"You know, Principal O'Doherty, if I die people will wonder why a girl that has no pervious history of bad health suddenly dies. Now tell me that wouldn't make it on the front page," I yelled, but that made me cry out so much.

  "It'll all be worth it to see you dead." He gave a deep throated laugh. "The Governor does not know about what I did with you, but I'm sure he would approve for the cause."

  I hung up the phone, still screaming from the pain I was in, I didn't think someone could be in this much pain. Starting to weep even harder I got into a little ball on the floor feeling the carpet getting wet from the tears as I lay down on the carpet. I decided to call a friend to help me. I had to leave Nick alone to hang around with his friends, he hasn't done that in awhile, and I owed him that. Picking up the phone I dialed Bridget's number as my hands shook. I had to start dialing over a few times because I kept messing up with my shaky hands.

  "Bridget."

  "Rachel, you're crying what's wrong? I have never heard you cry before."

  "Please come over. I called 911 and that's one of the phone numbers we can't get here in our little neighborhood."

  I won’t burden Bridget with the news of the arsenic. At least not yet.

  I crawled into a corner of the room with the phone still pressed to my ear while cradling my other hand. I brought my knees into my chest and the tears kept rolling onto my knees. My hair turned into a curtain around my head, shielding me from the rest of the world.

  "I'll be right there, Rachel."

  I sat there crying in so much agony that I knew I was almost at the end of the line. I had to be dying because I didn't know how they could treat poison. I was going to die, but not alone like I had feared. I was going to die before my seventeenth birthday so I could never get my license. I was going to die without really living with Nick when we were older. Nick was the one I loved and I had wasted a lot of our time being stupid with pointless arguments or not admitting sooner that he was the one I loved, or the mere fact that love, itself, was real.

  The stinging went through me as I remembered that dream I had a few months back. I was never going to have that family with Nick. I wasn't going to live happily ever after with him or just sit there and enjoy his company. I let out another yell of pain, louder this time. This must have been what that dream meant as I remembered that last screaming matching the one that I dreamt.

  "Rachel, open the door, it's locked," Bridget cried out in an alarm, which was a lot worse than her normal panicking. She started banging on the door as the knob twisted.

  I got up with my legs shaking and was feeling like I was going to fall to my death. I bawled out in tenderness with every step I took with my probably broken ankle. I wobbled instead of my normal stroll. I could hear Bridget freaking out on the other side of the door as I tried to get to the door. When I opened the door I started to fall, but Bridget caught me just in time. Just like a friend was supposed to do, being there no matter what.

  "The guys are in the main building in the neighborhood, right? So I'll be back and don't lock the door. You know he won't have his key. Also don't move, Rachel," Bridget said, worried and rushing as she was trying to figure out what to do before she then helped me to the couch.

  "Don't get Nick-" I yelped as I grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving me.

  "Rachel, I'm getting him. He needs to be here."

  "Okay, fine, get him," I screamed and cringed, not having the strength to argue.

  She left and stabbing heat started to rip apart my insides. The room started to spin. Curling more into my hopes for something to put me out of my misery, but I found my pen on the couch. I wrote in handwriting that mirrored my print in kindergarten, I wrote arsenic. When I was finishing the 'c' my whole body jumped and surged causing me to fall off the couch. I blacked out collapsing onto the carpet. I was blacked out in the house alone, in the quiet. I prayed that this wasn't going to be the last time I was in this house.

  32

  Nick

  I stood around with Dill and John, this being the first time in a while we all hung out, but I was feeling guilty about leaving Rachel alone at home sick. She’d been sick for such a long time despite what she told me. Selfishly I was enjoying being with my friends, and Mark wasn't with us, which made me happier. That was when the door crashed open and Bridget came in running trying to catch her breath at the same time.

  "Nick, come with me. Rachel's very sick and we can't dial 911," Bridget yelled, out of breath. "She isn't lying either, because she was hysterically crying when she called me. When I got there she was on the floor not able to stand."

  "Damn it! I shouldn't have listened to her. I should have stayed with her. Damn it!" I was so angry. I couldn't believe she lied to me again. What else had she lied about?

  "Nick, please hurry. She's in so much pain," Bridget screamed, her brown eyes huge with fear, tears about to spill over for her friend that she was so close with.

  It was at that moment I felt my heart drop. I knew something was wrong. I could feel her pain in my bones. Pushing Bridget away and I ran as if it was the end of the world. I needed to get there before anything bad happened. I prayed that there wasn't anything terrible to worry about.

  The houses became a blur as I ran by to get to Rachel. I could only think of Rachel. She was the only thing that mattered now. Everything we had done or been through together. These last few months were the best times of my life and they were with her. We had been through so much and just to lose her now would be the worst thing imaginable.

  Rachel was pushing her hair behind her ears as she read on the couch or was writing her stories anywhere in the house. Rachel just putting on her makeup in the morning, after finishing brushing her hair as she got ready for school. Rachel just laughing or talking to me as her eyes glistened or just how her lips formed to show off her white teeth when she did so.

  I remembered when we were on the trip, waking up with her in my arms for the first time. The time I had to go find her in the rain and we ran around in it for me to fully understand how free she always wanted to feel. The first time we kissed without her slapping me on Thanksgiving. Right after we had left from the dance we danced in the snow. Mark's party when I had saved her from my own friend. The time she had to run away from me, or just doing our homework together. I had to get to her. She needed me and I needed her in my life. I needed to get home before it was too late and I was left…alone. I couldn't lose her. I didn't know how I would do in life without her.

  Our house came into view as I leaped towards it. I threw the door open, hoping Rachel would be sitting on the couch reading or standing there saying 'got you' as she threw her arms around me, giggling. I would have done anything for either of these to be true, but life isn't ever fair.

  Instead, a pale sick fragile Rachel was on the floor where I guess was where she fell. She wasn't moving and was barely breathing which was scaring me to death. By now I was on my knees beside her, just holding her close, trying to figure out what to do. I even took her hand to see her pulse was okay, but looking at her sick hand made me want to cry. Her eyes weren't even open.

  I had to get her to a hospital, but wasn't sure how. I guess the guards were the best bet, but would they help? I was afraid to move Rachel. So that left me to run to the guards by myself. I didn't even say a word when I got there, I just grabbed one by the sleeve and dragged him to the house kicking and screaming. I couldn't say what was wrong because that would mean that this was really happening. He kept threatening me, but I was determined, I had to get her to a hospital.

  I don't know how long it took or what was said. The world just was muted and I lost all my senses, I was just a shell of a person as the guard got the other and they called an ambulance. As the ambulance came they carried her in and I jumped in the back with them. I was so upset, yet all I could do was get mad at her. I couldn't hear what was happening; my hearing and all my senses seemed to be turned off. My senses didn't seem like they were planning on coming back anytime soon. I was detached.

  As they carried her into the hospital I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks, but only hatred came out of my mouth.

  "Damn it, Rachel, you said you wouldn't leave me! God damn you! You said you were better! To hell with you, Rachel, and your fucking lies!"

  A middle aged nurse with brown hair came over to me and tried to calm me down, because I was probably frightening the other people in the waiting room. It probably was not a good idea to curse while kids were around either.

  The nurse started to tell me everything would be alright. Could I get that in writing? Could I sue them for telling me that if things turned for the worse, giving someone false hope for something they didn't have control over? As I sat in the chair I didn't know how long I had been there. The only thoughts were about Rachel.

  Would she be alright? I couldn't live without her. How did this happen? Why was this happening? I couldn't live without her. She had to be alright. She was small, but she was strong so she could beat this. She had too, she just had too.

  As I sat in the chair with still no information good or bad, a little boy was running around the room. He had dark skin just like his father with a giant smile on his face like it was the best day ever to happen on the face of the earth as his father picked him up to put him on his shoulders. How dare someone be happy when Rachel was going through this.

  "Daddy can we see my new sister."

  "We have to go on the right floor first."

  Both were happy as they climbed into the elevator to go welcome a new life into the world. While I sat here to make sure that a life would stay here with me and her friends because I didn't think they would take her death any better than me. We were all too young to be saying goodbye to a friend, or a wife, a wife that we were too young for too, but it happened.

  I couldn't take it anymore and went to the desk, which only threw paperwork at me. I didn't know her parent's information or practically any of the questions on the papers. Address, would that be our home or her parents? The brunette nurse came back and helped explain the information to me. She was surprised to find out that we were two of the married teens. She seemed to be holding back her own questions as she gave me genuine sorry eyes as she sat with me.

  An old Asian doctor came in with tiredness spelt out in every wrinkle and finally said I could go and see her. I had to be strong for her though and he would go more into detail about what was wrong after I saw her. Yet, he told me one thing. That she didn't have much time left so make the best out of now. That they found the word arsenic written on her hand and tested for it, and the test came back positive. The nurse guided me to a room down a long quiet hallway while my heart went in to overtime.

  33

  Rachel

  My eyes slowly opened as I could hardly breathe and when I did breathe it was heavy so I could hear it loudly making me feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest too stubborn to move its large butt. My whole body was still in pain, yet a little muffled as well. I tried to move my fingers, but they barely moved. One of my wrists was in a cast from when I fell was my guess. I felt another sharp pain through my whole body. Was my life worth losing to help everyone get free? To not know what life with Nick would be like.

  Yes…

  The door knob slowly turned and Nick stepped through the doorway. His head was low to match his slumping shoulders. He looked so different from when we started the marriages. Nick walked across the small white room to sit in the chair next to my bed. I could see that the tubes in my arms and nose made him uncomfortable as he was hunched over, they scared me and I couldn't even see them. All the monitors didn't help either as an occasional beep was sounded to prove that I was still alive. He took my hand that had so many tubes and put my small hand in both of his.

  "Nick-"

  "Save your energy. You should get some sleep."

  I used more energy than I should have to lift my arm to stroke Nick's soft cheek. I could see a light tear trail down his cheeks.

  "I wanted to be here with you sooner, but they wouldn't let me in." His voice cracked.

  Nick was gazing into my eyes with those deep blues appearing glassy. I hated to be putting him through this and I hadn't intended on ever hurting him. I could tell I had and yet staring into his blue eyes I could see something else. He was hiding something.

  "Nick, what's wrong?"

  "Shh, Rachel, you should just relax. You need to get better. You will get better."

  I wish that was all true. "My death will help the marriages get lifted. That way all of you will be free. Nick, I-"

  "No you're not going to die. Rachel, you're not going to die. I need you."

  I tried to smile, but I was just getting too tired already. I could feel my energy level lower a lot especially in the last few minutes. "Nick, if I don't get through this I need you to promise that you'll live on. To live to the fullest and to forget me. To get over me and meet other girls. To do everything I won't be able to do. Also take my story binder with you, it's under my bed and don't let my parents get a hold of it because they'll probably throw it away, it's an utter mess so it looks like garbage." I wanted to cry while saying all of that, between the pains I was in physically, I was feeling equally as emotionally.

  "Rachel, stop talking like this. I never want to hear you speak like this again."

  Nick started to sound angry, but I could just tell from his eyes that he was just plain hurt. His eyes were growing watery. However, I just started to cough and wasn't able to stop for a minute or more. My whole body started to ache even worse now. My eyes were wet from the coughing and having to say goodbye to the one person who made my world more complicated yet, better in a very odd way. He was making our goodbye too hard though.

  "Nick, please just agree with what I'm saying. I know you don't like it, but just go along with what I'm saying for me." My voice cracked as my throat was dry from all the coughing.

  "Fine, Rach."

  "I love you, Nick."

  "I love you too, Rachel, and I always will. That's why I-"

  "Nick, I think I'm going to take a rest now." This was getting too painful. I had to end this on a happy note. Well as happy as it could get.

  "Rach, please no!"

  "Don't worry I'll wake up, but for now let’s just leave it at that we love each other. Please I'm so tired."

  Nick looked so upset, as his heart and mine were at war right now about what was right. He bent over and kissed me lightly on the lips. My slowed heart raced to the point of it being normal, knowing this was the last time those soft sweet lips would ever touch mine again. My eyes started to close as all the pain seemed to disappear. The sense of Nick's hands were gone, as my last breath went out, but no air came back in...

  34

  Nick

  When the nurses had rushed into Rachel's room, I was shoved out of the chaos as her heart monitor blared out the even tone. Doctors raced into her room as an angry nurse dragged me to the waiting room, I kept glancing back to Rachel's room with each step she forced me to make, I took a half step back. Finally the nurse yanked me back to the waiting room where my face was slightly moist and my chest was tight. I saw the nurse's mouth moving, but sound was gone and I collapsed into a chair. Bending over with my elbows on my knees and my face hiding in my hands; I was sick to my stomach. Rachel just had to be alright, I didn't know what I was going to do if she wasn't.

  I wasn't sure how long I sat like that, but a gentle gesture on my shoulder caused me to jolt upright to see my mother standing near me. I hadn’t seen her in months and my muscles loosened. Her blue eyes locked onto mine. Her brown hair was tied back in a low ponytail. There seemed to be some more gray strands in her hair than I had remembered. She wore a dress and a sweatshirt as she sat down beside me. My mom stroked some of my hair out of my eyes as a weak smile graced her face.

  "Nicholas," the voice I knew growing up was just as tender as I remembered. "I'm so sorry."

  Every fiber in my body wanted to be the guy that the world has told me to be and not cry, but tears rested on my eye lids. My mom wrapped her arms around me, embracing me in a hug which I returned. My arms tightened around her and she returned the gesture.

  "Let's get you out of here," my mom stroked my back. "Your father's parked outside to bring you home."

  I nodded as we stood up she kept an arm around me. My dad's SUV was parked and he sat up front with his eyes forward. I slid into the backseat as my mom took the passenger’s seat.

  "Nick," my mom started as I stared out the window watching the hospital growing smaller. "I can't imagine what you're going through, especially since I don't know your relationship with-"

  "Rachel," I spoke sharply.

  "Rachel, but we love you very much and when we get home you should take it easy," her voice despite how sincere and kind it was, it showed how awkward she was about the situation.

  She was picking up her youngest child who was sixteen from the hospital after he just watched his wife die. I had to give her credit.

  "Thanks mom," I glanced up at her. "I think I'm just going to lay down when we get home."

 

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