Second to none, p.15
Second to None, page 15
It was true. Yeah, I’d joined the others when we had beers on the bus, or sometimes a bottle of vodka shared after a concert, until Levi and Ellis had started upping the quantity and the rest of us tried to slow them down. But booze had never been my addiction. Applause, on the other hand, a crowd roaring with approval…
“True,” Levi said softly, something gentle in the way he studied me. Then he looked away, and we let quiet settle. Just the slight rustle of the evening breeze in the bushes, the sea too far below to register as more than the idea of sound.
There were things I should say.
I gave it a couple of minutes before I set down my fork, clearing my throat as I looked from Geoff to Cecily. “I, uh. I wanted to say I’m really sorry about Jessica.” My voice had dropped to something barely above the sway of leaves and the faint lapping of water against the edge of the pool. I didn’t want to trample all over their grief, but I couldn’t just… say nothing. “I didn’t know, or I would have…” Done what, exactly? Sent flowers, written a sad song? Nothing that would have made a difference. “Jess was an amazing person. I’m just really, really sorry.”
Geoff’s jaw tightened a fraction as Cecily’s eyes went moist, only just noticeable in the fading light. Levi inhaled audibly, his focus drifting to the horizon.
“Thank you,” Cecily said after a moment, reaching for Geoff’s hand. He squeezed back. “It was a tough time for all of us. We still miss her every day, but life goes on. It has to.”
“She made me promise, you know.” Levi paused, his words wrapped in shadows. “Before she went into surgery. She made me promise that I’d take care of Emmy, and that we’d keep moving—for Emmy’s sake, but for our own, too. Told her it was silly because she’d make it through, and she’d get better.”
He fell abruptly silent, and I pressed my lips together against the devastating truth that no, she hadn’t. Under the table, I caught one of Levi’s feet between both of mine, the sky a deep cobalt by now, night pressing in.
“She didn’t wake up again,” he finished in a cracked whisper.
Oh, Jesus.
I scrunched my nose against the itch of tears and touched Levi’s hand. He gripped my fingers, tight enough to hurt, and I held on as words slipped through my grasp.
I should have been there. It was my fault he’d thought I didn’t care enough, and even if he’d chosen to forgive me, I sure wasn’t ready to do the same.
I should have fucking been there.
He drew a shaky breath. “Stop,” he told me. “You didn’t know. If you had, you would have dropped everything to be there—I know that now.”
I swallowed, dimly aware that his parents were listening. “Never should have made you doubt it.”
He shook his head, the pool’s gentle blue glow dancing along his features. “We both made mistakes. Let’s leave it at that and move on.”
His tone made it clear he didn’t want me to argue, so I didn’t. No one said more for a bit—not awkward, just thoughtful and a little heavy with memories. I remembered the first time I’d met Jessica, backstage before a concert. Levi and I had still been edging around each other, a mix of excitement and trepidation flirting along my spine each time I thought about taking a step I couldn’t undo. ‘Jess, this is Cass,’ he’d said, and she treated me to this slow, knowing smile that said she could read me like an open book.
Eventually, Levi’s hold on my hand eased and I let him go, my feet still loosely clasping one of his. He made no attempt to move away.
Conversation resumed slowly, in little starts and stops. Cecily and Geoff asked me about my music, something in their voices suggesting they’d listened to at least some of it and had maybe drawn their own conclusions. I doubted Levi had bothered, or he might have been less inclined to think I didn’t care—I’d chosen my singles to be less revealing, but half the songs on my second and third albums had regret stamped all over them.
Levi’s parents turned in around ten, claiming they were knackered, and then it was just Levi and me on the terrace. The pool lights had dimmed, not so bright as to wash out the stars, and he leaned back in his chair, face turned up to the sky. His neck was slim and elegant. I wanted him so much it felt like a physical ache that sliced through my gut.
His choice.
“Thank you for inviting me,” I said, my words a gentle ripple along the nighttime hush. “I haven’t really slowed down in… a while.”
His lips curved slightly. “I’m glad you came. It’s nice to…” He paused, eyes on me, too dark to read his expression. “It’s been really good. To see you again.”
“You too,” I said, and it didn’t even come close.
We let another pocket of silence pulse between us, the night breeze like a lullaby. When our blinks got heavier, Levi stood, smoothing down his shirt. “Come on. You seem tired, and I’m about to pass out. Let’s get you settled.”
I followed him inside, my thoughts drifting in a lazy current, a little fascinated by the sway of his ass in a pair of soft-washed shorts. When he caught me looking, one side of his mouth twitched up, but he didn’t comment.
Our footsteps echoed in the quiet house as we picked up my suitcases before he led me into a lovely room—airy, with pale walls and a window that probably looked out over the garden. “I hope this is okay?” he asked. “My parents took the master bedroom, and Emily picked the room next to them, so it’s just us on this side of the house.”
“It’s great.” I turned to look at him, framed in the doorway with his arms crossed like he was protecting himself. “Seriously.”
“Good. I’m—just in case you need anything, I mean. I’m right across the hallway.”
Not an invitation, was it? I stepped a little closer, smiling, and his attention dropped to my mouth. Please, Lee. Hands by my side as I waited for him to make up his mind.
He stepped back, eyes gentle and quiet. “Good night, Cass. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“‘Night,” I said, not quite steady.
He slipped out and shut the door. For a long moment, I didn’t move, willing him to come back. He didn’t. Of course not, and I had no right to be disappointed. I hadn’t come here with expectations.
Just… hopes.
CHAPTER 13
Levi
Porto Cervo, Monday, August 25th
I could have kissed him.
The offer had been right there, in the tilt of his head and the way he watched me—waiting, hopeful. And I’d tucked tail and run, the past fogging up my mind.
In the clear light of a new morning, it felt unnecessarily dramatic. This didn’t have to be complicated. We could simply exist in this moment and let it breathe, stop worrying about a future we didn’t have. I wanted him, and he wanted me. Good enough.
I dabbed toothpaste on my tongue and grabbed the tube so he could do the same because somehow, he’d always felt self-conscious about that. Sleep-crusted eyes and flat bed hair, all fine, but morning breath made him hold back as though I expected to wake up to Cassian Monroe when I’d only ever loved Cass.
Sunshine cast quiet stripes along the hallway when I tiptoed across and slipped into his room. A thin line of daylight sliced around the edges of the heavy curtains, just enough to make him out—sprawled beneath a top sheet that had tangled around his hips, one bare leg extended. Even on the bus, he’d often slept naked, claiming that clothes were a cotton-polyester blend form of oppression. ‘If my nipples offend you, blame societal conditioning.’
‘It’s your junk waving in front of my face that offends me,’ Jace had grumbled while I tried hard to act indifferent.
I stepped closer, the mattress dipping under my knee. Nerves were a dull hum under my ribs. “Cass?”
He stirred, eyes fluttering open, and rolled onto his back. A silent beat passed as we stared at each other in the half-dark, awareness washing across his face. “Mornin’,” he said, voice a soft rasp.
I shifted towards him, felt like I was running hot and cold at once, a slight morning draft wafting across my skin. Overdressed in just my clingy boxer briefs. When I skimmed a palm over his bare stomach, his muscles tensed slightly, a hint of sleepy surprise as he kept watching me.
“Is this okay?” I asked, stilling. It hadn’t even occurred to me that it might not be.
“Of course.” His lashes swooped down in a slow, sweet blink. “Levi, I—”
“Nothing heavy,” I cut in, oddly unsettled for no real reason. I smiled and splayed my fingers a bit wider on his torso, my thumb catching on his sternum. “Just this. Easy, yeah?”
His attention flickered away, then he nodded, his lopsided grin tilting at an angle. “Yeah, sure. Easy.”
Easy. No expectations, no promises.
I uncurled the fingers of my other hand from around the toothpaste and nudged it towards him. “Here, got you something. In case you’re still a little weirdo about morning breath.”
He huffed a chuckle. “It’s called being considerate, Levi.”
“I think it’d be very considerate if you kissed me.”
“I can do that.” He snicked the tube open and squeezed some onto his finger, then popped it into his mouth. When he caught me watching, he hollowed his cheeks and sucked, all exaggeration, humour gleaming in his eyes.
“Sexy,” I commented, stretching out next to him. The sheets slid as I moved, his body solid and familiar beside me, most of his face in shadow. He let his finger slip free, the air between us fresh and minty. His thigh bumped mine.
“I believe you mentioned kissing?” he asked.
“I believe I did.” I leaned in, nose brushing his cheek as I let my fingertips drift lower, over the firm plane of his stomach, to the prickly line of hair that dipped below the sheet. He pressed his smile against the corner of my lips, and I turned my head, caught his mouth in a proper kiss. It tasted like waking up late after a show, in a hotel room somewhere in the world. Like ‘good morning,’ like ‘I love you.’ Like coming home—the gentle nip of his teeth on my bottom lip and his quiet hum, barely louder than a sigh.
Easy.
I pulled back slightly, aiming for a smirk, and tugged the sheet down to his knees. He didn’t resist, lifting up to make it easier, watching me with an intensity that felt a little too big for the hush of the morning, the distant creak of a settling beam that framed the moment. Faint light and shadow turned the curves of his body into something real and immediate, untouched by the world’s stage lights.
“Pretty boy,” I whispered, and maybe it was too much, the words unfiltered, but it was true.
He exhaled a warm, husky laugh. “I’m a man now, you know.”
“Really?” I brushed the side of my hand along his cock, already half-hard. “I’m gonna need to see some paperwork.”
“It’s all in the stubble.” His breath hitched. “Also, you’re overdressed. Let me see you.”
My cheeks warmed at that. It made no sense—he’d traced every inch of me with his hands and mouth, and I still knew his body by heart. But it felt too intimate in this morning bubble we’d created. I breathed out, then hooked a thumb under the waistband of my boxer briefs and pushed them down. He lay still, studying me with hooded eyes.
“You with me?” I asked.
He glanced up, smiling. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“Cheesy.” I moulded myself against him, chest to chest, and slipped one leg between his. Our cocks brushed. We both stilled, riding out the sparks of that simple contact. He’d always done that for me—one touch, one look, and I was ready to go. No one else had even come close, and I wondered if it was still the same for him now that he had others to compare me to.
It didn’t matter.
To silence the chatter in my head, I cradled his dick—no preamble, just a familiar hold, thumb pressing against the knot at the crown’s base. His choked-off sound was a chord, a masterpiece.
“Jesus, Lee,” he mumbled, syllables blurred around the corners, and I thought about making the obvious joke. Then he reached out, fingers skimming down my hip before they curled around me in a mirror of my grip. My mind went bright and champagne-fizzy.
We moved slowly at first, barely rocking our wrists, knuckles bumping. It felt like a conversation, questions and answers, the velvety thrum of his pulse under my palm. I watched the way his lashes shivered with each slow stroke. His lower lip was caught between his teeth, eyes like the night, all his focus on me.
You were my downfall.
The thought burst into rainbow glitter when he twisted his hand, my hips snapping forward. Not quite there yet but toeing the edge, distant awareness of movement somewhere outside this room, nowhere that mattered because this, here, was everything. I kissed the shell of his ear, hand moving faster now, fuelled by stubborn resolve to make him fall first.
“Lee,” he said and stopped, turned his head to press our open mouths together, shared air more than a kiss. Slick slide of our hands. We angled ourselves better, the deliberate twist of his hand matching the slow build of tension in my thighs and stomach. I licked a murmured curse from his lips. Heat coiled in my gut, and he was trembling faintly, free hand clutching my shoulder in a grip that might leave a five-fingered bruise.
“Close?” I asked, and he gave a jerky nod.
“Yeah, just…” A crack in his voice, lashes charcoal smudges against his cheeks. “Fuck, Lee. I—”
I leaned in and licked the soft wash of vowels from his mouth. He parted his lips with a quiet groan, and my eyes closed, hips giving a tiny jerk into his fist. Beautiful shadows snagged in my mind. I came with my forehead pressed to his, felt the hot pulse of his release over my hand just seconds later.
Breathing together, tension melting away like the ebb of a wave.
Reality filtered in around the cracks. A bird chirped outside the window in gentle mockery of our moment, the kettle whistling in the kitchen. I’d have to sneak back in a minute—shower, find coffee, pretend that nothing had changed between Cass and me. My mum liked to worry, and even though she loved him, she’d been all careful questions and quiet concern when I’d mentioned I’d help plant some rumours. No need to stir up trouble over nothing when this was... just a bit of fun. Yeah.
“Good way to start the day,” I murmured.
“Excellent way to start the day.” Cass’s voice was low and satisfied, and I smiled at him.
“Let’s count it as a morning workout, shall we?”
“Fair.”
I reached for the box of tissues on the bedside table and wiped us off, fumbling a little in the half-light. Once I was done, I tossed the crumpled balls over the side of the bed. Cass caught my hand to kiss the knuckles. Didn’t mean a thing. It couldn’t.
“All right,” I said lightly, pulling away. “I better get going before Emmy decides to wake me. You up for a hike today? And maybe another round of this tonight.”
“Sounds good. Yes to both.” He sat up as I slipped off the bed, watching me step back into my boxer briefs and then pad towards the door. I shot him a smile.
“See you in a bit.”
“See you,” he echoed, voice strangely quiet. There was a brightness in his eyes, though, and it told me that we’d be okay. No big deal. Probably just a bit of adjustment needed as we settled into this temporary half-something-or-other arrangement.
Light and easy. All I needed was a moment alone to gather myself, will down the queasy flutter in my stomach, and then it would be fine.
Sardinia, Monday, August 25th
We set out early enough that the sun didn’t yet hit us with all its brutal force—Emily, Cass, and I, while my parents had opted for a relaxed morning in the villa. I drove, with Emily in the back seat playing some stupid game on my phone because she’d huffed and puffed about doing a hike. Yes, thanks, I was the kind of parent whose good intentions about electronics use collapsed in the face of adversity. Cass navigated from the passenger seat with instructions like “right, no, there should be a left turn coming up in a—there—no, right turn, right, I meant right!”
Somehow, we still made it to a makeshift parking lot, dust and pebbles crunching underfoot, where we met up with Frank. Hats tugged down over our eyebrows, oversized sunglasses shielding half of our faces, Cass and I started on the trail, Emily following with all the cheer of someone heading off to their own execution, while Frank trailed further behind. Five minutes later, Emily was hopping from rock to rock, arms swinging and braid mostly undone, grin wide. Kids.
Cass cast me a sidelong look, one corner of his mouth quirking up. “Bit of a drama queen, isn’t she?”
“She’s seven, Cass.” I smiled back. “She gets upset over a cupcake that has less frosting than her friend’s, and over how some American cartoon character says ‘zee’ instead of ‘zed.’”
“Perfectly reasonable.” He lowered his cap when other hikers approached, his jawline shadowed. Good thing that this late in the summer holiday season, the crowds had dwindled to a trickle. Whenever we passed someone, we uttered a greeting but kept our faces turned away, faking fascination with some shrubbery by the wayside.
My gaze kept sliding to him—how he reached up to adjust his hat, and the movement exposed a sliver of his stomach, how his shorts clung to his gorgeous arse. A week ago, I could have blamed it on pent-up frustration after not getting laid in a while, or on all those years I’d spent without him. But now? Yeah, not so much.
Just a bit of fun.
The path wound downwards, curving between pale stone walls and scraggly brush. Emily led the way until we reached the gorge and took a careful walk around the rocks. She pointed at cliffs, insisting they looked like faces if you squinted just right, before she and Cass got distracted by a small lizard sunning itself. They crouched at a polite distance, heads tucked close and whispering between themselves, while I stood back with a half-smile. It was… nice.
After a while, we headed back to the car. A few times, I saw someone glance at us, a flicker of “wait, is that—?” but we were quick to move along. Just a single dad, his kid, and his friend enjoying a day out. Nothing to see here.
