Super fly, p.1
Super Fly, page 1
To my little larva, Elle, who for some reason thinks I’m her superhero!
CONTENTS
1. Meet the Flysteins
2. The Flea Circus
3. Nice Flies Finish Last
4. Eugene’s First Friend
5. The Ultimo 6-9000
6. Crazy Like a Cockroach
7. The Fly Trap
8. Zero to Hero
9. Super Fly!
10. Crazy Days and Crazy Nights
11. Your Fly Is Down
12. World of Hurt
13. Super Fly Saves the World
14. Born to Fly
15. Back to School
1
Meet the Flysteins
Eugene Flystein lived at 851 Rumbling Rock Road with his parents, Dean and Maureen, and his little sister, Elle. The Flysteins had just moved into the neighborhood a few days before the new school year. Eugene was going to be in fourth grade; Elle would be in second.
Eugene was having a hard time with the move because he loved his old neighborhood. But he knew the move was necessary. Mr. Flystein had gotten a new job in the busy, bug-centric city of Stinkopolis, an insect community on the eastern edge of the city dump.
Eugene’s dad was a scientist, who earned his reputation by creating inventions. He was most famous for the “Poop-A-Rama,” which made everyday objects smell like, well, you know. It was the perfect appliance for any housefly household.
Eugene’s mom doted on her little Flysteins, making sure they kept their bedrooms extra filthy and that they ate a well-balanced diet of garbage and anything that stunk. Delicious!
Eugene Flystein (if the name doesn’t rhyme, you’re saying it wrong) wasn’t like most flies his age.
Flies typically hate books, but even at an early age Eugene Flystein loved to read. While the other neighborhood maggots were outside playing ball, Eugene was inside reading. Lord of the Flies was his favorite book.
Eugene’s other idea of fun was helping his dad work on new inventions. Eugene’s brain could solve any problem. Well, with the exception of flying. He was a terrible flyer. Have you ever heard of a fly that couldn’t fly? Of course not, it’s crazy! Other bugs picked on him because of it. No one really understood him, except Elle.
The thing about Elle was that she paid attention to the little things. She noticed when Eugene helped her with homework. She noticed when Eugene was nice to baby bugs in the dirt box. And she noticed when Eugene would help elderly bugs cross the street.
Elle also noticed that, for as smart as Eugene was, he hated being the new bug in school. He knew he just had to get through the first day, which is always the toughest. He and Elle were going to be attending Brown Barge Elementary, which was a brown pile of yuck floating in a broken toilet in the center of town. But that wasn’t happening until the next morning.
Tonight the Flysteins were going to the circus. And not just any circus . . . the FLEA CIRCUS!
2
The Flea Circus
Eugene’s parents had decided everyone needed a night out before the first day of school to calm their nerves, so they all went to see The Greatest Bug Show on Earth: The Fantastic Flea Circus!
Elle sat right next to Eugene so they could share a piece of stale popcorn with spoiled butter on top.
There were acrobat fleas swinging from the trapeze, daredevil fleas being shot out of cannons, and balancing fleas walking tightropes. There were trick fleas juggling and doing somersaults, clown fleas riding unicycles, and bouncing fleas doing tricks on trampolines. It was flea-tastic!
High-flying, death-defying, wondrous displays of acrobatics impressed Eugene and Elle. Their favorite performer was a little acrobat and trapeze artist that looked to be about the same age as Eugene.
“He’s just a kid!” shouted Eugene. “Can you imagine being that good at something at our age?”
“Yes, I can,” said Elle. “Because you’re already good at everything!”
Eugene smiled. Elle always said nice things like that, but he couldn’t see why she thought he was so great.
That night, just before Elle fell asleep, Eugene stuck his head in the door and said, “Good luck tomorrow, little sister.”
“Thanks,” said Elle. “And good luck to you tomorrow, big brother.”
That night they both dreamed they were part of the wonderful flea circus. Which is impossible because flies can’t be fleas, and there is no such thing as a fly circus.
But even flies can dream.
3
Nice Flies Finish Last
Eugene’s first day of school began on the bus, which smelled like stale corn chips and stinky armpits. Elle sat up front with some younger bugs while Eugene grabbed an empty seat near the back of the bus where the fourth and fifth graders sat. He’d just started designing a new robot, one that could do homework, when his morning took a turn for the worse.
“Hey, McFly! You’re in my seat!” boomed a voice from behind Eugene. Eugene turned to see the biggest, loudest, scariest cockroach he’d ever seen. There was no way this was a kid cockroach. He looked like a wrestler or a pro football player. He was huge!
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Eugene. “I sat here because no one was here.”
“That’s because I was busy throwing Sid Spider out the emergency doors at the back of the bus,” said the giant roach while cracking his forelegs.
After a moment of awkward silence, Eugene moved to a new seat, cramming in with some fruit flies.
“Oh my god, I love your outfit!” said a fashionably dressed fruit fly named Francine. “Don’t let that mean cockroach bother you. Cornelius C. Roach is the biggest bully in school. He doesn’t like anybody.”
“Hey, McFly!” Cornelius said, coming after Eugene again. “I wasn’t done talking to you.”
Before Eugene could blink, Cornelius had lifted him out of his seat by his wings and dangled the fly upside down out the window.
“Get ready for your head to be dunked in toilet water!” said the big bully bug.
“Put my brother down!” came a small voice. Eugene recognized it immediately as Elle’s.
“Who’s this pipsqueak?” asked Cornelius.
“Put him down or face my wrath!” declared Elle, and the whole bus howled with laughter. Fortunately for Eugene and Elle, the bus stopped abruptly. They had arrived at school. Cornelius pulled the terrified fly back into the bus.
“You got lucky this time, McFart!” said Cornelius. “I’ll be watching you and your little brat sister.” Cornelius stormed off the bus, pushing bugs down and shoving them aside as he went.
Eugene and Elle were the last two off the bus.
“Are you okay?” asked Elle.
“I’m fine, thanks,” said Eugene. “Let’s hurry or we’ll be late.” He helped Elle find her class before looking for his own.
Eugene beat the tardy bell to Mrs. Tiger Moth’s fourth-grade classroom, only to discover he was going to be stuck with Cornelius all year, who was sitting near the back of the room.
“Are you kidding me?” Eugene said under his breath. “That giant cockroach is only in fourth grade? What are they feeding him?” Eugene took a seat by the door, just in case he needed to make a quick getaway.
Mrs. Tiger Moth began calling roll.
“Precious Butterfly.”
“Here,” said Precious.
“Bubba Beetle.”
“Here,” said Bubba.
“Carlos Caterpillar.”
“Present,” said Carlos.
“Reed Centipede.”
“Yo,” said Reed.
“Cornelius C. Roach.”
“Cornelius C. Roach.”
“Cornelius C. Roach.”
Cornelius didn’t answer because he was too busy giving Eugene the stink-eye. Eugene pretended not to notice.
Later that same day in gym class, Coach Caterpillar decided to start the year with a weight-lifting competition to test everyone’s strength. Eugene knew he wouldn’t be the strongest bug in class, but he hoped to be somewhere in the middle where he could blend in and go unnoticed.
Cornelius went first and everyone cheered him on, mostly because they were afraid of what he’d do to them if they didn’t. Of course the King Kong of roaches came in first place. He barely beat Andy Ant, but that’s because ants are really strong for their size.
Eugene came in last. Dead last. He couldn’t even lift the bar. This day was turning up roses for Eugene—meaning it was horrible, because flies hate the smell of flowers.
“Great job, Cornelius!” said Eugene, hoping that if he was nice, Cornelius might cut him some slack.
“Shut up, nerd, before I crack you like a walnut!” said Cornelius.
Eugene thought it was a reasonable request if it kept him from being pummeled. As they lined up to go back to class, Cornelius snatched Eugene’s “Top-Secret Robot Notebook” right out of his hands.
“Hey, give me back my notebook!” said Eugene.
“No,” said the cockroach, thumbing through the notebook. “This thing is great. A robot that eats your vegetables, a robot that does your laundry, a robot that pushes everything under your bed.”
“That’s a Clean My Room Robot,” Eugene interjected.
“Whatever. Here’s a robot that has a pizza oven in its butt. I love this! It’s mine!”
Cornelius scuttled down the hall with Eugene’s notebook.
“When will I ever learn?” Eugene thought out loud. “Nice flies always finish last.”
4
Eugene’s First Friend
The
“Hey, I know you,” said Eugene. “You’re with the flea circus! My family loves the flea circus, and you’re my sister’s favorite!” Eugene didn’t mention that Fred was also his favorite. It just didn’t feel right.
“I’m glad you enjoyed the show,” said Fred.
Eugene couldn’t stop smiling, and he couldn’t wait to tell Elle!
Mrs. Tiger Moth asked Fred to introduce himself to the class. He explained that he was late because he’d spent the morning helping his family pack up the flea circus. It would open again in the spring, but starting today Fred was a student like everyone else.
Everyone liked him right away. Everyone except Cornelius.
“You look like a runt if you ask me!” laughed the ginormous cockroach.
“I’m a flea,” said Fred. “A normal-size flea.”
“I bet you smell like a dog!” joked Cornelius.
“Probably,” said Fred. “The circus travels by dog.”
“Are you trying to be funny, Frank?” asked Cornelius.
“It’s not Frank; it’s Fred,” said Fred. “And I’m not funny, but the clowns in our circus are hilarious. Why don’t you see a show sometime? I’ll get you a friend discount.”
“I’m not your friend,” replied Cornelius. “I would never be friends with a tick.”
“I’m a flea,” said Fred. “Ticks are much bigger and fatter.”
“Hey! We’re plump, not fat!” cried Todd Tick from the back of the room.
“Whatever! I wouldn’t go to a flea circus if you paid me a million bucks!” shouted Cornelius. “Flea circuses are boring. Fleas are boring. And you, Floyd Flea, are the most boring flea in the world!”
“It’s Fred,” said Fred.
“Your name is whatever I decide to call you,” said Cornelius. “And today your name is Frannie!”
And no one said a word, because even though they liked Fred, no one—not even Ted Tarantula, who was poisonous and bigger than Cornelius—had the courage to stand up to Cornelius.
In gym class that day, Coach Caterpillar split the class into two sides for dodge ball. Eugene was on Fred’s team. Cornelius was on the other. It didn’t take long for Cornelius to hit Eugene with the ball, knocking him out of the game. Again, Eugene wasn’t the most athletic of bugs. But every time Cornelius threw the ball at Fred, he jumped out of the way. Soon the game was down to just two players: the giant roach and the normal-size flea.
The more Fred dodged, the angrier Cornelius got. After fifteen minutes of throwing the ball as hard as he could, Cornelius hunched over, exhausted, and Fred bounced the ball off the roach’s head, ending the game. Eugene and Fred slapped high five with their teammates after their side won.
“I called time-out. I wasn’t ready,” Cornelius said.
“I didn’t hear you call time-out,” said Fred.
“That’s because you have small ears!” screamed the roach. “If I say I called timeout, Fergus, I called time-out!”
“Well, maybe you should talk louder next time,” said Fred. “And it’s Fred, not Fergus.”
“That’s it! It is on,” yelled Cornelius, as he headed straight toward Fred.
Just then, Coach Caterpillar blew his whistle and told the students to get ready to go back to class.
“You’re mine, Ferris Flea!” howled Cornelius. “You and Billie Jean Epstein will know a world of hurt!”
“Billie Jean Epstein?” asked Fred.
“I think that’s me,” said Eugene.
They laughed.
They sat together at lunch and talked, and Eugene learned that Fred Flea wasn’t one of those bugs that thought being smart makes you a nerd. Fred was one of those bugs that thought smart flies like Eugene were cool.
That was the day Eugene Flystein and Fred Flea became friends. Pest friends.
5
The Ultimo 6-9000
That afternoon, back at the Flystein house, Eugene showed Fred some of his inventions. The Diapermatic 5000 was a self-changing diaper machine for moms, while the Booger Regenerator 789-A turned boogers into frozen pizzas that could be served to bugs in school cafeterias all over the world.
Fred was amazed with Eugene’s creativity and his passion to change the world.
Then Eugene told Fred about his best invention yet: the Ultimo 6-9000. It was a machine that increased your abilities, like physical strength and intelligence, by 9,000 times! And it only took about six seconds to work (hence the name 6-9000), give or take a few seconds depending on things like temperature and body mass. The Ultimo 6-9000 would even the playing field against Cornelius if he threatened them again.
“Are you planning on going up against him?” asked Fred.
“Well, I don’t think I have a choice. What if he would have hurt you today?” said Eugene.
Eugene showed Fred the Ultimo 6-9000, but to Fred, it didn’t look like a high-tech gadget at all. And that’s because it wasn’t. In fact, it looked exactly like a piece of key lime pie. The Ultimo 6-9000 could be hidden in plain sight and no one would ever suspect a thing.
It looked so real and delicious that it took Fred all the willpower he had not to eat it. Fred wasn’t sure if Eugene was a genius, a lunatic, or a future lunch lady.
The next day Eugene was suspicious when Cornelius wasn’t on the school bus. Gossip traveled fast at Brown Barge, and the word in the hallways was that Cornelius was looking to settle the score with Eugene and Fred once and for all.
“He’s out for blood,” said Susie Spider.
“I’m always out for blood,” said Monica Mosquito.
“I heard he’s going to make them smell their own farts,” said Frankie Firefly.
But Cornelius was nowhere to be found.
Later, Mrs. Tiger Moth was showing her students an educational film on the digestive systems of flies when she told the class she needed to step out for a moment to use the restroom. Eugene and Fred didn’t think twice about it; tiger moths are known to have small bladders. But Eugene was surprised that within a few seconds, the door opened again.
He knew that something wasn’t right. He could feel it in his exoskeleton. He smelled something awful, and this time it wasn’t his mom’s cooking.
Cornelius C. Roach stood in the doorway. “Listen up, maggots!” yelled Cornelius as he flipped on the light switch. “The movie is over! Now who wants to see a live match of ultimate bug crunching?”
Before anyone could blink, the crazed cockroach had already picked up Eugene by his head and was squeezing it.
“Oh no!” said Eugene. “Quick, Fred, there’s pie in my backpack!”
Fred knew instantly what Eugene really wanted. He grabbed Eugene’s backpack off his desk and began frantically searching for the Ultimo 6-9000. If he could just throw it at Eugene—and if Eugene could taste even a little bit of it—then it would increase his strength 9,000 times!
In the meantime, Cornelius was using Eugene to erase the chalkboard.
“Fred!” cried Eugene. “A little help? There’s only one piece of pie in my backpack!”
“I’m on it!” said Fred.
Fred found the Ultimo 6-9000 under some comic books in Eugene’s backpack.
“Get ready to be exterminated, you stinking cockroach!” said Fred.
“Now,” said Eugene. “My brain feels like mashed potatoes! Throw it at me now!”
Fred aimed and threw the Ultimo 6-9000 right at Eugene’s head.
But Cornelius spun around at the last second, and the key lime pie hit him smack dab in his face. Oops.
The plan backfired! Cornelius was about to get 9,000 times more powerful.
