.”
“I’m okay,” she says unconvincingly. Sara is still steaming at Mark’s stupid comment, and Madison now seems uncomfortable. This is supposed to be a fun night, and I refuse to let Mark ruin it with his issues. I’m surprised at myself, at how quick I am to anger lately. I seem to be on edge all the time, ready to snap at anyone, which is very unlike me.
Our shots arrive, and I down mine and Mark’s because fuck him, my trust fund money isn’t paying for a shot for his dumb ass. I see the band taking the stage, and people start clapping, and the music starts making it very hard to hear one another, which is fine by me. Looking around the bar, I see the back of a man leaning against the bar. Oh no, no, noooo, is that? Oh my god, it is. I can’t see Mr. Sex right now. I’m too many drinks in for that! I can’t be sure that’s him, he’s next to another man who is a bit shorter than him, but also well-built. Both look pretty good from behind. Come on, turn around. Turn around.
“Who are you staring at, Pres?” Sara chimes in my ear.
“What? No one?” Sara is stares over at the two men.
“Stop it. Sara, stop!” I grab her arm, turning ten shades of red.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop if you come and dance.” She smiles ear to ear, pulling me up towards the dance floor. I turn and look at Jess, pleading with my eyes; she laughs at me and climbs out of the booth with me. We’re all on the dance floor, busting out our best half-drunk moves. I position myself to see whether it’s Mr. Sex or not. I can see the man’s side now, and he’s looking over at our table, where Mark and Madison are sitting. Oh shit, we should’ve asked her to dance too! I nod to Jess, hinting to get her; Jess goes and grabs her and drags her to the floor. I smile welcomingly at the new girl, whom I like as soon as she’s close enough to chat with. She has warm energy.
I note that it is Mr. Sex, and he’s definitely staring over at our table, at Mark. Could he possibly know Mark? I shake my head at the thought. I’m now hot and sweaty. My blazer wasn’t a great choice for dancing. Sara is having the best time, and her heels don’t slow her down. I would be on my ass or have a broken ankle. I need to take this blazer off, fully aware I’m wearing a sheer white silk cami with only a black lace bra underneath. Who cares… I’m hot as hell.
I motion to the girls that I’m taking my blazer back to the table. I can see Mark’s eyes on me, going up and down my body, making me want to crawl out of my skin. Chewing my bottom lip, I’m visibly uncomfortable, which I’m certain is his intention.
“Well, look at you, Presly; you sure are built for fun, aren’t you?” I glare at him as I place my blazer on the seat. Clearly, the beer has affected his common sense.
“Don’t be a douche Mark, you’re here with a nice girl, so behave yourself,” I say with my ‘don’t fuck with me’ tone. Mark stands from the booth and steps towards me, making my stomach revolt. His eyes move down my body, a very deliberate move to get under my skin.
“You’re too sexy for your own good, Presly, and one day, it’ll get you in trouble. Lucky for you, I’m a nice guy.” There’s a slight threat in his tone.
“Nice guy? Really? You looked like a real dick tonight, and I know you’re not stupid enough to make an idle threat to me. I don’t want to have Sara kick you in the ass.” I give him a mocking smirk. Mark is now inches from me, his massive frame making me feel very small and a bit nervous.
