Loved by you, p.29
Loved by You, page 29
On the way, extreme guilt layered in a thick blanket. Here, this place and situation, would be the first time I’d seen Griffin after so many long days apart. The sadness of the thought choked me, but my legs kept moving. I had to keep moving. I couldn’t buckle this time.
Not anymore.
An elevator took me up to the fourth floor and any doubt I ever could’ve had I was in the right place rectified quickly. The elevator took me to the epicenter, the heart of the ward the moment I stepped out of the elevator, and in that heart, sat a family, large blonds everywhere, Griffin’s brothers. Colton spotted me first. Probably because he was the youngest and had the quickest reaction time. A domino effect hit after that. Griffin’s oldest brother Hayden and his wife Karen glanced over their shoulders, their daughter Sarah playing at their feet at the ward’s Lego table. And then large Brody, he stood, touching the arm of a small woman who had her back to me. She sat in a hospital chair, Griffin’s Aunt Robin next to her.
Grandma Rose.
Brody whispered down to her and she turned, passing a look over her shoulder.
My way.
“Roxie…” came from her mouth, a face so drained. She couldn’t have slept much. She couldn’t have slept at all, but at the moment, she didn’t seem to care. Bracing her hands on the arms of the chair she sat in, she rose from the seat. Objections to her doing so, shot off like popcorn throughout the room, but she ignored them all and got to her feet. Brody’s hands were there to help her, but then she made him let her go, coming to me. She didn’t have to come.
She didn’t have to come.
I went to her, trying to make it easier as I knew she wouldn’t stop. That was just Griffin’s Gram. She didn’t stop if she had a thought going in her head.
We met across the room, half the people in it flanking behind her, and I lowered to her level. I had to as her hands went out to me, shaking to touch my face. I let her, bracing her wrists and her lips quivered.
They quivered before she brought me into a hug.
“You’re safe, darlin’?” she whispered, cradling my head with her short stature. “You’re all right?”
I nodded, trying to keep my emotions in check and that’s when I realized something. My leaving didn’t just affect Griffin.
It affected his entire family.
I was quickly surrounded, an arm around my waist from Karen, and then pulled briskly into the side of Aunt Robin. That one made me laugh. She squeezed the air right of me, right against her side. Where I didn’t have space to hug, a hand was laid to me, my shoulder, and my hand. They all were there. I was surrounded by Chandlers. But as I took it all in, gazed around, I noticed a very clear absence. He wasn’t here for some reason. He wasn’t here.
The Chandlers all drew back when Gram did, but her hands never left. They simply slid from my face to my arms.
“Thank you for coming,” she said, her cheeks flushed. It was a flush I came to see spread around the room. Even the boys couldn’t hide it from their cheeks.
“Blake?” I started. He’d ask me to call him that once. I was happy to.
The name of Griffin’s dad brought a smile to her face, but only just slightly. She rubbed my arms, but couldn’t seem to bring herself to say anything. Her lips went tight again and Griffin’s oldest brother Hayden helped her out, bringing an arm around her.
“They brought him out of intensive care,” he said. “But still, he’s not out of the dark. He’s had problems with his blood pressure for a while.”
“Damn fool,” that was Aunt Robin this time, a tissue pressed to her face. “Our damn fool.”
Gram shook my arms. “He’s awake now. We’ve all just been from visiting with him. Would you go see him?”
The request threw me. That she’d even desire such a thing. My lips parted. “Do you think I should?”
And she smiled again. “I do. I think it will help. For him to know you’re all right, too.”
She looked as if she’d lead the way, but Hayden thought it best she rest and take a break from everything. Brody offered to escort me in her absence, his hands in pockets while we left the family and headed down the busy hallway. I couldn’t help my gaze lingering as we did, searching, wondering, and Brody noticed, his deep chuckle making me look up at him.
“He went to go get coffee,” he said, stopping in front of a room. A room labeled with a name, Blake Chandler. “The machine down here was broken,” he continued. “So he headed to the other end of the hospital. He’s been gone for a little while though. I can imagine he probably just needed a break. You know, from everything?”
Yes, I could imagine he did. His dad’s condition. Me. I managed to smile at Brody no matter how small.
Brody gestured me inside the room, following behind me. The sight of Griffin’s dad on the hospital bed, hooked up to wires along with tubes to assist his breathing and fluids, took me to a far away place. I’d never seen him this way, so vulnerable, and the sight squeezed my heart. He’d always been so strong. The room quiet in nothing but beeping, I didn’t want to bother the man with his eyes closed. But Brody, he went to his dad’s bedside any way. He squeezed his large forearm, rested atop tucked blankets.
“Pop?” he questioned, a smile on his lips. “Look who’s here. Look who came to see ya.”
Blue eyes opened, aged but only because he’d seen a lot I imagined. They shifted about the room, finding me, and I froze in place. The gaze pinning me, I think I was only able to come over because Brody gestured me to do so, the hand like a lit guide in the dark.
I came closer to Brody’s side so Blake wouldn’t have to adjust or anything to see me, but even still, I held my distance. I hadn’t forgotten what I put this family through and found it hard to allow myself to get too comfortable with them again. Mostly, because I didn’t feel I deserved the welcoming nature they always had for me in Griffin’s life.
Blake’s gaze settled on me, watching, and didn’t even move when his son started to back away. Panicked, my gaze followed Brody, but I was only given a raise of a hand and smile before he left the room and closed the door.
I was alone now, alone with Griffin’s pop, and I had no idea what to do. Gram told me being here would help though. Maybe I didn’t have to do anything at all, but that. Be here.
“I don’t bite,” came a low voice, depth in the sound. It was also tired, so tired. Griffin’s pop closed his eyes, letting out a breath. “You can come closer.”
So I did, swallowing, and he spoke again.
“You ain’t gotta stand,” he said, clearing his throat while he adjusted ever so slightly. “You can sit. If you’d like it better.”
In the hospital bed himself, and his thoughts rested on me. But I wasn’t surprised, not at all.
I shook my head, unable to help my smile. “That’s okay. I’m fine.”
He lifted his head, nodded slightly and I wondered how bad he was. Hayden said they’d brought him out of intensive care, but also, that he wasn’t out of the dark yet.
I eyed the wires, sticking out of his arms. The flesh looked so ghost-white, weak.
“I know how this looks,” came his voice again. He didn’t even open his eyes, but still, nothing got past him. His chest moved slowly up and down. “But it will be all right. They all worry, but it will be all right.”
And I had to admit, I worried, too. God, what would this do to his family if…
What this would do to Griffin?
I’d already put him through so much.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” Blake asked me. He’d turn my way this time, eyes opening. “When you left, did you find it?”
I sniffed with a smile, forcing my emotions in check. I thought about my time away, and the journey I made while I did. The man I went to without hope, but left with that and more. Nodding at Griffin’s dad now, I realized I had and that brought a smile to his lips, so faint but it was there.
“I’m glad you’re back,” he said, warming my heart. He drew out a long breath I was sure took effort to make, but even still, that slight smile didn’t leave. “And you’ll be all right, too.”
I stayed with him for a few more moments, neither of us exchanging words, and honestly, I think that was okay. Just being there was okay. But before I left, Blake made sure to tell me one more thing.
“The wedding arch is done,” he said. “And I can’t wait to see y’all underneath it. The pictures.”
I told him I’d hold him to the promise, stepping away and leaving him to rest. On my way out, I passed a nurse. She had on I Love Lucy themed scrubs and the black and white print made me smile. I loved that show. I used to watch it with my mom a lot. She caught me smiling and met me with one herself, warm brown eyes matching the flourish of dark curls surrounding round cheeks, smooth brown skin. She had a brightness about her. It illuminated her entire face and reminded me of my mom at one time. She hadn’t always been sad, no. Things hadn’t always been so bad.
She acknowledged me with a nod and I caught her nameplate before she went into Blake’s room. A. Willis, it said. I didn’t know why I took the moment to read it. Perhaps, that was because she seemed so pleasant.
My first thought was to head back toward Griffin’s family, but I decided to head in the other direction. I didn’t know why, but that’s where my feet took me. I took a chance he wouldn’t be back with his family yet, that he was still taking his time, and seeing him around a corner told me I knew him as well as I thought I had. I did know him.
I loved him. I loved him so much.
Griffin sat in a chair across from a coffee machine. He hadn’t made it far after all. Cup in hand, he had his large legs out, bent with his arms rested on his knees. That same flush touched his cheeks as he stared ahead, a vacancy in his eyes that hurt my heart to see. And it did hurt. I felt responsible for so much of it.
I stood there, watching him. Through all this, he was keeping himself together. I knew that because he was here, away, taking that time like Brody said. And I also knew by the time he got up and presented himself to his family again, he’d act as if he didn’t need these moments, this alone time. That was just the type of person he was. He felt he always had to be strong despite any and everything.
“Griffin?” I said, swallowing hard. He didn’t need to be strong in front of me.
He didn’t need the ruse.
And I saw that as he turned to face me. He swallowed too, but he didn’t shove it away, the pain he was in. It read all over the lines of his beautiful face, his amazing blue eyes. He knew he didn’t have to hide. I was one person he could be himself with. I accepted him as much as he accepted me.
His gaze followed, as I made my way over to him. Blinking hard, he didn’t get up and I think he might have been in shock I was here. He didn’t need to get up, though. He was okay just like this.
He lowered his head as I came down to him, resting on my knees before him. He stared at me, his full lips parted, and I placed my hands on his thighs rubbing.
“Hi,” I said, my mouth moving into a smile. It felt natural to say, and though he didn’t say it back, he didn’t have to. He didn’t have to say anything at all.
After setting his cup down, I pushed my hands up, rising on my knees to wrap my arms around his waist.
He brought me to him in the next breath.
His arms encased my entire body, his lips, his breaths deep into the crook of my neck, and held me there. He held me there so tight and he said many words, all the same in my ear.
“You can’t run again,” he said, curling his fingers into my hair, his arms shaking. He pushed his face into my neck, breathing. “You can’t run again, Roxie.”
And I was quivering too, crying. I shook my head, pushing my hands into lengthy blond strands. “No,” I told him, promising him nothing but the truth. I wouldn’t run again.
I wouldn’t.
Long arms brought me into his lap, strong arms, and I stayed there, curled up with him. I held on forever in that hospital chair. He held on forever. Neither one of us would let go.
Neither one of us.
“I told y’all now I’m ready to go back to work,” Pop grumbled. His boots scraped against Gram’s hardwood floor as he joined Roxie and me in the living room, collapsing with a grunt when he made it to his favorite arm chair. Any other time, I could imagine Gram giving him a hard time about what he did to her polished maple, but my old man could get away with a lot these days as he was still in recovery.
Him working wasn’t one of those things.
Her little frame followed him into the living room, her cowboy boots stomping on her own floor. The frenzy tinted the color of her cheeks and an equally frantic Aunt Robin charged in after her. Damn, he had the squad after him today.
Gram placed her hands on her little hips. “Honestly, Blake. We’re just trying to keep you around a little longer. Now, if you’d quit with all this foolishness you’d be back into work in no time.”
“Damn foolishness,” Aunt Robin spat, pointing at him with a wooden spatula. She’d been cooking lunch for us all for the last hour, the smell of chili beans and ground beef wafting into the room while Roxie and I watched basketball on my Gram’s forty-inch flat screen. Well, I more so watched while Roxie lay curled up under my arm playing on her phone. That only seemed right, though. That was us to the fullest. But now, she watched the show of the hour alongside me, my gram and aunt laying into my pop.
Aunt Robin’s chin jutted out. She tipped it in Pop’s direction, but she stared at Roxie and me. “You know what we caught him doing? Fixing that damn horse fence like a damned fool.”
“There was a squeak in the hinges,” he said, facing the TV. He sat in the direction of it like he was watching, but I doubted that, as he was getting reamed from all angles. Hay and Brody would probably get on him too, but they finally went back to work after Pop’s health started to take a turn for the better. Colton went back to school shortly after and things started to go normal again. The old man sure did give us a scare though, a real good scare, but nothing could lick him. Not even a heart attack. He had a tough few weeks, but he made it.
He fought it.
And now, he was fighting another battle. My gram and aunt made him stay here so they could take care of him, a decision I was sure he was now regretting.
“A squeak!” Aunt Robin said, lifting and lowering her spoon. “A squeak he says.”
His head shot her way under his dark Stetson. “Robin,” he gritted. “I don’t need your lecture. I’m fine. Been good for a while now.”
“You’re fine because we’re keeping you that way,” she countered, stepping forward onto my Gram’s bearskin rug. “If you had it your way, you’d be out there with the hands tending to the property!”
His eyes narrowed as he faced the T.V. “Ann says there ain’t nothing wrong with me doing a little physical activity.”
“Ann? Who in the hell is Ann?”
“She’s my,” he paused, closing his lips. His gaze drifted from the TV slightly, but just as quickly it was back, his hand moving down his mouth. “She was one of my tending nurses at the hospital. She’s also a nutritionist. We’ve been emailing about a plan for when I’m doing things on my own again. Not like I can do anything else but be on the computer since y’all keeping me locked up.”
Now, that was news to me. I had no idea my pop had an email account let alone used it. He wasn’t really about technology too much outside of TV with a beer to keep him company.
I glanced down at Roxie, catching her quant smile before turning back to my family and their discussion. She twirled her hair while she watched, and that same smile didn’t leave her face. I’d question it more if I didn’t like that look about her so much.
Bringing her in close, I continued to watch the show with her, the game on TV long forgotten.
Aunt Robin pursed her lips. “Well, this Ann ain’t here taking care of you. We are, so the least you could do is not cause us to worry.”
“Don’t bring Ann into this now,” Pop snipped, surprising the shit out of me that he’d charged back. And not just that, but how he’d chosen to charge back. “She’s been nice and don’t deserve that.”
I didn’t know it was possible, but he managed to say something to make Aunt Robin quiet, and in fact, we all were. Gram, too. And if I didn’t no any better, I’d say my old man’s face colored before turning back to the television. I couldn’t be certain though because of his hat, and for some reason, the smile on the girl under my arm grew.
I wonder what she knew.
Choosing to avert the situation entirely, Pop got up, a move he did so swiftly I would have sworn his heart had never given out on him. He mumbled something about going to take a nap, but that didn’t stop Aunt Robin. She followed him down the hall, putting in her last two cents about the fence fiasco while she did.
Sighing, Gram faced me. “Your poppa’s stubborn but he means well.”
I knew he did. I just wished he’d take it easy.
Gram watched Roxie and me for a moment before leaving the room, smiling as she eyed our fingers twisted together in my lap. She’d been doing that a lot, sneaking glances at us. We’d pretty much been inseparable since she came to the hospital.
Since she came back to me.
I decided to ride out the full leave agreement I had from the team to be with pop while he was on the mend. That was made easy, as Mickey had never gotten around to negotiating the end of the leave when I asked him to. Things like that kind of happened when you broke your agent’s nose and fired them. Honestly, I expected some kind of repercussions from that. Mickey was a powerful guy, but seeing as how I could have equally sued the hell out of him and Rich for the shit they pulled on me, things ended up growing cold on both ends. We weren’t square, not by a long shot, but they’d both had already done so much damage. To Roxie and me.
