Say it again, p.15
Say It Again, page 15
“You okay?” Aaron said, coaxing him by the hand as they stepped onto the shaky deck. “Almost there. You’re doing great.”
The boat shifted and swayed as if to prove Aaron wrong about him doing great, but they reached the stern, where a touching scene unfolded, nearly taking his breath away. Someone had strewn blankets around cozy seating and uncorked a bottle of malbec on a table with two stemless glasses and a lit candle between them. A setting sun in the backdrop glistened over the lake in individual ripples.
“How did you…?” He cupped his hands over his heart. “Did you rent this? It’s stunning.”
“No, a friend of mine owns it. He’s always told me I could use it whenever, but I’ve never taken him up on it. You know why?”
“BUIs?”
“Because I’ve never operated a boat in my life. I don’t know what I’m doing. Like, at all.” Aaron laughed.
Daniel did not.
So they never left the dock. They never even started the engine. They snuggled into the blankets and one another, drinking wine and joking about how people should not lend boats to people who didn’t know how to work them.
The water lapped at the wood around them in a serenade of warbles and swishes, and the sun dipped lower until darkness fell. When the mosquitoes grew too handsy, they meandered to the sleep quarters downstairs, where Daniel huddled into Aaron’s chest atop a bed surrounded by purple ambient lighting.
“We shouldn’t get too comfortable,” Aaron said, massaging Daniel’s neck. “We have dinner reservations.”
Daniel nuzzled farther into the nook between Aaron’s chest and shoulder, reveling in his little hum. “Fuck your reservations.”
“Daniel,” Aaron gasped. “I can’t believe you would say that. They’re our reservations.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I live here now.”
“You do? Okay, I’ll live here with you.” Aaron squeezed him tighter. “But we have to get rid of that dresser.”
He lifted his head to see where Aaron pointed. “Why? Looks fine to me.”
“Exactly. Fine is not a good look. Like that valance—fine. That chair needs something downy; a pillow or something. And gray to cool it down in here.”
“God, I’d hate to hear what you think about my place.”
“Oh, I try not to think about your place.”
Daniel snorted. “What do you mean? It’s all rearranged, and it’s still perfectly clean.”
“No, it’s not.”
“No,” Daniel sighed, recalling the dishes that had started to pile up and the clothing on his floor. “It’s not.”
Aaron chuckled. “I actually don’t mind that you’re a tiny, messy monster.”
“Duh.” He rolled his eyes. “Because you’re obsessed with me.”
“It’s not an obsession.” Aaron kissed his forehead. “It’s a weakness.”
“Is that what you tell yourself when you’re making a doll from my hair?”
“And it’s not a doll.” Aaron slid his fingers through Daniel’s hair. “It’s a mini replica, and it’s finally taking shape. Just a few more strands—”
He chuckled as he swatted Aaron off, rolling over on his belly to let his eyes get their fill of Aaron’s face. No one should be allowed to have a face like that. It was genetically unfair. He touched his fingertips to a small white line on Aaron’s upper lip. “What’s this scar from?”
Aaron’s pink tongue poked out to feel it. “When I was fourteen, I got into a fight.”
“You did? With whom?”
“With my dad.”
Daniel’s eyebrows raised and his smile vanished. “Not a physical fight? Right? Are you serious?”
Aaron chuckled as he nodded. “Yeah, guess I’m good at fighting with dads, huh?”
Daniel couldn’t find it in him to smile as he rubbed Aaron’s arm. Say what you will about Robert Greene, he would never get physical. “What was it about?”
“Money.” Aaron blinked at the walls. “Er, not directly, but I’d asked him for money because I needed new shoes for soccer, and he got mad. We started fighting. He hit me.”
Daniel’s hand snapped to his heart as he widened his eyes. “What do you mean, he hit you over soccer shoes?”
“That’s what it was about.” Aaron shrugged as he smeared a fingertip over the scar. “I had braces. Busted my lip wide open. I had to get three stitches.”
Daniel shook his head. His breathing was suddenly a bit hitched.
“But he felt bad,” Aaron continued, like they were having a conversation about a broken vase and not three stitches in his face. “Because he gave me forty dollars when I got home, and the shoes didn’t cost that much.”
The blood in Daniel’s heart ran cold enough for him to shiver.
Aaron toyed with a loose thread in the comforter. “He’d buy us stuff when he felt bad for doing something. Or give us cash. I guess it was usually cash.”
“Who’s us?” Daniel tried to level his voice, but it squeaked as his eyes began to sting. “You and your brother?”
“Me and my mom. And my brother, yeah. Less him, though, which thank God. I suppose because he was younger.”
“He hit all—?” His composure was wavering as terribly as his voice. “He hit all of you guys?”
“Only when he got mad. Not all the time. Not, like, every day or anything—woah, hey!” Aaron’s eyes widened as scrambled to cup Daniel’s face. “You’re crying? Don’t cry, kid. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Oh dammit,” he hissed, wiping his face on a blanket. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Shh, no, don’t apologize. It’s okay.” Aaron yanked him into his chest, where he petted his hair over and over. “It’s okay, shh. You’re okay.”
Daniel rolled his eyes at himself as he bounced a bit, trying to wrangle his emotions. No, it wasn’t okay. He was terrible at being a solace to others because he felt it. Whatever they were saying. Whatever pain they were going through. Even in movies or stories he’d hear—it was all so visceral, and he couldn’t keep it separate from himself. It was one of the worst things about him, and it was just as bad as it’d ever been. “But I’m supposed to be consoling you, not the other way around.”
“Well, in a way you are.” Aaron sweetly combed his fingers through his hair. “In your way. Have you always been like that?”
“Like what? Like a human water faucet?”
Aaron chuckled.
“Yes. My mom’s the same way. We can’t control it. We try. But when the single parent in the commercial finally gets their online degree, or the bodywash brings the family together, we lose all composure.”
Aaron took a breath and hesitated, sorting through his words maybe. When he spoke again, it was with this low whisper, like they were sharing a big secret. “Can I tell you something without you thinking I’m weird?”
Daniel nodded, curled against his chest.
“I think I might really like that about you.”
He lifted his eyebrows and cleared his throat. “You like that I’m a human water faucet?”
“I like that you show people your heart. It’s enormous, your heart.” Aaron kissed his curls. “And it’s courageous to live your life that way.”
Well, did Aaron want him to cry again? He’d never had someone like it. It’d always been too much for everyone. Especially men. He rolled back to his stomach and smoothed a fingertip over Aaron’s lip. “Well, I think your scar makes you look tough.”
Aaron captured his fingertips and kissed them. “Yeah?”
“Oh yeah. Tough and rugged. Classic man-raids-tombs-because-of-his-sexy-vendetta-against-artifacts, or whatever.”
“Is that supposed to be an Indiana Jones reference? He’s an archeologist. Why would he have a vendetta against artifacts—?”
“Shh, the point is”—Daniel crawled on top of him and straddled his waist—“it only enhances your beauty.”
Aaron skated his hands up and down his thighs, his gaze sweeping down his body. “Does it?”
“You’re a survivor.” He framed Aaron’s head with his elbows and hammocked his chin on his hands. “There’s nothing more inspiring than that.”
Aaron bunched Daniel’s shirt into a fist and pulled him down into a kiss. A kiss that began an ambitious journey to becoming more than just a kiss.
“But Aaron,” he said as he drew back, grinning, “what about your reservations?”
“They’re our reservations—”
“You would miss them?”
“No. Yes.” Aaron’s hips had begun to roll up into him, barely detectable like it could’ve been the water beneath the boat. “I don’t know. I want to take you out.”
“But you want to get me naked more?”
“Yes,” he chuckled. “Okay? Yes.”
“You can say it.”
Aaron rolled harder, his voice a bit husky as he said, “I want to get you naked.”
“Why?” He pouted his lips, dodging when Aaron tried to kiss them. “Surely you have a reason?”
“Because I want to watch your face and watch your mouth telling me how good I feel. Telling me not to stop.”
Daniel narrowed the space between them to smile against Aaron’s mouth, sliding a palm over the bulge in his pants. “Keep going.” He yelped when Aaron flipped him to his back.
“Telling me you want me harder and harder.” Aaron drove into him. Speaking of harder…. “Until you can’t say it anymore. Until you’ve just come all the way undone in my arms. I can’t wait.”
Daniel nodded feverishly. God, where did he sign up? Was there an app or something? “Then don’t. Get me naked. Get me so naked, mister—”
The lights flipped on the same time someone yelled, “What the hell?”
Daniel’s heart slammed in his chest as he and Aaron scrambled out of bed to stare up at a house of a man with bulging biceps who clutched the hand of a younger guy tight and said, “Who the hell are you?”
“Uh.” Aaron yanked Daniel behind him. “This is my friend’s boat.”
“The fuck it is.” The guy’s eyes somehow got wider. “This is my boat.”
“No, I-I swear. His name’s Justin. Justin Whittemore.”
Muscle man’s eyebrows kneaded. “How do you know Justin?”
“Through, um, work.”
“That’s my husband.”
“Oh shit,” Aaron said, like they were about to get pulverized.
“Oh shit,” Daniel said, certain they were about to get pulverized.
Then Aaron turned to him with the saddest expression possible and whispered, “Forgive me.”
Daniel couldn’t get more confused. “What?”
“Gauge, right?” Aaron asked, spinning back around.
“Yeah,” Gauge answered with a skeptical squint. “Who’s asking?”
“Aaron Silva.”
Suddenly Gauge softened. He even smiled a little. “You’re Justin’s Aaron?”
Justin’s Aaron? Daniel wrung his fingers. He might be getting seasick.
“You’re married?” the younger guy asked, wiggling his hand free from Gauge’s.
Gauge whipped around to the other guy, alarm hazing his expression. “Uh. I was gonna tell you.”
“When?”
“Tonight. I was gonna tell you tonight. We have an open kind of thing.”
“An open kind of thing?” The guy’s skin splotched in red as he whirled for the stairs. “Son of a—again! Again with this shit.”
Gauge grabbed at his hand. “Aiden, hold on—”
Aiden slapped Gauge’s bare arm hard enough for everyone to flinch. “Forget my face, asshole, and lose my number.” He stomped up the stairs.
A stilted silence clung to the air like an old odor.
“Oh, and go all the way to hell,” Aiden yelled down.
More silence.
“Oh, and take your husband with you!”
Is he actually gonna leave, or…?
“Dammit,” Gauge whispered, shoving his hands in his pockets and stamping his foot. “I’ve been working on that dude all night. God, I probably spent a hundred bucks on drinks. And he’s all ‘Are you trying to get me drunk?’ No, not at all. Why would I want to speed things along when I could sit here all night long, listening to you talk about how many fucking followers you have?”
“I am so sorry about this,” Aaron said, ushering Daniel forward. “We’ll leave right now.”
“No, stay.” Gauge’s chuckle was morose as he extended his hand. “It’s not like I’ll need the damn boat tonight. Nice to meet you, Aaron. Never quite understood why Justin needed to pay for it, but that’s been made crystal clear. You look like a GQ cover.”
Aaron shot Daniel a tense glance over his shoulder as he took Gauge’s hand.
“And you are?” Gauge asked, reaching his hand toward him next.
Immediately leaving. Daniel smiled. Right this second. “Excuse me,” he whispered and wriggled past them. “I need some air.”
“Okay, let’s get you that.” Aaron followed him toward the stairs. “And maybe some more wine—”
Gauge snagged Aaron’s shoulder and held him back, whispering something in his ear. Then he turned to Daniel. “Hey, you don’t mind if I borrow this guy for a sec, do you?”
Aaron looked a bit shell-shocked, like he didn’t know what to say. “Oh, now’s probably not a good—”
“Just a little chat. It won’t take long. Please?” Gauge grinned sweetly up at Daniel as if it’d help facilitate his approval. Sweet but shameless. “Please? He’ll meet you upstairs.”
Suddenly both of them were staring up at him, awaiting his blessing. Of course you may proposition my boyfriend for sex! How terrific!
“Pfffft, totally.” His tone didn’t match his words, making him sound a little unstable, so he delivered a wimpy thumbs-up to convince them he wasn’t. “By all means, sirs. Good sirs.” Still unwell. “And by that, I mean, take your time.” It wasn’t getting better. He scurried up the stairs.
Once on deck, he heaved a gust of air and started pacing to offset some of the seasickness. What was he doing? Honestly. What the hell did he think he was doing? He didn’t have the neural network necessary to handle open husbands and GQ-escort boyfriends and Nauti Rhonda III—whatever happened to the goddamn first and second! He needed a sedative.
And this wasn’t Aaron’s friend’s boat. This was Aaron’s client’s boat. Aaron probably knew the tweak to get the shower to work, and which towels were for fancy nautical use and which ones were for other purposes. Cleanup purposes.
Queasy and parched, he balled his fingers into fists. He could run away? Swim?
“Hell yeah. I’ll give you a call.” Gauge’s voice carried up the stairs with his footsteps until Aaron shushed him. He asked quieter, “What? What’s wrong—oh, him? Sorry.”
When they arrived at the top, Daniel stood with his hands perched on his hips, smiling way too much.
Gauge shot Aaron a look. One that said, Better luck next time as he hopped onto the dock, whistling as he strolled away.
“Kid,” Aaron sighed. “I am so sorry you had to see that. I wouldn’t have even entertained talking to him, but since it’s his boat, I felt obligated—”
“Can you take me home?” asked Daniel, still a ball of sunshiny smiles. “I’d like to go home.”
Aaron’s forehead crinkled. “Home? But what about dinner?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Because you’re… upset?”
“Upset? Me?” He slapped both hands on his chest and laughed. “No! I’m fiiiiine.”
Aaron swallowed.
“I just wonder,” he said, laughing harder, his heart starting to whirl through beats, “if there shouldn’t be a shared calendar for these things. To eliminate confusion. Do you think Aiden would appreciate a shared calendar? Aiden with all the followers?”
“Daniel—”
“This isn’t going to work out.” Daniel whished his hands around the air. “It’s not going to work out, because I can’t handle it. I can’t even breathe. Oh my God.” He tested his breath, but it was ragged and seizing his chest. “I c-can’t breathe.”
He couldn’t. Or if he could, he definitely wasn’t. He wasn’t breathing.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Aaron’s eyes widened in alarm. “Hey—whoa. Sit for a second.”
“I can’t,” he panted as he scrambled for the dock. “Because I have to go.” Three. Two. One.
“Wait, what? Shit.” Aaron darted for his things. “Hold on.”
He couldn’t hold on. Three. Two. One. He had to leave and be alone so he could panic without Aaron seeing him and then he’d just die alone because to live was to panic and he didn’t want anyone seeing him! He sped down the dock with the opposite of a plan because he had no car either. Three. Two. One. He only had the sound of blood in his ears, pumping loud enough to muffle the sound of Aaron yelling at his back as he staggered through steps, failing to catch his breath.
Then everything got dark. Not because he’d fainted like he originally thought but because he’d been gripped into a hug. A strong hug with strong arms as Aaron crushed him into his chest. It was almost enough to steal what breath he did have, but it didn’t. For some reason, it started to steady him.
“In,” Aaron whispered with his lips pressed against his ear, his chest slowly expanding with air. “Out.”
Daniel whimpered.
“In.” It was so simple, and yet working like the sedative he needed. “Out.”
He hummed, trying to match Aaron’s breathing. His was still a little faster, but it was getting there.
“In, kid. Out.”
“Shit,” Daniel finally said after a minute or two, still hugging him. “Shit, I’m sorry. You probably think I’m nuts—”
“Don’t apologize.” Aaron shook his head. “It’s not your fault, and you’re not nuts. I think you just need food. Let’s go to dinner, mmkay?”
Daniel scraped his teeth over his lower lip as he released the hug to gaze up at blue ice. He parted his lips to speak.
“No,” Aaron said, cutting him off, reading his mind. “No, we’re not overthinking this. We’re going to dinner. Come on. Everything’s fine.”
Everything wasn’t fine. Daniel wasn’t built for someone who slept with other men for a living. That wasn’t him.
