Grown, p.22
Grown, page 22
“Good. Maybe someone will come forward soon so everyone can stop thinking it was me in the stupid video.”
Gab puts down her phone. “Girl.”
“What?”
She gives me a sharp glare. “Why are you still lying? You know it was you.”
We hold a stare, Gab emboldened and I . . . resolved. Because if I keep denying the memory, it’ll make it untrue.
Works for Grandma.
“It’s not me,” I say matter-of-factly and gaze into my cup of beet juice. I remember the blood . . .
I remember waking up to the sound of Korey screaming . . . the heavy footsteps as a man ran by my head.
I remember peering up from the floor, the room hazy, the taste of purple drink still on my tongue . . . seeing Korey on the bed, bleeding everywhere.
I remember him stretching and reaching for the knife lying between us.
I remember the fear, painted in memories, ripping through me . . . knowing if he reached that knife, he would kill me.
I remember wobbling to my feet, grabbing the knife, and plunging it into his chest.
I remember collapsing on the floor, covered in beet juice, and for the first time since I met him, feeling truly safe, before the world went black . . .
“Chanty, look at me!” Destiny says, calling me back as she attempts a cartwheel.
“Good job,” I cheer, and take a sip of beet juice.
Stuff is better than I thought.
Author’s Note
My first boyfriend was twenty-two years old; I was fifteen. The greatest secret I ever kept. It was exciting and invigorating to be considered so beautiful and adultlike. Everything a teen girl dreams of being seen as. But ultimately, I knew it wasn’t right—the sneaking around, the lying. Still, at that age, I should not have been the first to come to that conclusion. Although, I did go to a predominately white high school in Westchester and was in Jack and Jill, I want to be clear: This book is completely a work of fiction.
If you’ve read Allegedly or Monday’s Not Coming, you already know this book was inspired by a case . . . but this book is not about R. Kelly, nor is it a recount of his allegations.
This book is about the abuse of power. It’s about the pattern of excusing grown men for their behavior while faulting young girls for their missteps.
It’s about the blatant criticism of girls who were victims of manipulation. It’s about holding the right person accountable for the crime he committed. It’s about corporations attempting to silence victims and continuing to profit off the very monster they helped create.
About the individuals who were meant to protect and serve never believing victims in their moments of bravery. It’s about girls trying to defend themselves against the world and the possibility of similar situations happening to anyone . . . even to girls from two-parent households.
This book is not about R. Kelly. It’s about adults who know the difference between right and wrong. Because no matter where you stand on the issue . . . he knew better.
It is possible to have a loving relationship full of mutual respect and good intentions, like Gabriela’s. But if you ever feel you are in a situation like Enchanted, where you’re being used, threatened, sexually coerced, or you simply feel uncomfortable, please seek help right away. Tell your parents, one of your friend’s parents, a trusted teacher, or a relative.
RESOURCES
National Domestic Violence Hotline
www.thehotline.org
1-800-799-7233
The Hotline is the only 24/7 center in the nation that has access to service providers and shelters across the U.S.
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
www.nsvrc.org
“Our staff collects and disseminates a wide range of resources on sexual violence including statistics, research, position statements, statutes, training curricula, prevention initiatives, and program information. With these resources, we assist coalitions, advocates, and others interested in understanding and eliminating sexual violence.”
RAINN
www.rainn.org
“RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.”
ME TOO
metoomvmt.org
“The ‘Me Too’ movement supports survivors of sexual violence and their allies by connecting survivors to resources, offering community organizing resources, pursuing a ‘me too’ policy platform, and gathering sexual violence researchers and research. ‘Me Too’ movement work is a blend of grassroots organizing to interrupt sexual violence and digital community building to connect survivors to resources.”
Acknowledgments
First, I want to apologize to my family for learning about my high school double life with the rest of the world. LOL! Thank you for understanding and continuing to be immensely proud of me. To my grandma, I wish you were still here just so I can apologize again. To my Jack and Jill family, I gave you all a hard time, but real talk, you saved me.
But really, this book is all Stephanie Jones’s fault. There I was, minding my business and she just had to jump in my text and put the idea in my head. Mrs. Jones, I am so grateful for our budding friendship and cannot wait to see your books on the shelves one day!
To my beta readers, sensitivity readers, and blurbers . . . this wasn’t an easy book to write and it definitely wasn’t an easy one to read. I had so many doubts and insecurities, and I second-guessed myself the entire way. But you each took the time to respond to my questions and to hold me in my most vulnerable state. Thank you.
To Rachelle Baker, this cover . . . EPIC!! Thank you a million times over.
Huge shout-out to the publicity, marketing, School and Library, and design teams at HarperCollins. You all stepped up in a major way to support this book, and I’m excited to continue working together.
To Ben Rosenthal and Katherine Tegen, you continue to support every wild (read: insane) book idea I’ve had, without hesitation. I’m super grateful you took a chance on me when others wouldn’t. We make an excellent team.
Tanu Srivastava, you were the MVP during the Covid pandemic getting this book through its final days before print. I appreciate you!
Natalie Lakosil, the fact that I could sit on the beach and have a conference call with you in the middle of the work week is the best example of how you’ve changed my life for the better.
I feel like I should thank my therapist . . . because without her, I would not have been able to reconcile what happened to me and see that I am not my mistakes. So thank you for being so brilliant.
Proverbs 3:5–6 . . . Amen.
Last . . . MUTE MUTHERF*CKING R. KELLY!!!! www.muterkelly.org.
About the Author
Photo by Andrew Fennell
TIFFANY D. JACKSON is the critically acclaimed author of Allegedly, Monday’s Not Coming, and Let Me Hear a Rhyme. A Walter Dean Myers Honor Book and Coretta Scott King–John Steptoe New Talent Award winner, she received her bachelor of arts in film from Howard University, earned her master of arts in media studies from the New School, and has over a decade in TV and film experience. The Brooklyn native still resides in the borough she loves. You can visit her at www.writeinbk.com.
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Books by Tiffany D. Jackson
Allegedly
Monday’s Not Coming
Let Me Hear a Rhyme
Grown
White Smoke
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Copyright
Katherine Tegen Books is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.
GROWN. Copyright © 2020 by Tiffany D. Jackson. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Cover art © 2020 by Rachelle Baker
Cover design by Erin Fitzsimmons
* * *
Digital Edition SEPTEMBER 2020 ISBN: 978-0-06-284037-0
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-284035-6
* * *
2021222324PC/LSCH10987654321
FIRST EDITION
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Tiffany D. Jackson, Grown
