An unlikely alliance, p.18
An Unlikely Alliance, page 18
Rider nodded, but he didn’t like the answer. How could Jalissa know he cared when he’d just now figured it out? “I’ll think about what you said.”
“Sure. And I’ll be praying this meeting with your uncle goes well.”
Rider had been doing just that since the moment he saw the text from Jalissa. His uncle had readily agreed, but still, what would come of the meeting? Would all parties really receive closure, or would Rider be left to pick up the pieces of heartache and bitterness?
Chapter Twenty-One
The heater blew steadily in Jalissa’s face as she navigated the gravel driveway leading to Jay Rider’s home. Although October had its warm days, a cold front had come through last night and thrown them straight into fall. Hopefully the sweater she wore would keep the chill of the thirty-degree drop away.
Her conversation with her mother had quieted as soon as Jalissa made the turn off the main road. Now the only sound filling the inside of her hatchback was the crunching of rocks under the tires.
She missed Flo. She’d thought about bringing her companion for moral support, but it seemed pretentious to assume Jay would welcome her four-legged friend again. Especially since Rider wasn’t here as a buffer. He’d offered to come and support Jalissa and her mom, but she just couldn’t see him yet. It was bad enough they would have to work together for the fund-raiser next week.
Finally, she put the car in Park and turned to face her mom. “You ready?”
“It will be all right, mija. God has worked out the details, hmm?”
“Right,” Jalissa muttered. She wasn’t so sure He had—nevertheless, she’d been praying He would.
I really want this to go well, Lord. I’m not sure I see how it can though. But Rider says You care about the small things, so obviously You know how big this is for us. Please, work out the small details, as Mamí believes You will. As I want to believe. Help my unbelief.
Jalissa got out of the car and rounded the front. She opened the latch on the gate, motioning for her mother to go first. Soon they stood on the front porch, and Jalissa’s stomach somersaulted as if she’d taken a ride on the tilt o’ whirl at the Bluebonnet spring fair.
After knocking, they waited a few moments before someone opened the door. Jay filled the door frame, lines etched in his forehead, as if he was nervous. Was it bad that Jalissa hoped he was? Why should she and Mamí be the only ones in turmoil? Well, just Jalissa—her mother looked cool as a cucumber.
Jalissa cleared her throat. “Mr. Rider, this is my mother, Yesenia Tucker. Mamí, this is Rider’s uncle Jay.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Tucker.” Jay shook Mamí’s hand. “Please come in.”
They headed for the living room, where Jalissa took a seat next to her mother on the sofa. She willed her leg not to shake or any other part of her body to give a sign of nervousness. She’d done a lot of praying and deep breathing exercises this morning, hoping to stave off another panic attack.
Her mother slid a hand in hers, and Jalissa squeezed it.
“Thank you for having us, Mr. Rider. My daughter told me a little of what you shared with her.” Mamí paused.
Lord, please give her the words. Please comfort her.
“I’d like to hear it from you, in private.”
“What?” Jalissa stared at her mother. “I have questions, too,” she whisper-shouted.
“Mija,” her mother murmured, “you need to forgive. But I—” she placed a hand on her chest “—I need to know my husband’s last moments. We do not share the same problems. You can talk to Mr. Rider when I am done.”
Jalissa nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay. Her mother’s tone held no censure, but Jalissa felt convicted all the same.
Jay stood. “We can talk in the backyard, if that’s okay?”
“Yes. That will be fine.”
Mara walked in. “Oh, I got distracted with a phone call. I’m Mara, Jeremy’s aunt.” They made another round of introductions, then Jay brought his wife up to speed. As Jay and Jalissa’s mother left the room, Mara took a seat on the recliner near Jalissa.
“How are you doing, honey?”
Jalissa shrugged. “I’m not sure I know.”
“I’ve had similar moments.” Mara sighed. “There are usually so many emotions going on at once, it’s hard to sift through them to answer a seemingly simple question of how you’re doing, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” That was exactly it. How could she admit how angry she was that her mother and Jay seemed to have come out of the event unscathed when Jalissa had been tortured by it? Losing her dad had uprooted her and left her altered forever. It wasn’t fair to claim her mother hadn’t experienced the same thing, but she’d found a peace Jalissa struggled to find to this day.
“I was shocked to discover Jay’s involvement in your father’s death.” Mara’s lips turned downward. “It was before I met him and after Jeremy and Rebecca moved to Bluebonnet. He kept this closely guarded.” Mara met Jalissa’s eyes. “It’s hard to love a person who holds everything so close to the heart.”
“I can’t imagine. I haven’t really had many relationships.” Not when she’d been working so hard to prevent the hurt that could ensue.
“Hmm. You seem like the type to hold secrets until you deem someone worthy enough. You may be more like my Jay than you’ll ever know.”
Her stomach tensed. “Are you saying I could have done something like that?”
“Oh, no.” Mara waved her hands. “No. Not at all. I don’t mean the Jay of that night. I mean who he is now. It took a lot for him to tell you what happened. Then he did it again when Jeremy came back.”
“Rider—I mean, Jeremy—came back? When?” And why? Was he upset on her behalf? Or upset that his uncle wasn’t as perfect as he’d assumed?
“That same night. He and Jay went outside and talked for a while. Jay didn’t divulge what was said. He’s good like that. Likes to hold confidences to ensure people he’s a safe place to unload any issues they’re having.”
A safe place.
How ironic. Her dad had died because Jay wanted to be a hero. Now he was being a hero as some uncertified counselor. Jalissa stared down at her hands, knowing anger would show on every facial feature. The tightness in her jaw clenched her teeth until they felt like they could break from the pressure of her clamping them together. She drew in a breath then exhaled.
One...two...three...four...five...six...
She should have brought Flo. If at least to have something to do with her hands besides popping knuckles and pulling on fingers.
“Are you angry with your husband?” Jalissa bit down on her tongue, mad that she’d asked the one question mulling around since Mara confessed she’d had no prior knowledge of Jay’s involvement.
“I was.”
Jalissa’s head shot up. “Not anymore?” What was it about others that they could so easily forgive offenses? Why was she the only one hung up on the past?
“Now I think I’m more hurt than angry. Hurt he didn’t think he could tell me. Hurt he kept this a secret all these years. And I hurt for you and your mom.”
“But you forgave him?”
“I did.”
“Why?” Her throat ached with unshed tears.
“He’s my husband, Jalissa. Not only that, but God calls us to forgive. How could I hold that from Jay if God will not?”
Conviction knocked loud and clear, like the birds singing outside her window on a summer’s day. Jalissa had never even attempted to forgive the man who had gotten her father killed. Now that she knew who he was, forgiveness had remained the furthest thing in her mind.
What did that say about her? And what did God think about her attitude?
A tear dropped into her lap, and Jalissa brushed it away.
“It’s okay to be angry, Jalissa. It’s expected. But the question is, what will you do with that emotion? Will you feed it until it’s spread into every crevice of your being, making you unrecognizable to even yourself? Or will you turn it over to God and let Him show you how to respond?”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“Then tell Him. He’ll take it from there. He’s just waiting for you to reach out.”
Jalissa nodded, but inside, her thoughts were more complicated than making her head bob up and down. Forgiveness seemed too kind of an act to give someone who had taken everything from her. Who’d made her family smaller and filled her with daily anxiety to battle.
“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”
Her stomach churned as the Bible verse scrolled in her mind. If she called herself a believer, should being unkind even be in her repertoire of behaviors? Jalissa knew the answer. It was a knowledge that was instinctive, easy, considering how many sermons she’d heard, how many times she’d read the Bible and all the time spent at Vacation Bible School.
But her gut instinct wanted to shout against the command and continue the path she’d been living for the last fifteen years.
* * *
Sometimes one had to take a risk. Rider could only pray showing up at Jalissa’s house for a walk wouldn’t backfire on him. Pongo stared up at him as if to ask, where is she? Rider didn’t want to knock again if she had chosen to sleep in but didn’t want to walk away if she simply hadn’t heard him, either. He rubbed his hands together as he weighed the pros and cons.
Just as he decided to knock again, the door opened.
“Rider?”
“Morning, Jalissa.”
Her head jerked in a—nod?—he couldn’t tell.
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought we could go for a walk.” He slid his hands into his gym shorts pockets.
She studied Pongo, then her gaze flitted to his. “All right. Give me a minute.”
His shoulders dropped with relief, and he fought the grin that wanted to emerge. He didn’t want to scare her off, because she wore enough caution signs to slow down traffic county-wide.
Rider walked toward the street. “Think she’ll open up on our stroll, boy?”
Pongo barked.
“I’ll take that as a yes. I need positive thinking right now.”
Pongo’s tongue lolled out.
The sound of the door shutting pulled him from his one-sided conversation with his dog. He watched as Jalissa and Flo made their way down the walkway. He pulled his foot up behind him, stretching his quad.
“We going to start slow, or do you need to speed walk and get some frustration out?” he asked.
“Let’s start slow. I had a rough night, and I’m still waking up.”
He dropped his foot. “Did I wake you?” Great. Off to a bad start already.
“No. I’ve been up for a half hour, hoping I’d fall back asleep.” She shrugged. “Maybe exercise will clear the cobwebs.”
“Then lead the way.”
Jalissa started down the street as Rider kept pace. He focused on his footsteps so he wouldn’t be tempted to fill the silence right away. But he desperately wanted to know how she was doing, especially since she’d mentioned a bad night’s sleep.
“What are your plans for the day?” Jalissa asked.
“Uh... I’m going to see Sean later. He wanted to catch a movie.”
“That sounds fun. Is there a good one out?”
Since when did they talk about superficial stuff? Then again, hanging with his SAFE pal was important to him. “No, but the theater has the throwback movies program, where they play old releases for a dollar. We’ll go to one of those. Sean will pay for our tickets, and I’ll pay for snacks.”
“Whose idea was it to split the cost?”
“His, but I offered to buy snacks. Once he realized I’d be paying the most, it was too late for him to argue.”
“That was smart of you.”
“I can be that sometimes.” He winked, mentally patting himself on the back when she blushed.
“Ha.”
The sound of their footsteps hitting pavement soothed some of his nervousness. This was Jalissa. They had a good rapport. He didn’t have to think the situation to death. If she shot him down when he asked her out, he’d survive.
Will you really? Because he didn’t want only one date. He wanted more.
“I heard you talked to your uncle about everything.”
He almost stumbled. What was she talking about? “About you and your mom?”
“No. About my father and your uncle’s involvement.”
“Oh. Yeah.” He nodded, on track with her comment. “I went back after dropping you off that night.”
Jalissa said nothing for a moment, so when she spoke, it sent goose bumps up Rider’s arms. “Was that hard for you?”
“It was, actually.” He glanced at her, then faced forward. “I never imagined he’d be involved in something like that. I’m not sure what he told y’all when you spoke, but the person he used to be was very different from the man who helped me through high school.”
“Yeah. Your aunt said something similar.”
“Do you believe it?”
“Well, you see, my mom wanted to talk to him alone. By the time she was done, I got the feeling he didn’t want to talk anymore, so I left.”
That wasn’t like her. She usually pushed until she got the desired result. “Why didn’t you speak with him?”
“I talked to your aunt about emotions and dealing with forgiveness.” She shrugged. “I guess I tried to take a step in the right direction. The questions I have won’t bring my father back. More than likely, they would just fuel the anger I’ve been harboring over the years.” Jalissa looked at him. “I don’t want to be angry anymore.”
Rider stopped, stunned by her admission. “You don’t?”
“I don’t.”
This was it. His chance. He cleared his throat. “Even with me?”
She tilted her head. “We’re friends now. I stopped being angry with you a while ago.”
“Good.” He took a step forward. “Because I’d like to take you out on a date.”
Jalissa’s eyes widened, and she took a step back.
Not a good sign. He paused, forgetting the rest of the words he’d planned on saying. He’d thought she’d be a little hesitant, but the look on her face spoke measures beyond hesitation.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Do you not like me like that?” He hated the insecurity in his voice, reminiscent of his high school years, but he had to know.
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?” He tried to keep his tone calm and even despite the hammering of his heart.
“You put your life on the line every time you answer a call.” She gulped. “I can’t say yes to a date knowing that. Not to mention my less-than-cordial feelings toward your uncle.”
“So now you’re judging me based on one firefighter instead of the whole fleet of us?” He winced inwardly. That was a low blow. She’d been honest enough, vulnerable, even. Why did he have to revert back to caveman behavior?
She stepped back. “I’m sorry.”
Sorry. Seemed like that was the story of his life. He never measured up and was always found wanting. He swallowed down any retorts. Pongo came up next to him, nudging his hand.
“I think I’ll head back home, Jalissa.”
“Rider—”
He shook his head, turned around and moved into a sprint. Maybe he could outrun the rest of his feelings if he was fast enough.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Why did things always go wrong at the last minute? Jalissa ended the call and dropped her head into her hands. One of the bachelors had been in a car accident. Overall, he was okay, but he’d suffered a broken leg and was set to have surgery tomorrow. Which meant they were a bachelor short. Whom could she find on such short notice to fill the slot?
The auction was at seven. Jalissa would have to open the community center doors around five to give the teens a chance to decorate. Getting the SAFE kids and the other Bluebonnet teens involved had been a blessing. Plus, it saved on up-front costs.
She opened her notebook full of auction notes. As she scanned the list of people helping and those up for auction, her mind remained empty of solutions.
Lord God, what do I do? I don’t have anyone else to call.
She opened her text messages and pulled Rider’s name up. Her finger hovered over the keyboard as she remembered the expression on his face when she’d said she wouldn’t go on a date. He hadn’t been heartbroken, but it was obvious her answer caused enough visceral reaction for him to run away like that. As much as she’d wanted to give him a different answer, she couldn’t do that to him or herself. He deserved to be with a person who didn’t have any baggage and wouldn’t hate someone in his family.
She hadn’t heard a word from him the past two days and had been absolutely miserable. Part of her just wanted to say yes, she’d go on a date with him. Anything to get him back in her life. Yet how could she when she was still terrified to lose him?
Well, you don’t have him now, do you?
Regardless, she needed to let him know about the minus-one-bachelor situation.
Jalissa: Bachelor #10 was in a car accident. He’s okay but needs surgery. Who can fill his spot? Any suggestions?
Rider: I’ll do it.
Her mouth dropped. How could he even consider doing that? He wasn’t free—
You turned him down. Plus, they’d never actually dated.
Her heart pounded in her chest. Why had she never contemplated how it would feel to see him date someone else? She swallowed.
Jalissa: Fine. That works.
Her fingers flew across the screen, then she sent another message.
Jalissa: Are you sure you want to?
Why did you ask that?
Rider: Do I have a reason not to?
