Powered identity, p.15
Powered Identity, page 15
“Yes. Nothing about that freak is amazing!”
“I didn’t mean—”
“What did you mean?” I demanded, bolting upright in the bed. “This is why I didn’t want you guys to know that this is possible! My life was stolen, people have died, and your first thought is that it’s good science!”
Her eyes got watery again.
“How is admitting that you’ve both kept this from us supposed to make me see I was wrong about her?” Markham asked. He lowered his gaze, slowly shaking his head. “Now I just know I can’t trust you either.”
“The feeling is mutual,” Cayde muttered, glaring at him.
“You let us go for weeks thinking he could somehow take abilities. That’s a huge difference! I’ve wasted precious time making lists of all the powered people who went missing, driving myself crazy over the implications of him stealing their abilities. We could have had our focus on strategy! This whole time, Sam could have been working towards her own way of—”
“Enough!” Eric slammed his fist down on the bed. “None of this matters now.”
The room fell silent.
I flopped back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. It had never occurred to me how Markham might read into the information I’d given him about why Crowley was after me. I was too focused on what I wasn’t telling him to think much further into it. But I knew for sure now that I’d made the right choice.
What would they have wanted to put Dawn through to find out more about Crowley’s experiments? Would they dare to experiment on Adalyn or Jacob?
I didn’t want to think about it.
The lines that defined our “sides” were suddenly so blurred. Crowley wanted to use and kill me, but apparently Markham was willing to do the same. The only difference was that Markham didn’t want to end the world. Which, I suppose, is a big difference. But it wasn’t big enough for me. These people had put me in danger just to get information. How could I be on their team?
We had a common enemy, so working together made the most sense for now.
But if any of us made it through all of this, I couldn’t envision a future where the facility stayed together.
I won’t make it through this…
Cayde came to sit beside me. He stroked my hair off my forehead and ran his fingers down my cheek.
It was Sam who finally broke the silence. “Shit.”
I immediately sat back up. If Sam cursed, it was serious.
“What is it?” Markham asked.
She was examining the server tower with a circuit board in her hand. When she looked up at us, her eyes were full of tears again. “It’s useless.”
“What?” Eric said. His face flushed red. “I got shot for that thing! Nova got poisoned!”
“It must have melted down when you disconnected it from the grid of other servers. Did you notice a strange smell when you took it?”
Eric scoffed. “There was sort of a lot going on at the time!”
I hadn’t noticed anything either, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. We were definitely preoccupied by the flying bullets.
“I’m sure there was a spike in voltage that burned it up.” Her hand holding the circuit board fell to her side. “This is just hardware now.”
“There’s nothing you can learn from it?” Markham asked her.
She sighed. “I’m sure there is… I just don’t know.”
All of this was for nothing. Eric was seriously injured. I might die. And all of it was a waste anyway. My head filled with my heartbeat again.
Another spasm shook my hands, so Cayde wrapped them with his. “How are you going to treat Nova?”
Eric looked at me, and his angry eyes softened. “How are you, sweetheart?”
I couldn’t answer. There was no answer.
Cayde rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hands, passing especially lightly over my right. Sam’s eyes fell to our clasped fingers. I knew she was trying to decide how to best tell Cayde there was nothing to be done for me. The pity glistening in her eyes made me want to scream. My voice scratched at the back of my throat, itching to be unleashed on her sympathetic gaze. She’d let me walk into this situation without warning. This was her fault. She shouldn’t get to feel bad for me now.
Would I have gone on the mission even if I’d known the risks? Yeah, I’m sure I would have. But I would’ve been a hell of a lot more careful while I was there.
Finally, she cleared her throat and raised her head to look at Cayde. “We can try another detox, but I don't think it’ll help. Symptoms will keep progressing and eventually… I don’t know anything for sure. You’re the only test I have to go off of.” Cayde flinched at her word choice. “If I’m completely honest, I don’t know how you’re still walking around. Your chances of recovering are... I think I should make you a new body.”
Relief washed through me like I’d stepped into a shower. I felt it from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. “That’s an option?” My voice sounded brighter than it had at any point in this conversation.
“A new body will save her?” Cayde asked with bright eyes. “Her mind isn’t being affected?”
Sam licked her lips again. There wasn’t a trace of gloss left on them now. “I believe so.”
“That’s reassuring,” Eric murmured.
The shiny relief I’d felt dulled. And as the words “new body” sunk deeper into me, it faded away to nothing. My arms wrapped around my middle as if I might be able to keep this body together if I held on tight enough. “I don’t want another body.”
Sam sniffled. “I know. It’s going to take me some time to get another tissue sample to clone. We can monitor you meanwhile and hope you improve so it won’t be necessary. But just in case, I’ll prepare.”
“Where will you be ‘getting tissue’?” That sounded creepy as hell. When I got this body, I was just thrilled to be the only one in it. I didn’t question it, but of course it had to have been cloned from someone.
“I promise it is completely ethical! Don’t worry.”
Somehow, her promise wasn’t all that reassuring.
“I’m really glad this mission was so worthwhile,” Eric said, collapsing back onto the creaky mattress.
We’d sure paid a hell of a lot for the world's largest paperweight.
26
“Who was the last person to see Zane?” I asked Cayde once we were finally tucked into the comfort of his bed. The twin mattress left no room for space between us, but neither of us minded that tonight. I probably wouldn’t stand a chance of sleeping any other way.
Cayde laid behind me with his arm draped over my middle. The warmth radiating off his shirtless chest felt glorious pressed against my back. “Quinn had been working with him in the training room. She said he wanted to be able to teleport farther distances—to somewhere he couldn’t see.”
“I think he figured it out.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Why would he want to leave though?” I asked. The question was for me more than Cayde. “Why would he run off into danger?”
“He had to realize that the tracker going off would put us back on Crowley’s radar.” He had to… I couldn’t imagine Zane doing something that would put us at risk—but my vision… “When I saw him with the teleporter, he was there by choice.”
Saying it out loud made my stomach queasy. Like it was a betrayal to Zane’s character to admit I’d seen it that way. But I reminded myself that whatever was going through Zane’s head right now might have nothing to do with his character. “I don’t know if they’re controlling him or what’s going on, but he’s in danger.”
Frustrated tears collected in my eyes, but I forced them back. They weren’t what Zane needed now. He needed rescuing. I’d failed to protect him when he needed it in New York, and now I had failed him again. But I wouldn’t let him make the trip home alone this time.
“I should have made Sam get that thing out of him,” I said.
“It's fusing to his skull. She said there was nothing she could do without hurting him.” His breath warmed the back of my neck. He lightly kissed the edge of my hairline and a soft shiver ran down my spine. “Stop blaming yourself, please.”
I nodded, but there was no shaking the weight that sat on top of me. “What if Sam lied? She might have just wanted to see how long it would take to drive him crazy.” Whether or not I really thought it was true, the fact that I had to consider the question was sickening.
He sighed, turning away from me to lie on his back. I rolled over to face him, but he locked his gaze on the ceiling. “I’ve trusted Markham practically my whole life… He’s been like a second father to me.”
I placed my hand on his chest. “I know.”
“I knew lying to you about where your body was had been bad, but I never would have thought he was capable of something as cold as what he’s done to you now. Or that Sam could go along with it.”
“I wanted you to see why I don’t trust them, but not like this.”
“You’ve been right.” His hands rubbed up over his face and back through his hair, like he was trying to erase everything that had happened in the lab earlier. I wished I could take it all away from him. I knew all too well how badly it hurt to have your life’s foundations rocked. But I was also glad he could see them clearly now. This way, they couldn’t hurt him again.
“I know Markham isn’t on Crowley’s side,” he said, still staring at the ceiling, “but he doesn’t feel like much of a ‘good guy’ either.”
“I don’t think there really are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sides. Crowley thinks he’s saving humanity with the insanity he’s planning. The only side I’m on is my own.”
Cayde’s brows furrowed and he tore his eyes away from the concrete to look at me. “Your own?”
“Yeah. And yours. I’m fighting Crowley to protect myself and the people I love. So we don’t have to live in fear. If that helps the world too, then cool. But I just want us to have our own lives. Maybe get a chance to travel the world. Climb Everest, see the Grand Canyon, have sex in a hot-air-balloon. You know, normal people stuff.”
He laughed harder than I’d heard him laugh in what felt like ages. It was beautiful. But the sound died away too quickly.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked, after a minute of watching his expression shift with his thoughts.
“I guess that’s just somewhere we’ll always differ.”
“What do you mean?”
“Our priorities. We’re fighting the same fight, but I’m on humanity’s side as much as yours or mine—if not more. The big picture is what keeps me from taking you and running off to some quiet island where none of this can touch us.”
What’s keeping me from running?
...There isn’t anywhere to hide.
The simple truth was that I didn’t believe there was a place to run to and actually be safe. I tried to come up with an answer more noble than that, but the more I considered it, the less I could doubt the truth. If I thought running was an option, I’d have run a long time ago.
Now, I was in this too deep. I’d never be safe if Crowley was alive—no one I loved would be. And I couldn’t let him get away with the terrible things he’d done. He needed to die.
As long as Cayde and I were fighting the same fight, I didn’t think it should matter why. But I couldn’t help but fear that one day, maybe soon, he’d stop seeing me as a “good guy” too.
I couldn’t find the words to say—so I said nothing. But I scooted even closer to his side to lay my head against his chest. I thought the weight of everything might keep me awake, but it only took a couple minutes for the steady beat of his heart to lull me to sleep.
When I woke up, Cayde was still sleeping beside me. With eyes softly closed and lips gently parted, he looked more peaceful than I usually got to see him. I was happily surprised to find I felt okay. My hands didn’t shake for the entire minute I held them in front of my face. I’m not sure how I expected to feel, but I thought I’d feel something shitty if things really were as grave as Sam had made them sound.
Then I sat up.
My vision spun so out of control that I had to grip onto the mattress to keep upright. Painful nausea gripped my stomach like someone was squeezing it in a vise, pushing bile upwards. I kept the contents of my stomach down through the first wave—barely. But when vomit forced its way up a second time, it was too much. I jumped out of bed and stumbled toward the door. But Cayde’s small room had never seemed bigger.
A mess of water, bile, and foam rushed up my throat and onto the floor. Bent over and clutching my gut, I gasped to breathe. Cayde came up beside me and put a comforting hand on my back. After heaving a second time, the grip on my stomach finally loosened and I was able to stand up straight.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He kept his hand on the small of my back and gently led me to the bed. He pulled a towel out of his dresser’s bottom drawer and handed it to me, then took another and started cleaning the floor.
I felt my clammy cheeks flush. “I can do that, Cayde.” But I couldn’t, at least not at the moment. I was utterly exhausted. Just raising my hands to wipe my face was a challenge. The air touching my sweat-soaked skin pushed me under the blankets, and the throbbing behind my eyes encouraged my head back to the pillow.
“Just relax,” he said. “I’ll go get you some water.”
“Thank you. I’m sure I’ll feel better after a little more sleep.”
When he finished with the floor, he stood over me, studying my face. I had the feeling he was searching for a reason to believe that I was right. “You’re going to be okay.” But the concern in his eyes gave away that he wasn’t sure of that at all.
“We’re really going to miss you,” I said to Bunny as I wrapped my arms around her. She was someone I’d grown to love. And her cooking was something I’d grown to need. “What if we all starve without you?”
She squeezed me a little tighter as her perfect laugh rang out. “Oh, you’ll be fine, dear.” Then she whispered in my ear, “I baked you some cookies and hid them in the pantry.”
I grinned widely. “Thank you.”
She smiled as she pulled away to look at Cayde. “And you! Be good, mister.”
They hugged and he kissed the top of her head. “I always am.”
“Well, that’s true.” She patted his chest just over his heart. “Wade loves you, dear. Remember that.”
He exhaled a heavy sigh, but nodded. I had the feeling that Bunny would always stand behind Markham, no matter what he did. She’d been taking care of Markham and Cayde both for such a long time. She was one of the few people who had been at the facility since the beginning.
Of course, she didn’t know what he’d done in this case. She only knew that Cayde was pissed because Cayde had made it very obvious over the last two days. We’d decided not to advertise the details of the situation. At least, not yet. Because as much as I wanted everyone to see Wade Markham for the snake he was, there was enough for everyone to worry about already.
“You have your crystal, right?” Cayde asked. She nodded, touching the string around her neck. “Good. We’ll get you back home as soon as we’re sure this location is safe.”
“Once Zane is home,” I added.
“I hope you find him soon, kids.”
“We will.”
I was determined to bring him home before my vision could become reality. Whatever I saw in my vision, I knew Zane would never put us all in danger. The more I thought about it, the more certain I felt. He’d gone through torture in order to keep the facility’s secrets safe. So when Markham asked Adalyn, Jacob, and Bunny to spend some time away from the facility, I thought it was overkill. But no one asked me.
When Bunny moved on to say her next goodbyes, my eyes landed on Eric hugging Adalyn and Jacob. Adalyn’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. I could only see Eric’s back as he leaned over his crutches to get closer to Jacob’s level, but imagining his face was enough. When he pulled away from Jacob, the little boy had tear-streaked cheeks.
Cayde looked at me with narrowed eyes. “What’s making you feel like crying?” It wasn’t a common emotion for me.
“Nothing,” I said. It wasn’t my place to share Eric’s feelings. Cayde had known before me about Eric losing his daughter, but I was sure he didn’t know all the details I did.
Once Adalyn, Jacob, and Bunny had all hugged each person at least twice, Markham let Roger know they were ready. The helicopter touched down for just long enough to pick them up.
When Cayde and I turned to head back down the hall, Markham stood in our way. “If Crowley were to find the facility, it would be imperative that we protect GWNN.”
“Obviously,” Cayde said, his tone cold. “Did you have a method in mind?”
“Not exactly. But I’m working on something. Let me know if you think of anything?”
Cayde nodded, then took my hand and stalked off. He narrowly missed shouldering Markham as he passed him.
As soon as we were back in my room, I collapsed onto the bed.
“You feeling okay?” Cayde asked.
“Yeah. Just sad to see them go.” I hadn’t had another episode since throwing up the other morning. By that evening I’d been able to eat, and yesterday I’d been tired, but feeling better. With every good hour that passed, I felt a little more hopeful that I might be healing.
“Me too.” He laid down next to me.
“Are you positive GWNN can’t locate Zane?” I asked for the tenth time. Feeling better had me anxious to get moving to find him. The longer we took, the closer he would be to Crowley.
He propped himself up on his elbow, something I hadn’t seen him do on his right side in quite a while.
We’re both healing.
“I’ve tried at least twenty times... I think it must have to do with the tracker.”
“Fucking tracker…”
He put his hand on my cheek to bring my eyes to his. “We’re going to find him. I promise.”
