Sharon green diana san.., p.20
Sharon Green - Diana Santee 03, page 20
“Nothing you don’t deserve,” he said, pointing a finger at me. “And if what you said was true, you’ve been deserving it since you were fifteen the first time. Personally, if any daughter of mine acted the way you’ve been acting, she would regret it with her whole being. Your father looked at it differently?”
His eyes were glittering in a way I’d never seen before, but I recognized the attitude from my time with Captain Lowell aboard the Swamp Fox. Captain Lowell had been constantly comparing me to his own daughters, remembering my hyper-A status only with a great deal of effort. It had never occurred to me before, but men were also susceptible to being “in a family way.” Only it wasn’t their bodies that swelled, it was their heads. Pete was still waiting for an answer, so I shrugged.
“Personally, I see nothing wrong with being independent. Pop might have agreed with your outlook if he’d been there, but I get my itchy foot from him. That’s why my mother refused to marry him after she chose him as the father of her child. He would have been as impossible to live with as most Explorers are. As it was he came home every year or two, stayed for a few weeks, and promised to settle down if Laura would marry him. She and I both knew better, so she always refused and off he went again.” I smiled a little at the memory. “I haven’t seen him for some time now. I wonder how he’s doing.”
“Get that roving look out of your eye!” Pete ordered. “You’re not going anywhere! If you missed having a father to show you the way the first time, you won’t be missing it again. And you can practice that part right now. The required response to my orders is ‘Yes, sir.’”
“Oh, yes, sir!” I flared, jumping to my feet and snapping to attention. “Any other orders, sir? Maybe an hour on the rack if I sneeze without permission?”
“Don’t you use that tone with me!” he roared, his hands flat on the arms of the chair. “Are you or are you not going to consider yourself on assignment?”
I glared at him for a moment, then turned my back and folded my arms. Pete had no authority over me and technically I outranked him, but as head of a Federation facility he had the right to offer me an assignment. I wasn’t required to accept that assignment, not when the Council hadn’t added their stamp of approval, but in twelve years as an agent I’d never refused an assignment no matter what it was like.
“I have no choice whatsoever,” I finally admitted, hating the trapped feeling suddenly filling me. “Tell me you thought I’d refuse.”
“No,” he said with grim satisfaction. “No, I didn’t think you’d refuse. You refuse orders, not assignments. I haven’t known you all these years without learning something about you. Now, let’s see what a normal fifteen year old looks like.”
I couldn’t let him get away with that. I swung around to face him and raged, “If you call me abnormal one more time, I’ll -“
“You’ll what?” he demanded, looking up at me without moving - and with no expression on his face.
“I’ll cry,” I finished miserably, turning slightly away from him. “Isn’t that what normal teenage girls do? But then, how would I know? I’ve never been a normal anything.”
“Diana,” he said in a more gentle tone than I’d ever heard him use before. “If you were normal in the everyday sense of the word, you couldn’t do the sort of job you’re so good at. Right now it’s the situation that’s abnormal - and dangerous. I don’t want to see you getting hurt either.”
He got up and came around to my side of the desk to stand behind me, and suddenly his voice was hard again.
“But if you think you’ve made me feel guilty for what I said, forget it! I happen to know hyper-A’s take pride in the fact that they’re abnormal. The bunch of you think of yourselves as better than normal people, and you were trying to con me.”
Damn it, he had no business knowing that. I looked up at him over my shoulder, and the green ice was colder than ever.
“Don’t normal girls ever try to con their fathers?” I asked in an innocent way, then turned to face him. “You did say you were going to be my father this time around? I’m just practicing on you.”
“And I’m going to practice on you,” he growled in answer. “I’ve never been a father, but I know how the part goes. Then he reached for the tickler on his desk. “Now show me what a girl looks like when she knows she’s about to be punished. But don’t hold out your hand. That’s not the part of you I’ll be aiming at.”
He seemed to be half expecting something physical from me, but I didn’t move. Instead I put a solemn expression on my face, and let a hint of tears start in my eyes.
“Are you going to hurt me just because I tried to make you feel sorry for me?” I asked quietly, meeting his gaze but not defiantly. “Everybody needs that sometimes, even me. If you think I was being unreasonable, go ahead and do whatever you like. I won’t even try to stop you.”
He stared at me for a long minute without moving, trying to keep the anger going, but finally he threw the tickler back on his desk.
“You are good,” he said gruffly, his gaze softer than it had been. “If you can keep that up, neither one of us will have a problem. Now get back to your quarters. It’s almost lights out.”
“Not so fast, daddy,” I countered, relaxing back to normal and folding my arms. “What do I tell those proctors about my sudden change of heart? They’re not pliable males like you.”
He started to get mad again, hot over being conned a second time, but then he suddenly lost the stiffness and grinned.
“I’ve never seen anybody able to turn it on and off like that,” he said, really seeming to be amused. “I was wrong before, I do want to see you work - so I’ll be watching you every step of the way. That means the next time you try to put anything over on me you won’t sit down for a week! Tell the proctors anything but the truth. Get going!”
I threw up my hands in complete resignation and started for the door, but an unpleasant thought made me stop and turn back to him.
“Pete, since when have there been dances on day 6?” I asked. “I don’t remember ever hearing about them.”
He was looking at something on his desk, but raised his head to grimace at me.
“We got hit with a Council inspection a little over a year ago,” he explained in disgust. “Some fool in the bunch noticed that we had little boys and little girls, but no social mixing. I tried to point out that this isn’t a boarding school, but the fool pulled more weight than I did. That’s why we now have dances on day 6. If you’re looking for a date, ask Freddy. I never go.”
“I’ve already got a date,” I said with my own disgust. “I’ve got an admirer.” Then I brightened. “Isn’t it too bad that between extra duty and the course at 2, I won’t be able to make it.”
“Guess again,” he said with a nasty grin. “All the other normal little girls will be there, so you will too. Or at least you’d better be there. No more trouble, remember?”
“Tell me something,” I said, looking him over in a pleasant way. “Are you a born sadist, or did you have to practice?”
“It’s all native talent,” he commented with something of a grin, giving his attention to the paperwork again. “Beat it.”
This time I made it through the door, but after pulling it shut behind me I took only one more step before almost tripping over Freddy. He checked me out with his eyes as if he were trying to guess my weight, and when he seemed satisfied that I was still in one piece he grinned.
“For a while there we thought we’d have to call in a referee,” he said, leaning one hand against the wall near me. “The problem was no one was willing to get between you two. How did it go?”
“Doesn’t he ever miss getting his own way?” I asked, glancing back toward the closed door. “I’d hate to work for him as a regular thing.”
“That’s our C.O.,” Freddy agreed with a laugh. “Do you need a shoulder to cry on?”
“At least one,” I answered with a smile. “Will you walk me home?”
“Sure,” he said, showing a matching smile as he took my arm. We left the building and walked slowly down the darkened street without talking, and I used the opportunity to consider my problem. I had a ready-made solution for the proctors, and Pete couldn’t say he hadn’t asked for it. Telling me to tell them “anything but the truth” was a mistake Ringer never would have made, but then Ringer knew how I operated. Maybe I could still have some fun even if I did have to be a good little cadet from now on. Then I sighed and turned to Freddy.
“Why didn’t Pete ever make general?” I asked. “It couldn’t be that he isn’t qualified.”
“It couldn’t be and isn’t,” Freddy confirmed with a nod. “He’s turned down the promotion more times than other people have it offered to them because if he makes general they’ll pull him out of here. Since he has no intention of going, he stays a colonel.”
I hesitated a minute, then looked directly at him.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d spoken to Pete about me? It might have kept my big mouth closed earlier outside the mess hall.”
“You’re not the easiest gal to tell things to,” he responded with a shrug, rubbing briefly at my cheek with the side of his finger. “And besides that, it wasn’t worth talking about. I like to report success, not failure.”
“Success?” I echoed, giving him a vague look. “What’s that? I haven’t run across it in so long, I don’t even think I can spell it anymore. Thanks for keeping me company, Freddy. I needed it.”
We were outside my barracks building, but Freddy didn’t seem to want the stroll to end.
“Do you want me to come in and speak to the proctors?” he asked quietly, taking one of my hands in both of his. “They’re bound to be waiting for you.”
I shook my head slowly, smiling a little. “It’s something I have to handle now,” I told him gently. “You’d better be getting on back.”
He hesitated again, still holding my hand, then reluctantly let it go and straightened my tie.
“If you need anything, don’t forget where I am. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
He walked away then, turning once to wave while I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Pete had been right about Freddy, since it looked like it was all he could do to keep himself from locking me in his protecting arms. And that from a man who knew more of the grislier details of my work than Pete did. I shook my head to get rid of that picture before walking into the dimly lit hall that led to my quarters, and sure enough, Morrison and Olveri were there waiting for me.
“You just made it, Santee,” Morrison said, standing up from the edge of the OD’s desk where she’d been sitting. “How did the colonel’s lesson go? I’ll bet you aren’t as anxious as you were to pick up more demerits.”
“It wasn’t anything much,” I replied with a shrug, making sure my voice sounded distracted. “I hardly got to see the colonel. His sergeant lectured me for a while, then he came out and told me to remember his orders. Then he dismissed me, and I came back here.”
“You sound disappointed,” Olveri said with a frown. “What were you expecting?”
“I don’t know,” I said with another shrug. “More time with him, maybe. When he was punishing me this afternoon, I got to spend four whole hours with him.”
I had my eyes partially unfocussed, but I could still see them glance at each other.
“Morrison,” I said in a musing tone, “what sort of a family does he have? Is he married?”
“You can’t be serious!” Morrison blurted, she and Olveri both looking shocked. “The colonel is married to his job! And even if he weren’t, he wouldn’t be interested in a kid!”
She’d said what I’d hoped she would, and that made it my turn to be shocked.
“I’m not interested in him that way,” I quickly assured her. “It’s just that - “
“It’s just what?” Olveri pursued sharply when I cut the sentence short.
“You spoke to him about me,” I said to Morrison, ignoring the other woman. “What does he think of me?”
“What do you think he thinks of you?” Morrison demanded, her fists on her hips. “You haven’t even been here a full day, and you’ve made more trouble than all the rest of the cadets put together!”
“I just wanted him to know that I was tough too,” I said miserably, hanging my head. “But he doesn’t seem to care! He told me that the next time I got into trouble I’d be spanked. I wouldn’t mind if he did it himself, but he’d probably have someone else do it. Now I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you mean, ‘tough too’?” Olveri persisted. “And what do you have to do? What does any other cadet do?”
“I’m not any other cadet,” I told her, adding bitterness to my voice and the eyes I raised to her. “I’m his daughter, but he won’t admit it. I don’t know much about him, but I want him to want me! I want to be near him, and feel that he’s proud of me!”
“Are you sure you’re his daughter?” Morrison asked in disbelief, looking shaken. “You don’t look like him.”
“I have his red hair, don’t I?” I countered. I knew that Pete had been a redhead in his youth, and every bit of truth makes a story sounder. “And Mom said there was no doubt. She never wanted to talk about him, but she would smile when she remembered. There’s a picture Mom has of the two of them, and he’s looking at her so - so - approvingly! I just want him to look at me that way.”
There was deep silence for a full minute, then Morrison took over.
“Olveri, why don’t you take the rest of the rounds,” she said while keeping her attention on me. “I’ll catch up to you later.”
Olveri glanced at each of us then left without a word, and Morrison took my arm and led me back to the OD’s desk. She perched on the edge of it as she had earlier, and folded her arms.
“For someone who wants the colonel’s approval, you’ve been acting awfully strange,” she said. “Did you think he’d pat you on the head for quoting regulations at him? Or for earning more demerits than any other five cadets?”
“But he’s like that!” I protested. “I wanted him to see that I was like him.”
“He’s a full colonel and the boss around here, not a cadet on her first day,” she countered. “If you want him to start thinking about how nice it would be if you were related to him, you’ve got to be the best cadet around, not the worst. Every demerit you get pushes you farther away from him.”
“But what if I can’t be the best cadet?” I asked, pretending I was trying to keep the misery out of my voice. “He won’t ever want to know me then.”
“You - have - to - try!” she said, emphasizing each of the words. “I’ll give you all the help I can, but you have to do it yourself. No more wisecracks, no more ignoring orders, no more anything out of the way. Are you willing to do it?”
“I think I’m too much like him,” I muttered, shaking my head before meeting her gaze again. “All I can do is try.” Then I hesitated before adding, “Why are you being so nice to me after the way I spoke to you? Most other people wouldn’t bother.”
“I’m not most other people,” she responded with a shrug, her voice dry. “And anything I can do to make my job easier is to my own benefit. You’d better get to bed now. Morning comes early around here.”
“Okay… and thanks,” I said before walking to the door of my room. Then I turned and added, “I really will try.”
“Then you should make it,” she answered evenly with a nod. “Good night.”
I went on into the room and closed the door behind me, seeing that Elaine and Linda were already in bed but not asleep.
“It certainly took you long enough,” Linda said with acid dripping as I walked over to my bunk, then she grinned. “Did it hurt much?”
“Of course not,” I responded with a yawn as I stretched. “I haven’t been a virgin in a long while.”
Linda glared and turned away, so I gave her my back and started to undress. There was no way for me to change my character with these two, but it wasn’t necessary. A proctor might come at me faster than was safe, but Elaine wasn’t the fighting type and Linda was too concerned over her manicure to stoop to baseness like that.
I’d just have to see to it that I soft-pedaled it with any other cadets I met. Some of them were bound to be the way I was first time around, and I didn’t need any challenges to ruin the work I’d done. Since it had been Morrison’s idea for me to behave, she’d be nothing but approving when I did. And even if she kept quiet, Olveri looked like the type to spread the word of my parentage far and wide.
Being the colonel’s daughter would have a few drawbacks, but not many proctors would try to push me too hard. The colonel could conceivably develop sudden fatherly interest in me, and military interest in anyone who gave me too hard a time. I had some pretty strong doubts about how smart I was being in going along with Pete’s idea, but he’d caught me in a weak moment and now I was committed. If things continued to go as well as they’d been going, that’s probably how the venture would end up - with me committed.
I threw my worn uniform onto my footlocker, then lit a cigarette and got into bed. The sheets were cold, bringing up the thought of how nice it would be to find Val there waiting for me. Then I firmly put that thought aside for consideration at another time. If Val ever understood and accepted the fact that there could never be anything more between us than sex, it might be possible to work things out with him. Until then… I finished the cigarette and put it out, then turned over to get some sleep.
Chapter 8
When the proctors came banging on our doors at 0500 on the dot, I almost turned out for calisthenics naked. I sleep in the raw because I can’t stand having anything choke me, and I barely remembered to grab a set of fatigues in time. After that I got shoes and socks on fast, and was one of the first out to the back of the barracks to line up. I was “trying.”
By the time everyone else made it, the proctors were walking up and down checking on the spacing. Just like the day before, Morrison and Olveri came through the muted dust and stopped in front of me.
