The nigerwife, p.28
The Nigerwife, page 28
“Don’t do this,” Elias was saying. “You’re throwing everything away for a guy who never cared about you—who never even saw you.”
Nicole felt like she was going to be sick. She needed to get away from this place.
“It’ll be dark soon,” she said, interrupting his rant. “I should go.”
He stopped talking abruptly. Confused. Angry. Hot. But he grabbed his things without another word. He didn’t notice the dried blood on her wrist. He didn’t really see her at all in this moment. They locked up and left the house.
There were still men by the jetty to help them into the boat. Elias sliced the craft through the water in silence. There was just the rushing of the water and the churning of the motor. If Elias was concerned about the darkness that fell over them as they passed Tin Can Island, he didn’t share it with her. He looked stonily ahead. Eyes boring into the night. She could feel the hatred coming off, a heat that kept her back. She texted Kemi to meet her.
I really need to talk to you. Can you
come to the Paradise Jetty?
That place?
I’m headed there now.
Why? Why there?
Please. I just broke up with Elias. I need to talk.
They passed a jetty bar, lively with multicolored string bulbs and Fela Kuti’s songs. Water no get enemy, the people on the decking chanted. Laughter and the scent of grilled suya meat wafted over to them. It receded into the background, and the journey ahead looked even lonelier. A fisherman in a canoe, then nothing.
* * *
THERE WAS a rumble and then a loud crack overhead as Paradise Jetty came into view, and it began to rain insistently. The jetty was dark and desolate. The rain made it seem even more so. Nicole shivered as the drops hit her skin, sliding into her dress. From the boat’s lights, she could see only the old wooden posts that disappeared into the indigo water. The narrow, planked walkway leading up onto the bank. Her heart shook. Why had she been doing this? Taking such risks. She was so happy she wouldn’t have to do it anymore.
Elias pulled in, and his strong arms steadied her as she made to step up onto the wooden walkway. “Don’t go,” he begged, clasping her legs. She turned, and the lights from the boat made his eyes seem as if they were on fire. “Going back to him—it’s crap. It’s the end. Don’t be like the others. These guys, they just take the parts of you they want and throw the rest away. You won’t be happy with him. He doesn’t love you.”
All she had to do was change her mind. Sink down into his embrace. She would be forgiven. No one was perfect, but he was close, and in another life perhaps she could have loved him. She pulled free and climbed onto the jetty. Once her feet were firmly on the wooden boards, she looked back and watched him pulling away, his back receding, knowing they had become strangers again almost immediately and that they would never see each other again, and even if they did it would be painful and cold. She had joined the other women in his past who had broken him. She had become the thing about himself that he loathed. The boat gathered speed, an arrow of light that turned a bend in the lagoon and was gone. Cold and wet, she was impatient to get home, home to her children. She would sneak into their room. Listen to their breathing in the soft darkness. Just the thought warmed her somewhat.
A second crack and then a flash of lightning somewhere close by revealed Kemi hurrying along the jetty to meet her. “OMG, this rain! Nicole, why did you call me here? I thought you were stranded, but Bilal is waiting for you over there. What’s going on?”
She looked fabulous as usual. Even though she had probably just gotten out of bed. Whose bed? She reached out a hand to touch Nicole, but Nicole backed away.
“I know about you and Tonye,” said Nicole. “I know about the hog-ties.”
Kemi had the grace to look surprised and concerned. “What are you saying?”
“Don’t deny it,” shouted Nicole. Then controlled her voice. “Don’t. Deny. It.”
“You bring me to this fucking place, to make accusations? You want us to get kidnapped for this nonsense?”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“I’m sorry,” said Kemi in that infuriating way. “But I really tried to help you be a little less stupid. To get you moving again. But you’re so helpless, such a damsel. ‘Woe is me, I have everything, I have nothing.’ ”
“My husband, Kemi!”
“Certain men want you because you’re yellow. That’s all. That’s it. You’re something to have, like a handbag or a watch. They quickly get bored of that when they see how dumb you are.”
Nicole was speechless, and Kemi turned to go, but then turned back.
“Let me give you some advice. In this life, there is no man or woman you can trust completely. Even the one who loves you the most will hurt you in the end. That is why you can only depend on yourself. If you weren’t such a parasite, maybe Tonye wouldn’t hate you so much.”
Nicole grabbed Kemi’s arm furiously as she tried to walk off, but Kemi jerked it away. “Fucking leave me.”
Nicole watched Kemi’s receding form as she marched away. She considered running after her, but to do what? Hit her? They would fight, then what? She actually felt sorry for Kemi. She couldn’t see Kemi and Tonye happy together. Both of them were too messed up, both hiding their true selves beneath glamorous exteriors. But even if they were, so what? She couldn’t worry about them now. A car accelerated in the dark, tires screeching away.
Nicole stared at the frothing water, its hungry swells, thinking she would be better off dead, gone. But she wouldn’t do that to Timi and Tari. This mess wasn’t their fault, and Tonye didn’t really hate her, even if he told Kemi he did. He just had his own problems, was fucked up by Ebipade’s death and a dad who preferred his dead brother over him. Claudine had loved her. She’d been a mother to her. The best years of her life had been with Claudine until Len showed up.
“My Boy Lollipop.” That was Claudine’s favorite tune. You make my heart go giddy-up! She would sing it as she made curry goat or escovitch fish, whatever she was cooking, would dance with Nicole, spinning her around by her hand, as the promise of tomorrow spiced the air around them.
In the morning she would call Imani and say she wanted her to make the arrangements to get back to the UK, taking the boys with her help. She would start over, back at Nedford Road. Even if Tonye came to look for her there, the UK government would never let him take the boys back to Nigeria. It would be awful, but not forever. She didn’t want to shy away from conversations anymore. To run. Claudine would have to listen. She would have to trust Claudine to listen. There didn’t seem to be any other way now.
There was another flash of lightning, striking so close the whole jetty shook. She fell and cried out.
“Bilal! Help me!”
She tried to move forward, but the structure rocked, and as she took a step she almost slipped on the wet planks. She didn’t trust herself in the soupy gloom. One misstep could land her in the water.
A flashlight approached—Bilal, in a familiar oversized shirt, carrying an umbrella. Thank God!
“Bilal!” she called out. “Please come over here. The jetty is rocking. I can’t see anything.”
He came walking toward her along the jetty. A silhouette, his face an inky pool of nothingness.
“Some of the rail is missing. It’s so dark. Can you guide me?”
“Yes, madam,” he said. He sounded as sick and tired of it all as she was. She got it. He needed to rest. He would rest after today. The affair was over.
He wordlessly took her hand, and they started heading back down the jetty.
Suddenly she felt a shove, and she was falling. She hit the water, flailing, as it sucked her under. So cold, so deep. She surfaced again, grasping at air. Screamed, but the lagoon’s pull was relentless. She couldn’t see anything now, not Bilal, not the bank, not the sky. She didn’t even know which way was up. She thrashed about, trying to swim, feeling the water overwhelm her, her lungs bursting. Getting tired now. Desperate to breathe. She thought of her mother, and how much she missed her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN CLAUDINE
After
KEMI?” CLAUDINE squinted at Bilal, unable to fully take it in. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but not this. She had only thought he would say something that he’d seen or heard. She felt dizzy and leaned forward with her head between her knees the way she’d taught Mummy to do.
“Kemi pushed my madam into the water. They fought on the jetty over Oga. Madam had anger. Very anger. I no sabi why. Madam was coming back from the boat.”
“So you were there.” All this time, he knew so much and said nothing. His still, silent waters ran very deep.
Bilal nodded. “She started seeing one man not far. One apartment block in VI. Mr. Tonye didn’t know, but every day I drop her there. Sometimes stay late. Sometimes drop her to boat club. Sometimes, restaurant. To keep me quiet, she got my brother a job at LAD. I no gree. I no gree!” He fell to lamenting in his language, seeming so taken with anguish again. Beside himself. “But my brother he needed work. So I didn’t tell Oga anything I saw, and they continued. That day, Sunday, I drove her to boat club. She said I must pick her up at Paradise Jetty.”
“You’d been there before.”
“Yes, ma. That’s where she comes from the boat.” He groaned. “When she finally came. Hai!” He put his hand to his head. “I don sabi wetin dey happen.”
“What are you saying? Speak English!”
“Her friend came to meet her on the jetty. This Kemi woman.”
“Kemi was there?”
“Yes, ma. I saw her arrive the same time as the boat came. She drove her own car. She went to meet madam on the jetty. I stay in the car until I hear one scream.”
“Who screamed?”
“Kemi screamed. I ran. But when I got there, madam was gone. Kemi said she fell in the lagoon.” Claudine’s hands flew to her mouth in horror. “She said it was an accident and I shouldn’t talk,” Bilal continued. “That if I open mouth, she would blame me. To say I push madam.” He let his head sink again. “Who would believe me?”
Claudine sat stunned. If she weren’t already on the bench, she would have collapsed onto the sand. She couldn’t feel her limbs. No, no, no, no. She kept saying it over and over, refusing to accept what he was saying. Nicole was not gone.
“I don’t see anyting,” Bilal said. “I come to assist, but no light. I can’t see. I call her name. I call, ‘Madam, madam.’ No answer. No crash, no cry. So much rain. The water was boiling.” His eyes took on a faraway quality as if he was no longer there on the beach with Claudine. “I wait on my knees, begging God for miracles. It be like say she vanish. Like juju.”
“Juju?” she asked vacantly. He wasn’t making much sense to her now. He looked up at the trees fearfully again.
“Be like say my fault because I took the job for my brother and didn’t tell him about madam. But I never kill her.” His voice climbed with anxiety. “Take am blood drop for drop if I lie!”
Blood. Drop. Fault. Kill. What did anything matter now, if Nicole was really dead? She felt the weight of it all, pressing down on her. Claudine lay down on the bench, hoping never to have to get up.
* * *
IT FELT like they had been at Badagry the whole day, but when they started walking back toward the mainland, it was still only 3 p.m.
Their trek passed largely in silence, the three on their own mental tracks. The guide kept a considerate distance from whatever was happening.
Replaying what he had said in her mind—Kemi and Nicole on the jetty arguing about Tonye, Kemi pushing Nicole in—Claudine decided there was still a chance that Nicole was alive. Bilal hadn’t seen her die. There was no body. Not yet. He should come back to the compound and help them look for her, she said. She might be there somewhere. He looked at her like she was crazy. Perhaps she was. What choice did she have? If she really believed what he was saying, she would rather stay on this island and let the spirits take her too.
Bilal didn’t even bother putting on his life jacket in the boat, just hugged it to his chest and looked into the bottom of the canoe as it rocked its way to the mainland. Back at the museum, Claudine called Tonye, and of course, he didn’t answer. She texted him. Nothing. Blessing didn’t answer either. She didn’t have anyone else’s number.
This wasn’t a place Bilal seemed to want to linger either. Too many ghosts. They made the return journey into the city center, through the grinding traffic at Mile 2, the motorcycle taxis almost scraping the car as they wove through and onto the pavement, pedestrians jumping out of the way. The roadside stalls were still busy with Saturday shoppers. The beggars. All this passed without comment. Even when one beggar pounded on the car for attention, Bilal had no curse words for him.
Perhaps she slept. She didn’t know. Questions swirled in her mind. Was Bilal telling the truth? Had he seen more he wasn’t saying? Had Kemi even been there, or was he lying to get himself out of trouble? Could Kemi have killed Nicole—a crime of passion? Were Kemi and Tonye in on it together? Bilal too? Everyone had lied to her in some way. It made her angry.
She was glad of the stubborn traffic. She had tried to call Tonye repeatedly, but he wasn’t picking up or answering her text messages. Probably having too much fun at the wedding. She wanted to see his face when she told him. To know if he was involved in any way—if he had put Bilal up to take the fall somehow. At least the cars hemming them in felt like a kind of safety. Although Bilal seemed to accept the wisdom of confessing, she wasn’t sure his faith would stop him from driving off a bridge.
* * *
GRADUALLY THE skyscrapers of the island came into view.
“Let’s go to the wedding venue,” said Claudine, checking the time on her phone. It was 6 p.m. The wedding was definitely under way, and the whole family would be there.
Bilal said nothing, but she guessed they were approaching the wedding venue because the long road they were bouncing down had turned into an old-time shubeen crammed with black SUVs turning every which way, trying to squeeze past each other and all beeping at once. The venue was in the distance, like a house on a hill. But no way to get to it. Some of the vehicles were accompanied by trucks of armed police or soldiers who obviously had nothing better to do than escort rich people to weddings. As they got closer to the gates, she could see security in bulletproof helmets and vests, trying to marshal the traffic. Hustlers stood by the entrance waving bands of clean money at the arriving cars. Some stopped to buy. She thought that odd, but couldn’t dwell on it as the security guard approached their car. “Where is your card?” he demanded impatiently.
“I don’t have it,” she said, remembering she’d left it on Tonye’s desk with the clothes. “But I’m part of the family. I have an urgent message for Tonye Oruwari.”
The man looked her up and down as if she had two heads. Then at Bilal, who just shrugged and looked away.
“No card, no entry,” he said, waving them off.
“I have something important to tell the family.”
“Go.” The guard slapped the bonnet of the car. Bilal slowly inched forward. There was nothing Claudine could do. She’d called and called Tonye’s line, but no one had answered. She could see that Bilal didn’t want to risk angering the guards.
“Maybe I should get out and explain,” said Claudine.
“Ma,” said Bilal quietly. “Like this you cannot enter.” He was referring to her clothes, she realized.
She guessed she looked a mess, T-shirt streaked with sand and dust. Hair, what there was, needing some gel. Running shoes brown from trekking around in the mud.
“Move along!” the guard shouted angrily. Bilal drove off slowly.
“Okay, let’s just go back to the compound,” she said. She didn’t know what her game plan was anyway, even if they did get into the car park. If she got into the hall, then what? There were hundreds if not thousands of people. How would she even find Tonye? And what would Bilal do—wait in the car park while she went in, or just drive out and disappear? And then she could be stranded. No, it was better to head back to the house. Bilal stared ahead. His body language revealed nothing. Usually in the car he listened to the football reporting or a music channel, but the radio was silent. He was thinking, wondering what to do—she could tell. She also didn’t know what to do, who to call. Certainly not the bought-and-paid-for Mr. Ogunsanya. She opened her bag. She still had the knife in the inner pocket. She felt its edge with her thumb. It was sharp enough to kill. What sort of justice could there be in a place like this unless a justice you made yourself?
* * *
THE COMPOUND was quiet. She could immediately tell the family wasn’t there because of the amount of time the security took to open the gate. Bilal had to beep several times before one of the gatemen, his shirt off, in just a sleeveless vest and some tracksuit bottoms, opened the gate. And by their office, another slept on a bench. Children who must have belonged to the compound staff ran about the courtyard playing. A woman sat on a chair outside the Boys’ Quarters having her hair combed and plaited by another woman. They laughed together in a way that gave Claudine a pang for home and for Penny. She wished Penny were with her. Penny would know what to do. She thought she’d always been the stronger one, but it was Penny who made her strong. The little sister looking up to her as a protector. She needed her now.
* * *
EMMANUEL WAS still at the house, as starched as ever. He opened the door and let her in, bowing, but had been fearful of her since their confrontation and scuttled away as soon as he could. The house seemed empty otherwise. Perhaps everyone had enjoyed their meat and was sleeping it off. The pavilion outside was empty, some of the chairs knocked over; any celebrants had come and gone.
