Invictus, p.17
Invictus, page 17
“Saving his life was ‘no big deal?’”
“That’s not what I—”
“We don’t need her, Auggie,” he cuts me off, stepping closer.
“Yes…we do,” August says, and I am very uncomfortable with the way he emphasizes we.
Robbie shakes his head emphatically, his longish hair wild from his tussle with the dead woman on the floor. “She’s pretty, okay. I admit I’ve been wanting to fuck her since the first night I saw her. But that hardly makes her family. There’s plenty of ass where this came from.”
“This isn’t about that.”
“Well then, what the fuck is it about?”
“It’s about someone special who’ll look after you. Someone who’ll fix things. Someone who understands you like I do.”
Robbie remains motionless, unblinking. “But, you look after me, Auggie. You always have.”
“I know.”
He frowns, and a tear streaks down his cheek. “You’re tired of me.”
August releases me and takes a step toward Robbie, stepping over Magda without even looking in her direction. “No.”
The younger brother’s shoulders slump. “Then, why?”
August puts his hands on each side of Robbie’s face. “You’re smart, kid. You’ve already guessed it, but I owe it to you to say it out loud. I’m dying, Robbie. It won’t be long now. And I don’t…I can’t…”
He trails off, and Robbie slaps a hand over his mouth. He’s openly crying now, but I can see he knew it was something like this for some time now, maybe even before the seizure.
August takes an audible breath, pressing on. “I refuse to leave you alone.”
It’s been three hours and Robbie has finally stopped crying. I didn’t know he had it in him, and to see him care so much about someone else is endearing.
He understands the game now though, and he’ll know soon enough that even though he may not care for Atasha, she’ll care for him.
I’m sitting on the floor with him, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, as his breathing struggles to become steady again. Atasha takes this time to remove Magda’s body from the room but not before I tell her not to dispose of it.
I need to make one last scarecrow with my brother before all is said and done or I won’t feel right about leaving. I’ll struggle to live a painful life for him and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
“I don’t want you to die,” he whimpers as he rubs his tear-stained face against my shirt.
“I know.”
“So, can you not?” he asks, glancing up at me with wide, pleading puppy-dog eyes.
“It’s not my choice, kid,” I reply with a soft chuckle. Robbie’s lower lip quivers again and I sigh as I take his face in my hands and force him to look me in the eye.
“Atasha will take care of you. You have got to get along with her. She’s the only one that I know you’ll be alright with. I’ve followed her for a while now, studied her every move. I wouldn’t leave you with someone I wasn’t sure of, Robbie. I can’t leave you with Mom and Dad—they’d just ship you off again to get into trouble and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that could be your future.”
“But you wouldn’t be alive anyway,” he says, choking back another sob.
I smile and pull him back into an embrace. His mind is so brilliant, yet so childlike and he just can’t seem to let the two co-exist. He chooses to be a child in many ways, when I see the man inside of him and it only makes the dying process harder on me.
“I promise not to leave any time soon. The seizures are a new thing and with Atasha around to stop them, I should be here a little while longer than I expected,” I say to him as soothingly as I can. His nails dig into the fleshy part of my arms as his body begins to shake and I sigh. “You’ve got to learn to live without me being here, Robbie. I know you don’t want to, but you have to at least try.”
Robbie pulls away from me and I can see the pout starting to drag down the corners of his lips, and just when I think I’m going to have to try and persuade him again, he gets to his feet and holds a hand out toward me. I let my little brother lift me off the ground and use his arms to steady myself, closing my eyes briefly to push away the wave of nausea that threatens to wash over me again.
“Auggie?” he asks nervously.
“I’m fine,” I reply, opening my eyes and forcing a small smile for his sake. The world will never be ready for the cyclone that is Trent Robert Grant and the only thing I can do is prepare him for what’s to come in the days I have left.
I promised him that it would be longer than that, but I can feel myself fading with each passing day, and while I hate lying to my brother, I have to get him to stand on his own two feet. Even if I’ll be leaving someone to help guide him along the way.
“Let’s finish the scarecrow,” I suggest, putting a hand on his shoulder.
A big smile replaces the nerves that he’s still obviously feeling as he reaches into his pocket and hands me a wad of tissue.
“I found it. I mean, I know we don’t need it, but I thought it was cool, and…well, you did it, so I wanted to know if it was okay for me to keep.”
I raise an eyebrow as I take the tissue from his hand and gingerly undo the ball he’s made it into. I already know what’s in here even though I wouldn’t think that Robbie would have much use for it.
I let out a laugh when I see the small, firm piece of Magda’s body that I removed not too long ago and look up at Robbie who’s watching me with eager eyes.
“Of course you can keep it, little brother,” I say as I wad the tissue back into a ball in my fist and hold it out to him.
He lets out a happy guffaw as he takes the tissue and shoves it back into his pocket. “I’ll fix her head since I’m the one that fucked it up, then we can take out her insides and stuff her up all nice and pretty. It’ll be fun cause we’re doing it together, right Auggie?”
“Always together, little brother. Always,” I assure him in a soft tone as I put my arm around his shoulders and we leave the room together to fetch Magda’s body.
For as long as I can stand the pain.
Yolanda Olson, Invictus
