Quietly, so he can't hear, I give Cass some truth. "I miss him. I need to figure out why..."

  "Okay," she says with a warm smile. That simple gesture makes me feel so much better. As if she doesn't judge me for wanting to spend time with one of the men who broke my trust. "Have fun."

  "Love you," I whisper and soak in the happiness I feel when my best friend says it back. Being more emotionally available isn't so bad. It is incredibly nerve-wracking when the person I'm trying to keep an open mind with is the same one who hurt me.

  With my purse in hand, I usher Nate back out the door. "Let's go. I'm sure your mom is wondering where you are."

  Nate chuckles and places his hand on my lower back. "She knows exactly where I am. She's excited to finally meet you."

  Groaning, I drop my chin to my chest as I allow him to guide me out to his car. "Not you too. Jamie likes to tease me about how much his mom loves me."

  "You're easy to love, baby."

  That comment makes me shut up for quite a while. I'm glad Nate doesn't pry or pepper me with questions. Unfortunately, that means the twenty-minute drive to his mom’s house in Ferndale is a little uncomfortable. I do recognize that it could be a lot worse, so I force myself to relax in the passenger seat and enjoy the drive.

  As the streets begin to weave through cozy neighborhoods, Nate glances at me a few times. I've had enough when he curses and misses his turn, resulting in a furious blush beneath his beard.

  "Nate, are you nervous?" I wonder aloud, trying to keep myself from smiling.

  "Maybe a little," he grumbles and glances at me again. "Sorry. You're just so fucking beautiful and I can't believe you're willingly in my car."

  Now I let my smile free. "You're welcome."

  That makes him laugh and, to my relief, his shoulders drop. "Thank you, baby."

  "Hi, Mo⁠—"

  "You must be Violet!" the tall, willowy beauty in front of me cuts her son off. "I'm Tina. None of the Mrs. bullshit."

  "Mom!" Nate gasps but Tina's already yanking me through the door and leaving him in the dust.

  "We need to talk, young lady," she declares, completely serious. Terrified, I look pleadingly over my shoulder at Nate. He looks apologetic, but he smiles. Hopefully Tina isn't about to murder me.

  "I'm not sure⁠—"

  Tina huffs and drags me into her living room. "Nonsense. You sit, Nate will get us some of Ellis' glorious banana muffins."

  "Ellis made them?" I blurt, once again glancing back to see Nate. I'm completely out of my depth here. Nate's mom wants to talk to me, and her hard stare is scaring the crap out of me. And also, since when does Ellis the asshole bake freaking banana muffins?

  Tina cocks her head at me and softens her tone. "Ellis is always baking me goodies."

  "Oh." Goodness, I'm uncomfortable. This was a mistake. Wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans, I prepare to stand up and call an Uber.

  "Violet, honey," Tina whispers, leaning forward in her chair. With our proximity, I can easily see the laugh lines around her eyes and dimples in her cheeks. She's stunning and so strong.

  "Y-yes, Tina?" Swallowing, I try not to act like she's going to murder me. I broke her son’s heart for shit’s sake. This woman has every right to kick me out of her house after giving me a piece of her mind.

  To my surprise, she grabs one of my hands in a gentle hold and places her other palm over her heart.

  "I am so, so sorry for what my son did. The way he's hurt you...Well," she clears her throat, "I'll just say I'm grateful for the opportunity to meet you. After he told me what he and Ellis did...My heart broke thinking I could never meet the woman they've loved for seven years. I am also so very sorry about what happened to your mama. I couldn't imagine the fear and awful feelings you must be living with. When I was young, I tried to outrun my trauma too, honey."

  Well, shit...Tears blur my vision and tumble down my cheeks. "I-I didn't expect you to-to⁠—"

  "Baby, breathe," Nate coos, seating himself on the couch beside me. His large, warm hand cradles the back of my neck, helping to ground me and warm the chill overtaking my body. "Baby."

  Nate sounds worried, but all I can do is try to force my sobs back down. "T-thank you, T-Tina," I gasp out, then fold over my legs and let loose the back-breaking sob that has been threatening me for a long time.

  "Shit," Nate curses and drops to his knees in front of me. "Look at me, Violet."

  I vaguely hear his mom murmuring something, then Nate grabs my chin in his fingers and forces me to look at him. "In through your nose, out through your mouth. Fucking hell, don't make me call Jamie. He will kill me."

  Sucking a greedy gulp of air in, I blow a raspberry as I push it back out. I do this over and over again, trying to pay attention to the tingles in my lips when they vibrate together.

  "Good girl. Such a good job. Keep doing that," he coos, pushing my hair behind my ear and maintaining eye contact.

  "I wasn't—" I hiccup. "I wasn't having a panic attack."

  "You needed to stop crying."

  Tina snorts and kicks her son gently in the back, making him rock forward a bit. "Everyone needs a hard cry, Nate. She will probably have many more with the shit you've pulled. Go get her some water."

  My heart aches when he closes his eyes and hangs his head. He acts as though his mom’s reminder of the way he's failed me hurts him.

  "Yes, ma'am," he agrees and stands as he plants a kiss on the top of my head.

  "Give us ten minutes!" Tina hollers. and Nate gives her a thumbs up, releasing a quivering giggle from me.

  "I'm sorry." I cringe and wipe my eyes with a tissue she hands over. "What you said was very overwhelming. I really thought you were going to h-hate on me or something."

  Tina dabs under her eyes, and I finally register that she also got choked up. "No need to apologize, Violet. Men sometimes have a hard time when the woman they love is in tears. Sends them right into panic mode."

  There's that L word again.

  Tina once again holds my hand. "I'm not going to pretend to know why you're here or assume you're giving the boys another chance. And I won't defend them or excuse their actions. What I would like to offer you, if you let me, is some understanding. Two points of view I bet you've wondered about."

  "What do you mean?" Wiping my nose and cheeks, I blink at Nate's mom. What is she saying?

  She gives me a sad smile. "Would you like to hear how they handled your breakup the first time? Sometimes having as much information as possible leads to more confident decisions."

  Do I want to know how my shitty choices hurt them? No, not even a little. But the past is important if I want to have a future with them. Maybe if I have a tiny glimpse, then I can figure out how I can move forward with all of this. Because one thing is for certain, I miss them so much.

  "Okay," I nod, sounding a bit scared. "Please tell me."

  Thirty-One

  ELLIS

  Ireally should have showered before starting dinner. Grilled ham and cheese wasn't the best choice for me to make either. I don't know what the hell it is, but I can never get them done at the same time as the fries.

  "Just fucking cook," I growl at slices of bread which have barely browned. Nobody likes a soggy ass grilled ham and cheese. Even if I had showered before starting dinner for me and Nate, I would probably still be a sweaty mess.

  Takeout would have been a better idea. My muscles are dying and I think I'm high off paint fumes. Can that happen?

  Glaring at the stove isn't helping, so I decide to set the table. It would be good for us to sit down together and eat a meal like it's a date. Fuck knows things have been hard lately.

  I'm pondering what night might work to plan a date when the front door closes. "In the kitchen!" I shout, excited to propose the idea of a date night to Nate.

  A feminine cough has me stiffening and whirling around so fast the fork in my hand almost goes flying. Much like Violet's doing as she rushes toward my attempt at dinner.

  "Holy crap! These are like hockey pucks!" she screeches and reaches for the hot pan. Before she can risk her soft skin, I snatch her wrist and tug her away from the burner.

  "Careful, Bubbles!" I hiss, spinning her around. My eyes have a mind of their own as I check her for any burn marks.

  "Ellis, I'm fine." But her nose scrunches up and her eyes narrow.

  "What? What's wrong?" My heart pounds in my chest and I swear my head starts conjuring up all the things that could be wrong. She doesn't say anything, just twists her lips and tries to tug her hand free. "Damn it, Violet. What's wrong?"

  That damn tiny nose wiggles again but this time it seems like it’s from annoyance. "Nothing. Let me go."

  "I'll let you go after you tell me what’s wrong." No fucking way is she running from me before I can figure out how to help her. Did the cheese pop off the stove and burn her somewhere I haven't checked? Her neck maybe?

  "You're annoying," she snaps and yanks on me again. This time I let myself move and crowd her instead. "Damn you, Ellis. You stink, that's what's wrong!"

  Nate chooses that moment to enter the kitchen and freezes in his tracks. He doesn't seem too surprised to see her, which means he must have brought her here. I haven't given her the code to our house yet, but I'm wondering what the hell they've been up to all afternoon.

  "Ellis. Let me go before my nose sprouts legs and runs away from you."

  "Har, har," I mock and release her much to my dismay.

  Nate chuckles and grabs a water from the fridge, handing it to Violet. "Shit, El. What was that supposed to be?" he asks, staring into the pan where our ruined dinner is.

  Grumbling, I move the pan and scowl at it. "I turned the heat up for like fifteen fucking seconds while I set the table. Grilled cheese is hard."

  A twinkly laugh makes my eyes snap over to Violet. Covering her mouth, she snorts. "Sorry," she huffs and shakes her head.

  "Are you still here?" I taunt, using the same words she used against me at Jamie's tattoo shop.

  Her eyes light up, surprising me. Maybe my way back into her heart is with banter. "I want to see the tattoo you got." Nate clears his throat and raises his eyebrows at her. Violet rolls her eyes but adds, "Please?"

  "Um." All my bravado fades away. I wasn't ready for her to be here or start asking me questions. There was no chance for preparation plus I fucking stink. "I'm going to shower first. There's dust and paint in places it shouldn't be."

  "He's been remodeling," Nate explains, earning a glare from me that says shut the fuck up.

  "What are you remodeling?" she asks, sounding intrigued and suspicious.

  Instead of answering her, I turn to Nate. I'm at a total disadvantage here. Thankfully, he knows what I'm asking with just a look. Coming to me, he presses a quick kiss to my lips and quietly says, "She wanted to hang out so I took her to my mom’s with me."

  "Oh shit," I murmur, then my eyes fly to Violet who looks a little run down. She's beautiful as always, but her eyes are red-rimmed and her cheeks are blotchy. "What did Tina have to say, Bubbles? You okay?"

  Damn it, why did I have to be such an ass right off the bat? Maybe I'll skip the shower and go for a run. Except, that's not what I want to do at all. There's nothing beneath my skin itching to get out. I don't feel like I'm about to explode with anger or toxicity. I do feel damn protective though, and I don't like that she's been crying.

  "Show me yours and I'll show you mine," she replies with a small smirk. It doesn't quite reach her eyes though.

  Hmm, she wants me to show her my tattoo and what I'm working on in exchange for a play-by-play of her time with Nate's mom.

  "Be back in ten," I blurt and rush out of the room.

  I'm done in five. My anxiety pushed me through my routine much faster than planned. I'm grateful because when I enter the kitchen, I just about choke on the tension in the room.

  Nate and Violet are sitting beside each other at the island, but neither are looking at one another. It's clear they've been talking about something important, and judging by the way Nate's shoulders are bent forward, he's struggling.

  Wanting to be respectful, I make my steps a little heavier so they hear me coming. Nate glances up at me and gives me a pained smile. Violet's still staring at the countertop, reigniting my worry for her once again.

  "Violet?" I mutter and place my elbows on the counter in front of her. "Want to tell me what’s going on?"

  I'm feeling exceptionally pushy today, but who can blame me? The woman I love and need to grovel to walked into my home like she belongs here. She does, no doubt about it, but I thought it would be like pulling teeth to get her anywhere near me again.

  She sniffles, but I don't notice any fresh tears on her face. "Tina was very supportive and understanding. It has made me very emotional."

  Glancing at Nate, I see him cringe. I'll need to ask him about his side of the story later because he looks like he experienced something traumatic today too.

  "She apologized to me. I thought she would hate me for how I abandoned you guys...She didn't."

  "What did she do then?" My anxiety is pressuring me to get the answers as fast as I possibly can. If only to relieve myself of the fear making me ill.

  Violet rubs her eyes with the backs of her hands. "She told me about how Nate and you dealt with my absence. She said you were very angry for a long time. Not just at me, but at the world. Anything was a trigger."

  "Mhmm," I admit, swallowing and not knowing what to say. It's the truth. I became a really horrid version of myself.

  "Tina mentioned that your family didn't understand or help. They love you and want happiness for you, but they couldn't quite grasp the depths of your depression."

  "True as well." Tina was instrumental in my mental health journey. I have the picture perfect, wonderfully happy and loving family. But my anger, the easy shift from nonchalant to being an ass, made them pull away from me. That only made me angrier. Why couldn't anyone see me? I was hurting, goddamn it.

  "Then," she glances at Nate, "she told me how Nate put all his focus into the relationship you two have. How he took the reins and ignored some of his own issues. Like he did growing up. Tina said Nate took care of her and the house like that was his only purpose in life."

  Nate sighs, and I glance at him, knowing this must be hard to hear. "That's true too, Bubbles," I offer. "Nate's a caretaker. When you left, well all that energy and worry went all on me and making sure we stayed together. It's horrible to admit, but my anger issues gave him an excuse to ignore the awful ache of your absence."

  "I'm sorry," she whispers so quietly I can hardly hear. But I do, and her words break my heart.

  "We forgive you. You know that," I say honestly.

  I'm glad Nate is staying quiet because I need to have some deep conversations with our woman myself too. I can't always hide behind his protectiveness or manipulate his attention because my emotions are overwhelming.

  Violet nods and groans. Leaning back on the stool, she wobbles a bit, but Nate's there to steady her chair. "Thanks," she says. "Anyway, Tina gave me a lot to think about. Perspectives to consider. Can I see your tattoo now?"

  A startled laugh bursts from my mouth at her abrupt change of subject but I allow it. "Sure," I say and lift my foot onto the counter. "Just let me explain before you assume okay?"

  She frowns, glancing from me to the wrap on my ankle. "Okay."

  Alright, here goes nothing.

  Thirty-Two

  JAMIE

  True to her word, Violet has been doing an amazing job keeping me updated on her safety. I don't really care where she goes, just as long as I know she got there in one piece and is leaving the same way.

  I can't shake the worry that festers in the back of my mind when I'm not with her. Which I'm thinking is why I feel a bit more at ease knowing she's been with Nate all afternoon.

  As pissed as I am at the man, I know he will protect my woman with his life. Which, in turn, is confusing and leaves me in an odd position with my feelings. Same with Ellis. The reasoning for his tattoo damn near brought me to tears. I blocked my schedule for him that day, knowing it would be a long one. One that definitely required some reflection as I worked on it.

  We had a good talk he and I. Hearing about how he's battled his anger issues all these years helped me understand him better. From what I've known, Ellis is kind of a dick who likes to pick fights. Now I'm coming to learn that he lacks control and understanding of his triggers.

  Of course I’m happy to hear he's working on his shit, but I'm leery as fuck still. I wish I didn’t believe anything they say, except I do. I believe most of our time together was real, but that undercurrent of lies about how we even came to be is fucked.

  Sighing, I start my car and am off to surprise my girl. Knowing she's with them right now makes me antsy. So much so I rescheduled my last client for the day so I could be there for their impromptu hangout.

  My urgency was heightened by her cryptic message. We need to talk. She sounded pissed, so I packed my shit up and listened to my gut that was saying that I needed to be there.

  The drive consists of deep breaths and logical thinking. If I get emotional, I won't be able to help the situation. I want to help. This thing between the four of us can’t blow up in pain and heartbreak permanently. I'll need to be her voice of reason and hope they let me in.

  "Come in, come in." Nate swings the door open before I even knock. The grin on his face concerns me. "Just in time for Violet to kick your ass."

  "Me?" I kick my shoes off and look around. The mess of tools and shit shocks me, but I'm stuck on Nate suggesting V's mad at me. "What the hell did I do?"

  Nate chuckles and starts walking to the kitchen. I follow hot on his heels, ready to demand more answers. Thankfully, he explains.

  "Ellis just showed her his new tattoo."

 

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