Cursed to submit submiss.., p.1
Cursed to Submit (Submission Book 1), page 1
Cursed to Submit
Book One of the Submission Series
Tay Rushing
Copyright 2023 by Tay Rushing
Cover by Jamie Bruce
Internal Map by Adam Tosh
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its author, Tay Rushing.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are a product of the author's imagination or are used ficticiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Published by Kindle Direct Publishing.
Ebook ASIN: B0C2L1622F
Paperback ASIN: 9798394267673
To the women who need an escape from the terrors of the world.
Pronunciation Guide
Tala – Tah-luh
Accalia – Aah-kah-Lia
Adolphé – Ah-dolf-eh
Aeneas – Ah-nee-aas
Alana – Ah-la-na
Alkina – Al-Ca-ina
Ash – Ae-sh
Belladonna – B-eh-lah-doh-nah
Calian – Cal-ee-in
Cole – K-oh-l
Frederick – Fr-eh-der-ih-k
Julianne – J-oo-lee-uh-n
Julien – J-oo-lee-an
Kaden – Kay-den
Keaira – Key-air-ah
Lilliana – L-ih-lee-aa-nuh
Lina – Lee-n-ah
Lynette – L-ih-neh-t
Maikoh – Mai-ko-h
Nico – N-ee-k-oh
Nightshade – Ni-te-sh-ai-d
Rose – R-oh-z
Seraphina – Se-ruh-fee-nuh
Theo – Thee-oh
Content Warnings
This book is intended for an 18+ audience. It is a paranormal shifter romance, with graphic and explicit content. Profanity is present.
Death of a parent.
Pregnancy Loss
Death of a child
LGBTQ+
Attempted Murder
Mention of Suicide
Suicidal Thoughts
Blood
Sexual Themes Throughout
Sexually Explicit Scenes
Mature Content
Graphic Violence
Discussion of Sexual Violence
Discussion of Sexual Trafficking
Non-Consensual Acts
Contents
1. Tala
2. Tala
3. Tala
4. Tala
5. Adolphé
6. Tala
7. Tala
8. Adolphé
9. Nightshade
10. Tala
11. Theo
12. Adolphé
13. Nightshade
14. Tala
15. Adolphé
16. Tala
17. Nightshade
18. Tala
19. Nightshade
20. Tala
21. Tala
22. Nightshade
23. Tala
24. Tala
25. Nightshade
26. Tala
27. Nightshade
28. Tala
29. Tala
30. Nightshade
31. Tala
Character Annex
Translations
Acknowledgements
About Author
Where to Find More Information
Chapter one
Tala
October 31, 2020 – Hunter’s Moon
Moonlit runs were always my favorite way to pass the time before my mother was murdered. The familiar smell of pine floats through the air, and the full moon illuminates the forest floor through the canopy with just enough light and shadow to leave the feeling of unease. Like one is being watched through the darkness. Combine that with the spine-chilling hoots and shrieks of phantom owls, the skittering of ghost crickets shattering the eerie quiet, and the frigid chill seizing my muscles and sapping the heat from my bones. The woods were my mother, Accalia’s, sanctuary long before they became mine.
Over the last four years, they became my place of refuge. One of the few places I can escape from the world when my responsibilities weigh too heavily for my shoulders to hold up. Yet, the woods I grew up loving to play in shifted through the years to a place of sorrow and seclusion. A place where I don’t have to worry about someone reporting my weakness to the council. A place to let my mask fall and allow the tears to spill freely. The runs turned into my escape from everyone, a way to pull myself from the sorrow drowning me.
After my mother died, I spent hours in these woods before Seraphina, my Beta, found me. After I began to heal and lose the lingering anger and anguish from abandonment, the Mother continued fucking me over with the accident that had stolen my mate, Ash, my daughter Alkina, and my unborn pup. Losing my pups in a horrid twist of fate broke something deep within me. This chasm in my heart widened until all that remains is rage.
The pressure of my actions weighs even more heavily while the council becomes more irritated at my consistent absences from meetings. I care little about anything those ignorant, masochistic, narcissistic fuckers say anymore. The closer the anniversaries of my loved ones’ deaths come, the more overwhelmed by life I am.
I crave that solace and safety, needing to get away from everyone before I completely fall apart and crumble again. I thought I was doing better until Rose, my goddaughter, said “Mama” to one of my closest friends and Protector of the pack, Alana. The lapse in sanity sent me back to the moment I lost my entire family. The walls I thought were secure around my heart shattered. I would never hear Alkina say that to me ever again. Everyone says that healing takes time and that there would be days that are harder than others.
I don’t know why that triggered me today, I just remember feeling this wave of mind-numbing agony before bolting out of Theo and Alana’s home. Pushing through the door and sprinting into the woods. My hair snagged on wayward branches, my claws push through my fingertips, and my clothing shreds against my wolf. The burning sensation of bile rises in my throat, worsening the harder I push my way through the forest. Faintly, Seraphina calls out for me but I ignore her, reaching to find my inner wolf, pulling her to the forefront of my mind.
Her snow-white fur and crystalline, ice-blue eyes are in perfect view of my mind’s eye. My body reforms when I leap, bones cracking, breaking, reshaping themselves. Fur sprouts from my skin completing my shift from human to wolf before landing on four paws. I welcome the scent of the surrounding evergreens, the crunch of the pine needles under my paws pricking the pads, and the crisp autumn evening air filling my lungs. I push my body harder, Seraphina’s pants drifting through the wind, stumbling through raised roots to keep up with me. The trees blur around my body as I move through them. The twisted and gnarled branches reach down as I rely heavily on muscle memory to maneuver my way through the woods.
Retreating into the depths of my mind, I revel in the temporary release of control, letting my wolf’s instincts take over. I barely register my teeth sinking into the throat of a deer and ripping it to shreds, the warm blood drenching my fur, the animal hanging limply from my jaw. Flashes of sunlight filter through the trees, along with images of burnt red fur, I allow myself to see through my wolf’s eyes before darkness encapsulates me again.
I block everything out until the sound of water splashing against the lake’s shore slows my steps and I pause long enough to refocus my mind. The faint taste of iron on my tongue has me moving up to the water’s edge to lap up water and dip my paws into the chilled lake to cleanse them of the mud and dried blood that darken my fur. Seraphina pauses outside of the clearing before edging in behind me.
I stare across the glassy reflection of the lake. The surrounding trees darken while the sun fades completely from view and the moon hangs low in the sky, the leaves falling from their branches and onto the lake’s surface to dance across the water, sending ripples toward the shore. Time slows while I stared ahead, focusing on a single leaf spinning on the lake’s surface. I whisper into Seraphina’s mind.
“How long was I running this time?” The expanse of time lies uneasily before me. My question hangs between us in silence.
“The entire night and well into the following day. It is late afternoon now.” Her voice is soft, testing the edges of my sanity or what is left of it.
“Do you ever wish that things had been different? That we could have had a different life, a more normal life? Or that we could have been carefree for a little longer?” I shake my head. My thoughts are finally voiced and hanging in the air.
She chuffs softly, settling in beside me. “Tala, we were never meant to be normal. You were always meant to lead our pack. It just happened sooner than our parents had originally intended for us both. I’m hurting over the loss of my mom, just as you are hurting over Accalia still. I know it doesn’t help that Ash and —” Her words cut off at the snarl slipping past my lips.
“Get ahold of yourself, Tala. Think about the lives of everyone else in our pack. We have understood your need to grieve and life has dealt you a shit hand. You are a great leader, but if you can’t straighten the fuck up and take charge of your life, Aeneas or one of the other fucking assholes on the council will take over our pack and most of the women will return to a life of servi
Her words slam against my heart, and I feel the earnestness in her voice. She moves slowly, nuzzling into my side, resting her muzzle against my neck.
It is time to yank myself back to reality and away from the despair that continually clouds my mind and judgment over the past four years. To live up to the expectations that my mother left in her passing so her death wouldn’t be in vain.
A massive part of me doesn’t and can’t care anymore. The pain is embedded so deeply in my soul that I don’t think I can survive the agony for some days. I could feel myself sinking back into misery as Ash crosses my mind. When it comes to him, I am so conflicted. He was a horrible mate and was such an opportunist when he offered to tie himself to me while he knew I was drowning in pain. Yet, if he hadn’t offered to save me from myself, I know I would have attempted suicide again. I would have jumped from the third-story window without a second thought.
The only things that saved me during those two miserable years of being together were my pups. He was indifferent when I announced my pregnancy with Alkina. Two years later, I didn’t miss the panicked look in his eyes moments before the crash of the tree collapsing down on our cottage that stole them all away from me.
The same accident left me with a jagged scar across my chest. Even in wolf form, I couldn’t hide the patch of fur missing from my chest. The scar won’t disappear until I find a way to release myself from the guilt of my daughter’s death.
Alkina was so close and yet I couldn’t reach her. Trapped under the trunk of the tree with multiple broken ribs, a shattered leg, and dislocated hips, she tried to crawl across the room as I watched helplessly. At barely over a year old, she was so strong. She tried to crawl toward me even with her little broken body.
I pull myself back to reality as Seraphina’s nose brushes against my shoulder and turn toward her, with her fur as red as a burning inferno. I nod once and glance back at the orange-red leaves that cover the surrounding land. The feeling of despair claws it's way back into my heart and burrows itself deep within.
“In two months, it will have been four years since Mom was murdered and I’m not ready. I was finally finding myself again when the accident happened…” My voice trails off as the emotions I pushed down attempt to resurface again. Chuffing softly, I turn my head away from her, slipping back into the enticing grip of the frigid claws of depression.
She releases a short breath. “Are you putting off the fact that the anniversary of Accalia’s death is coming up or that next week is the anniversary of Ash and Alkina’s death?”
I know she is coming from a genuine place of love and concern, but as the ice in my veins solidifies at the mention of my daughter’s name, a snarl passes my lips. Snapping my teeth against her ear, I instantly shred it.
My icy rage clouds my judgment as I shove her onto the ground, slamming my paw against her throat, and pressing down. Her breathing staggers and my snarl echoes around us. My eyes lock with hers, and at that moment, it doesn’t matter that she is my Beta, my best friend, and my occasional lover. She crossed a fucking line. My blood boils as I push my paw harder against her throat, red flashing across my vision.
“Mention Alkina again and I will have your position replaced by Theo and your body will be buried so far out of wolf territory that the Mother will not be able to bring you home to your ancestors.” I rake my teeth across her shoulder, pressing deep enough to give a warning but not enough to leave permanent damage.
Her ear is already knitting itself back together as I pull away and spin to head back to the pack house. The council sent a message the night before to announce that they would be here tomorrow before dusk.
I am almost positive that the meeting is in regard to the upcoming World Council meeting on the solstice to try to satisfy the dragons’ need for space. It will also mark the end of my allotted time to grieve. Any other alpha would have lost their pack and lands if they stopped being able to lead, as I had over the past two years.
I allowed myself to slip into the darkness where my inner demons cling tight. The anger at losing everyone I loved unconditionally flares more often in the most random of situations. Someone discussing what we need to do to shore up our borders to a sweet little pup saying, “Mama.”
The only thing saving me from being removed from my position and exiled is Seraphina. She stepped up and took control of the day-to-day of our pack. It is a bonus that my people understand my need for space and time, I have a seat on the wolf council, and Alpha Calian vouching for me. As the leader of the wolf council, he maintains near-constant communication with me and Seraphina. I’m fairly certain he only does it out of loyalty to my mother.
There are rumors suggesting that he had requested her hand before she mated with my father. Even more afterward that I was his child and not a legitimate daughter to my father, Frederick. I hear Seraphina treading carefully in the leaves behind me, keeping close enough to protect me but far enough away to prevent suffocating me with her presence.
The crunch of the leaves and chill of the frost beneath my paws barely register as the anger ebbs away and the guilt creeps in. In the twenty-two years that Seraphina and I have been around each other, I have never struck her outside of combat and defense training. I pause my steps, shifting my body toward her as her steps slowed to match mine.
“I’m sorry. You’re the only reason we haven’t fallen into debt, and you’ve kept us afloat while allowing me time to grieve the loss of my family.” I nudge her gently on the cheek with my nose before letting my feet carry me straight ahead again, letting her know that while I wouldn’t forget her bringing it up…I won’t hold it against her.
I can’t blame her for what she said, but I’m just not strong enough to hear Alkina’s name yet. I’m not ready for the anniversary of my mother’s death. Definitely not ready to deal with the reminder that my pups are gone. I can’t help feeling like I could have done something, anything, to save them. A real Alpha would have saved them. A real Alpha should have been able to save Alkina and my unborn Keaira.
Red flashes across my vision, memories of nudging my mother’s limp paw in the chaos ensuing around me, blood streaking through the snow, clashing of claws and teeth. My mother’s murderer got away as my world cracked and broke apart that day. I shake my head, trying to free myself from the bloody memories that hang around constantly. The memories come in flashes and smears of color.
“We need to discuss what will happen at the next World Council meeting, since it is the wolves’ turn to host it,” Seraphina mutters as I tilt my head toward her. The last one that the wolves were supposed to host was four years ago. It was canceled after my mother’s murder and the Dragon King is growing more impatient.
I’m sure he knows the death of a council member is a difficult thing to bounce back from, even if he is one of the most stubborn beings in existence, according to Calian. Wolves have been losing their lives all along the borders that separate us from aspects of the dragon’s lands. Thankfully, Moonlight Pack’s border is against the panthers’, so we have had fewer casualties. Yet, there is still a constant fear that they will come for us. This meeting will be paramount in assuring minimal casualties.
We quickly approach the clearing where we built our pack’s village. Seraphina shifts back, her fire-red fur receding into her flesh as her bones give way to her human form. Her back is to me, but her long flame-red hair falls in soft curls down her back, resting above her thick ass. I crouch low to the ground as she turns slowly, scanning the area, her emerald eyes landing on me as she gives me a thumbs up. It is safe for the moment.
I shift back, groaning at the crack of bones as I go from wolf to human for the first time in a day. I hear the slight crunch of leaves as she turns to me, my eyes catching hers as she scans my body. The heat in her gaze sends memories of tumbling in the sheets and woods flashing through my mind. A wicked smirk falls across my lips as I shake my white-blonde hair, letting the gentle waves fall down my chest before I turn away from her. My smirk grows at the sharp inhale behind me as she moves closer, her fingers brushing along my sides before stepping next to me.
