The fear makers, p.24
The Fear Makers, page 24
I asked how soon I was to be sent to Boston.
He said, “We’ll inform you.”
More than anyone, Megassum had done it. He was responsible. It was the last pitch; I’d missed. I didn’t eat the lunch that wasn’t brought. I went through the fluoroscope routine. I tried to coöperate. These people were doing a job. They hadn’t shoved me into the iron room.
No one called during visiting hours. I wondered if I’d be permitted to see Elizabeth before they shipped me to Boston. Perhaps they were afraid I’d go into convulsions or have the maniac symptoms. To me, Megassum had done this. I’d come home and taken off my gun and walked into it with arms down, listening to all that law and order talk from Senator Walder.
Along about 1600 hours I was surprised. Colonel Rolland returned. For the first time, he was smiling, too. In a way, perhaps it was because he was relieved, being able to do something and make it easier for me. The Lieutenant was with him; and the Major. You know how it is when people are doing someone a favor. Before they said anything I knew it.
I can’t ever express how I felt, just knowing.
Something had happened. A cog had slipped. The iron room was going to be opened. I could get out.
I waited and watched them all grinning and I knew it, and it was like having something come apart inside me.
They said all those encouraging words.
The Major stated, “It may do him good, improve his attitude in general.”
I thanked them.
Even the Lieutenant became a shade cordial.
I was trying not to show how much I felt about it. To be pleased at the favor was fine, but it had to be on the normal level. They couldn’t suspect. They mustn’t know how it actually was, having everything coming apart inside.
They were having themselves a secret, too, otherwise they must have suspected it was more than ordinary excitement, no matter how hard I was trying. The Lieutenant said, “He doesn’t deserve it.” The Major made a crack about some people having all the luck. The Colonel smiled grimly, pleased with himself.
Ordinarily I might have asked what the secret was they were hiding.
This time I was intent on what I had; they were intent on what they had. I dressed. In the bathroom I slapped cold water on my face. I looked at the mirror before going out. I wanted to be sure. I was scared it showed on my face. I was afraid they’d notice.
It was lucky they were so intent on what they had.
You know that hospital. It has all the corridors and halls. It is the original maze. I appreciated the fact they allowed me to walk. It was like being on the last holiday. I could have all the candy this one time.
They were holding in their secret. About halfway down the corridor, I said I’d like to take a taxi or a bus. I’d like to go home myself without being carted there in something from the hospital.
We’d stopped just before the door. The Major and the Lieutenant bunched up together, waiting. Colonel Rolland said, “Before you go, Allen, I want you to understand. I’m taking the responsibility. I’ve assured these officers you will report tomorrow morning at ten o’clock.” He paused. He smiled, adding, “You’ll have time for a good sleep. No early reveille. But you’ll be here. You understand?”
This was the part that was tougher than I’d anticipated.
To my knowledge, I’d never lied to him. This time I didn’t lie although I answered him.
Over at the other side, more cheerfully than I knew he could speak, the Lieutenant said, “Even if we find you have a tumor, Captain, I believe we can guarantee one more day won’t kill you. You don’t have to worry about not being here, then—”
Both of the medicos shook my hand. Afterwards the Colonel said, “You won’t need to take a taxi or bus. Out there in the reception room you have a friend waiting to see you.”
The Lieutenant unbent all the way and smiled enough to look foolish. “Fact is, she’s been waiting since three. Felt sorry for her. Brave little girl.”
The Colonel gave the Lieutenant a cold look before continuing, “Please apologize to her for us regarding the delay. I’ve explained to her she could take you home.”
I shut the door behind me, walking along into the reception room. I saw Elizabeth sitting in one comer. She wasn’t alone.
I walked in between three or four officers who were just standing.
She turned to them and said, “Thank you, very much.”
All of them stood, even the thin officer with one leg and the crutches. They were still standing when we walked out. Elizabeth told me, “I did not mind waiting, really. They were all so very nice.”
CHAPTER XIV
Elizabeth said, “After your Colonel explained to me that you might be able to come home for tonight, the tall lieutenant stayed almost all the time with me. He was very kind. He explained about the hospital.”
I must have put more emphasis in my reply than I intended, because she started smiling again, the green eyes amused. We were proceeding around that curve of lane from the reception room to the winding drive, and two officers approached. They came up to us; they stopped. They stopped dead. We went on by and I glanced back and they were still stopped, looking back.
We crossed the drive. Elizabeth said the car was parked below. She said she’d taken mine. We went down the brick steps and she asked anxiously, “Do you not like my hair this way?”
I tried for a reply and everything came into my throat and I was afraid I’d break apart again. I said it quick; yes, I liked her hair fine.
The convertible was parked in the semicircle. Just before entering Elizabeth asked anxiously, “And my dress please?” All around for me she turned, tipping her head to one side. The earth paused in its circle. The wind held its breath. The trees leaned over closer.
She said, “I spent all morning trying to purchase another sea-green evening gown. This is all they had in the sea-green color. Do you not like it? Please like it, darling.”
I said she hadn’t found the evening dress in her Ford? She hadn’t returned for her Ford, where we’d left it?
She said, “Norman went for it. The Ford—” She stopped. “It is nothing.”
I asked did they smash it? They’d ruined the Ford and the dress? She turned away.
I looked at Elizabeth in her new dress. It was beautiful. You know how it is when one wants desperately to say something. I couldn’t. I said, yes; I liked her dress.
Elizabeth asked would I drive? I replied I’d as lief she did, if she didn’t mind. Instead of turning south when we departed from the grounds, Elizabeth turned north on Georgia. I decided she was probably taking the Silver Springs and Chillum Road to Hyattsville. I wanted the extra time. I hadn’t realized how it would be, seeing Elizabeth again.
She drove through Sligo, and in about fifteen minutes we were in Maryland country. It was early evening. Trees were turning green. Cows were meandering over the fields. She swung right into a lane. We passed across an old bridge before she stopped under the willows. Along the wooden fence, honeysuckle was out, filling the air with sweetness She thrust out her underlip. She scowled. “If you do not like my new dress and how my hair is done—” She folded her hands in her lap. She stared straight ahead.
I asked Elizabeth didn’t she know how long I’d been waiting? Maybe afterwards she understood what I’d tried to say about her hair and the dress and everything else…
Unexpectedly a truck swept down past us, from over the hill. That truck driver didn’t have to shout as he went by. We wouldn’t have noticed the truck. It would have been something inanimate, of steel and wheels, going by quickly. The shout broke into all we had of the green hills and the sky and ourselves. Elizabeth was embarrassed. She smoothed her hair. She drew away, pulling the coat about her.
I said we’d never find a home together. Only in a home was there privacy.
Quickly she said, “We do not have to return to the Weils’. We will find some place together for tonight and eat by ourselves?”
She switched on the dashboard lights. “We still have one-half of your tank filled with gasoline. It is very wrong, I know, to waste gasoline. Tonight, I do not think I care, do you? Tonight I do not think I care for anything, except that you are with me.”
In the hospital I’d wanted nothing more than one chance to escape the iron room in order to reach Megassum and give him the opportunity of proving to me he hadn’t killed Clark, and of saying where he’d stanched Loder.
Now I had all the honeysuckle of an evening and my girl wasn’t a classified government economist any more but someone special, having shining long hair to be tousled, wearing a dress not made to keep her warm but made to inspire the soldier who’d been dreaming long of such a girl and such a night to keep her warm…
= 2 =
I said tonight it was necessary for me to go to the Weils’.
Presently, she started the car. She hit the Cool Spring Road, driving in a hurry. She tried talking, as if everything was still fine. She said it was a pleasant evening for so early in March. I said it was a pleasant evening. It was difficult to talk. I sat there, next to Elizabeth, this pleasant evening roaring by, thinking about Megassum, wondering where he’d be tonight. Probably, at home. He had a home. He’d be at his home. First, I’d try his home.
She said, “Dr. Nathan is back for tonight.”
I said, “Oh.” Then I said, “Dr. Nathan?”
The hills were sharp and dark on each side of the road and a velvet night sky craved above us.
She said, “Tomorrow he is going away for a week. He came for his bags.”
I said I’d see him then, wouldn’t I?
She said, “Yes, you will see him.”
She drove across the Pike.
I said he’d tried to see me, yesterday. Did she know? Did he tell her?
She said, “No. He did not tell me.”
She stopped in front of the Weils’ house and for a minute or so we didn’t move or leave.
She said, “Allen?”
I said it was all right. We would have other nights. I knew we would. We’d be on a magic beach with mountains behind us and a sea in front, and we’d stay there and not do anything and rest and lie under the sun. That was coming.
She opened the door on her side; she didn’t wait for me. She ran to the house. By the time I arrived in the hall, all the others were there except Dr. Nathan. Aunt Petroushka was beaming; she had on her solid, indestructible look once more, and she said Colonel Rolland had telephoned the good news.
“It is such a pleasure,” she said.
Dinner was ready. We sat at the table and had chicken in a paprika sauce and I tried to eat and I wasn’t hungry. Dr. Nathan descended and he shook hands with me and stated how well I appeared to him. Something about him had changed; his face was sallower, and that contrasted with the new clothes he was wearing. He had on a new checked suit, the pants too short. He was wearing a soft collar.
From the other end of the table, Norman wryly observed, “Captain, perhaps you will be able to persuade Dr. Nathan to tell us of his wonderful new position. It is very mysterious.”
Dr. Nathan shoved his spectacles higher on his nose. “It is most imbortant, what I am doing now.”
I’d guess he was a little drunk.
We had everything one might ask for at that dinner, and still something was wrong. I don’t know what it was. Aunt Petroushka would talk and suddenly stop talking and silence would come in. Norman might say a word. Across from me, Elizabeth hardly touched her food.
Dr. Nathan opened a bottle of wine and drank a couple of glasses and he began talking about the situation in Europe and he talked about what he hoped would happen when peace came. Once, Aunt Petroushka asked sharply, “You will permit him also to go without punishment? So?”
“He, too, his bunishment will have.” Dr. Nathan unsteadily pushed back his plate, his eyes wandering all about the table as if he were attempting to find a face he knew. “It is not necessary that others themselves hurt by inflicting the bunishment. You will see.” He got up to his great height and stepped away from the table and came back and placed a warm, moist, flabby hand on my shoulder and said, “I came yesterday to see you, my friend. Did you know?”
Norman had arisen.
I said, yes; I knew. I was sorry visitors hadn’t been allowed yesterday.
“Tomorrow, also I come to see you, my friend. I will have a talk with you, blease. Most imbortant. Officially I say, it is—”
Norman slipped his arm through Dr. Nathan’s and to the rest of us said, “Will you excuse us, please? Come, Dr. Nathan…”
Next, Elizabeth ran her hand across her forehead and in a pale voice asked if we would mind very much if she went to her room. She said, “I am so sorry. I will see you tomorrow morning, Allen?”
So the three sisters and I had a dessert. It was fruitcake, about a mile high, upon which had been poured chilled whipped cream, spiced. On any other occasion I’d have liked it. I think all three of them must have known, must have guessed how it was.
They accompanied me to the stair landing and I thanked them and they smiled and they were sweet and good and kind and at the top of the stairs I said once again they never would know how much I was beholden to them. Norman’s and Dr. Nathan’s doors were shut.
For a minute or so, I waited by the attic door.
I listened. I thought of going up to her and explaining this was my only chance tonight to see Megassum. Perhaps she’d understand. I didn’t know. Nobody ever knew. Nobody ever could foresee anything. I’d given up my ride of an evening with my girl in order to see Megassum once more, and nobody ever could foresee anything in making a choice.
Tomorrow, I went back into the iron room.
I shut the door of my bedroom. I looked all around it, the way one looks at a room in which one has lived a long time, before he departs for good. Even the photographs of the old-fashioned people on the flowered wallpaper seemed familiar. I opened my duffel bag. My own automatic was there, at the bottom. For tonight, I didn’t need George Goodspeed’s. I sat on the bed and began cleaning the automatic. I had time. By and by, someone knocked. Parts of the automatic were on the bed. I wasn’t able to hide anything; I said to come in.
Norman entered, sitting on one of the chairs, twisting a leg around a rung. I continued putting the automatic back together. That I could do, blindfolded. He didn’t speak for a time. He lit himself a cigarette, cupping his hands over his face. I shoved in the clips. By the watch on the bureau it was 2000 hours. In twelve more hours I was to report to Colonel Rolland. I had twelve hours.
Norman said, “You are wrong, you know. Really. I was afraid you might do this if they allowed you to return.”
I asked did he tell them he was afraid I’d do it?
He shook his head. He flicked ashes from his cigarette. “I should have, shouldn’t I?”
I had difficulty with the spring. I forced it in. I said I wasn’t going to bother him or anyone else in this house, any more. He didn’t have to trouble about me after I departed.
He said, “Allen, Mr. Megassum did not kill your friend. During the past two days, Senator Walder has checked on all that once more. Clark Baker was killed by a truck. The police know that much.” He advanced toward me, arms outstretched, halted. His face was dead white. “Will you listen to me, please? You must know better than to believe rumors and talk, Allen. I beg of you. I ask of you. Please.” I appealed to Norman: “Come with me tonight. I need help. I’m not sure I can do it alone. Megassum will be home. At least you can be there as witness.”
Dr. Nathan didn’t knock. He simply walked in, peering at me over the spectacles, and saying, “Berhaps, you and I, Captain, we shall have a quick talk—” and he saw Norman. The bushy mustache blew out under the long nose as he said, “So it is you, Norman? You go now, berhaps?”
Norman ignored Dr. Nathan. He said to me, “I assure you, this is for the authorities. I tell you for your own good. It is a basic fact.”
From high in the air, Dr. Nathan said, “Always, it is basic. Yes?” He planted the bottle of wine on the table. “At least, we all drink, hein? The three of us. The three good friends.”
I unhooked my coat. Into the pocket of the coat I dropped the automatic.
Norman said, “This is no longer war. In this country means are provided for the civilian authorities.”
The long, sallow head of Dr. Nathan twisted in my direction. He asked plaintively, “You do not stay?”
I drew on the coat. I asked Norman, “Are you afraid? You’ll remain here and do nothing and know within a week or a month the same thing will start again, right here, right next door, that Elizabeth won’t dare to go out alone at night, that one of them might decide Elizabeth already knew too—”
I said, “Hell, Norman.”
Into a glass, I emptied the rest of the bottle and drank the wine. I lifted the empty glass to Dr. Nathan and said here was to having something finished instead of being basic about it for two thousand years.
“You go?” asked Dr. Nathan. He was drunk. Only a guy who’d been drinking would suddenly begin to leak tears like that. He went to the door and his voice sounded bigger when he addressed Norman: “Berhaps I do not this understand?”
Norman spoke quickly to him in German.
He laid his small, white hands on Dr. Nathan and again spoke, urgently, and shoved him toward the door; and he closed the door, and remained there, back to the door.
Norman said, “If it is necessary to stop you from going, I shall do it.”
I liked him. I can’t ever explain how much I liked him. He was standing there, the light falling on that round, bald head of his. I stepped in close. He must have guessed what I was going to do. I wasn’t too fast any more.
He must have guessed, but instead of lifting his arms he said, “I beg you please to reconsider—” and then he went down. His shoulder hit the chair and the chair tumbled, too.
For a second or so, I regarded him, as he lay on the floor.
