The choking kind, p.9
The Choking Kind, page 9
“Yeah, I do.” His eyes lingered on my profile for a moment. “Does that bother you?”
It was an odd question. The idea of him living so close thrilled me. “Free country,” I replied as we pulled into Jameson’s driveway. The door on the garage began to rise, and we pulled into the dark space next to a beautiful old car that made my heart stutter.
“That’s yours?” I asked, not bothering to hide my shock as I took in the classic white Mustang with twin blue racing stripes over the top. How did he afford a car like this? One I’d only ever seen on the covers of one of my dad’s magazines?
“It’s a ’66 Shelby GT350 fastback. Belonged to my father. His pride and joy.”
“Shouldn’t you be his pride and joy?” I asked, earning me a scowl. “It doesn’t even have a big block.”
“What do you know about cars?” He looked at me in disbelief before shaking his head.
“Enough to know he should have gotten a ’67,” I teased.
He shrugged. “I’m not really a car guy.”
“Obviously, or you would be spending every waking moment polishing that beauty.”
I sat up straighter in my seat, my heart pumping rapidly as the door lowered behind us. I watched the shadow drag down Jameson’s face before we were both cloaked in blackness. The engine cut off, and all I could hear was the ragged sound of my breathing.
His fingers wrapped around mine, startling me. He gave my hand a slight squeeze as he spoke. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked. I was glad he couldn’t see my face because I felt like he would see how much I was in turmoil. “Sadie?” His voice was husky, and it caused my heart to thump as his thumb slid across the back of my hand. It was such a simple gesture, yet so intimate. I didn’t want to move; I didn’t want the moment to end.
I cleared my throat, shaking my head even though he couldn’t see me. “Yeah,” my voice came out barely a whisper. His hand released mine, and he opened his car door, causing the interior light to pop on. There was a knowing behind his gaze. I wanted to scream, I knew too, but nerves gripped me and held me captive in my own body.
I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and shoved open my door, feeling like I was starved of oxygen.
“You should wait here,” he called out, my heart deflating, but the expression on his face was conflicted. I know I didn’t imagine things. He was feeling this too.
He pushed open the door to his home, and the soft glow of lighting from inside washed over him before he disappeared inside.
A few minutes later, he reappeared, a novel in hand and a grin on his face.
I rolled my eyes as he slid back into his seat, the car roaring to life as he tossed the book onto my lap. As the garage door rose behind us, I picked it up and looked at the cover.
“The Story of Us,” I groaned. “Of course, you’d give me something about history.”
He chuckled, pulling back out onto the road. “It’s fiction. Romance, actually.”
I looked back down at the book. A romance? I suddenly couldn’t wait to get home and delve into the new story.
“It’s not as crass as your book, but I think you’ll like it.”
I smirked, my eyes lingering on his profile. “You think you know me well enough to recommend books, huh?”
“Well enough.” His eyes cut to me briefly as he rounded the block, and we were back on my street, back in reality. He parked as he had before, a few houses away from my own.
“I can’t picture you reading a book like this.”
“Someone suggested it,” he shrugged, his gaze drifting out the driver's side window.
“Oh,” I replied, wondering what she looked like.
“It’s not like that.” But the smile on his face said otherwise.
“Sure,” I teased as I pulled on the door handle, causing it to crack open. Jameson grabbed my hand again. I turned back to look at him, my teeth digging into my lower lip.
“I’m serious. I wouldn’t...” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t give you something that some random girl left at my place.”
I didn’t know what to make of his reply, but I liked that he wanted to clarify and not give me the wrong idea. Jordon made it a habit of trying to make me jealous. It was a subtle difference between a boy and a man.
“Okay.”
He smiled, clearing his throat as he released my hand.
“Thanks for the ride.” I raised the book between us. “And for this.”
“Anytime.” He nodded.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I reluctantly got out of the car and made my way to my house.
When I opened the door, I stopped short, nearly tripping over my own feet. May was sitting on the couch next to Joe, lost in conversation. Their eyes snapped to me as I slipped inside, clutching the book to my chest. My stomach sank, and I felt like I was going to be sick. He shouldn’t be here. He had no right to be here.
“There she is,” Uncle Joe called out, pushing from his seat and holding his arms out like he expected an embrace. I cringed as his arms wrapped around me, pulling me against his rotund figure before releasing me. “How’ve you been, kiddo?”
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my eyes drifting to May, who only shrugged as she sparked the end of her bowl, inhaling a deep cloud of marijuana smoke.
“I’m here to check on my favorite girls,” he proclaimed, his cheeks rosy like some kind of poor man’s Santa Claus. “May says you’ve met a boy.”
I flinched. “Something like that.”
“Staying out of trouble, I hope.”
“Why are you here?” I asked again, folding my arms across my chest.
“I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“I’ve been busy.”
He nodded, apparently no longer amused by my standoffish attitude.
“Well, maybe we can make up for the lost time.” He glanced back over his shoulder at May before lowering his voice. “See you soon.” His fingers grabbed my hair and tugged gently. I flinched, and his arm fell to his side.
I nodded, stepping aside so he could slip out of the front door.
“Why did you let him in here?” I snapped at May as I made my way into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge.
“What was I supposed to do, pretend I wasn’t decent?”
“When have you ever been decent?”
She rolled her eyes as she laid back on the couch. “I needed money. He offered to give me some.”
“Out of the kindness of his heart?” I asked, snorting. “And why are you telling him my personal business?” I slammed the fridge door.
“He asked,” she replied with a shrug. “You should be thankful he even cares. Most wouldn’t put up with your attitude.”
I groaned before making my way to the hall. “Keep him out of our house.”
Grabbing my laptop, I pulled my profile on Reveal, my eyes dancing over the few miscellaneous comments. None were from him. I pulled up a private chat window. He was online.
SeXXXySadist: Tell me you love me again.
I waited four agonizing minutes for a response.
PeepingThomas: I can’t.
SeXXXySadist: Even if it’s a lie. I’ve missed you.
SeXXXySadist: Lie to me.
Another three minutes passed.
PeepingThomas: I love you. That’s the truth. The lie was us thinking this could work.
PEEPINGTHOMAS IS OFFLINE
I fell back on my bed, flipping open the book Mr. Thomas had lent me, desperate to get lost in the fictional world.
When morning came, I didn’t want to open my eyes. I’d stayed up most of the night, unable to stop reading. But for once, I looked forward to going to school. I wanted to see Jameson.
I didn’t get any sleep last night because of you.
– I confessed in a text to Jameson as I got ready for the school day.
Really?
– He replied, and I felt my heart pitter-patter before taking a deep breath.
I sent him a final message as I began to brush my teeth –
The book was fantastic. The way Tristan and Svetlana fell for each other even though it was forbidden.
He didn’t respond, and I tried not to let that sour my mood as I headed out for the day.
ELEVEN
Jameson
I’ve read her texts a dozen times. I should have said something, anything to make it clear that the reason I’d given her The Story of Us was to warn her about the downfalls of forbidden romance, not to encourage her further. I didn’t like how comfortable I was becoming around her. It was hard to remove the feelings I’d developed for her when I didn’t know she was my student.
The thud of a book landing on my desk in front of me pulled me from my thoughts. I looked up to see Sadie chewing her lip as she cradled other books in her arms.
“I didn’t want to forget to give it back.”
“You could have kept it. Isn’t this your lunch?” I asked, realizing I’d forgotten to eat while I was lost in thought. There were only a few minutes left until my next class.
She dipped her head as her shoulders rose and fell.
“Aren’t your friends going to be looking for you?”
She rolled her eyes before tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’m pretty sure no one would notice if I went missing.”
“I doubt that. I’m sure Eli would,” I teased as I grabbed my lunch bag from my drawer and pulled out my sandwich. “I gave that book to you. It’s yours.”
She picked the novel up again; her face scrunched up before she shook her head. “I was wondering if you had any others... you know... more romances you think I should read?” Her voice rose at the end of her sentence like she was unsure of herself.
“Um... you could always read the chapters I assign.” I glanced up at her, giving her a slight grin as I held up half of my sandwich to her. She shook her head. “Or you could work on your report. Have you picked a topic?”
She rolled her eyes. The calm, confident womanly façade was slipping as she became irritated, giving way to the whiny teenager. “History.”
I leaned back in my chair, running my fingers through my hair. “Is there another reason you came in here, Sadie?” I was cold, but I had to be. She wasn’t making this easy, and I was struggling to remain professional.
She shifted her weight, her eyes traveling behind me and anywhere but my face as she sat her books on the edge of my desk.
“I just thought...” Her words trailed off, and my stomach sank. I knew what she thought. It was painfully obvious. I pushed from my chair, rounding my desk to stand in front of her. If someone came into the classroom, it wouldn’t look good, but I needed to make sure she understood that nothing could happen between us.
“I... like you, Sadie.”
“I like you too.” Her eyes lit up as I shook my head, my stomach twisting.
“I like you as a friend.”
I could see it, the exact moment her heart cracked inside of her chest. But her somber expression was soon replaced with a steely-eyed gaze. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said her superpower was telling when someone was lying.
“You think I don’t see the way you look at me? I’m not a little girl. I know what you think when you look at me like that.”
“That’s right. You’re not a little girl, are you? You read a romance novel, and you think you know everything. I promise you that you have no idea what I think when I look at you.”
Our eyes stayed locked for a moment before she whispered, “I know.”
I lowered my voice, taking a small step toward her. Anger began to radiate inside of me at the memory of her begging me to love her but never promising anything but heartache.
“Stop embarrassing yourself.” It was cruel. I knew it would devastate her, but I had no other choice. I needed her to walk away because soon, I wouldn’t be able to. I’d rather have her hate me than be responsible for destroying her life. I cared about her too much to let that happen.
“You asshole.”
The rejection she felt was palpable, and I knew I was very much to blame. I’d been making any excuse I could to touch her when we were together, not to mention the way I’d disappeared from her in our chats.
“Fuck you, Jameson.” She shoved hard against my chest with both hands, but I didn’t move, my body stiffening as I watched the pain I caused mar her face. I knew she had a brutal past, and the attention I showed her meant more to her than it should have, but I only had so much restraint. Part of me thought I would be okay just trying to be her friend and not crossing some invisible line, but when you’re at the end of your rope, it doesn’t matter if you’re one foot off the ground or one hundred. You hang just the same.
“You call me Mr. Thomas here.” I kept my voice low but stern, struggling to keep the upper hand.
Her chin quivered, but there was a fire in her eyes. She wasn’t going to let me off that easily.
“Fuck you, Jameson.” She bit out each word.
“Sadie,” I warned.
“What? What are you gonna do? Give me detention? I don’t care.”
“That’s the problem with you, Sadie. You don’t care.” I couldn’t help but bring up our chats. It was killing me inside.
“What does that even mean? I’m here. I care.”
I clenched my jaw, biting back a response as she unleashed on me. She shoved against my chest again, anger consuming her when she wasn’t getting the reaction she wanted.
I grabbed her wrist as she swung to slap me, turning her to the whiteboard and pinning her body against it. My other hand slid up the side of her neck. She was breathing so hard in lust-fueled anger that her chest was pressing against mine and her pulse drummed frantically beneath my palm. I could feel the peaks of her breasts harden from the contact. My own body began to react from being so close to her, and I had to struggle not to press myself against her the way my body begged me to. I leaned in, so my lips brushed against the shell of her ear as I spoke.
“This what you want?” I flexed my fingers against her neck. Her face turned toward mine, lips parted. “You want to be the girl who screws her teacher?” It was meant to sound like a bad idea, but I couldn’t keep the lust from my voice.
“If I say yes... would you?” She asked defiantly. Her eyes searched mine, but I kept my expression unreadable even though she had completely thrown me off guard.
“You’re better than that, Sadie.” But this was the Sadie I knew. This was us. We’d always pushed and pulled each other, never being able to both leap at the same time. It was infuriating, and all I wanted at that moment was to give in and finally have her. I didn’t want to be the voice of reason. I wanted her. But not like this.
She pushed to her toes and pressed her mouth against mine in a chaste kiss before pulling back to look me in the eye. As the taste of her cherry lip gloss filled my mouth, I lost the little bit of control I was struggling to maintain. My mouth pressed hard against hers. Her body melted into mine as my tongue swept over her lower lip. She whimpered, her lips parting, granting me access. The taste of her was better than I’d imagined. I wanted more. I wanted everything; I wanted the impossible.
She kissed me back with equal need, and I grew painfully hard as our bodies moved against each other, desperate to get closer as she moaned against my lips.
I slowed our kiss, struggling to regain control, as I let my hand fall from her throat and over her heart that was beating frantically against my palm. I rested my forehead against hers as we both tried to catch our breath, our mouths still dangerously close. “Sadie,” I sighed, the truth playing on my lips.
The bell rang, silencing my confession.
I’d tasted her, indulged in the fantasy that was consuming my thoughts all day long. Now I needed to walk away. I was no saint, but this girl was trouble. I could taste it on her, and I wanted more.
“You need to go,” I panted, pulling back fractionally. Sadie’s eyes locked on mine, and she nodded before I forced myself to take a step back. “Go, Sadie.”
She grabbed her books and slinked away, disappearing into the hall as I sank down in my seat, my head resting in my hands. What the hell just happened?
Idle chatter filled the room as students began to pour in from the hallway.
“Hey, Mr. Thomas,” someone called out. I glanced up, nodding my head, wondering how I’d let everything spiral out of control so quickly.
“Hey, Eli,” I muttered back, avoiding his beady-eyed glare.
The class was nearly full, and Sadie’s desk still remained empty. I drug my palm down my face as I glanced over at the doorway, not sure if I wanted her to show or ditch.
As everyone settled, turning toward me for guidance, the door opened once more, and Sadie slinked inside, offering me a half-smile and mumbling an apology for her tardiness.
“Somethings come up. I’m going to give you all a free period to work on your reports. If you’ve already finished, take the time to go back over your work. If you need any guidance on your topic, feel free to ask.”
The low hum of chatter began again, and I was able to relax back in my seat as I marked Jenny absent again, relieved I wouldn’t have her scrutinizing my every glance at someone who wasn’t her. I gathered my uneaten lunch and tossed it in the waste bin, no longer hungry. I glanced up through the rows of desks to see Sadie looking back at me. I couldn’t drag my eyes from her. It was too late. The line had been crossed, and I knew I could no longer pretend I didn’t care. I didn’t want to. I just wanted her.
The taste of Sadie lingered in my mouth for days. No amount of liquor could wash her memory away. I was fucking up, slipping in way too deep with someone I had no business touching. Sadie didn’t come into my classroom without being invited again. I didn’t know whether I was relieved or pissed off.
Jordon’s face flashed in my mind, and I hoped he wasn’t why she was distant. I didn’t know if it was his jealousy or her guilt, but both were causing me to boil with rage under the surface. I wanted her to stay away. I begged her to leave the classroom, and she wouldn’t. Now she consumed my thoughts, and she wasn’t giving me as much as a sideways glance. It was infuriating, and I was beginning to slip again into the darkness that had caused me to lose everything in my past.
