Short fiction collected, p.178
Short Fiction Collected, page 178
“I don’t see—” began Susie Mae. “The ship’s navigator was a vast calculating machine. Don’t be so slow-witted,” said Rubio irritably.
At this insult to his adopted granddaughter Colonel Waters looked grim. “Some people,” he observed, “are no gentlemen. They are not gentlemen at all. They lack respect for womanhood.”
“And for Colonelhood,” said Rubio affably. “By the way, my dear, I see that we have a gnula for supper.”
“Arturo caught it.”
“Good boy, Arturo. A solid chip off the old block. I imagine you skinned the beast before broiling?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t. In future, broil in the skin. And don’t get it too well done.”
“But how will it taste with the fur on?”
“Remove the fur just before eating, and the meat will taste fine. We’ve tried it at the lab.”
“Are there more vitamins that way?”
“Something, like that.”
“Well, if you say so.” said Susie Mae. “Dolores is the palay fruit ready?”
“Yes, Mother.”
“Then let’s start eating. No, Colonel, my husband sits at the place with the biggest portion, if you don’t mind. Or even if you do.”
“But, my dear, courtesy demands—”
“Never mind courtesy, Colonel. He works hard, and he needs the food. Just do as I say. And don’t grab’, Colonel. If even one person tries to stuff himself, there won’t be enough to go around.”
“Anybody caught stuffing himself, said Arturo, “will get thrown out on his ear and miss meals for a week.”
“Worse than that,” said Rubio. “He’ll get put to work. Colonel, I’m looking for a job for you. Something you’ll be able to handle. What would you suggest?”
The Colonel, with a look of injured innocence, made no reply to this distasteful jest. He merely sat and began to eat.
II
To Populate a Planet
WHEN they had finished eating, the Colonel took himself off. They had once tried making him wash the dishes, but the breakage had been appalling. The Colonel, whether through an inborn lack of ability or a calculated shrewdness, managed to mess up everything he touched. He was definitely unemployable. And this made Rubio’s remark about him seem all the more absurd.
Susie Mae did the few dishes herself, with Rubio helping. Near the end, he said, “I’m going to have a surprise for you in about a week.”
“Something useful?”
‘“I think so.”
“Well, don’t keep me in suspense.”
“Why not? A man should always keep his wife in suspense.”
“Let me see,” said Susie Mae reflectively. “What other women are there around here?”
“No one half as good-looking as you, dear,” said Rubio tactfully. “Besides, they have nothing to do with the surprise. It will be something that will make a considerable difference in our way of living. In our moment-to-moment existence.”
“Does it,” she asked, “have anything to do with Jack Stevenson’s experiments on ESP and TK? Telekinesis, or whatever it is?”
He smiled. “Not a thing, Jack’s been sitting there in his place, trying to shift the spots from one card to another by the power of thought. He’s seen plenty of spots moving around in front of his eyes, but not the right ones.”
“You’ll see stars in front of your eyes if you don’t tell me what you’re talking about.”
He grinned at her, and then relented. “You’re aware in a general way of the work I’ve been doing,” he said. “Why don’t you guess?”
“You know that I don’t understand a thing about chemistry. And you’re a—a physiological chemist.”
“Right.”
“How can that possibly help us? Wait a minute—I have it! Teleportation!”
“Come again?”
“You use some chemical and dissolve us up into little molecules or atoms, or something, and these combine again somewhere else. And there we are.”
“Not quite. Ever hear of metabolism? That’s what I’m working on. And those calculations about our sun. Once we finish those, we’ll have a new life.”
“A better one?”
“A much better one. What can be more important than new hope for the future?”
“Don’t try to fool me. There isn’t any hope, and we haven’t any future.” He said sharply, “Stop pitying yourself. I can see a future that will put our past to shame.”
“Are you building a magic crystal, dear?” And then she said,. “I’m sorry, Rubio. I shouldn’t try to be sarcastic. It makes me sound silly. It’s only that after our experience on this God-forsaken place I feel so hopeless.”
“It’s been a tough experience, but not a dismal one. We’re keeping up our numbers pretty well. We’re even increasing.”
“Our numbers—three hundred people against a planet! It’s absurd.”
Rubio said dreamily, “Have you ever seen those calculations of the number of progeny, a single pair of animals can have? A pair of flies, fish, rabbits, or other animals could have covered the old Earth in a period of time ranging from a few months to a couple of hundred years. Human beings can be fairly prolific too. Say each couple has ten children. That isn’t a tremendously big number, and we know enough about medicine now, and have enough equipment, to keep both the children and their parents alive. That multiplies the population by a. factor of five for each generation, assuming that the old generation no longer counts. Four generations, let us say, per century. At the end of two centuries we’ll number over a hundred million. At the end of three we’ll be taking steps to keep the population down. Don’t worry, dear about being too few. Our real job is to find larger quarters.”
“You have it all worked out, haven’t you? Ten children per couple what do you think a wife is?” asked Susie Mae indignantly.
“A very useful thing to have around the house.”
“A thing? Useful, am I? Well, you’re not getting any ten children out of me.”
“Let’s talk it over, sweetheart. The dishes are done, Ranse and Ella are asleep, and the other kids will be dozing off soon. It’s rather crowded in here. Let’s take a walk in the moonlight and apply our minds to the subject.”
“Don’t you go blarneying me,” said Susie Mae. But she giggled. For the moment, at least, her mood was no longer dull and hopeless.
“Blarney is foreign to my frank and outspoken nature, even though I do have an Irish grandmother.”
“I’m too tired to take a walk.”
“Fatigue is only a state of mind.”
“Well, my mind’s made up. I’m not going to have ten children!”
“You’ll feel differently later. Take a glance outside. All three moons are up casting a shimmering veil of—what kind of veil does a moon cast?”
Gossamer, I think.”
“Whatever gossamer is, they’re casting it.”
“I think it’s spider web.”
“Spiders aren’t romantic! Gossamer is. Let’s agree then, that the moons are casting gossamer, veils. When I see how beautiful nature is, I begin to wonder whether we should be satisfied with only ten children.”
“Don’t you go getting ambitious,” said Susie Mae. “All right, maybe I will take a walk.”
“Good-girl. Get your genuine gnula-skin coat and put it on to impress the neighbors.”
“Neighbors? Do you think we’ll run into the Colonel?”
A frown shadowed Rubio’s face. “Let’s keep this conversation clean,” he said. “Romantic, but clean. Have I ever told you my views about sex?”
“Hardly ever,” said Susie Mae. “Good. I have a surprise for you,” said her husband.
THE next morning a pair of nesting kuru birds served as alarm clocks. Susie Mae got up, yawning with eyes only half opened, and began to prepare the skimpy breakfast. Rubio smiled at her sleepily. “That’s what comes of keeping late hours,” he said.
“Look who’s talking!”
“I’d rather look at you. Arturo. I want you to come to the lab with me today.”
“Sure, Pop. Want me to be your assistant?”
“Right.”
“Pop, will you tell me what you’re doing? Will you let me be. a scientist too?”
“You have my permission to learn in ten easy lessons. Today’s lesson will start with grinding up a big heap of marindo leaves.”
“Gosh, those things are tough. They’re even tough to pull off the bushes. How do you grind them?”
“I’ve made a gadget, and I’ll show you how it works. There’s a chemical I get out of those leaves. I’m going to need a fair amount of it before I’m through.”
SUSIE MAE was left with the other three children. In order to keep them out of her hair, she set them to work. The hut was small, and their furnishings were few, but there was always something to clean or put in order, and then there was work to do in the garden.
Living these days was no occupation for loafers. Excepting, of course, the Colonel.
The Colonel came around while they were working in the garden, and stood there for a moment or two, watching them and beaming down at them. Philip was behind him, keeping at a respectful distance, as he was made to do.
“A pleasant sight to behold,” said the Colonel. “Human beings in close communion with Nature. A most pleasant sight indeed. Ah, there were many such sights in the early half of the nineteenth century, the most civilized century known to Man. An era of gracious living, and the cultivation of the true qualities of the gentleman. Perhaps one did not live then oneself, but one can cultivate the same qualities that made the period so notable.”
“What’s a gentleman?” asked five-year old Ella.
“He’s a man what loafs for a living,” said Dolores, two years older, and much wiser.
“That about hits it off,” said Susie Mae.
“You’re facetious, my dear,” said the Colonel. “Isn’t she facetious, Philip?”
“Yassuh, Marse Henry, she sure am,” agreed Philip.
“Why does he always say, ‘Yassuh’ ?” demanded Ranse.
“ ’Cause he’s a robot,” said Dolores. “The Colonel got him made to say, ‘Yassuh’.”
“Why?” asked Ella.
“My dear child, I had Philip created in this fashion as a reminder of the old and happy days. He is the perfect servant, loyal to his master, and proud, in his humble way, of his position as devoted slave. Aren’t you proud, Philip?”
“Yassuh, Marse Henry, Ah sure am.”
“The human slaves were a surly and ungrateful lot. They didn’t appreciate what was done for them. They wanted some absurd thing they, called, ‘Equality.’ But Philip appreciates, don’t you Philip?”
“Yassuh, Marse Henry, Ah sure do.”
“Some people thought I “was crazy, my dears, to have Philip made at all. He was quite an expensive job, and they told me I was stupidly squandering the money my dear mother left me on a piece of machinery incapable of doing useful work. They were outraged at the idea of my having a robot conditioned to speak as Philip speaks. And perhaps most of all, they, were offended by my having Philip made with a black face. Such people, I must say, did not appreciate the feelings of a true gentleman.” Susie Mae ripped up a weed and tossed it aside, over her shoulder. It narrowly missed the Colonel. In fact, a stray lump of dirt from the roots did strike the Colonel’s face,
He didn’t notice. He said, “The old-fashioned virtues were gone. But here and there, in hearts like mine, faint sparks were kept alive. And now—perhaps the sparks will burst into flame again. For in the desperation of our sad way of life, it has become evident, my children, that to the gentleman it is only the eternal values that matter. To him who possesses true worth of soul, it is only the cause of the human spirit that counts. Of how little avail are material things! Yes, despite our vaunted progress, we are but helpless creatures in the hands of forces far higher and greater than our own.”
He paused briefly, and Philip said, “Yassuh, we sure am, Marse Henry.” The Colonel said delicately, “You wouldn’t happen, Susie Mae, to have a spare palay fruit?”
“I certainly wouldn’t.”
The Colonel’s eyes wandered over the garden. Susie Mae said softly, “Don’t get any ideas, Colonel. We watch this place. Don’t try to steal anything.”
“My dear, I do protest. You do me an unjustice. It is true that the pangs of hunger gnaw my vitals, but nothing could be further from my mind than, to do what you have so crudely suggested,” He paused proudly. Susie Mae said, “You just keep your hands off that fruit, that’s all I’m asking.”
“Granddaughter, I am disappointed in you. You set too great store by trifles. Come along, Philip.”
“Yassuh, Marse Henry.”
Looking after them, Ranse asked, “How come, Mommy, Philip calls him, ‘Marse Henry,’ and not, ‘Colonel’ ?”
“I know,” said Dolores quickly. “Dad told me once. It’s because he didn’t become a Colonel until he got into space. And then he didn’t know how to adjust Philip to say, ‘Colonel Henry.’ An’ nobody else would adjust Philip for him.”
“Never mind Philip,” said Susie Mae absently. “Your father is talking of putting the Colonel to work. I wonder what he can possibly have in mind.”
Nobody could venture a plausible guess. “I’ll have to get it out of him,” said Susie Mae.
As she did so often, she thought back to what Rubio had been talking about. The answer to one of their problems, he had said, lay in metabolism. She had no idea of what he meant by that. Metabolism, in the old days, was something that a doctor measured to find out what was wrong with you. It wasn’t anything that could help you live better. It wasn’t anything that could help you cope with that fiercely burning sun.
III
Where Is Philip?
THE day was long enough, but her thoughts made it even longer. And when evening finally came, Rubio didn’t appear. Arturo came home alone. She could see, him approaching over a hill, and she strained her eyes to catch sight of his father behind him, but there was no Rubio. And Arturo was carrying something. When he got closer, she saw what it was. A gnula.
She hugged him. “Have a good time, dear?”
“It was all right. Dad said I was a big help. Look what he gave me.”
“You didn’t hunt it down yourself?”
“Didn’t have time. Dad had it at the lab, but he said he wouldn’t need it any more.”
“Did he say he was coming home soon?”
Arturo shook his head: “No, Mom. He said he wasn’t coming home at all. Not for a few days.”
“Not for a few days? But he can’t stay away that long!”
“He says he got to, Mom. He says this experiment of his is important.”
“Arturo, I think your father is out of his mind. That laboratory is no place to stay. Where can he sleep?”
“Guess he won’t have much time to sleep, Mom.”
“And eat? I’ll have to bring him supper.”
“He says not to worry about him.”
“That’s silly. Your father has a very good appetite. By tomorrow morning he’ll be starved.”
“He said they got plenty of gnulas. They can broil them there.”
She opened her mouth to tell him what she thought of his father, but closed it again with the words unspoken. No use taking out her feelings on Arturo, she decided. He was only repeating what Rubio had told him. But wait till she saw that husband of hers. She’d give him a piece of her mind then.
Meanwhile there was supper to get ready for herself and the children. And for the Colonel, as his coming into sight reminded her. The Colonel never took a chance of any one’s forgetting about his meal.
The Colonel’s eyes brightened at sight of the gnula, and he made one of his courtly remarks about the good old days. Susie Mae was so little interested that she didn’t even hear him.
The children chattered a little, but Susie Mae was silent, lost in thoughts of her husband. In fact, her vigilance relaxed so far that when the, Colonel tried to grab an extra piece of roast gnula, he would have gotten away with it if not for Arturo, who jabbed a fork at his fingers so quickly that the Colonel narrowly escaped being stabbed.
The Colonel’s complaints caused Susie Mae to look up, and she said, “Nice work, Arturo. I’m saving that extra piece for your father.”
“Ah—is there anything wrong with your dear husband?” asked the Colonel hopefully.
“Nothing at all,” said Susie Mae. “He’s just working a little late at the laboratory. He’ll be home later.”
“A fine man, a fine man. A very devoted-husband, my dear. A living testimonial to the excellence of your choice.”
“You don’t have to tell me, Colonel. I’ve always known it, even if you haven’t.”
“But, my dear, I’ve always said so. Haven’t I, Philip?”
There was no reply. Almost as startled as the Colonel, Susie Mae turned to look at the robot. But there was no robot.
“PHILIP!” cried Colonel Waters in anguish. “Philip, where are you?”
The lost expression on his face was pitiful to see. “He must have strayed, Colonel,” Arturo said.
“He didn’t stray. He was built not to stray.” The old voice choked. “He was conditioned to remain within the sound of my voice. Philip, you scoundrel, where are you?”
“Somebody musta picked ’im up,” Arturo said.
“But that’s impossible! That would be theft, and there are no thieves—there are no thieves—” The Colonel’s voice faltered again. “Do you think that the ungrateful wretch could possibly have decided to seek freedom? But freedom is only a word—to a robot, a meaningless word.”
“I still think somebody picked ’im up,” Arturo said.
“I shall investigate,” said the Colonel, raising his head and looking sternly about him. “If I. find that I am mistaken, and that there are thieves present among us—there will be grave consequences.”
“Nobody wants a slave around here, Colonel,” said Susie Mae. “And there are no thieves.” Except you, she added, mentally.
