Taboo 2, p.2
Taboo 2, page 2
“Last but not least, you moved to Atlanta and you discovered that you and Sierra might have a child together. It’s just too much. Can’t say that I really blame Sierra for not wantin’ to be with you, Rah,” he added.
Karim went back to preparing his breakfast.
Rasheed began to pace back and forth. “I see how you feel about me, ’Rim. All of these years I’m thinkin’ that you got my back, and now you’re actin’ like I’m a fuckup.”
Karim made his plate and placed it on the island. He pulled up the leather stool and sat down to enjoy his meal. Before answering his brother, he blessed his food and stuffed some egg whites into his mouth. Rasheed stared at Karim in amazement.
“Are you just gonna ignore me now?” Rasheed asked with a pleading look in his eyes.
“Yep. I’m ignorin’ you. Do what you wanna do. You wanna go back to Brooklyn? Go outside and push that fuckin’ Range Rover that I copped for you up 95 North. I’m done with this conversation.”
Rasheed held his hands up in the air. “You’re sayin’ that I have to drive up to New York now? I wanted to be in New York in time for Messiah’s birthday! This is my chance to make it right with Sierra and if I don’t get there in time—,” Rasheed protested.
Karim cut him off with a chuckle. He shook his head and picked his plate up from the counter. He walked toward his bedroom.
“C’mon, man! Now you wanna see Messiah and make things right with Sierra all of a sudden? Who do you think you’re foolin’?”
With that, Karim walked in his bedroom and slammed the door in Rasheed’s face.
Rasheed stood in front of the closed bedroom door. He couldn’t believe that Karim had dismissed him like that. They were like Frick and Frack since he moved to Atlanta and Karim made it his business to involve Rasheed in most of his dealings. But Rasheed was tired of doing what Karim wanted him to do. It was as if he didn’t have a mind of his own.
Rasheed trekked back upstairs to his bedroom and stood in the doorway. From there, he looked at all his bags. For a brief second, he realized that he would be going back to a place where he had left heartache and misery behind. That wasn’t the problem. Rasheed just had a nagging desire to go back and finish what he’d started.
There were so many mistakes that he made then and the new man in him wanted to rectify them. One of those unfortunate decisions was denying himself the pleasures of watching his son grow up. Regrettably, Rasheed did not have a civil relationship with his son’s mother, and he wanted to change that.
The last time that he was in New York was exactly a year and a half ago when Messiah was only six months old. Rasheed had made it his business to contact Sierra to let her know that he was going to be in town for a few weeks, and that he wanted to spend time with his son. She seemed doubtful about seeing Rasheed and equally hesitant about allowing him to see Messiah. After some convincing, they eventually met at a neutral location, at the suggestion of Sierra.
Rasheed remembered that day like it had just happened. He pulled up in his truck and Sierra pulled up in a brand new BMW X5. She had told Rasheed to meet her by the Jefferson High School football field in East New York and she would bring the baby there. Even though it seemed a little inconvenient for the both of them, Rasheed was happy that he would finally be able to lay his eyes on his baby boy once again.
When Sierra got out of her truck, Rasheed felt his heart flutter. Sierra looked beautiful in her sheared mink jacket and tight-fitting jeans. Her long hair was stuffed into a cashmere beret and her lips glistened in the winter sunlight.
“Hello, Mr. Gordon,” she said, approaching him with a bored look on her face. “You’re lookin’ good.”
“What’s up, Sierra?” Rasheed replied with an attitude. He could have kicked himself for being nasty with her, but the sight of her always seemed to make him angry.
“Why do you have me meetin’ you on this side of town? I’m not good enough for you to drop my son off at the house?” he asked, irritated.
Sierra sighed. “Why do we always have to go through this crap, Rasheed? You know that I’m still employed with the Department of Correction and I don’t want to go anywhere near Halsey Street. You never know who may see us together.”
Rasheed threw his hands in the air. “You know what? I don’t have time for this. Just let me see Messiah. I’m not even goin’ through this shit with you again. I keep tellin’ you that I don’t give a fuck about you being a CO, all right? If I cared, I would have been on the phone with the inspector general’s office gettin’ your ass into major fuckin’ trouble. It’s not like I don’t have the evidence to do it.”
Sierra bit her bottom lip. Rasheed knew that when she did that, she was pissed off. A smile of satisfaction came over his face. He had hit her where it hurt. He had won that round.
“You know, Rasheed, I’m really tryin’ to make this thing we have…” Sierra said, trying to hold back tears, pointing back and forth between the both of them. “I’m really tryin’ to make it work for the sake of Messiah. I just don’t understand why you are so angry with me. Is it because I moved on?”
Rasheed walked to Sierra’s truck, not trying to acknowledge anything that she was talking about. He didn’t feel like conversing with Sierra about their relationship. It was Messiah’s time now and every moment that was spent with him was precious.
Sierra lagged closely behind and climbed into the driver’s seat of her truck. Rasheed opened the back door and slid into the backseat, next to Messiah’s car seat. When he closed the door, he immediately removed the baby from the seat. Messiah was half asleep and sucking on a pacifier. His body jerked when his father pulled him out of the seat. Rasheed inspected Messiah carefully, with love in his eyes.
Rasheed looked at Sierra while holding his son in his arms. He softened up a bit. “I’m gonna answer your questions once and for all, okay? Just let me get some time in with my baby boy.”
Sierra rolled her eyes up in her head. “Yeah, okay,” she sarcastically replied.
Rasheed looked at Sierra, and, for a split second, he thought about choking the hell out of her. But while holding the baby in his arms, nothing else mattered at that moment.
With Messiah dozing in and out of sleep, Rasheed sighed. His paternal instincts kicked in and he yearned to experience more of those special moments with Messiah. This meant that he would have to clear the air with Sierra so that they wouldn’t have any more misunderstandings.
“I’m gonna say this and I’m not gonna repeat myself. You know the reason I have an attitude is because, yes, I feel that you should be with me. We went through a lot to be with each other, and at the end of the day all I can say is, what was it all for? So the only way that you gonna get any type of reprieve from me is if we be together and make this right. We have a child and I just want me, you, and Messiah to be a family, Si. Is there somethin’ wrong with that?” Rasheed paused. “So don’t come at me with the ‘am I mad because you moved on’ shit! No, I’m mad because I can’t move on! Now does that answer your questions?”
Sierra didn’t respond. Instead, she sighed loudly and turned around in the driver’s seat. She pulled out her cell phone and began talking to one of her girlfriends. Rasheed stared at her for a few moments, and then looked down at his beautiful baby boy.
The smell of Baby Magic made Rasheed forget that he was upset with Sierra. Messiah had opened his eyes and stared at his father. Rasheed made a funny face and the baby began to giggle, spitting the pacifier out of his mouth. Messiah looked a lot like his mother, inheriting her dimples and slanted eyes. But everything else was him all the way, from the pointy nose to the lips and reddish-brown complexion. Messiah was a sight to behold. Rasheed knew at that moment that even at six months his son was going to definitely break some hearts.
As Sierra yapped on the phone about nothing special, Rasheed sat in the backseat of her truck, growing angrier by the second.
“Yo!” he shouted out. Sierra took the phone away from her ear and gave Rasheed the look of death. “Can I just have a peaceful moment with my son without hearin’ all that chitchat?”
“Who are you talkin’ to?” she asked Rasheed. Sierra went back to her phone call. “Girl, look, I’m bein’ rudely interrupted. I will talk to you later,” she explained to the person on the phone. Sierra hung up the phone and put it in her bag. She then turned around to the backseat to face him.
“What the hell is your problem, Rasheed? I would think that you would be happy that you’re holdin’ your son in your arms. But you over here all up in my business and actin’ like you want my undivided attention!”
Rasheed kissed Messiah, carefully placing him back in the car seat. He then put the pacifier in the baby’s mouth, watching as Messiah happily kicked his thick legs. Suddenly, Rasheed reached over the front seat and grabbed Sierra by the neck. As she struggled to breathe, she attempted to remove his strong grasp, but to no avail.
“Get the fuck off me!” Sierra uttered. He began to shake Sierra so hard while choking her that he didn’t realize that he was banging her head against the car window.
“Who do you think you are?” Rasheed calmly stated. He pulled Sierra’s face close to his. “I’m tired of you disrespectin’ me, Correction Officer Howell. I’m tired of you actin’ like I had no part in makin’ Messiah, and I’m tired of you talkin’ down to me!”
“Get off,” she whispered. Sierra’s face was turning red and Rasheed finally loosened his grip. He had blacked out. She instantly began coughing and rubbing her neck. Tears ran down her dimpled cheeks. “You fuckin’ bastard,” she muttered.
While his parents were struggling with each other, Messiah was crying hysterically. As he attempted to calm the baby down, Rasheed instantly regretted putting his hands on Sierra. Being from the streets, he didn’t know any other way to settle his disputes.
Messiah quieted down when Rasheed put a bottle in his mouth. “I think it’s time for me to get out of here,” Rasheed exclaimed, opening the back car door to get out of Sierra’s truck.
The winter cold hit him in the face like a brick. He kissed his crying son, whose bottle fell out of his mouth, on the cheek. He felt like crying himself. Rasheed already knew that when he put his hands on Sierra, Messiah was going to be nothing but an afterthought in his confused mind.
At this point, Sierra was hysterical. “I hate you, Rasheed Gordon! I regret the day I ever laid eyes on your ass!”
“Is that right?” Rasheed chirped with a smug look on his face. “Well, I’ll never regret fuckin’ with you!”
Suddenly, Sierra flew across the front seat and tried to punch Rasheed in the face. He would have thought that after getting choked she would have calmed down. But she didn’t. He was convinced that Sierra loved that type of drama.
As she attempted to hit him again, he grabbed her small fists and pulled her to him. At that moment, Rasheed began kissing her. Straight out of a scene from the movies, Sierra allowed herself to succumb to passion, and reciprocated. Messiah instantly stopped crying and began smiling, as if he felt the love radiating from his parents.
Rasheed got out of the truck and got into the passenger seat next to Sierra, where they continued their kiss. They were all over each other, massaging each other’s body parts. The interlude was so hot that the windows of Sierra’s X5 began to steam up. After a few moments, Sierra finally pulled away from Rasheed.
“I can’t do this, Rah,” Sierra said, wiping the saliva from her lips.
Rasheed put his hand in Sierra’s crotch area. He could almost feel the heat coming through her tight-fitting Citizens of Humanity jeans. He turned her face to his and began kissing her again.
“Si, I apologize for puttin’ my hands on you. But I’m not gonna lie, I still love you. It’s killin’ me knowin’ that you and Lamont are happy, that you two are raisin’ my boy together and I can’t have that with you. I really want us to be with each other.”
Sierra sighed. The tears began to flow again. “But, Rasheed, you know that I can’t be with you anymore. Our lives are goin’ in two different directions.”
“But you want to be with me, don’t you?” Sierra looked away and wouldn’t answer him. He knew what that meant.
Opening the door, Rasheed got out of the truck and stood there staring at Sierra for a few seconds before he spoke.
“I love you and Messiah, but I can’t stand by and watch Lamont take my family away from me. So I’m gonna step back and just leave y’all alone for good.”
“What are you talkin’ about, Rasheed? Don’t you wanna see Messiah anymore?”
“I love my little man, but if me and you can’t be together, there’s no need for me to come around. I can’t continue to meet all these different places just so I can see my son. It doesn’t make any sense. This shit hurts too much.”
Sierra started the engine. Rasheed could tell that she was irritated. He didn’t care about her feelings; he was just being honest with himself. What was wrong with him wanting to have a relationship with the mother of his child?
“Close the door and lose my fuckin’ number!” Sierra yelled at him. “I can’t go through this shit with you anymore! Good-bye, Rasheed. Have a safe trip back to Atlanta!”
Rasheed closed the door and Sierra pulled off. It seemed as if everyone he loved left him. As he watched her truck disappear in the distance, he walked back to his own vehicle and cried like a baby.
Not wanting to get all teary eyed thinking about that day, Rasheed knelt down on the carpeted floor and rounded up all the things that he would need for his move. As he looked around at the many bags he packed, he was beginning to think that driving to New York wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
Rasheed got up and walked to the side of the bed that the woman was lying on. He shook her softly and she awakened almost immediately, dazed from sleep.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said with a smile on his face. The woman smiled back and reached for him. Suddenly, Rasheed turned serious. “Get up, put your clothes on, and get the hell out.”
Chapter 2
Sierra
As the gates in the corridor of the Rikers Island correctional facility opened and slammed closed, they were a constant reminder to the inmates that their freedom was no more until the judge banged his gavel. Riker’s Island was known for housing some of the most violent criminals in the city, and at any given time, any one of the many facilities could be in an uproar. To the naked eye, the hallways of the facilities looked impeccable. Unfortunately, underneath the numerous paint jobs and heavy wax buildup on the floors, there had been much bloodshed.
In the past, this ill-fated situation had occurred due to inattentiveness of staff. Most of the correction officers had become complacent and insensitive to the needs of the convicts during their time in jail. They made the job more about themselves, coming to work to socialize and fraternize with their fellow coworkers, as opposed to policing the jails. Female officers pursued the males in hopes of gaining a husband. If all else failed, they opted to become pregnant in order to obtain 17 percent of the male officer’s paycheck.
For the some male COs, their goal was to have sex with as many women as they could. Obviously unaccustomed to the attention that they received from the women employed with DOC, they became caught up in getting themselves trapped with someone else’s leftovers. It was as if they compared themselves to a celebrity of Denzel Washington’s caliber. When these types of personalities meshed, it was never a happy medium. It was more like a soap opera inside of the department, as people gossiped about each other, committed adultery, and stabbed each other in the back for positions and sex partners. All of this caused nothing but strife in an already highly stressed work environment. On the outside looking in, it was completely different world; for the officers that worked there, it was their normalcy.
The corridor was empty as Correction Officer Sierra Howell took the long walk to her post. The heavy Folgers keys dangled from her waist as her childbearing hips swayed from side to side, and a walkie-talkie protruded from the back pocket of her uniform pants.
For some reason, she was feeling a little anxious but couldn’t figure out what her problem was. Although she was blessed to have a great family, a good man, and a career, Sierra had been feeling that there was some trouble looming in the distance. It was as if someone or something was going to try to throw a monkey wrench in her life. Sierra hoped that she was only being paranoid.
Sierra grew up in a Brownsville housing project as the only daughter of Marjorie and Steven Howell. When she was nine years old, her father was killed in a car accident. Even with her father’s untimely death, she was still a model child growing up: very respectful, obedient, and not giving her mother one problem. But as Sierra came into her adolescent years, she began yearning for a father/protector figure.
So at fifteen years old, Sierra began gravitating toward the “bad boys.” To her, they represented masculinity in the highest form. They were the alpha male to Sierra, ready and willing to go to war for the ones they loved. It comforted her to know that her man was there to make her feel safe and protect her from harm. Unfortunately, she continued to have those same beliefs when she became an adult.
Sierra watched as the inmates filed in and out of the cell to retrieve their breakfast trays. She yawned as the monotony began to get to her. She looked at her watch and saw that it was 6:15 a.m. The inmates would eat their breakfast, watch some television, and lock in the cells in the next forty-five minutes. The time couldn’t go fast enough.
It was almost 7:00 a.m. when the feeding was completed. Sierra instructed the inmates that it was time to lock in their cells. After closing the last cell, Sierra sat at the desk and proceeded to make her logbook entries. As she was doing this, she thought about Rasheed. Five North was the very place that their relationship had begun.
