The langley sisters coll.., p.48
The Langley Sisters Collection 1, page 48
part #1 of The Langley Sisters Series
Closing her eyes, she felt the weight of exhaustion pull her towards sleep. She would take each day as it came, but for now, she needed to rest. Closing her eyes, she blew Luke a kiss, as she did every night, and let sleep pull her under.
CHAPTER THREE
The morning was gray and cold, but there was no sign of rain or snow which Bella was grateful for. After breakfast, she pulled on her sturdy boots, and then, buttoning up her warm coat, she pulled on the gloves Jenny insisted she wear. Holding the flowers she had picked, Bella then made her way slowly down the hill, ignoring the small twinge of pain in her thigh as she traversed the small slope and walked through the gate at the bottom of the garden. She was stiff from her fall, and she knew her limitations, as Doctor Abernathy had taught her how to realize when she had reached them. Pushing herself too hard often resulted in her spending the following few days in discomfort.
Humming to herself, she blew out a loud breath that produced a plume of white before her as she walked through the forest. Normally, walking these paths Bella would have a cane and often a maid at her side, while her eyes remained down, looking for any obstacle that may trip her up. But not this time; this time, she looked around her, enjoying the colors of the forest and surrounding countryside. Inhaling, Bella felt a rush of pleasure as the familiar smells embraced her, the earthy scents of the forest and countryside that surround Willow Hall. She climbed slowly and once she reached the top of the small hill, made her way through the entrance and down the rows to where her parents were buried. Standing between their graves, she touched each and placed the flowers evenly on both before beginning to tell them what had taken place in her life over the past few months.
She loved to sit here and talk. She had walked many slow, painful treks up here to find the peace that being near her parents’ graves gave her. She had talked of the Langley sisters’ struggle to survive, and the pain and hopelessness she felt because her leg stopped her from helping. She had told them about Will and Livvy, and finally, before she had left for the clinic, of her joy and hope for the journey she was about to take. Up here, she unburdened herself. This was the place she had always felt free to say what she wished.
When she had given all her news, Bella returned to the hill and for the pure joy of being here alone without her cane, she put out her arms and turned in a slow circle. It was freedom to be able to do this, to be able to move without a hand supporting her or a sympathetic word. This would be here life now, she vowed. She would never again rely on something or someone to walk. She was finally free!
Luke walked up the hill slowly, enjoying the view of his village below. Even the gray day could not dim his pleasure at being home. He had left more times than he could count, but it always drew him back. Cresting the hill, he looked back down the path he had walked to where his father, two of his sibling and grandparents were buried. They would be happy there, like he. This was the place they had called home. Pausing to look below to the village, as he always did, he then turned to make his way along the path that would take him down the hill and through the forest, to where his family lived.
He saw Bella as he was about halfway along and stopped, stunned, as he watched her twirl in circles. She was laughing, her arms spread wide, head thrown back, and he’d never seen anything so beautiful in his life before. His heart thudded hard in his chest as he studied her. She looked happy, her movements free of pain. The motion pressed her skirts to her legs and he felt the familiar pull of need as he watched. God, she was sweet.
Pulling his eyes from the beautiful picture she presented, he looked to the path she had just climbed. He thought about walking down it and avoiding her, but he couldn’t. If she was close, he was drawn to her. Did she want his assistance to return to his house? Was her leg hurting her? How could he serve her today? It had always been that way for him. He could not stand to see her suffer, nor be alone. Her pain had often made him ache; even though she had stoically tried to hide it, he had known when she was hurting.
Moving silently down the path, he drew near as she stopped turning. As if sensing him, she stumbled, but quickly righted herself as he reached to steady her.
“Luke! Why are you here? Were you following me?”
She had been back in his life only a few days, but Luke had noted many differences in her and not just in her leg. From his earliest memory of Isabella Langley, he remembered her as sweet natured and selfless. Yes, she could be mischievous, but rarely outspoken, however he had a feeling that was about to change.
“I was visiting my family’s graves which are, as I’m sure you know, below the hill, and saw you as I was walking back.”
“You say that as if I am to blame for the location of your family’s graves, Luke.”
Luke ground his teeth together. She had declared her love for him the day she had left the clinic and yesterday she had clung to him after she’d fallen from that horse, but today he saw the wariness was back in her eyes.
“Bella—”
“I am sure, as you are wont to tell me frequently, that I will never forget your birth. As for your family, I am aware they are buried here as I have visited them often.”
“You were the one who put the flowers on?” Often when he visited the graves of his brother and sister, he had found a fresh bouquet of colorful blooms there. He’d questioned his family, but they had denied it. “You should not have gone down there with your injured leg, Bella. It was too dangerous.”
She lifted her chin and looked down her nose at him, which was really quite some feat as he was a head taller.
“I managed and, as you can see, I am now quite able to traverse that slope with ease. I am also grateful that you have always watched over me, Luke, but it is no longer necessary. You must see I am changed and no longer in need of your assistance every time I set foot from the house.”
“I will always watch over you.”
“But I don’t want you to. I want you to see me as a woman, not a wounded little girl!” Anger darkened her eyes to emerald.
She had the most beautiful skin of any woman he knew. Soft and unblemished, it was like rich cream and he knew it felt like satin to touch.
“I will see you as I always have, the woman who needs my care and attention.”
“But not your equal, not someone you can share your thoughts, good or bad, with? Not someone you will ever allow to do anything other than dress in nice clothes and sit inside the house doing needlework?”
Where the hell had that come from?
They hadn’t sparred with each other verbally for many years. Since his return from India, in fact, as she had been in constant pain, and his only thought had ever been to comfort her, so it surprised him to hear her speak this way.
“Would you rather muck out the pigs?”
“Don’t make fun of me, Luke Fletcher.” Her eyes were bright and clear as they glared at him.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say, Bella. You are the woman I care for and always have been. And yes, I have always protected you, and I cannot see that will change in the future.”
“But you see me only as the girl I was, hurting and pitiful, not the woman I want you to see, the woman I now am.”
Luke blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t understand what you want from me, Bella. I see you as I always have.”
Her teeth snapped together and Luke realized he’d made her angrier with his words. How was he supposed to answer when he’d only known this new Bella for a few days? Surely, she had not changed that much?
“You said you loved me, and that is all that matters.” His words were flat and without emotion, because that was how Luke had always dealt with feelings; he hid behind cool detachment.
“And you? Do you love me or am I to believe you feel nothing for me?”
She knew how he felt, because it had been there in every look and gesture they’d shared for years. He just wasn’t good at saying the words. His anger began to rise at her words; she was taunting him, trying to get him to react. Well, she’d reached her objective.
“Nothing?” He reached for her, his fingers wrapping around her arm, just above her elbow. “I have made sure you were safe for more years than I care to count, followed you in case you needed my assistance. Carried you, led you about on my arm. Don’t you dare say I feel nothing. I have spent my life loving you, and yesterday I stabbed a man who dared to harm you, without hesitation, and would do so again in a heartbeat. Believe me when I say that was not nothing.”
Only she could make him lose control. With her, his emotions were always in turmoil. He struggled to lock them away when she was near, hide what he really thought or felt, but she laid them bare.
“And yet I never asked you to do so, Luke. I never told you to be there for me, you just were, and after you came back from India, it was as if nothing had changed, only now I needed you more. Why? It is a question I have always wanted to ask you. Why were you always there for me when you returned, when you did not have to be?”
“In the beginning, I was doing my duty,” he growled out. “To you and your family.” She tried to wriggle from his grasp but he simply grabbed her other arm and hauled her closer. “Doing my duty to ensure you were safe.”
“I never asked you to!”
“No, but your father did.” He shouldn’t have said the words, but she’d pushed him. He’d always vowed not to do so, but now he could not unsay them.
“My father died when you were out of England. How could he have asked that of you?” Her face had leeched of color; all fight had gone from her body as she looked at him, as if begging him to take back the words. But he could not. Luke would not lie to her, not about this.
“Your father gave Jenny a letter to pass to me in the case of his death.”
“No!” The word was ripped from her. “H-he would not have done that. He had no reason to do so.” She was pleading with him to refute his words. “He was not in his right mind at the end.”
“It’s the truth, Bella. I promise you.”
Her eyes searched his, hoping to see the lie that was not there.
“And that is why you stayed with us? Not because you were Will’s friend and not because you loved me?”
“No, Bella, I already cared for you and soon grew to love you. I would have stayed because both Will and my family were here, but the letter told me of your suffering and spoke of how he, your father, would not always be there for you and that you needed someone to care for you,” he added quickly. “I had no plans to leave. Your father’s note changed nothing, only secured my loyalty to you all.”
She gulped in air, struggling to hold back the tears he saw in her eyes.
“You lie!” she whispered furiously. “You cared for me because of my Father? none of what you did was because you felt for me as I did you?”
“Don’t be foolish. I love you and you bloody well know it! It matters not about the letter; I would have loved you without it.”
“It matters to me!” she cried, her eyes bright with tears. “It matters to me that you felt obligated to care for me because of my father, when perhaps your life may have gone along another path.”
“I would have stayed, even if your father had not asked me to.” Luke said again because the words were true. He didn’t add that one look at her that day in the street, when he and Will had first arrived home from India, was all it took to secure his loyalty.
“Of course,” her voice was shrill. “What else is there for you in this world but to live the life of a servant? Oh, pardon, you are a man of affairs now.”
“And you’re so high and mighty now that servants are beneath you,” he snapped back, anger making his words rash and hurtful as his hand gripped her shoulders.
“Don’t you dare say that to me!” She fought against him, but he held her still. “It is undeserved and I would never think worse of someone because of the life they were born into. But you, you came back a wealthy man and chose to drive Will’s carriage. Yes, you are now his man of affairs, but is that what you want? I have heard of your prowess with numbers, heard Will talk of your mind in awe. Will you not become the man you are capable of being?”
Anger vibrated from them. He pulled her closer until her breasts touched his chest. “You know nothing of me or my life. You, who were raised to privilege, have no idea how hard it is to step away from the shadow of your birth and into a world that is ruled by bigots, who would look down on a man because his father earned his living in a stable. So don’t you dare judge me.”
She licked her lips, and such was the power she had over him, he felt that one small gesture, through his entire body. Her eyes were wide, but Luke saw no fear; even in anger she had never feared him.
“I will judge you, just as you continue to judge me. Now let me go.”
Never. Luke left the word inside his head and pulled her closer. “I have never judged you, only loved you.”
“Y-yes you have and continue to do so. You think of me as a weak creature, a poor nobleman’s daughter in need of your pity. Well, I have known poverty, Luke Fletcher, and I have known pain. But I am not weak, nor will I ever allow myself to be so again.”
He watched the tears begin to fall and realized that she thought he pitied her.
“No—”
“Don’t lie to me, Luke! You could never see me as an equal, only someone who needs your care.”
She was hurting and angry and he wanted to comfort her, tell her that he did not pity her. Far from it. He thought her brave to have endured what she had.
“Bella, please…I do not want us to fight.”
“Let me go.”
Her breath brushed his lips. “No,” he rasped closing the last few inches between them and placing his mouth on hers. She tasted like the sweetest nectar; the sound in his throat spoke of his longing for this woman. The first soft, tentative brush of their lips made him shudder. He’d always known it would be like this with her. You didn’t long for someone with every breath you drew, and not know that when and if you ever kissed her, it would be magical. He cupped her cheeks and tilted her head to deepen the contact and she made a small sound that nearly undid him. Luke could feel his head start to swim and his body tense in anticipation of taking more of her. He wanted to touch her, run his hands over the body of the woman who held his heart. Her hands were in his hair, her body arching into his as he took her mouth, ravaged it. There was nothing sweet or innocent about this; she was as desperate as he for their first kiss and God help him, he had to stop or lay her down on the cold grass and not stop until he was buried deep inside her.
“Sweet Jesus, Bella.” He wrenched his mouth away and rested his forehead on hers. “We have to stop this.”
She pulled out of his arms and turned away from him. He tried to breathe as she looked out at the forest below, tried to douse the fire burning inside his loins. Her shoulders were rigid, hands clenched at her sides and when she turned back to look at him, her eyes were soft pools of emotion. He looked at her lips, red and swollen from his kiss, and the ache inside him nearly dropped him to his knees. He’d never wanted a woman like he did her.
“I should not have done that, Isabella. Forgive me. I-I, we…”
“No!” she stumbled back a step as he spoke. “I-I will never regret that kiss, even if it is the last we share.”
“It will not be the last.” Luke heard the vow in his words.
“I am going to London, Luke, and not because you believe I long for a season. I do want one, but I also see that you need to know I have changed, that I am no longer the girl I once was, but a woman with a mind of her own.”
“I already know that.”
“No you don’t, not really. If you love me as you say, you will wait for one season and then we will talk, if we both still wish it. Will you do that for me?”
He didn’t hesitate because he doubted his love for her, but he did hesitate and realized his mistake as she drew in a deep breath, and changed before his eyes. The green depths turned to ice as she wrapped her arms protectively around her waist.
“Your duty has been discharged. I now have two strong brothers-in-law who will see to my care. Therefore, you are no longer bound by what my father asked of you. I would ask that you take this time to decide if you truly wish to have a life with me, and I shall do the same.”
“Bella, don’t walk away from me.”
But she didn’t listen and soon was heading back down the hill away from him, and for the first time in his life he didn’t follow to make sure she was safe traversing the hill. He did walk to the crest to watch her, but did not follow until she had disappeared from his sight. He then followed, but at the bottom he made his way through the forest.
He would accompany Will to London, and there he would see Bella. He’d see her dressed in all those designs Phoebe was having made up for her, and know other men were seeing her, wanting her as he did. Some would see her in a matrimonial light; Will had provided a dowry to ensure it.
Kicking a clod of dirt, he sent it sailing through the air.
She had always been the woman he loved, would always be, but he had to let her have her season if only because she needed to believe in herself. The doubts did not come on his side; he knew he’d love her until he drew his last breath. His doubts were for her. She was young; society would change her, and perhaps another man would turn her head. Was he wrong to doubt her love as she doubted him? Perhaps, but he did all the same. Luke had seen the world and Bella had not; he understood what was out there was very different from the life she had lived in this small part of England.
Reaching the village, he began to skirt the edges until he reached the small cottage his mother shared with his siblings. He’d been trying to get her to move into a bigger house since he’d returned from India and a few months ago he’d taken the decision out of her hands and purchased a property. It was still in the village and would give his six siblings space so they did not have to squeeze into the same beds at night, nor would they have to sit on the floor before the fire, all squashed into a tiny room to keep warm.
