2. mARK 04Jun89 Interesting: Capelens has norsk for bumpety-bump (humping or skumping)

  Note 116

  1. 33[4] = 15[10] <> 33[10]

  2. QU Who is the "builder of the castle": Flenser; should anything be PROwritten about these different use of number bases?

  3. [vsv] eg, "too dumb to count by fore-claws"

  in c12, Woodcarver uses the phrase "counting by fore-claws", but I think that it is the only other reference June 11, 1991

  4. QU is this course of history thing okay (cf beginning of Chapter 2)

  5. [vsv] June 11, 1991 TUF: June 2, 1991 Size of doors doesn't quite match your MODEs insight

  Note 117

  1. PROwrite that the "whitewash" is sound absorbant

  I changed it to quilting instead (more consistent with the rest of story)

  Is this enough of a solution?

  Note 118

  1. iNCON How come he didn't see the carnage outside the boat?

  2. INCON that they would have to live in barracks in such a high Zone

  3. [jrf] in reply to theincon questions: Maybe they don't have to live in barracks, but in a high-tension project, it makes sense to keep them together

  Note 119

  1. QU Do dogs have litter boxes? Would such be used by Straumers?

  2. [jrf] NO; get rid of later reference to litter boxes

  3. [jrf2] Right about here, all his remembering should make him cry!

  Note 120

  1. [jrf2] laughter is okay. Crying can turn to laughter. Needs to cry, then transition

  Norsk: å skrike to scream, shout, yell

  Note 121

  1. [jrf2] Here he would have to keep from crying again

  2. [vsv] I don't think fear would make him cry here, though

  Note 122

  1. [jrf] IMP thinks Jefri adjusts to Amdi too quickly, that he'd be a bit more weirded out

  Note 123

  1. [jrf2] His emotions would be running high and volatile. In the preceding paragraph, why wouldn't he be more wary, scared, angry?

  They do have external ears! INCON see /BLABBER/EAR.TMP

  2. [vsv] And distinguish between low sound ears and mind ears This should be discussed in TINES.TXT, too

  3. INCON How about clothes for Amdi

  He's all child and an experiment. This together with the fact that clothes aren't quite as necessary are my justification for him being naked here. Also I corroboratively mention his acquiring clothes in c15.

  INCON How to they keep this room warm?

  Note 124

  1. [jrf2] TUF jrf2 questions "sea'mal"

  Note 125

  1. mARK 04Jun89

  Note 126

  1. FRAG They didn't hang their tongues like the dogs Jefri knew.

  Note 127

  1. QU Now are you saying "gobbling" too much?

  Note 128

  1. QU Is this notion too repetitious (false happy estimates) (cf Johanna's thought just before the ambush)

  2. [vsv] Do get rid of the prescient comment of Johanna's in c03

  Note 129

  1. [jrf2] Did Jefri miss the whole ambush? What does he think happened??

  Note 130

  1. CHAR CHRON This implies that Steel is about 27 years old

  2. mARK 04Jun89

  3. PRB There should be some tip-of-the-hat to unique/important nature of the landing of the humans. Probably the place to put it is in the first exchange between Tyrathect and Steel. This also servers to show Steel's initial assessment of the landing. CHKd Properties of Steel

  Note 131

  1. [jrf] confused by term "kenner" in first appearance —

  [vsv] June 11, 1991 but I use it a lot all through the book

  2. PRB with using present tense here

  Note 132

  1. PRO write "send into silence" c12)

  Note 133

  1. [vsv] May 31, 1991 Capitalize "whitejackets"? NO and it should be one word (June 11, 1991 based on most consistent usage elsewhere)

  Note 134

  1. [vsv] to make it more reasonable later about gender usage, might make it 2m3f? QU NO, 09Feb91

  Hmm, or maybe you should just use "he" when others refer to the pack ie, that the femaleness was the surprising secret of Tyra's identity I think this is what I originally had in mind, anyway

  Note 135

  1. PRB? Some may ask how this could ever happen

  Note 136

  1. BKG bobbing associated with grinning? PRO write, if so.

  Note 137

  1. CHK TINES BKG CHRON 1100 miles to Capital; 8weeks ago

  Note 138

  1. [vsv] June 4, 1991 IMP note about CHAR Tyrathect's appearance here:

  Note 139

  1. INCON— ok, I think 02Feb91 BKG Months?

  Note 140

  1. here is where r1.txt should go, 04.txt, p55-75, and the first part of 05.txt p76-92

  Note 141

  1. [vsv] still need more on why Ravna decided to come

  2. NÆH: small matter: the stutter

  Note 142

  1. [ur] Using w.bat and wc.com to do 1500words/day

  Note 143

  1. [ur] MG PRB QU Figures the Zone explanation falls just short of adequate for the naive reader

  2. [vsv] Is this still a problem?

  Note 144

  1. [vsv] FRAGs that I would like to incorporate somewhere:

  Mechanical translators were plentiful — and this high in the Beyond, they worked quite well. But there was something very deceptive about hearing the whistles and coughs of an alien language translated into Samnorsk. Times came out very conveniently in hours and months and days and seconds; whatever cultural meaning there was behind the terms in the original was lost. Similarly with names and distances and ages. She was tempted to leave full glossing turned on, where every reference would be annotated, where instead of "about three hours" she might hear "0.35 base 8 times the half period of the third moon".

  Note 145

  1. ?IMP BKG is in 05.txt

  2. ID 17Sep89 Could have some sidebars as machine to machine

  Several things could be done with these, depending on the degree of weirdness you want

  I actually thought of it originally as a means of giving background stuff, say about the corpus callosum (then could show how that integrated with a conversation between Ravna and others)

  3. PRB INCON about use of gender in pronouns when humans of Nyjoran descent are speaking For instance, how come do the Skroderiders use "sir" when addressing Ravna?

  PRB Somewhere want to make it clear/plausible that the link bandwidth on the Known Net is not greater than on the 1990 Internet

  4. PRB QU Is it a good Big John principle to have the stuff at the Top be more extreme than nanotech, essentially unexplainable? I'm against this (though something like such might be the case in the the Transcend). If I go the supersuper route, then I have to talk of headbands in the Middle Beyond. I would like to get by with nanotech that wears out

  5. [ur] QU IMP Are the Zone constraints sufficiently clear?

  6. [ur] or says they are just short of being sufficiently clear

  7.

  TITLE "The Man Who Never Was" [collision]

  TITLE The legend that was made

  Some JLC TITLEs: Legendary ...

  Legends on the Net

  Distributed Legends

  8. ID for much later: Could have Ravna comfort Pham by pointing out that there was some kind of original and that it must have been pretty sharp (since X's resuscitation was performed in the Middle Beyond)

  9. [vsv] SEQ ID: maybe there was something special about Nyjora that made matriarchy more likely QU ask consultants for possibilities:

  Plague

  Plague that makes males weak

  War animals that only women can ride?

  Plague of male dementia

  10. [vsv] Previous scene was Tyrathect/Steel

  Note 146

  1. [ur] single line space deleted for now January 26, 1991

  2. [jdv] In developing Ravna's character, maybe she was fascinated with historical myth of the Age of Princesses

  Gives opportunity to say something substantive about that era

  3. [vsv] I have tried to do this some; improvement still possible

  Note 147

  1. Some general comments about these Net News items: I have gone through and eliminated the systematic obscurities that you pointed out. (There are a couple of jabberwocky terms in this first news item. I have put "?" after them in the the translation.)

  2. I will try to have Ravna comment about jabberwocky translation early on. — not done so soon, unfortunately June 11, 1991

  3. [jrf2] good!

  4. [vsv] I have also moved the News items around to improve the pacing (and I think this also responds to some of your suggestions about having earlier contact with Jefri, and not having too many messages in a row). I wrote these News items just as I was writing the story. They have held up fairly well, but I intend to go back over them and fine tune the content. Hopefully this will explain away inconsistencies and maybe even make the overall point of the story clearer. Suggestions welcome.

  5. [vsv] NOTE to copyeditor: There should be some special font and layout for these Net News items

  The special font can be anything, but I would prefer a monospace font (such as Courier). At least this sets the message text off from the rest of the story.

  6. [vsv] PRB Unfortunately, this message stuff looks terribly anachronistic, the sort of on-growing anachronism that is common in science fiction.

  7. [vsv]Partial SOLN: The "byte count" in Known Net messages is pretty much the same as that of 1990 USENET messages. The newsreader software can use the message data to produce all sorts of advanced effects, based on user inclination and what background the newsreader has about the sender. But what's coming across the physical layer is still (normally) just a few thousand bits per message. Ravna normally turns off all the evocation bells and whistles, and what she sees is a humanly intelligible, starkly simple rendition of most of the underlying fields (not all; I commented some out at the strenuous urging of jrf).

  8. [vsv] April 21, 1991 PRB IMP still need someplace where the Known Net super WAN is contrasted with "LAN" operations. This is where really spectacular things are possible (so spectacular that you should tread carefully around them). Somewhere could put in an offhand comment that a single finger-ring network interface can easily have a bandwidth greater than all the interstellar communications traffic going through Relay.

  9. [vsv] April 21, 1991 IMPER In working out data rates, message rates analogy with Internet, and contrast between Relay op and ship board ops, keep in mind that Relay may be handling a tremendous number of messages, even if the rate on each is low

  10. [vsv] April 21, 1991 ID In addition to crypto-media, there should also be general data media freighters

  11. The second sidebar in this file is the more nearly definitive in in format — looks okay to me June 11, 1991

  12. stormilation not a good word? — not used here as of 09Feb91

  13. [ur] WARNING to vsv. Sidebars should be 1space indented to avoid autoindent prbs

  Note 153

  1. [vsv] April 13, 1991 Somewhere MSG? stuff about humanity being far from home (also ties up with origin of Pham)

  April 13, 1991 Suggest that Straumli Realm is <100y old, and was to be "probably the first human Transcending"

  2. You may replace the notion of star trader with emigrating to Straumli Realm. Parents had discouraged it ... thank goodness now...

  3. [vsv] April 13, 1991 "Trader in Fine Earths" "Trader in Rare Earths" IDEA

  Note 154

  1. CHKd sp light-year

  2. [vsv] June 9, 1991 CHK 25000 ly (Looks more like 20.4Kly in my map of June 9, 1991

  Note 155

  1. [vsv] June 11, 1991|AWK and not quite true.

  2. [vsv] April 14, 1991 I think I've taken care of the jrf2 comment below (though "network hub" may misleading to some readers

  3. [jrf2] Can put it in more romantic (ie, adventurous, exciting) terms than this. Eg, "rubbing noses with members of dozens of different sentient alien species..."?

  Note 156

  1. PRB I don't want to imply that the factories are evidence that she is far from home

  2. QU REN Must be better name than City Docks, City Foobar

  For now: Docks

  3. QU INCON REN Vrinimi is my attempt at connection with Blabber. But note the substantial difference in physical description

  4. [vsv] Given the multiracial character of Vrinimi, this is okay, but CHK Grondr. Was that the name of the guy in Blabber? If so, you should change that name

  5. [vsv] Oops, Skandr Vrinimisrinithan is the guy's name in the Blabber

  6. [vsv] You know, it wouldn't be too terrible to leave it "Skandr"

  June 11, 1991 No, do change it

  7. REN you can use Grondr | Grondr Vrinimikalir | Grondr 'Kalir | 'Kalir

  8. [vsv] No, though there is some implication there:

  9. IMP PROwrite Get the idea of Org ethics in here and when Grondr is explaining Pham's secret. It strengthens things in several ways:

  Makes Org restraint more plausible

  Makes it more plausible that they did not set Ravna up

  Makes them seem more alien, especially if contrasted with other behavior that is not too goody-goody (eg, wrt sale of Pham to the Old One)

  10. [vsv] ID pejorative nickname for Grondr's race: maggots

  11. [vsv] February 9, 1991 no time:

  12. ID IMP Increase opacity of Grondr. This would be especially good if she comes to know him more toward the end of r2 ID Vrinimi: Might make the point that commercial interests one of the great keys, but doesn't explain everything Eg,

  when there are irrational other interests

  When there are rational (but weird) ethics

  Ultimately, the freedom to be a crank

  Note 157

  1. [jrf2] "terrane"? "terrain"? other?

  2. [vsv] February 9, 1991 decided to leave the coloration:

  3. [hld] Sky on the docks probably black unless the air is deep enough for significant Rayleigh scattering. How does agrav weave affect superposition of gravitational fields?

  Note 158

  1. [jrf2] Does shrugging make her drift lower?

  Note 159

  1. When did the Org get into the Relay operation? Probably related to their calendar?

  2. [vsv] in c07, you say 50Ky

  Note 160

  1. mARK 20Aug89

  Note 161

  1. [vsv] June 12, 1991 by current CHRON, official Fall (from Net) was 4d earlier

  2. [jrf2] First sentence after quote is ambiguous:

  Note 162

  1. PRB The cannibalizing from 0'th seems to be making this too heavy? QU

  2. [vsv] 02Feb91 sched says they are talking 3 days after the news of the Fall

  Note 163

  1. QU should I say "over-and-back" instead of ping ?

  2. [JLC] definitely use it somewhere (VSV: Can't find usage in this version)

  3. iD rEN Helper —> Blight? YES

  iD rEN Helper —> Perversion? YES

  Both of these are probably better than "Helper", and they both can be used. Unfortunately, the Perversion would probably not use them in reference to itself

  4. [vsv] June 9, 1991 Physical mail much cheaper (about 6w turnaround) by my notes of June 9, 1991 — and, in fact, the "half year" savings thing works out pretty well, too

  Note 164

  1. [ur] ?3'th sentence should be more explicit

  2. [vsv] QU clearness: grep first usages of "perversion"

  Note 165

  1. RETRO write notion of "Emissary Device" PROwrite? NO

  2. [vsv] 02Feb91 "five days" CHKd

  Note 166

  1. [jrf2] explain "volume". Does it mean "area"? Say of the words?

  Note 167

  1. REN "the Vrinimi Organization" "Vrinimi Org"

 

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