The goddess of nothing a.., p.44
The Bullsh*t-Free Guide to Depression, page 44
of related interest
The CBT Art Workbook for Coping with Depression
Jennifer Guest
ISBN 978 1 78775 096 8
eISBN 978 1 78775097 5
CBT Art Workbooks for Mental and Emotional Wellbeing
The Depression Journal
Creative Activities to Keep Yourself Well
Cara Lisette and Sophia Kaur Badhan
Illustrated by Victoria Barron
Foreword by Jonathan Stea
ISBN 978 1 80501 411 9
eISBN 978 1 80501 412 6
Creative Journals for Mental Health
The Recovery Letters
Addressed to People Experiencing Depression
Edited by James Withey and Olivia Sagan
Afterword by Tom Couser
ISBN 978 1 78592 183 4
eISBN 978 1 78450 460 1
What I Do to Get Through
How to Run, Swim, Cycle, Sew or Sing Your Way Through Depression
Edited by Olivia Sagan and James Withey
Foreword by Cathy Rentzenbrink
ISBN 978 1 78775 298 6
eISBN 978 1 78775 299 3
The Bullsh*t-Free
Guide to Depression
How to Get Out of
Your Mental Health Hole
(from someone who has
fallen down one or two)
Jacs Guderley
Foreword by Dr Emma Hepburn
Illustrated by Jacs Guderley
First published in Great Britain in 2026 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
An imprint of John Murray Press
1
Copyright © Jacquelyn Guderley 2026
Foreword © Dr Emma Hepburn 2026
The right of Jacquelyn Guderley to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
The information contained in this book is not intended to replace the services of trained medical professionals or to be a substitute for medical advice. You are advised to consult a doctor on any matters relating to your health, and in particular on any matters that may require diagnosis or medical attention.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress
ISBN 978 1 83997 701 5
eISBN 978 1 83997 702 2
Jessica Kingsley Publishers’ policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
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London EC4Y 0DZ
www.jkp.com
John Murray Press
Part of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd
An Hachette Company
The authorised representative in the EEA is Hachette Ireland, 8 Castlecourt Centre, Dublin 15, D15 XTP3, Ireland (email: info@hbgi.ie)
In memory of my darling friend, Ashley – keep on dancing.
Contents
Foreword by Dr Emma Hepburn
Getting to Know Depression
The Psychology to Make Sense of it All
Understanding Our Mental Health
Being Prepared to Kick into Action
Making a Plan to Help Yourself
Making The Plan Sustainable
Putting The Plan into Action
Assembling Your Support Crew
Stepping Inside the Therapy Room
Self-Monitoring and Spotting the Signs
Detecting Low Mood’s Bullsh*t
There’s No Such Thing as Failure
The Maintenance Plan
The Aftermath
You Deserve to Feel Proud
Acknowledgements
Recommended Resources
Endnotes
Author’s note
My illustrations are all drawn by hand, with pen and paper. They’re not made to be perfect, and none of them are – just like our mental health, there is a unique beauty in their imperfections.
Foreword
The human brain is a meaning-making machine. Throughout human history we have created meaning for ourselves through stories. Stories help us make sense of ourselves, the world and our place in the world. Stories connect us and normalize our experiences. Through my work, as clinical psychologist over 20 years, I have seen the power of stories around mental health and the positive impact these can have. Stories of our difficult moments are the hardest to tell, but I would argue the most important and powerful. These stories make sense of our darkest and most puzzling times and in doing so they guide us through, and can even show us, the paths forward.
However, stories of tough times are hard to share. When we fall into a depression hole, we want to shrink and hide, not reveal our stories. Especially when you are Chief President of the club for people who found it difficult to tell others about their depression (as Jacs was). Despite the fact her brain told her not to, Jacs has chosen to share her story of some of her most difficult times. With insight, empathy and humour, she takes us through her dances with depression and invites us into her story to join her ‘I’ve been depressed/I am depressed/I might be depressed/My friend or family member is depressed’ club. And we know from the data that this is a big club – the majority of humans will join it at some point in their life. In opening her world, and letting us climb in (then out of) her depression hole, she uses the power of her story to connect with, destigmatize, empathize and understand depression and learn how to respond to it (in both ourselves and others).
By joining Jacs’ club, and connecting to the red thread of people who have experienced depression, you will be treated to a fun and lively dance through her tango, waltz, cha cha cha, bachata, west coast swing, jive and Lindy Hop dances with depression (her seven sassy times of being depressed, as she says). Although depression is never fun, Jacs takes you by the hand onto the depression dance floor and through her light-hearted humour and illuminating illustrations, helps you find glimmers of brightness to guide you out of the hole. By putting her own depression in the spotlight, she brings this often unspoken topic to life. Throughout the book she shares her experiences and what she has learnt through her many dances with depression and the therapy she has undertaken. The book is brought to life with her clever illustrations and her ingenious depression inventions, which capture the complexity of depression in ways that will stay with you, imprinted in your brain, to help you long after you have finished reading the book.
But Jacs is not just a storyteller. She is a shame buster and demystifier. By exposing her shame, she helps you (as her Brené Brown quote says) douse your own shame with empathy, so that shame loses its power and begins to wither. She shows that depression is a shared (and common) human experience and that you are not alone – you are connected via your story (and the red threads) to a vast amount of people.
In the process of shame busting, she also opens the doors to her therapy room to demystify the process. Her experience of therapy is central to her story and provides insights into what actually happens during therapy. People are often scared of asking for help and I believe the way Jacs openly shares her therapy experience will help people understand this better and overcome barriers to seeking support.
Having worked with several hundred people with depression over the course of my career, I have always sought stories to help them make sense of their experiences. I am really pleased to now have Jacs’ story in my toolkit. I will be recommending Jacs’ book to individuals and families to help connect them and guide them through their depression hole to find their light again.
Now (even if depression doesn’t make you feel like it), get your dancing shoes on and get ready to hit the depression dance floor with Jacs’ story. Don’t worry if you think you can’t dance, she’ll take you by the hand and guide you through the steps with empathy and kindness. You will feel the power of her story, laugh along at her anecdotes and be drawn into her illustrations. Her words and images are points of light that can help guide you through a depression hole, busting shame along the way. By the time the music has finished you’ll understand depression better and how to get help, and what you can do when it hits, whether that’s in yourself or someone you love.
I’m going to leave the final words here to Jacs: ‘Let depression do its worst. We can get through it together, guided by a communal love, empathy and understanding – for ourselves and each other.’ Her book will help you do just that.
Dr Emma Hepburn
Clinical psychologist, author and illustrator of A Toolkit for Modern Life, A Toolkit for Happiness and A Toolkit for Your Emotions
@thepsychologymum
* CHAPTER 1 *
Getting to Know Depression
My story
My mental health story starts with frantically waking my mum and dad in the middle of the night, to tell them I was dying.
You might know that a panic attack can feel like having a heart attack. I didn’t know this, and my parents didn’t know this. So, panic-stricken at the sight of their hysterical daughter, my parents phoned an ambulance. I was whisked off to A&E, where they told me, ‘You’re just very depressed.’ Okay, thanks – I guess I’ll take these anti-depressants and be on my way. I left confused, scared and convinced the doctor’s words weren’t true.
[Long Description] A person standing at the start of a tangled squiggly line that represents their mental health journey, with booby traps along the way. At the end, an annotation reads 'This isn't even really the end, by the way.'
I didn’t know this was the start of my mental health journey. Once an experience full of shame and fear, and one that I thought I’d never learn to control, I did all I could to distance myself from it. Now it’s a journey I hold close. It’s by doing this that I’ve learnt to find self-acceptance and ‘forgiveness’ (for an experience that society paints as our fault, when it is anything but that). In my good moments, I’m proud of that journey and I love the parts of me that grew out of depression.
Twelve years on from that first panic attack (aged 36 to my then 24-year-old self), I’ve weathered seven encounters with depression (between three and ten months long), countless doctor appointments, more psychiatric drugs than I ever wanted, bucket loads of hurt and confusion, and the loss of my confidence and self-compassion. Depression, and my meandering path of self-discovery since, has changed me forever. There’s nothing I’ve done in life that has felt harder.
I believe that the hardest thing about depression isn’t just living with it, or the painful process of climbing out of that hole, but everything that surrounds it. Trying to stay well, dealing with the shame and guilt stemming from deep societal misunderstanding, grappling with our identity in the aftermath, coping with a diagnosis which we may or may not find helpful, picking up the pieces of our shattered confidence – all this and more. A mental health journey is so much more than just the mental health struggles themselves.
I’m still working all of this out – so if you are, too, we’re in the same boat. I wouldn’t be the person I am, living the life I am today, without my first therapist. I first stepped into her office 12 years ago, right at the end of depression visit number one. From that day forth, my life did a handbreak turn round a switch-back corner and chartered a new course. I’ve now had two hugely influential therapists in my life; therapy has been, and continues to be, instrumental on my path forward.
The right support from the right people can be completely transformative through the twists and turns of a mental health journey. It might come from a therapist, or from friends, family or anyone else in your ‘support crew’. None of us have to do this alone. We all deserve support.
[Long Description] Pet Hope extends their hand to a sad-looking, raining Depression Cloud. Hope says 'Hey! I'm Hope :) Do you want to be friends?' and Depression Cloud replies 'Urm… I don't do friends. But maybe I could try…'
So, how did depression come stomping into my life, bringing its havoc in tow? I don’t believe there are always clear-cut answers. The only certainty is that no one has perfect mental health.
I have my own ‘quirks’ (or unique ‘differences’) that probably played into that first depressive breakdown. I grew up an easy-going, but ‘perfectionist’ kid and young adult. Always pushing to attain the best grades, playing on every sports team imaginable and trying to be an exemplary friend and daughter, I was – and still am – the type who would set their personal expectations ‘silly high’. Characters like me can be perfect fodder for dips in mood – failing to meet the lofty standards we set can create a very real sense of failure. Depending on factors unique to the individual – including temperament and life experiences – that could (but doesn’t always) spiral into depression.
Around the time of my first, and most severe, depressive episode, I was also coming to terms with my sexuality as a queer woman. While I wasn’t ‘out’, I felt I was leading a double life, lying about where I was and who I was with. Society can apply an undeniably soul-crushing pressure to minority groups, cultivating discrimination, abuse and even self-directed prejudice (e.g. internalized homophobia). There’s a reason why incidences of mental health issues, and specifically self-harm and suicide, are statistically higher among the LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual and others) community.
There is more to my story than my mental health journey. I’m an exercise and fitness fanatic (a key coping mechanism in my many recoveries) and adore being a spinning instructor in my spare time. I love food and cooking (my favourite meal: a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel, shared with my family). I’d go to a live music gig every week if I could, I have seven tattoos (I always said I’d never get a single one) and I’m a loving and loyal daughter, sister and friend. I’m more than just a ‘depression’ diagnosis (we all are) and there’s greater nuance and complexity to the challenges I’ve encountered than that which I’ve shared so far.
All of this will come out in the stories that are woven into the thoughts, advice and illustrations I share. For now, I want to leave you with my motivation to write and illustrate this book.
Something happened after first ‘doing time’ with depression, and the recovery that followed. I felt a red thread run between me and every other person I met who had been depressed. I was part of a vast network of people who, to some degree, were like me; I could feel that current of connection running through me, as real as anything. To hear their stories made my eyes sting with tears and my heart feel heavy. When they told me of the difficulty of just making it through the day, I felt I could reach out and touch their pain. All I’ve ever wanted to do since is to talk openly about depression, help people kick it to the curb and, most importantly, to love themselves throughout.
It took many years of therapy – and lots of my own reading – to one day join the dots. I had nurtured the belief that we all have the power to look after our own mental health – and, in fact, only we can lead our own recovery. I’d also picked up the tools, knowledge and confidence I needed to believe I could help myself and, importantly, others. In these pages, I hope to do what I wish someone could have done for me – helped empower me to feel more confident, more accepting of myself and less held back by fear.
Jacs the Badass Mental Health Master and her Pet Hope
I’ve learnt that this is a never-ending journey. Some days, I’m terrified by a possible Depression Comeback Tour, and on others I feel as if I could train up a swarm of depression-busting ninjas. That is the complexity of mental health and the fragility of confidence, especially once it’s been through the depression mill. But, if we can build on that self-belief, even just a little, that is magical and powerful. This is where I am today on my mental health journey, so I’m right here with you as we navigate our onward paths.
There is no single way to give depression the sucker punch it so deeply deserves. In this book, I share tips, tools, personal stories and lessons learnt that I hope might help you, wherever you are on your very own journey. Giving depression a slap around the chops is, to me, only part of the story, however. Nurturing our self-compassion, self-belief, and love for ourselves – in spite of depression – is going to form a huge part of this road we walk together. Depression isn’t something to be ashamed of, it does not make you a ‘lesser’ human being, and we have every right to feel proud of ourselves.
[Long Description] "A ripped out, doodled-on notebook page lists five things the author learnt in therapy. Five things I learnt in therapy: 1. It's not your fault. 2. You aren't faulty or broken. 3. You aren't bad or deficient. 4. It will make sense given your experiences. 5. Talking therapies really can help."
Why an illustrated self-help book? Is it for me?
