The duelist 2, p.32
The Duelist 2, page 32
“Let me show you,” Bodin said and pulled a small square of folded paper out of his vest pocket. Then he unfolded the paper several times until it was a big sheet of semi-transparent onion paper with some sort of diagram drawn on it. “I’m afraid I took some liberties with the barn design when I prepared the lumber order for you.”
“That’s okay,” I said as I took one end of what I now recognized as some crude version of a blueprint so we could both stretch it out between the two of us. “Show me what you were thinking.”
“As you might be able to see from the plan, I had the woodcutters adhere to my specifications,” Bodin continued. “Based on the specific way the cutters fashioned a few key parts, the whole building will be able to stand quite sturdily with just a few strategically placed wedges.”
My eyes roved over the hand-drawn cross section of something that looked similar to a standard Dutch barn, and I could also see how much of the lumber was cut with tenons, or pegs, that more than likely fit into the pre-cut holes, or mortises, of various other pieces.
“I see,” I said and pictured fitting the wall posts down into the mortises like Lego pieces. That definitely dispelled the need for any sort of hardware or mortar, which was actually the most ideal use of our current time and resources.
“Because the last structure failed with almost disastrous consequences, I felt like this design was the safest,” the raccoon-architect went on, and with one lightly-clawed finger, he pointed out the part of the diagram that looked like a classic anchor and beam design called an H-bent. “The support for the entire building rests on a series of four frames just like this where a strong anchor beam is fitted between two posts and then secured at the corners with angled wooden braces. Having the center be the most stalwart point of the barn will allow it to withstand the weather for seasons to come.”
“It looks bigger for some reason, but I’m looking at the floor sills, and it seems like it has the same amount of floor space as the old barn,” I observed.
“Yes, same space, however, the design will allow us to section up the interior in order to maximize the barn’s utility,” Bodin said as he returned to the blueprint. “Look here. The main center aisle is bigger so we can even fit a carriage or two inside.”
“It’s also a good space to use as a workshop,” I said as I eyed the dilapidated shed next to us.
“That’s what I was thinking as well,” the taller raccoon-brother agreed with a grin on his masked face. “This design also gives us two side aisles where we can keep the poracks on one side and any other livestock like canterflies or what have you on the other. I know it’s not as impressive as the stables Miss Shale-Lea runs, but at least we can keep an eye on all our animals under one roof.”
“I like that,” I commented and then cast my gaze up to the carriage house where Prosper was ostensibly still sleeping inside. From my vantage point, I could see how the small structure was looking a little drafty and worse for the wear as well, and the barn might be more comfortable for him once it was up.
“Also, this barn will have a much bigger loft spanning the entire length of the center aisle, and because the loft will be built right over the anchor beams and corner braces, there’s no chance of it collapsing,” Bodin finished triumphantly and then folded the plans back up into their impossibly small packet so it could be returned to his vest pocket.
“You’ve really thought of everything. Good work, Bodin.” I clapped the skilled architect on the shoulder.
“Good Goddess, it’s already a proper party out here,” someone called out from behind us, and I turned to see Horus and Rylan walking toward us with their arms laden with a few clay jars and mugs respectively.
“We brought the last of the kolee tea!” Rylan piped as he raised the mugs up for me to see.
“You guys,” I groaned gratefully as I took a mug and let Horus pour me a cup of the steamy, coffee-like brew. “This is just what I needed. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” Rylan said with a pleased smile as I scrubbed my hand through his messy hair.
“How did you sleep?” I asked and wondered if he remembered anything from the night before.
“Great!” he said, and I figured everything about his sleepwalking adventure was wiped clean and couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Leg’s good?” I asked just like a proper foster-dad.
“Yeees.” Rylan rolled his eyes just like an annoyed pre-teen being pestered by his parental unit. “That means I can help today, right?”
“We’ll see,” I said and laughed again at his repressed groan of irritation.
“Bucaw!” came a loud trumpeting noise that had me startling and almost spilling my hot kolee tea down my hand.
“What the hell!” I said as I looked up at the pale morning sky and saw a jet-black shadow streak across my line of sight.
“Darkhell,” Horus cursed under his breath as all of us watched the winged animal that looked like a cross between a raven and a praying mantis circle over us like a vulture before it landed in the center of the completed barn floorboards.
In its creepy, pincered mouth, it held an official-looking missive with a black wax seal.
“What the fuck is that?” I asked the falcon-man to my left given the fact he seemed to recognize the bizarre mantis-raven clicking its claws at us.
“It’s my father’s messenger, Igoric,” he said with a scowl of disgust. “I can only guess that whatever is in there isn’t good.”
Great. Just great.
Cut one head off the Asshole-Hydra, and another one just takes its place.
Chapter 21
“You know what?” I growled as I glared at the ugly fucker slobbering on the wax-sealed envelope with its nasty, creepy pincer mouth. “I don’t even want to know.”
“You don’t-- but, Alex,” Horus snorted. “It’s--”
“No.” I held my hand up so I could block his face completely from my vision. “No. No, nope, not gonna even go there until I finish. Drinking. My. Kolee.”
“Alex,” he huffed, but I just slurped a long slow slurp just to make a point. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” I parroted back and narrowed my eyes. “I was having such an excellent morning, and I don’t care if your asshole father is plotting to assassinate the Goddess by blowing up the freaking sun, I am going to finish my kolee.”
“You might have to be the one to get the envelope from Igoric if you don’t want to die of curiosity, brother,” a familiar teasing voice sing-songed, and I whipped around.
“Shay, Zoie!” I brightened at the sight of my two wives heading down the slope toward us arm-in-arm, and they were both radiant and fresh like daisies growing through the permafrost of my previously wrecked morning. “What are you guys doing up so early?”
“We thought it might be prudent to come and check on you, seeing as how mornings are not a close friend of yours,” Zoie said with a cute little smirk that told me she had me absolutely pegged.
“That might be an understatement, dear Zoie,” Horus piped up and nudged me as I continued to savor every sip of the energizing lifeblood in my mug. “Can one of you make him see sense?”
“Not likely,” my cat-wife said and tickled my nose with the tip of her tail.
“Hey!” I tried to catch that silken tail with my hand, but as usual, she was too quick for me. “I am a very sensible guy.”
“As long as you are not up before the sun,” Shay giggled in her sultry umber voice.
“As long as I have this to help me out,” I bantered back and took another exaggerated sip.
“But that’s the last of it, remember, Alex?” Ry said, and my smile fell as I looked into my mug where only a few swallows remained. “How will we get more?”
“Well,” Bodin piped up from where he was sipping his own mug of kolee tea at a more sedate pace. “Once we finish the barn, the main center aisle should be big enough to store anything we mill once we get it all up and running.”
“But first, we really do need to address our unwanted guest,” Horus said and glared at the mantis-raven still perched in the middle of the completed floorboards.
I let out an irritated and gusty sigh as my mood deflated like a hot air balloon.
“I have an idea,” Shay suddenly said and grabbed my wrist to prevent me from heading toward the mantis-raven. “Why don’t you let Zoie and I look at the letter so you can just forget about being the master of the manor for a day? And then later, we can all discuss the contents and come up with a plan.”
“That seems a little irresponsible of me,” I said, even though the thought of just doing something like manual labor all day without having to think and plan like a Duelist sounded like heaven.
“No one thinks of you as such,” Zoie assured me and came close so she could lace her fingers behind my neck, and I held her around the waist with the arm not occupied with my kolee tea. “Let your wives take care of some business for you while you make our home.”
“Hm,” I hummed and nuzzled her face in the way I knew she liked better than kisses sometimes. “Tempting.”
“The letter isn’t going anywhere, and it will still be waiting for you to deal with when the barn is done,” Shay added and ran her hand through the hair at my temple. “Let us do this for you, darling.”
“Okay, you talked me into it,” I gave in and then smiled when both my wives cheered and covered me in hugs and kisses. “But Horus has to get it from that ugly thing. I’m not touching… whatever Igoric is.”
“It’s a monger,” Rylan interjected helpfully. “They often take shiny or valuable things and replace them with junk or garbage. They’re annoying.”
“Well said, nephew,” Horus said, and his expression grew dark and hostile. “And they bite.”
The monger in question scratched its clawed foot against the wooden floor as if he was a bull getting ready to charge.
“Looks like you’ve got your hands full, H,” I said with arched eyebrows. “Better get to it.”
“Come onnnn,” the falcon-man groaned as the black monger let out another weird chicken noise.
“That’s the deal, Rus-Rus,” the phoenix-woman chortled.
“For who? I didn’t agree to any deal!” He scowled but inched toward the disagreeable creature anyway, and it cocked its head and looked at Horus as if he was the irritating red flag flapping in his face.
Then the mantis-raven scratched the ground again and squared up with the falcon-man as if Horus was an actual matador.
“Remember me, Iggy, you little scat-kicker?” Horus said in a ‘goochy-goo’ sort of voice, but I didn’t think that was the best tactic to use with the nasty thing because it hissed. “That’s right, you miserable piece of--”
On second thought, maybe that was the point, because when Igoric hissed again, he dropped the letter on the ground, which then caused the falcon-man to spring into action.
“Bucaw! Bucaw!” the monger squawked as the falcon-man chased it around, and I couldn’t tell who looked more like a chicken with its head cut off-- Horus or Igoric.
“Uncle Horus, you look hilarious!” Rylan guffawed and then slapped his knee as he roared with gut-busting laughter.
Just the sight of this fourteen-year-old cackling like a toothless Southern grandpa on a creaky porch was so incongruous that I couldn’t help but snort loudly until I, too, was nearly doubled over with my own side-splitting laughter.
“Bucaaaaaw!” Igoric squalled and suddenly turned so he could charge at the falcon-man.
“Argh!” Horus yelled and leapt backward to avoid its pecking pincers. “You little--!”
He kicked out a leg in the pest’s direction, and finally, the monger flapped upward with its glossy black wings and let out an affronted ‘thppppp’ sound as if it was sticking its metaphorical tongue at us and blowing a raspberry.
“Raaaaaaaaaarrrr!” Arvid suddenly bellowed right behind the aggravating beast and practically caused it to lay an egg.
“Waawwwk!” Igoric yelped and took off like a shot.
“And don’t you come back, you molty bastard!” the falcon-man shouted at the retreating shape of the mantis-raven as it flapped away against the lightening sky.
“You showed him, H!” I cheered and then dissolved into more laughter when he straightened with his roguish grin and did a dorky bow as if he was Siegfried as well as Roy and had just tamed a tiger instead of a chicken.
“Do you dance, too, milord?” Shay tittered as she held out her dainty hand.
“If it pleases the Lady.” The falcon-man bowed and kissed her on the back of her palm.
“It pleases me, thus,” Shay said with a snooty expression, and then she poked her brother in the ribs and tickled him.
He laughed sharply and then stumbled back in shock, which caused him to fall on the floorboards with an ‘oof!’
“Wow, I really feel the sibling love,” I joked, and Shay giggled as she helped Horus to his feet.
“Tell me about it,” he said and rolled his gold-green eyes like every older brother who ever had a bratty younger sister.
“Husband,” Shay said sweetly and batted her long crimson eyelashes. “Remind me to tell you about Horus’ twelfth birthday. It is ever so delightful a tale.”
“No!” the falcon-man screeched as his black-feathered crest fluffed up a little in defense. “We shall not be regaling anybody about that dreadful day, sister.”
“But what if I want to be regaled?” I arched an eyebrow.
“So, it all started when--” Shay began, and she was already animated with wild gesticulations.
“Barn!” Horus clapped his hands down on the phoenix-woman’s shoulders, spun her around, and frog marched her back in the direction of the manor. “We gotta get that barn done, sis. Oh, and here’s the letter Iggy had. You and Zoie see if you can make sense of it, will you? Report back, there’s a lass.”
“Why, Horus,” Zoie purred. “It seems as if you want to get rid of us.”
“Never, but we’ve got a lot of stuff to do, right, Alex?” he asked and made a shooing motion with his hands.
“Oh, erm,” I stuttered and decided to come to my friend’s rescue even though it was fun to watch him squirm. “Yes, we really do need to be getting on with this barn, but only because all of us are going to take a trip to Estate Number Two later this afternoon. So, everyone needs to pack what they want for a couple days.”
“Everyone?” the stable-boy asked as he casually traced a pattern in the dirt with his foot.
“Yes, you, too, Ry,” I chuckled and hooked my arm around his neck and gave him a noogie. “You think I would leave you behind?”
“I… broke a lot of vases last night…” he said and then held his breath as if he was expecting me to suddenly shove him away and start yelling.
“So, you do remember,” I said and then held him out at arm’s length so I could scan him from head to toe. “Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes, Daaad,” he groaned before he could really think too hard about it, and when he realized what he’d just said, he clapped his hands over his mouth and went pale.
“Good,” I said and just smoothed over what he called me as if it was neither here nor there. “Make sure Prosper and the carriage are all ready to go, okay?”
“Um, yes, okay,” he said, and he started to look less like a deer in the headlights and more like my foster-son. “A-Anything else?”
“Oh, yeah,” I said and gave him a wide shit-eating grin. “Clean up the courtyard after you take Ben and Jerry out to the pasture, yeah? Actually, do that first so you can take a bath afterward. You’re gonna need it.”
“Awww!” he whined, and I just patted him on the back and pushed him a little in the direction of the manor after my wives.
“Come on, darling,” Shay said to the stable-boy and held out her arm. “Walk me up. My ankle is still healing, and I will need someone strong in case I lose my balance.”
“Yes, of course Lady… um, Miss Layle-Shee-- I mean--” The poor kid stumbled over his words as he hurried to offer his gallant arm as if she would fall over any second without his support.
“Shay is fine,” she said graciously and looped her arm through his.
“Okay,” he said and puffed up his chest. “Just be careful with all these rocks. The ground is quite uneven.”
My grin softened into one of gratitude as my phoenix-wife winked at me over Rylan’s head, and I was glad she knew just what to say in order to distract the kid and make him feel useful and needed.
“What a cute picture your little family makes.” Horus slung his arm over my shoulders and sighed. “I think I threw up a little but then swallowed it.”
“Shut up,” I snorted and shoved his arm off me. “Don’t think this lets you off the hook, mister. I will hear that story about your twelfth birthday one way or another.”
“Hm? What?” The falcon-man gestured as if he had suddenly gone selectively deaf and then turned around and walked over to Bodin. “What can I do? Put me to work, boys.”
I shook my head at his ridiculous antics and followed him to where the raccoon-brothers were just finishing up their drinks. I took it upon myself to gather all the mugs and set them aside with the clay pitchers while Bodin and Mel brought Horus up to speed with the plans.
When I rejoined the group, we were all ready to take more instructions from the architect.
“Okay, now that the floor of the barn is done, we need to make the four support frames that will form the main anchor of the building,” Bodin said, and he scratched his forehead under the brim of his cap as he surveyed his hand-drawn blueprint again.
“That way, if the walls fall down, the roof is still supported by these frames,” Horus commented and cocked his head to and fro down at the drawing. “This really is a swell design.”
“Erm, thanks.” The taller raccoon-brother shrugged and cleared his throat as if he was shy about the praise. “So, ahem, the first thing we need to do is start with one of the long beams over there with two insertable ends.”
