The captains daughter, p.26
The Captain's Daughter, page 26
He turned and propped himself up on his elbow and did just that, troubled to see the beaded perspiration upon her forehead as he spoke softly into the night. He had his own ideas of the cause as he had seen her fight like this before. It had been when she had fought hard to be released from the arms that held her. He remembered how she looked in minute detail; he remembered the weather, the time and the place as clearly as if it had been yesterday. He could even remember her anguished cry. He closed his eyes shut, hating knowing who she was fighting in her dreams because when he had seen her fight like this before it had been on Hel Tor and the arms about her were his.
Janey leant against the gate of the meadow and took a deep breath. The air, as always, was fresh and clean and she inhaled it deep within her lungs, savouring it before letting it out once more. The sun shone down on the wild flowers that carpeted the little meadow and Janey watched in delight as butterflies fluttered haphazardly from flower to flower. She had felt restless all morning so when Daniel had told her that he would have to move the herd to eat the meadow grass soon she had taken the opportunity to go for a walk and drink in the sight of the flowers before they were eaten. Their destruction was part of farming life, and next year they would grow back stronger from the richly fertilised soil. David arrived and leaned on the gate beside her.
‘I’m looking for Daniel, do you know where he is?’ he asked.
Janey shook her head. ‘He may have gone to the top field. He did say there was a tree up there that needed cutting back. I’m not certain though. Why?’
David picked up a blade of grass and started to chew it.
‘There’s no problem,’ he said. ‘I just wondered if he wanted me to clean out the water troughs. What are you going to do this afternoon?’
‘I’m feeling a bit restless, I may take a walk into the village later.’ They stood quietly admiring the flowers. ‘They’re beautiful. Wild flowers are my favourite,’ Janey said with a sigh, and was surprised when David said he knew. Molly had said the same thing when she gave her her wedding bouquet. Janey was intrigued. ‘How do you know?’ she asked.
David tried to swat a fly that had started to annoy him. ‘Daniel said.’
‘He did? When?’
David returned to his chewing. ‘Oh ages ago. Two year or more.’
Janey turned to him. How would Daniel know that they were her favourite flowers? She only remembered telling James Brockenshaw when she returned from walking Charlie. He had struck up a conversation with her in the courtyard behind Bosvenna Manor, and only a few days later he had given her a bouquet of wild flowers or at least David did on his behalf. As Janey recalled the events a growing sense of pain grew in her chest as she realised that Daniel had been present at the time.
‘Tell me about the day you gave me the flowers, David. How did it come about?’
‘I suppose that now you are wed, there is no reason not to tell you,’ said David as he leaned against the gate. ‘Daniel had got himself all dressed up in his best clothes. Well, you know how Molly is; she kept asking where he was going. He eventually said he was going to ask a girl to walk out with him and he paid Molly a farthing to pick a bunch of flowers from the meadow as they were the girl’s favourite flower.’ Janey hid her surprise as she quietly listened. ‘He asked me to go with him,’ continued David, ‘to look after the horse while he walked up the drive of Bosvenna Manor.’
‘Why didn’t he give them to me?’ asked Janey, not quite believing what she was hearing.
‘When we got to the gates he changed his mind … not like Daniel at all. He said that he was on a fool’s errand, that you were too good for him. I said Molly would be really upset if he didn’t give you the flowers so he told me to run down the drive and give them to you but not to say they were from him. So I did what he asked.’ David lifted his cap and scratched his head before sliding it back on. ‘After I gave them to you we rode home. He never mentioned your name again until the day he brought you home.’
‘I saw you speaking to James Brockenshaw when you left,’ said Janey, quietly.
‘That awful man nearly rode into me. He asked me what I was about and I said I was running an errand. He then told me to get off the estate and be sharp about it or he’d have me whipped for trespassing.’
‘They were beautiful flowers,’ Janey said, lamely, but her mind was on Daniel.
‘They were just ordinary flowers but you seemed to like them at the time. I’ll go and look for Daniel in the top field. He might need a hand with the tree.’
Janey watched David leave, but her thoughts were elsewhere. Daniel had wanted to walk out with her? Yet every time they had met they had argued. He hated James Brockenshaw and took every opportunity to warn her off him. Yet the more she thought of those meetings with Daniel she realised that the stubborn man, who was always giving her his words of wisdom, was really a man that was jealous of her interest in James. How could she be so blind? He had been in and out of her life, often helping her, often annoyed with her – but always wanting her. Janey needed to speak to him but it would have to wait until this evening when Molly and David were in their annex and Edna had gone home. It was a conversation she did not want interrupted by anyone.
Still feeling restless she decided she would take a walk into the village and visit the haberdashery. A sudden desire to make a new dress that would show off her figure once the baby was born had taken hold of her. She wanted to look desirable for her husband and if she ordered some material now, the dress might be ready by the time the baby arrived, with Edna’s help.
Janey entered the farmhouse by the back door and reached for her shawl and reticule. It was Daniel’s voice she heard first, followed by Edna’s soothing tones. She was about to call out to them to let them know where she was going and that David was looking for him, when she heard her name mentioned. She paused, hesitating whether to listen or leave.
‘I try but I just can’t,’ said Daniel. Edna replied but Janey could not make out the words. She waited for Daniel’s reply. ‘I see her belly getting bigger, I know she wants me to take an interest in it, but I can’t. I feel nothing for the baby. I don’t know if I ever will. It’s like a thing growing between us.’ She could hear the anguish in his voice. ‘She wants me to love it but at the moment I can’t. I hate myself for feeling this way but I don’t know how to change things.’
Her initial joy at realising he wanted her faded. He may want her but he did not want her baby and her baby was part of her. Janey half stumbled, turned and fled.
She walked fast and furiously to the village turning over the conversation in her head. By the time she reached the village some sanity had taken hold once more. Could she blame Daniel for having doubts about the baby? Did he not have the right to express his concerns to Edna and seek her advice? She must remain calm and not judge Daniel too harshly. She had had far longer to get used to the idea of the pregnancy and parenthood than he had. She wanted the marriage to work. She loved Daniel. Maybe, with time and understanding, love for her child would grow. Daniel had said once before that love could grow despite the best attempts to crush it. She didn’t know if she was evading the problem or being philosophical about it; either way she would visit the haberdashery as she had planned. The visit would take her mind off her problems and her pregnancy, which was becoming more uncomfortable as the days went on.
David saw Daniel walking towards him through the farmyard.
‘There you are. I’ve been looking for you. Janey didn’t know where you were either.’
‘I’ve been talking to the old woman,’ said Daniel, not stopping to speak further.
‘Did Janey find you?’
Daniel became wary and slowed his step. ‘No, why?’ he asked.
David scratched his head. ‘She said she was going to the village so I assumed she would let Edna know.’
‘When did she come to the house?’ he asked, concerned that his conversation with Edna had been overheard. When David answered he knew, without a doubt, it had. ‘I’d better go to the village to give her a lift home,’ he said, marching off to prepare the horse and trap. ‘She shouldn’t be walking so far in her condition.’
Janey had a successful visit to the shop and was making her way home across the village green. Two large oak trees grew in its centre, forming a canopy of leaves providing cooling shade on the hot sunny day. Janey’s mind was still filled with Daniel as she stepped amongst its leafy shadows. She did not notice the man waiting for her to approach until he stepped out into her path.
‘Well, if it isn’t my little vixen, come out of her den to bathe in the sunshine,’ James teased.
Janey felt the earth tilt beneath her feet as she looked up to see the man in front of her. Drink had aged James, mottling his skin and reddening his eyes, and despite his well-tailored suit and matching top hat, he looked slightly dishevelled. She wondered if he had been drinking today; if not she had no doubt he would be in his cups by the evening. He raked her body with his gaze and took in that she was with child.
Janey moved to the side to walk past him but he blocked her way.
‘That’s very impolite of you, Janey. It is customary to reply to a greeting.’
Janey often wondered how she would feel if she ever saw him again. Would it be fear or humiliation? Now she knew. It was anger, and she was grateful for it.
Through gritted teeth she hissed. ‘I see no one I wish to greet. Get out of my way.’
‘You seem upset.’
‘You amaze me with your arrogance,’ she retorted. ‘I have no wish to speak to you. I hate and despise you and will do so until my dying day.’
Daniel brought the trap to a halt and searched the street for Janey. He could not see her so turned his attention to the green. At first he overlooked the couple standing alone under the shade of the twin oak trees but something in the way the woman stood caught his attention. His gut twisted in anguish as he realised it was Janey and that she was talking to Brockenshaw. They stood close together, oblivious of the people around them, and they only had eyes for one another.
‘What is the matter with you? Can we not be civil?’
‘Do you really not know?’ Janey was incredulous. ‘You raped me.’
Brockenshaw examined the end of his cane. ‘Rape is a serious allegation.’
‘You raped me,’ she repeated, clearly. ‘Call it what you like to evade responsibility but I know what you did and so do you.’
‘You enjoyed my attentions. In the grotto your eyes were like a puppy … begging.’
‘You took advantage of your station and position. Do not try to pass the responsibility of your attack onto me. There is only one person who has that and that is you. Now get out of my way.’
‘Janey,’ he said, reaching out to touch her cheek, ‘let us be friends. I have taken a room in the inn down the road. Come back with me and let us talk about it.’
Daniel saw Brockenshaw caress his wife’s cheek and could stomach no more. With a flick of the reins he turned the trap around and headed for home.
‘Take your hand off me,’ ground out Janey. ‘You make my skin crawl.’
James’s hand fell away.
‘I am Mrs Kellow now. You have no hold over me. The sight of you makes me feel sick!’
Janey turned around and set off for home, turning only briefly to reassure herself that he was not following. With some relief, she saw him entering the village inn.
There had been something cathartic to have faced him after all this time and tell him how much she hated him. His avoidance of any responsibility to the act dumbfounded her, yet, on reflection, what did she expect? She had been blind to his conceitedness, his false charm and his spoilt ways. She had been a fool. Yet she knew she had also been naive, a dreamer and he had seen her weakness and taken advantage of it.
She paused to catch her breath. She rubbed the base of her bump to ease the cramp like ache that had come back again. She had experienced the pain, which was not unlike her monthly curse, when she started her journey. Thankfully it had passed off but now it had returned. It was not unduly painful, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless and she waited for it to pass before she started her walk again.
A few yards down the road she was forced to stop again as the discomfort had returned. Perhaps the baby was in a strange position and pressing on her somewhere? She heard the horse and trap before she saw them and it was with some relief when she saw it was her husband coming to collect her. She smiled at him and waved, but her smile faded a little as he approached and she saw how angry he looked. Daniel expertly turned the trap and horse in the road and waited for her to climb up.
‘I’m so glad you have come. I was beginning to regret walking into the village. Did David tell you where I was?’ Daniel did not answer. Janey grabbed her seat for support as the trap lurched off. ‘I have some news. I hear from the vicar that the bank is finally selling the Bosvenna Estate. I thought perhaps we could rent the two fields that border our top fields from the new landlord. You said we would need more land. Of course it would be better to buy but we can’t afford it at the moment. I could write to Lady Brockenshaw and ask her to let us know who the new landlord would be. I’ve been meaning to write to her and tell her I’m now married. We had a close relationship when I worked for her and I’m sure she would be interested.’
‘Why did you go to the village?’
Janey frowned at his angry tone. ‘For this and that,’ she said, evasively. She wanted the dress to be a surprise. ‘What is the matter?’
‘You tell me,’ he replied.
They arrived at the farm in silence, Janey perplexed by his angry mood.
Daniel jumped down and grabbed the horse’s bridle. ‘David. David!’ The boy came running out of the house. ‘Unhitch the horse and put the trap away.’
The boy took the bridle and gave Janey a questioning look. Janey shrugged, she was as confused as he. Carefully she got down from the trap to follow Daniel into the house.
‘Daniel, what is the matter? Why are you so angry?’ Daniel had taken the stairs two at a time and stood looking down at her from the top.
‘Why did you go to the village?’ he asked again.
‘I had errands to run, nothing of importance. I know I should not have walked there,’ she said, unconsciously rubbing her pain away again, ‘but I’m home now. I won’t do it again.’ She had almost reached him before he turned and strode off to their bedroom.
Angrily he changed his shirt for another one, pulling at the buttons and throwing the one he had worn across the room. Janey watched him, bewildered.
‘You are lying.’
Janey shook her head. ‘No, I’m not,’ she replied, quietly.
He finished buttoning his shirt and stood in front of her with a tortured look on his face. He leaned toward her until she felt his breath on her cheek. ‘I saw you!’ he whispered.
The blood drained from Janey’s face. He had seen her talking with James. Daniel pushed past her and descended the steps two at a time. Janey followed, almost tripping on the hem of her dress in her haste.
‘It’s not what it looked like, Daniel. It was not planned.’
‘Don’t lie to me, Janey.’ His hatred for the man was palpable. ‘You swore to me you would not make a fool of me. You promised me you would not meet with him behind my back. How often have you arranged your lover’s trysts? Or did it never stop?’
‘You can’t believe I have any feelings for him, Daniel? It is you I love, not him.’ It was not the time to confess her love for him. Even to her own ears it sounded false, a lie to be told to get out of trouble.
Daniel paced around the kitchen like a caged animal. His anger at her perceived betrayal had no outlet and he wanted to tear the house apart.
‘I saw you. I saw him touching you.’
‘You saw me telling him how much I hate and despise him.’
Daniel scoffed in disbelief. ‘You have always loved him. You made no secret of it. I was nothing to you … just someone to mop up his mistakes. One day you are kissing me, the next you are in his arms. Marriage has changed nothing.’
Edna came into the kitchen and watched in horror at the argument unfolding in front of her. Guarding the door to keep David away she felt powerless to help.
Janey’s eyes blurred with tears. ‘I don’t love him. It was nothing more than a young girl’s crush. It is you I want, it always has been, I just didn’t realise it.’ She grabbed his arm to keep him still. ‘Please believe me!’
He shook her off and resumed his pacing. He had seen them together, his eyes did not lie.
‘How often have you met? How often have you made love?’
‘Today was the only time we’ve met since we married. It was not arranged, I did not want to see him. He just appeared!’
‘Did you make love?’
‘No! I was only in his company for a few minutes.’
‘You expect me to believe that?’
‘I told you before we were married it has only ever been the one time.’
‘Once? Why should I believe you?’
‘It is the truth!’
‘Where?’ He wanted the details; it was as if he had a sore he could not help but pick.
‘Please, Daniel, don’t torture yourself.’
‘Where?’ he asked again.
‘In my room … in the servants’ quarters.’
‘Do you still love him?’
‘No, I hate him.’
‘Why would a young girl’s crush turn to hate when you have a baby in your belly to bind you together?’
Janey turned away but he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to face him.
‘See, you cannot look at me. You still love him!’
‘No!’
‘Then tell me why? Convince me!’ he shouted, giving her a little shake. ‘Convince me!’
‘Because he raped me!’ she screamed.
No one in the room moved. Now she would know if he believed her. Now she would know if he thought she had brought it on herself. Just a look from him, just a hesitation in his voice or manner and she would know.
